Why can't my curls be natural??? - Page 2

atlantisrising · 08-13-2005, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by subbrock

welcome to my world!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats why i love this site instead of nappturality....

I used to love that site but I started noticing posts that were almost asking why anyone with curly hair would go to NP. I felt unwanted. I can understand their dislike for topics about texturizers and perms, that's not what the site is about but when you begin to shun other naturals, it's just not fun anymore.

I veered off topic a tad bit, sorry!

browncurlz · 08-13-2005, 12:29 PM

[quote="sunnedelight"]I've been accused of having a texturizer a time or two and as a child, people used to ask me what I was mixed with. At that age, I was oblivious to race so I didn't really understand, I didn't even notice my hair texture.
[quote]

I too went through this at college. At one point i was always up in the common room, by my next year, i used to walk the long way round to class so i didnt have to see certain people, cos apparently i wasnt admitting the truth with who i am, cos everyone could see from the growth in my braids i havent got "regular" hair and im denying who i am

....
when i was in school, i went in an mainly white area, i was always black which i wholey accepted AND AM PROUD OF. for 19 years NO ONE had ever told me about myself untill i went to a majority black college!
i even had a girl chatting about mixed race people then turn to me and say "no offence"?

only recently i just found out that my dads, gradfather was white, so my graddad was mixed, and thats where my family get our complexion and hair texture from...but i still dont find the need to tell people this, my dad who is more mixed than me says hes black and nothing else! i hve always grown up being a proud black woman and will not be told otherwise just cos of something as petty as my HAIR!!???!?!?

i used to get irritated by this, but i realised that it is only a minority of black girls who always ask me- and they just doing it because they have been brainwashed by this good/bad hair bull*****

amandag · 08-14-2005, 06:15 PM

I hope I don't offend anyone but as a white chick, I get other white chicks all the time asking me if *I'm* mixed because of my hair (I do get the "80s perm" thing a lot). Especially when it's really short and my curls are always springy and jumpy. They tell me white people don't have curly hair! I once had a hairdresser asked if my hair was "ethnic" (meaning black I assumed). I'm assuming she's never seen or touched a black person's hair in her life. I never went back to her.

I mean, you'd think people wouldn't be that ignorant. I guess they are. People always suprise me in their ignorance. I was walking with a friend of mine the other day and I pointed to a pretty black girl with great curls and said "wow, I wish I had her hair!" My friend said, "You could, it's weave." and I said, "It's not weave, you can tell . . ." She said, "it's fake. Black people can't grow their hair that long." (it was just back length, not even super long). That took me aback I said, "What did you just say?!" and she replied that it was a common fact and everyone knew it. I said I knew different because I chatted with beautiful black women with beautiful hair and she said they must all be weaves. I wanted to smack her but I just dropped it. That's the first time I've EVER heard that one.

People are stupid.

Curlilocs · 08-15-2005, 06:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by subbrock

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curlilocs

Has anyone else been dismissed as a natural because they have natually curly hair?

When I was relaxed and wore my curly wash and go's all I heard was "If I had hair like yours there's no way I'd relax it". Now that I'm natural all I hear is " Did you jheri curl your hair?" When I polity tell them I just cut the relaxer out of it, they look at me like I have two heads and then reply "And your hair does that naturally?"

the smiley indicates the look that goes with their question/ comment as if to say 'yeah right'. WTF???

Just because my hair is curly doesn't mean I have to alter it with a chemical. Why do I have to face teeth sucking and rolling eyes because God made me this way. It just doesn't make sense how critical and judgemental people can sometimes be. SOrry but I had to get this off of my chest this morning :x

welcome to my world!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats why i love this site instead of nappturality....

but its so funny because now that im natural and people ask me if my hair is naturally curly or is it a texturizer, straw set, etc etc...then they act like im lying and there is no way my hair could be like this on its own. so after they realize im not lying the first thing out of their mouth is "why did you ever relax your hair??? if i had hair like yours i would never relax it....." suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.
*brace yourself, more venting* and when i did relax my hair and wore it curly (my hair will not be tamed by any chemical!) everyone was like, "why dont you wear your hair curly? i love it curly! curly curly curly" now that im natural and always wear it curly everyone pulls the whole "why dont you straighten your hair? i like your hair better straight. straight straight straight" oh get a life people. i swear. i think the world is only happy if theyre driving you crazy.

whatever.

