My hair does this with polyquats, too! It's a horrible feeling -- I remember thinking there was no way my hair would ever get back to normal, I was sure it was wrecked!
I have no advice other than to avoid the 'quats, sorry.
2c/3a, fine, low porosity.
Low-poo: L'Oreal EverSleek
Co-wash: I've pretty much quit co-washing, my hair didn't like it
Rinse out: Aubrey GPB (for protein) or GVPCB (for moisture) - I don't PT/DT, these seem to be enough for my hair
Leave in: FOTE AVG with Tresemme Naturals on top and a TINY bit of SM Smoothie on the ends
Summer style (humid): LALSG
Winter style (dry): KCCC, then LALSG