Things that perplex me:

1) A car can simply over heat, showing nothing but white smoke, on a busy highway and we will get at (the very) least 20 reports of a vehicle fire.

2) The brakes on a tanker carrying over 8000 gallons of gas can burst into flames, and smoke, on the same highway, and no one calls... Period.

3) Why some lax idiot would schedule PerriP's appointment before they are even open.

I do hope your inserts work!
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??