"You're going to have to relax it someday." HELP!!

jeannie_b · 08-22-2007, 09:47 AM

That's what the stylist told me yesterday when she was finished cutting my daughter's (5 y/o) hair.

"You're going to have to relax it someday. You need to accept that. She cannot wear it down the rest of her life. There's no way."

Okay, I argued at first, but then I just nodded politely because I didn't really want to

in front of my little girl.

Anyway, this was my original post about my daughter:

http://www.naturallycurly.com//curlt...3ebd2f4c6f9917

The stylist's opinion of her hair was that it is still holding chlorine in it and that is why it's tangled even right after it's conditioned and combed out. That is why the top of her head (the crown, basically) is not holding curl at all anymore (in her opinion). But, the hair on the top (crown) is not holding curl at all anymore, there is no definition, no curl, despite how much or what products I'm using.

She wants me to use a chlorine-clarifying shampoo for the next month (daily. no way, but that was her opinion) and see if that helps the above problem. She said that chlorine will stay in one's hair until it is taken out with the swimmer's shampoos, despite how long it's been since she swam. I have no clue if that's true or how to find out, but she was adament.

She cut about an inch off and she thinks that we need to cut at least another inch (I agree, you can tell the ends are really damaged, frizzy and frayed). She wants to do it slowly, though, over the next couple of months. I agree with that plan.

Anyway, I'm really confused and not sure how to proceed. The chlorine-cleansing shampoo does have silicone in it. At this point I'm terrified of damaging her hair further, but I know I need to do something because it looks awful and doesn't even feel good anymore.

TIA for any help/advice.

eccentric_kurlz · 08-22-2007, 10:14 AM

I cannot believe she said you're gonna HAVE to relax it! How dare she say that. As if it's impossible to have naturally curly hair, and GASP.....it actually be manageable w/o slapping on a relaxer. grrrrr

Also, I don't think washing her hair everyday with a harsh shampoo within an inch of its life is going to make her hair curly. Washing it that aggressively actually removes the protective oils produced by the scalp, and can exasberate the damage and dryness she's experiencing.

Can you post the ingredients in the shampoo? The ingredients may not be that different from a clarifying 'poo.

I think you just need to use very moisturizing and nourishing conditioners and leave ins, and limit shampooing her hair(shampoo only as needed). Maybe clarify(or use the swimmer's shampoo, if there is a difference), do a ACV (apple cider vinegar rinse; 1 part ACV, 3 parts warm water) to help normalize the ph levels of the hair, and then use a nourishing conditioner(such as Regisline Olive Oil Conditioner, Trader Joe's Spa Nourish, Tigi Moisture Maniac, and/or Elucence Moisture Balancing Conditioner). Moisture brings back the curl, so using products full or humectants and maybe proteins(since her hair has been damaged by the chlorine) will help improve the health of her hair.

You also may want to maybe use protective styling on her hair. Leaving the hair out all the time can make the hair drier(I wear my hair out 99% of the time, and it can), so maybe putting her hair in braids or twists could help. This will keep her hair from tangling, and minimize the tugging and combing. You could even do conditioner rinses while her hair is braided.

You're daughter is an absolute doll, and I'm sure you'll be able to restore her hair to the way it was before she took up swimming.

Ashkins1118 · 08-22-2007, 10:43 AM

I totally agree with essentric_kurlz. A relaxer is not the answer. An ACV rinse with hopefully help clarify her hair, instead of using a harsh cleanser that has silicones in it. I think you should baby her hair, and as it grows the new growth should be like her hair was before all the chlorine. You just have to make sure that instead of cutting all her hair all at once, you snip those ends little by little until all the damage is gone. My hair hates chlorine as well, and I coat my hair in condish and put it in a ponytail when I go to the pool or waterparks. And twists are a great way to let her hair heal and give it a break from constant manipulation. I have my hair in twists now, and it really helps seal in moisture and limits tangles. At night, you can coat her ends with some jojoba oil to help as well. Your daughter is beautiful, and her hair will recover with great care and time.

jeannie_b · 08-22-2007, 10:52 AM

Thanks for your reply!

No, I never had any intention of washing her hair every day. Can you imagine??? Eeek.