Our situations are definitely related!

I too prefer posting on this site rather than nappturality.

love yourself first · 08-16-2005, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amandag

I hope I don't offend anyone but as a white chick, I get other white chicks all the time asking me if *I'm* mixed because of my hair (I do get the "80s perm" thing a lot). Especially when it's really short and my curls are always springy and jumpy. They tell me white people don't have curly hair! I once had a hairdresser asked if my hair was "ethnic" (meaning black I assumed). I'm assuming she's never seen or touched a black person's hair in her life. I never went back to her.

I mean, you'd think people wouldn't be that ignorant. I guess they are. People always suprise me in their ignorance. I was walking with a friend of mine the other day and I pointed to a pretty black girl with great curls and said "wow, I wish I had her hair!" My friend said, "You could, it's weave." and I said, "It's not weave, you can tell . . ." She said, "it's fake. Black people can't grow their hair that long." (it was just back length, not even super long). That took me aback I said, "What did you just say?!" and she replied that it was a common fact and everyone knew it. I said I knew different because I chatted with beautiful black women with beautiful hair and she said they must all be weaves. I wanted to smack her but I just dropped it. That's the first time I've EVER heard that one.

People are stupid.

The hairdresser and friend remarks sound really annoying (to you) and offensive (to black women generally). Thanks for sharing your perspective on this thread. I haven't checked out your album yet, but your avatar curls are great!

superstahr01 · 08-16-2005, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amandag

I hope I don't offend anyone but as a white chick, I get other white chicks all the time asking me if *I'm* mixed because of my hair (I do get the "80s perm" thing a lot). Especially when it's really short and my curls are always springy and jumpy. They tell me white people don't have curly hair! I once had a hairdresser asked if my hair was "ethnic" (meaning black I assumed). I'm assuming she's never seen or touched a black person's hair in her life. I never went back to her.

I mean, you'd think people wouldn't be that ignorant. I guess they are. People always suprise me in their ignorance. I was walking with a friend of mine the other day and I pointed to a pretty black girl with great curls and said "wow, I wish I had her hair!" My friend said, "You could, it's weave." and I said, "It's not weave, you can tell . . ." She said, "it's fake. Black people can't grow their hair that long." (it was just back length, not even super long). That took me aback I said, "What did you just say?!" and she replied that it was a common fact and everyone knew it. I said I knew different because I chatted with beautiful black women with beautiful hair and she said they must all be weaves. I wanted to smack her but I just dropped it. That's the first time I've EVER heard that one.

People are stupid.

I know it sounds cliche but my best friend is a curly haired "white chick" and she gets this same reaction from other "white chicks" so I kinda know where you are coming from. What's sad is that I get so irritated by people asking me if I'm mixed that I don't even claim my mixed heritage. I'm happier to say that I'm mixed with "black and black".

I think wavezncurlz put it best...

Quote:

Originally Posted by wavezncurlz

I get the same questions all the time. What people don't realize is that AA culture is very diverse and that skin colors and hair textures can run the gamut. All of us are mixed if we look back far enough.

And just for the record, one of the best hair dressers I ever had was Jewish. Her hair was curlier than mine so she knew just how to deal with my hair. She even knew how to give a good press

Who knew that we could unite the races by forming alliances of similar hair texture, LOL!

Pacific Poppy · 08-16-2005, 05:37 PM

People ask me stupid questions all the time. Here is the one that really gets me, and I get this A LOT:

person: Wow your hair is really curly (unsaid: for a white girl)
me: thanks
person: Whoa! your girls have the same hair!
me: uh-huh
person: SO... you all go to the same salon?

Augh! &%*&$^$! What the heck? My kids are 1 and 3! What is more likely, that I perm my little one's 3 inches of fluffy baby hair, or that its natural? :x Because I'm white I must really have straight hair?

Curlilocs · 08-17-2005, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnedelight

Quote:

Originally Posted by subbrock

welcome to my world!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats why i love this site instead of nappturality....

