Why can't my curls be natural??? - Page 3

Colocha · 08-26-2005, 05:34 PM

Natakue,

Your hair is lovely and your are exotic! Also, keep on doing your drawings, they´re really good!

Natakue · 08-26-2005, 05:40 PM

thanks, colocha, that's very sweet of you! yours is beautiful too! you have sooo much hair, i love it! that's my next challenge...length!
i will try to keep on drawing too, just taking a break

maricurl · 08-26-2005, 07:21 PM

i think for a long time curly hair was 'bad hair' no matter what ethnicity you were. (i'm 100% italian descent) i relaxed my hair and wore it straight for years and years and years (starting at about age 10) i became an expert at blow drying my hair straight. i'd been doing it for so long i didn't even know what my 'natural' hair looked like anymore. i have 2 sisters with hair as curly as mine. no support from them when i stopped straightening--they've 'graduated' from lye to thermal reconditioning.

even though its more time consuming on a day to day basis to wear my hair with its natural curl, i'm glad i'm doing it, glad i'm learning to accept it for what it is (with the enormous help of eveyone on this site, of course

) and now i'm just so pleased when i see other curlies IRL, and in the media. i look back at pics of myself with straight hair and it just looks so artificial--and so boring, too. my curls are unique to me (as i think all curls are to each individual curly girl) and now i feel i look so much more like 'me'.

sort of off topic , but thanks for reading anyway. curly girls rock!

curlygirl898 · 08-26-2005, 07:49 PM

thank you for starting this topic, this has been an issue for me my whole life. from the time i was in middle school when the other kids would ask my friends if a was latino, till now when i walk down the street and hear a black woman say, "it ain't all hers." i'm an black woman, who is not biracial, and nither are my parents, or my parents parents. i have 2-3 type hair, that is now below brastrap. all my life people have been amazed by my hair. to most people it seem in order to be black and have hair hair like mine, you must a)be mixed or b)buy it. i am offended by both. its like a slap in the face. the problem i have it that most of society as a whole think black women can not grow hair, which is the is not true!!! i've also been dissmissed by 4 types, because i'm a 3 type. because of this whole good hair ********, whenever someone makes a comment how much they love my hair, in the back of my mind i always think-do you like my hair because it looks nice-or do you like my hair cause i'm not a 4 type???

urbancurl · 08-26-2005, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anicetta

Quote:

Originally Posted by shannonr

I am half black half east indian (my mom is a dark indian) so naturally I am dark but apparently mixed is reserved for those who are half black half white and have lighter skin, even though my hair is more mixed that theirs!So what is mixed in this culture? I'm so confused...I identify with being black but i identify with being mixed too, can I be both? Does anyone else feel this way?

Can you be mixed? Honey, you are mixed, regardless of what category anybody else may want to try to lock you into. People will see you however they want to; there is nothing you can do about that. Some will consider you Black; some will decide you can't "just" be Black because of this, that, or the other; some may think of you as something else altogether that you are not (Dominican, perhaps). But within yourself, you know who you are, and you know who you are better than any arbitrary stranger or even close friend can ever know you. You define yourself; don't let others define you. It's a waste of your time to be worried about how other people see you.

Anicetta,

I feel similarly. 10 people may label me 10 different things but I know who I am. Shannon, North America is particularly twisted and obsessed when it comes to who is Black, who is white, etc...

shannonr · 08-27-2005, 07:30 PM

Thanks guys for opening my eyes to this. I should not concern myself with the labels that people give me. I'm so glad I've found this site and have found people who've had the same experiences as me!

And yes shygirl I do agree that some mixed people have type 4 hair as well but on the other hand I guess I was one of the dumb people that didn't know that not mixed people have type 3 hair as well

. I guess I never really thought about it...in any case I should not make this race thing an issue...it really is unimportant and I'll drive myself crazy if I take people's comments seriously. I don't think race can tell you anything about a person anyway.

CATalpa · 09-30-2005, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curltopia

That sounds like ignorance or jealousy or both.. I just checked out your album and your hair is growing out great and your curls are just lovely!

Just ignore anyone who can't appreciate the natural beauty of your hair as-is. They are not worth the time.

I totally agree, SOME of these people are jealous- I have seen the nappturality site but have never posted, like Natakue said, there is a lot of anger over there, funny thing is if you read some of the old post alot of the millitants over there were looking to gain curl definition way back when! But if that is how they feel, i cannot realy say anyting as that is their opinion.

But i cannot lie, i have a few cousins who call type 4 hair names that i wont mention, and say derogortory things about type 4 hair so i can understand why some people feel a bit of anger/animosity towards people who have a different type from theirs-

However whatever someones hair does naturally(be it kinky curly coily whatever), or whatever that person choses to do with their own hair(relax, jherri dye flat iron whatever) is their own decision. I get asked dumb questions more time, but if anyone feels to come up to me asking stupid questions, you best believe i'll make you walk away feeling the stupid one! I know the difference between someone trying to insult me, and someone genuinely curious!

The thing i do not like about them over there is the fact that they try to enforce their way of thinking, only "nappy" heads can relate to what it is like to be natural (HUH?!?!)- my hair may not be all type 4 but trust me, i know what it is like, i feel all our struggles are the same (please correct me if im wrong) but i know for sure that it is a struggle to wash, detangle my hair, get it to look and act right on certain days!!?? Natural is natural, there aint no ifs or buts about it!