Okay, here is the shampoo's ingredients:

Water, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, PEG-80 Sorbitan Laurate, Sodium Trideceth Sulfate, Musa Sapientum Fruit Extact, Actinidea Chinensis Fruit Extract, Guave Fruit Extract, Aloe Barbadensis LEaf Juice, Tocopheryl Acetate, Panthenol, Cocodimonium Hydroxypropyl Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein, Polyquatemium-7, Lauryldimoniumhydroxypropyl Decylglucosides Chloride, Isostearamidopropyl Morpholine Lactate, Acrylates/C1--30 Alkyl Acrylate Crosspolymer, Glycol Distearate, Laureth-4, Sodium Lauroamphoacetate, Soidum Laureth,13 Carboxylate, PEG-150 Distearate, Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride, Trimethylsilylamodimethicone, Trideceth-12, C11-15 Pareth-7, Sodium Thiosulfate, Citric Acid, Aminomethyl Propanol, Sodium Chloride, PEG/PPG-18/18 Dimethicone, Glycerin, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylisothiazolinone, Tetrasodium, Propylene Glycol, Quatermium-15, Methylparaben, Fragrance, Red, Blue.

This is what I have in my arsenal, currently:

- Yanai van CurlHeal - Intensive Conditioning Treatment
- KBB Honey Oatmeal Hair Cream
- KBB Hair Milk
- Curly Hair Solutions - Curl Keeper
- Mop Tops - daily conditioner
- Fuzzy Duck - gentle shampoo

I have a few products coming from Africa's Best Kids Organics, also. Thanks for any feedback on that list. I'm definitely willing to shell out money for anything that might benefit my daughter's hair!

Thanks for the info about braids and twists. We did cornrows in the front of her hair. I wasn't sure if braids would make it better or worse. I can do braids in the back, too. Are cornrows okay, too, or just looser braids?

I really appreciate the help. I was really not happy with the sylists comments about relaxing. I spend so much time and energy (and money) on my daughter's hair and trying to build up her love for it (she loves it, but not the time and care it takes) and to hear a stranger talk about society and "flat" hair and how that's what acceptable just about sent me through the roof.

jeannie_b · 08-22-2007, 10:55 AM

Oh, and have no fear, ladies. I would never, ever relax my baby girl's hair.

I'll pick up the ACV as soon as I'm able. I can probably get to the store tonight!

Magoo · 08-22-2007, 12:55 PM

First of all your daughter is absolutely adorable! A relaxer will only cause more damage at this point!
I agree with the previous posters. Just give your little girls hair as much TLC as possible keeping it well moisturized and handling it gently. As her hair grows maybe take her in for regular trims to slowly get rid of the damaged ends and in time her new growth will come in just like her previous hair.

In case your interested I found a recipe that's supposed to be good for removing chlorine after swimming (it also keeps blondes from getting that green hair from swimming):
2 tbsp. baking soda
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1 tsp. mild shampoo
Mix together well and massage into wet hair. Leave on for 5-10 min. then rinse well.

I would follow up with a very moisturizing conditioner or even a home made DT.

frizzbegone · 08-22-2007, 07:57 PM

I agree with the previous posting. My advice would be to find a natural hair stylist that specializes in hair maintenance. Also keep conditioning her hair. Don't give up!

eccentric_kurlz · 08-22-2007, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeannie_b

Thanks for your reply!

No, I never had any intention of washing her hair every day. Can you imagine??? Eeek.

Okay, here is the shampoo's ingredients:

Water, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, PEG-80 Sorbitan Laurate, Sodium Trideceth Sulfate, Musa Sapientum Fruit Extact, Actinidea Chinensis Fruit Extract, Guave Fruit Extract, Aloe Barbadensis LEaf Juice, Tocopheryl Acetate, Panthenol, Cocodimonium Hydroxypropyl Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein, Polyquatemium-7, Lauryldimoniumhydroxypropyl Decylglucosides Chloride, Isostearamidopropyl Morpholine Lactate, Acrylates/C1--30 Alkyl Acrylate Crosspolymer, Glycol Distearate, Laureth-4, Sodium Lauroamphoacetate, Soidum Laureth,13 Carboxylate, PEG-150 Distearate, Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride, Trimethylsilylamodimethicone, Trideceth-12, C11-15 Pareth-7, Sodium Thiosulfate, Citric Acid, Aminomethyl Propanol, Sodium Chloride, PEG/PPG-18/18 Dimethicone, Glycerin, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylisothiazolinone, Tetrasodium, Propylene Glycol, Quatermium-15, Methylparaben, Fragrance, Red, Blue.