I used to love that site but I started noticing posts that were almost asking why anyone with curly hair would go to NP. I felt unwanted. I can understand their dislike for topics about texturizers and perms, that's not what the site is about but when you begin to shun other naturals, it's just not fun anymore.

I veered off topic a tad bit, sorry!

No you're cool! I started this thread because I felt as though I was being dismissed as having natural unprocessed hair because I was naturally curly, and ranting about people's contradictory behavior in regard to it.

Now, off topic, I agree with you about the vibe on NP. I have even seen threads that have complained about natural hair in the media and how it seems to focus on "type 3 hair", ever since seeing that post, I haven't even lurked there. To speak on that further will take us more off topic so with that said, I'm glad to have found a place where all curlies, regardless of race and ethnicity can come together and share in the knowledge of our common ground! CURLS ROCK

AmberWaves · 08-17-2005, 12:54 PM

Most of us have had relaxers since childhood, so we really don't know what our hair is like or what it can do. I did a wash-n-go one Saturday while my grandma was over. I sat under the dryer for about 5 min because my diffuser broke. Grandma thought it was the heat that was making my hair curly.

urbancurl · 08-17-2005, 03:10 PM

Oh my gosh, that is hilarious! Very good responses to the kids.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittykat3

i get that all the time! mostly from teachers

"is your hair like that naturally?" "did you get a perm?" "is that wut ur natural hair is like?" "how do you gat ur hair like that?"

the funniest incident is the kids i babysit

kid: y do u perm ur hair
me: i don't
kid: so how did it get so curly?
me: i was born that way
kid: so wen u came out of ur mommy ur hair was like that?
me: yes
next visit
kid: it must have taken a long time 4 ur mom to curl all of ur hair like that
me: she didn't
kid: who did
me: no1 i was born that way
kid: but how can sum1 b born with curly hair?
me: u were born with str8 hair so y can't i b born with curly hair?

she still duznt get the fact that ppl can have natural curls
lol she will sum day

urbancurl · 08-17-2005, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hondurancurly123

I get the are you mixed thing all the time. Even though I am, people have no right to think they can ask me that out of the blue. Like even before I got the relaxer I am currently growing out people would ask cause I dont look "black"and when I sigh and say yes I am mixed they get this look on thier face which makes me think I should be happy that I am mixed and I should be happy that they asked me.Like I remember one time this girl came up to me and said

girl: are you mixed
me: why
girl: cause i want to know
me: you dont need to know ( giving her a crazy look)
girl: you are mixed i knew it ( sucking her teeth)
me: whatever
girl( talks to her friend and says that I think I am better then her cause I am mixed and has good hair)

Now this whole thing was before I got a relaxer and It makes me really mad cause they think just cause I am mixed I have to be mean and stuck up.I have been dismissed for so many reasons and most of them stem form me being mixed and having curly hair.I am really tired of people who think they can come up and say anything and I will be fine with and be happy that they asked me. But whatever I am strarting to rant so I will stop here and cool down.

Oooh, boy do I relate to this. We gotta rant sometimes to get it out. You hit the nail on the head with how people think you should be happy they asked. And I've had this conversation so many times-

Stranger= Excuse me, what are you?
Me= What do you mean? (knowing *amn well what they mean)
Stranger= I mean, like, where are you from?
Me=Chicago.
Stranger= I mean, originally?
Me= My mother's womb (sometimes they will walk off at this point)
Stranger= But, I mean, where is she from?
Me= Chicago. Look, do you need directions or something? I have to get going. (If the person was a man, he might mutter something like, "You not all that anyway!")

In other versions, if I say I am mixed, or my mom's Black, dad's white, I'll get the, "Oh, you lucked out!" thing. It is SO utterly offensive. What makes me lucky? That I have white in me? Unfortunately, in this society, there is such a thing called white privilege. I am personally rejecting this hierarchy but it exists.

urbancurl · 08-17-2005, 03:39 PM

Amandag,

Good for explaining it to your friend. I have had people come up to me and ask if my hair was a weave and not believe me. A woman asked if she could touch it.

Curlilocs, Sunnedelight, Subbrock,

I went to NP shortly after discovering NC.com, but never registered for fear that I wouldn't be considered "nappy" enough.

