HELP!! I'm starting to hate my hair :(

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  • 1 Post By mixedcurl

Hi all! I am new to the site, but have been lurking for about 9 months reading all the advice and tips, and haven't signed up until now. I also feel that this may be a looong post, so sorry in advance! And I'm a UK curly so apologies if you don't know the products I mention.

As you might guess by the title I am SICK of my hair

For some background I think my hair is:
- 3b (my hair is curlier the shorter it is)
- low porosity (I could be completely wrong, but but my main reason for thinking my hair is low porosity is that it "squeaks" after anything I do to it in the shower. After cowashing it squeaks like I have washed with shampoo. And my hair takes ages to dry.)
My hairs vary from very fine to normal thickness and I have a LOT of hair. I vary between CG and non CG as nothing seems to work atm.

I started experimenting with plopping and cowashing my hair before I decided to go CG. I was amazed with the results (I have major hair envy now of my hair 9 months ago!!). Third day hair was a breeze.
My hair formed ringlets without me even encouraging it, with S-waves to the roots, and the first few experiments resulted in barely any frizz (see my avatar). When I showered there were barely any tangles.
I was using John Frieda shampoo and condish, and another cheaper garnier fructus condish to cowash. I scrunched with Boots Pink before plopping and then used Shockwaves curl mousse for hold, and left it to dry completely before I SOTC. So basically my hair was loaded with cones and I was using a sulphate shampoo about once a week... But it looked good and my hair was still healthy!

Since then though I feel like my hair has never been anywhere close to how good it was then

Now my ringlets don't properly form and my roots seem flat and my hair poofs. My hair is way more tangly than before.
I have tried lots of different products in an attempt to go CG, but currently cowash with Original Sources condish and use a mix of boots pink, Umberto Gianni mousse, or various CG gels to style. I am *currently* CG (all my products are on the British Curlies CG product list), but I change my mind quite often. I have to say I prefer mousse to gel as I find it easier to control and you can't really over do it and get solid hair.

My hair is layered, and I can see in early pics that the layers are helping my hair curl up and look nice, whereas now, even though I still have layers and I think the shortest layer is at a length that shouldn't be too weighed down, I'm just not getting that curl and I don't know why. It seems like the top layer curls are sticking to the longer layer curls and forming with them, rather than doing their own curly thing! My hair is up to 4 inches longer than it was before, which I can imagine might affect my curl, but even the layers to my shoulder length arent curling right.

Much as I hate to admit it, this upsets me more than perhaps it really should. I seem to spend hours with wet hair for so-so results and I get fed up with always having my hair up. I am currently drying my hair after cowashing, then plopping for 20 mins with Boots Pink and some gel, and I can already tell tomorrow is gonna be an up-do day, my hair sort of seems matted at the back.

Some other points:
- I think my hair is healthy. It is very soft and can be shiny and it doesn't feel dry when it's frizzy, just soft fluffiness. I don't have particularly dry/split ends either.
- I don't think I need protein. My co-wash contains protein and when I do the stretch test my hair stretches a little, but not loads.
- I stuck out CG for 1-2 months as I heard it takes a while to adapt, but I just got fed up waiting for my hair to look nice.
- I want to grow my hair, and am currently at BSL when straight, but my drying time is 7 hours and I'm worried it's weighing my curls down.
- I shower in the evenings as I hate getting up early and don't like having wet hair all day. I have an adequate technique using clips, a sarong and an elastic headband to be able to sleep with damp hair and not get a kink from my pineapple.

So any advice for a desperate curly? I am wondering whether it's my product application (I struggle to distrubute gel evenly), or maybe I need more layers from long to above my shoulders? Have any other 3b curlies noticed that your curl gets much looser as your hair gets longer?

TIA for the advice and thanks for ploughing through my ridiculously long post!
Hi there,

I just stumbled upon your posted and yes, I do have the same problem. Sounds as though your problem with curl formation has to do with separating the curls (at least that's how it is for me). My top layer does not have the same formation and is prone to frizz, while i barely have to do anything with the layer below. I noticed that, if I apply extra condish to my top layer it works well. Also, it helps me to use a Denman brush to separate the top curls. I scrunch those separately and make sure they do not stick to the other layer.

Maybe that helps?
curlyminmin likes this.
Are you sure there are no hidden cones in any of your products? How about mineral oils, petrolatum, or polyquats/quats. These make it on CG friendly lists because technically they can be removed by low poos or co washing but its really dependant on hair. I personally can handle mineral oil like in Miss Jessies but I know so many curlies who cant. Or maybe its a protein sensitivity? Also, when doing CG its good to low poo every once in a while. I low poo something like every few weeks to a month. In any case, good luck and I hope you get back to loving your curls!!
3a
medium/thick
Loves protein and oils

Low-poo: MopTop gentle shampoo
Co-wash: CJDF, Jessicurl Aloeba
RO: Jessicurl Too Shea, MopTop daily conditioner, CJ rehab, CJ strengthening
LI: ^^^
DT: Jessicurl WDT, SS Deeply Decadent
PT: SS protein treatment, Ouidad 12 min
Oils: argan, sweet almond, jessicurl oil blend
Stylers: SS firm hold, SS curl enhancing jelly, Kiss My Face Upper Management gel, AG Recoil
I can relate to everything you mention in your post!

What I did in my time of hair distress is start a log of products used, ingredients, and detailed results. After a month or so, the list started to tell a story. I got a much better idea of what my hair liked. I was surprised to learn that, despite the general guidelines, my 3b, fine, low porosity hair was sensitive to protein and disliked Aloe and Agave.

If you do keep a log, be sure to change one thing at a time so you know where to place the blame/appreciation.

Good luck! Hang in there!

Current line-up:
Low Poo 1x per week: Mop C Curls Hydrating Shampoo
Co Wash, Condish, leave-in: Tresemme Naturals conditioner
Gel: Garnier Fructis Pure Clean Gel (with conditioner leave-in)

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