This is what I have in my arsenal, currently:

- Yanai van CurlHeal - Intensive Conditioning Treatment
- KBB Honey Oatmeal Hair Cream
- KBB Hair Milk
- Curly Hair Solutions - Curl Keeper
- Mop Tops - daily conditioner
- Fuzzy Duck - gentle shampoo

I have a few products coming from Africa's Best Kids Organics, also. Thanks for any feedback on that list. I'm definitely willing to shell out money for anything that might benefit my daughter's hair!

Thanks for the info about braids and twists. We did cornrows in the front of her hair. I wasn't sure if braids would make it better or worse. I can do braids in the back, too. Are cornrows okay, too, or just looser braids?

I really appreciate the help. I was really not happy with the sylists comments about relaxing. I spend so much time and energy (and money) on my daughter's hair and trying to build up her love for it (she loves it, but not the time and care it takes) and to hear a stranger talk about society and "flat" hair and how that's what acceptable just about sent me through the roof.

That shampoo doesn't look bad. The cones, for the most part, are soluble because they are PEG modified.

As for the type of braids, when my hair was her length, my mom would put mutliple single box braids all over my hair, and this would last a few days. If she did cornrows, they'd last at the least a week, and sometimes two. Just depended on how active I was, and if my hair got wet or anything. She didn't do it all the time, because I never liked sitting for a long time. But I loved how they looked, so I didn't give her too much a hard time.

The key to keeping my hair healthy was NOT wearing it out often. I think it's cool for every once in awhile, but most kids don't know what's involved in the maintanence of their hair, and are active, so it may be best to keep her hair braided up. Atleast until you get her hair back in optimal condition.

LKahmil · 08-22-2007, 08:24 PM

Curlies: We have to help her.. We all remember the things we did to our hair growing up.. Some of those things we regreted.. Where do you live? there has to be a local salon that can help you that helps with people with curly hair.. WITHOUT the words RELAXER as help.

mariag002 · 08-22-2007, 09:11 PM

How convenient that she's a hairdresser and she suggested a relaxer. That's at least $60 in her pocket. Give me a break.

Follow their advice, condition it before heading to the pool and try to limit her hair being down, leave it in protective styles for now because her hair needs some TLC.

I remember how my hair used to look like 100% relaxed while swimming in a pool.. a hot mess! If I went in a pool every day my hair would fall out. Give me a break. Stuff like this makes me so mad

eccentric_kurlz · 08-22-2007, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mariag002

How convenient that she's a hairdresser and she suggested a relaxer. That's at least $60 in her pocket. Give me a break.

Follow their advice, condition it before heading to the pool and try to limit her hair being down, leave it in protective styles for now because her hair needs some TLC.

I remember how my hair used to look like 100% relaxed while swimming in a pool.. a hot mess! If I went in a pool every day my hair would fall out. Give me a break. Stuff like this makes me so mad

Yup. I had to take swimming as a requirement some years ago in HS, and was relaxed, and I had clumps of hair fall out. I went from having near BSL hair, to having to cut it above my ears. So yeah, her rec to relax your daughters hair while taking swimming is the worst possible suggestion. Luckily, you weren't paying attention to it. Her hair is lovely as is, just needs to TLC.

Suburbanbushbabe · 08-23-2007, 12:31 PM

Time for a new stylist who knows how to work with your daughter's natural, beautiful hair. This one has reached her limits and won't tell you. She's trying to fit you into her box.

What city/town do you live in? Have you look at the the salon guide on this site? Or ask for any curlies who live near you to recommend a salon.

jeannie_b · 08-23-2007, 01:06 PM

Wow, I feel stupid. It never occurred to me to check for salons on this website. I'm in New Mexico, I never thought there would be any suggestions. There are! Of course, they're all adult salons, but I'll phone every single one and see if they'll take children, too.

I took some pictures today - after using some of the new products I finally received. Tell me what you think:

www.curlygirly.shutterfly.com

Suburbanbushbabe · 08-23-2007, 02:01 PM

Her hair is pretty. Keep up with the saturating her hair with water and/or conditioner and using a cap while swimming and I think you'll see it begin to gain more moisture. Also here's a tip my sister (who swims every day with her relaxed hair) uses to help keep the chlorine water out: she wraps her head in a natural chamois before she puts on the swim cap.

mariag002 · 08-24-2007, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeannie_b

Wow, I feel stupid. It never occurred to me to check for salons on this website. I'm in New Mexico, I never thought there would be any suggestions. There are! Of course, they're all adult salons, but I'll phone every single one and see if they'll take children, too.