Natakue · 08-17-2005, 04:38 PM

i just signed up at nappturality today...foolishly. i regretted it a couple of messages later. there's a lot of tension/anger/hatred going on over there that i didn't know about until i read a few posts. i wanted to post a question, which is why i signed up, but after reading a pinned (permanent) post about curl definiton, i felt so uncomfortable and unwanted i left and went back to blackhairmedia. but i still wanted information on naturally curly hair, so i came here. i see i'm not the only one. i will definitely be coming back here for tips and support, so i thank you guys in advance

and back to the original topic, this has happened to me too! people are always asking me where i'm from. it doesn't bother me, or at least i don't let this bother me, i'm very patient with people. plus, if i can help them to broaden their "understanding" of "black" then i'll answer questions, no matter how dumb. now, rude, mean people...that's a different story :x
so when i answer "i'm from new york, but my parents are from haiti," most people are shocked out of their minds, haha. they look like you just spoke to them in kling-on or elvish or something, lol! they usually say "you don't look haitian." when i ask what do haitian people look like, they basically don't know what to say. then i re-educate them

eccentric_kurlz · 08-17-2005, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natakue

i just signed up at nappturality today...foolishly. i regretted it a couple of messages later. there's a lot of tension/anger/hatred going on over there that i didn't know about until i read a few posts. i wanted to post a question, which is why i signed up, but after reading a pinned (permanent) post about curl definiton, i felt so uncomfortable and unwanted i left and went back to blackhairmedia. but i still wanted information on naturally curly hair, so i came here. i see i'm not the only one. i will definitely be coming back here for tips and support, so i thank you guys in advance

and back to the original topic, this has happened to me too! people are always asking me where i'm from. it doesn't bother me, or at least i don't let this bother me, i'm very patient with people. plus, if i can help them to broaden their "understanding" of "black" then i'll answer questions, no matter how dumb. now, rude, mean people...that's a different story :x
so when i answer "i'm from new york, but my parents are from haiti," most people are shocked out of their minds, haha. they look like you just spoke to them in kling-on or elvish or something, lol! they usually say "you don't look haitian." when i ask what do haitian people look like, they basically don't know what to say. then i re-educate them

Welcome to the site, Natakue!! I think that we are close hair cousins.

I haven't had this issue as much as other curlies, but I have gotten a few comments from some NP members when they would email me questions, and 90% of the emails asked me if I was mixed, because they had never seen a curl pattern like mine.

My response......down the line, yes. And then I would proceed to answer their hair questions.

Also, while I was in HS, a few people thought that I was Black/Chinese(my ex included).

I didn't see it, and I still don't.

I don't have a problem when the person is respectful, but I can't tolerate rude people, or people who feel like they HAVE to touch your hair so that they can get some type of validation.

subbrock · 08-17-2005, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittykat3

i get that all the time! mostly from teachers

"is your hair like that naturally?" "did you get a perm?" "is that wut ur natural hair is like?" "how do you gat ur hair like that?"

the funniest incident is the kids i babysit

kid: y do u perm ur hair
me: i don't
kid: so how did it get so curly?
me: i was born that way
kid: so wen u came out of ur mommy ur hair was like that?
me: yes
next visit
kid: it must have taken a long time 4 ur mom to curl all of ur hair like that
me: she didn't
kid: who did
me: no1 i was born that way
kid: but how can sum1 b born with curly hair?
me: u were born with str8 hair so y can't i b born with curly hair?

she still duznt get the fact that ppl can have natural curls
lol she will sum day

one oft he kids taht im with used to ask me why i curled my hair everyday. alot of men ask me if my hair is fake but i assure them, if i were to pay for hair, id get something a little less crazy looking.