I took some pictures today - after using some of the new products I finally received. Tell me what you think:

www.curlygirly.shutterfly.com

Awwww!!!! Her hair is gorgeous. She's got beautiful hair, don't you dare relax it

That woman doesn't know what she's talking about.

jeannie_b · 08-24-2007, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mariag002

She's got beautiful hair, don't you dare relax it

That woman doesn't know what she's talking about.

I never even considered it. Not even for a nano-second.

We got her Africa's Best products in this week and she was looking at the bottles. All the girls featured on the bottles have straight hair. Every single one. My daughter was confused, obviously. I said that their hair was straightened and that sometimes people with curly hair use chemicals or a blow dryer and products to straighten their hair.

She pondered that for a minute and said, "Should I do that?"

I said that I didn't think she should, but that if she wanted to when she was all grown up, that would be her choice.

You know what she said????

She said: I don't think I ever will. I don't think anyone will pay attention to me if I have straight hair."

*faint*

She does get daily attention for her hair.

p.s. I did tell her that people would still pay attention to her with straight hair - I don't want her to be like Samson, all her power in her hair. LOL

ravenmerlita · 08-30-2007, 08:13 PM

My hair is similar to your daughters' hair but not as thick. The best clarifying shampoo I've found so far is the Nexxus Aloe Rid. It will remove chlorine. I wouldn't suggest using it daily but I've used it as often as once a week when using a lot of silicone products and a couple of times in one week when I went swimming but forgot to put conditioner on first to protect my hair.

Good luck.

solange · 08-30-2007, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeannie_b

Quote:

Originally Posted by mariag002

She's got beautiful hair, don't you dare relax it

That woman doesn't know what she's talking about.

I never even considered it. Not even for a nano-second.

We got her Africa's Best products in this week and she was looking at the bottles. All the girls featured on the bottles have straight hair. Every single one. My daughter was confused, obviously. I said that their hair was straightened and that sometimes people with curly hair use chemicals or a blow dryer and products to straighten their hair.

She pondered that for a minute and said, "Should I do that?"

I said that I didn't think she should, but that if she wanted to when she was all grown up, that would be her choice.

You know what she said????

She said: I don't think I ever will. I don't think anyone will pay attention to me if I have straight hair."

*faint*

She does get daily attention for her hair.

p.s. I did tell her that people would still pay attention to her with straight hair - I don't want her to be like Samson, all her power in her hair. LOL

Jeannie,

My younger daughter has hair similar to your child's with a looser curl pattern. I have been using Aubrey Organics GPB (protein treatment) once a week since her ends are dry from the sun and swimming at the beach all summer.

I shampoo her with CON and rinse out, apply the GBP and put her under a heating cap. After rinsing this out I apply regular conditioner and apply aloe vera gel and honey to her ends - another 30 min under the heating cap.

Once eveything is rinsed out, I apply diluted condtitioner as a leave in and apply castor oil to the dry parts. I do protective styles during the day and she sleeps on a satin pillowcase.

Here is a pic of her hair (before her dry hot summer)

SalliexxAnn · 09-14-2007, 10:09 PM

I relaxed my hair like...last October, and I really wouldn't reccommend it. While it did sort of loosen my curls (not by much, may I add) the growing out stage of the relaxer is awful. My hair is two different types of curly now. You can tell where the relaxer is growing out, because it's curly curly curly, then this weird straight thing.
Besides, curly hair is much more exciting!
Don't relax it.

siditty · 09-15-2007, 03:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeannie_b

Wow, I feel stupid. It never occurred to me to check for salons on this website. I'm in New Mexico, I never thought there would be any suggestions. There are! Of course, they're all adult salons, but I'll phone every single one and see if they'll take children, too.

I took some pictures today - after using some of the new products I finally received. Tell me what you think:

www.curlygirly.shutterfly.com

That hairdresser is a straight up fool. Do not relax that baby's hair!!! It is gorgeous. The hairstylist isn't familiar with natural hair. From what I could tell in the pics, her hair is getting better, I would work it is nice and slow and NO shampoo everyday!!!! That woman was crazy. You are doing the right thing by conditionining it regularly. Stay with the CG routine or whatever you are doing. Others here had some great suggestions. In time her hair will be back to normal, and from the pics I see it is still beautiful!!!!