Curlilocs · 08-18-2005, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natakue

i just signed up at nappturality today...foolishly. i regretted it a couple of messages later. there's a lot of tension/anger/hatred going on over there that i didn't know about until i read a few posts. i wanted to post a question, which is why i signed up, but after reading a pinned (permanent) post about curl definiton, i felt so uncomfortable and unwanted i left and went back to blackhairmedia. but i still wanted information on naturally curly hair, so i came here. i see i'm not the only one. i will definitely be coming back here for tips and support, so i thank you guys in advance

and back to the original topic, this has happened to me too! people are always asking me where i'm from. it doesn't bother me, or at least i don't let this bother me, i'm very patient with people. plus, if i can help them to broaden their "understanding" of "black" then i'll answer questions, no matter how dumb. now, rude, mean people...that's a different story :x
so when i answer "i'm from new york, but my parents are from haiti," most people are shocked out of their minds, haha. they look like you just spoke to them in kling-on or elvish or something, lol! they usually say "you don't look haitian." when i ask what do haitian people look like, they basically don't know what to say. then i re-educate them

Your hair is gorgeous and so are you! We are here for you. We curlies stay united

shannonr · 08-26-2005, 01:04 PM

Hi

I've just joined the board today but I have been lurking around for quite some time. Anyway, I find this topic very interesting. I am from Trinidad (a little island above south america) and alot of people there have a type 3 curl pattern (or of mixed heritage). I guess because people are used to seeing this type of hair, they don't assume that it is texturized or anything like that.

They do assume that you are of mixed descent, which I think is accurate because stereotypically an unmixed black person's hair is kinky, type 4 hair. I don't get upset when people question what I am mixed with, because I am mixed and I don't understand why such a question would be interpreted negatively.

I have recently moved to Canada and I get way more questions about my hair that I ever have had. This does not upset me either, how else will people with different hairtypes understand anything about our hair if we don't tell them? What does upset me is when people want to TELL me about my own hair (they usually are wrong). Especially since I am not light skinned I am not considered mixed here either.

I am half black half east indian (my mom is a dark indian) so naturally I am dark but apparently mixed is reserved for those who are half black half white and have lighter skin, even though my hair is more mixed that theirs!So what is mixed in this culture? I'm so confused...I identify with being black but i identify with being mixed too, can I be both? Does anyone else feel this way?

smallpeas · 08-26-2005, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shannonr

I am half black half east indian (my mom is a dark indian) so naturally I am dark but apparently mixed is reserved for those who are half black half white and have lighter skin, even though my hair is more mixed that theirs!So what is mixed in this culture? I'm so confused...I identify with being black but i identify with being mixed too, can I be both? Does anyone else feel this way?

Can you be mixed? Honey, you are mixed, regardless of what category anybody else may want to try to lock you into. People will see you however they want to; there is nothing you can do about that. Some will consider you Black; some will decide you can't "just" be Black because of this, that, or the other; some may think of you as something else altogether that you are not (Dominican, perhaps). But within yourself, you know who you are, and you know who you are better than any arbitrary stranger or even close friend can ever know you. You define yourself; don't let others define you. It's a waste of your time to be worried about how other people see you.

eccentric_kurlz · 08-26-2005, 01:28 PM

Welcome to the site Shannonr!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by shannonr

They do assume that you are of mixed descent, which I think is accurate because stereotypically an unmixed black person's hair is kinky, type 4 hair.

You can be "mixed" or multiracial and have 4 type hair as well. There are actually curlies here who are caucasian with tighter 3c/4a textured hair also and are not "mixed"(who also have non-mixed children with 3c and 4a hair as well).

Quote:

Originally Posted by shannonr

I am half black half east indian (my mom is a dark indian) so naturally I am dark but apparently mixed is reserved for those who are half black half white and have lighter skin, even though my hair is more mixed that theirs!So what is mixed in this culture? I'm so confused...I identify with being black but i identify with being mixed too, can I be both? Does anyone else feel this way?

The term "mixed" isn't necessarily reserved for those who are half black and half white, but I think that many people tend to assume that if you say this that you are mixed then that means you are half _______ and ________(insert race).

As far as who you identify with.....This is a personal choice. I wouldn't concern myself with whether I can identify with being mixed or not. And you shouldn't feel like you have to be either/or. You can embrace both cultures without having the stigma of having to use the label of being mixed to validate that. You know who you are, and that's all that matters.

Natakue · 08-26-2005, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curlilocs

Your hair is gorgeous and so are you! We are here for you. We curlies stay united

thanks curlilocs!