What else i cannot stand is people sit there and condemn people who use the "creamy crack" or try to enhance their curl, they need to remember that they didnt go natural over night and they used to be just like the people thay are condemning, something like going natural i would assume takes time to get used to, i was going to give my cousin the link to that website but i dont want her to get her mind set that we are different cos of our hair. Ill show her this one instead.

Urban curl with the "what are you" i get that sometimes, but ive even had people go next routes about it, ive had complete strangers on about three different occasions ask me what my family name is?!?!?!? What, cos that will help you gain knowledge on what my herritage is??!

but like i said, i will make you walk away feeling STUPID!!!

Sorry if anyone feels ive taken it off topic but thats my take on this subject

Quote:

Originally Posted by urbancurl

(If the person was a man, he might mutter something like, "You not all that anyway!")

A-ha my personal favourite insult from a guy who approached you (they always seem to forget its not us thats bugging them!)!!!!!!!

wavezncurlz · 09-30-2005, 08:53 AM

CATalpa
My family gets that "where are you from" question all the time. When I was younger, they always thought my dad was from the middle east. He favored Anwar Sadat a little (except he was bigger and taller) LOL

mundoazul · 09-30-2005, 09:40 AM

I guess technically I'm mixed (most of my family historically is basically multiracial people who married other multiracial people) but I consider myself black. I haven't had to deal with this much for a while, but the questions began again the first day I wore my hair completely out since I came to college. Some chick I knew in passing asked me one day "Hey, you've got such pretty hair, are you mixed?" and I said " Thank you, and technically, yes." but I was at a party one night and I could hear some girls whispereing about me when I was talking to this guy.

girl 1: mmm...she thinks she's cute...you know all that hair ain't hers
girl 2: I think it is...she's mixed
girl 1: *lip smack* mmm...of course all the guys wanna talk to her then

This is why I don't make friends with many girls. Too much drama.

bubbles76 · 09-30-2005, 09:48 AM

I post on nappturality, and you have to understand what's going on over there before you get too angry (trust me, at times I get offended too). The purpose of that site is to encourage natural hair growth and loving your natural hair, so of course relaxers and the like will be condemned. Because type 4 hair is so vilified in America (i can't speak about other places) their focus is to really have people love their type 4 hair and not hate it. So, they don't want people to depend on relaxers, heat styling, and curl enhancers to the point that they hate their type 4 hair. Also, they promote the health of natural hair, so heat styling and relaxers are not discussed, as both types of styling can damage natural hair. It does go deeper than just that, but for speaking on just hair that is the gist.

It's the mentality behind straightening and curl enhancing. If you do it for just a change in style, cool. But if you do it because you think your hair is ugly, bad, etc. then that's a problem. Love your hair, love yourself. That's why there is a condeming attitude towards relaxers and curl enhancers on nappturality.

Quote:

What else i cannot stand is people sit there and condemn people who use the "creamy crack" or try to enhance their curl, they need to remember that they didnt go natural over night and they used to be just like the people thay are condemning, something like going natural i would assume takes time to get used to,

ITA with this.

BUT there are times on that board that I feel they are curly hair haters. If you say "i love my curly hair" be prepared to be stomped with about 20 hate posts and be ready to defend your curly hair!

I'm kidding, to an extent, but I feel that at nappturality they post loving type 4 hair so much that type 3 can sometimes be hated on. Maybe I'm wrong and that's not the feeling of everyone or even the majority over there, but I feel I have to watch what I say over there sometimes. Nonetheless, it is an excellent site. I have received much love and helpful advice from many women over there. No spot is perfect. When I feel the need to exhale from over there, I come over here. And vice versa

Oh, and I get the "what are you?" comments all the time too. Annoying, yes, but I try to chalk it up to people just being ignorant.

Quote:

to most people it seem in order to be black and have hair hair like mine, you must a)be mixed or b)buy it. i am offended by both. its like a slap in the face. the problem i have it that most of society as a whole think black women can not grow hair, which is the is not true!!! i've also been dissmissed by 4 types, because i'm a 3 type. because of this whole good hair &%$@#!, whenever someone makes a comment how much they love my hair, in the back of my mind i always think-do you like my hair because it looks nice-or do you like my hair cause i'm not a 4 type???

Curlygirl98, I feel you on this too.

Cheleigh · 09-30-2005, 12:55 PM

I agree with your post Bubbles (I see your posts on np.com sometimes). There is a bias against the curly on np.com. It’s okay to me, because that's what NC.com is for. NP.com is to discuss issues and care for hair that is nappy and vilified, which my hair is. My hair is also curly, so I love this site to discuss all things curly. And when I want to talk long hair, I go on LCHF. Each site has its positives and negatives, honestly, and there are some posts on each of the sites that drive me batpoop bonkers.

On the hair issue, I think to say that type 3/type 2 doesn't stem from a multicultural background is a little disingenuous--type 3 & type 2 hair is not endemic to sub-Saharan Africa (although it is in areas of Africa where there has been more racial cross pollination). Folks see type 3/2 hair for what it implies—that there is a multiracial background somewhere. My problem with people like that is that they make too much of a big deal of it, since most African Americans and most Caribbean folks are actually multi-racial. But then go in the opposite direction and refuse to acknowledge that regardless of your hair type of complexion, you might still be multi-racial.

For example, my cousin is black and PR--she looks like her PR dad, but has type 4 hair and is brown. Her half brother (from two Latino parents) looks straight up Latino. However, if she mentions that she is bi-racial, people look at her like she's crazy--I guess folks expect her to look like she stepped out of a Snoop Dogg "Beautiful" video (long curly hair and light brown). Why should her racial background be questioned because she doesn't look "racially mixed?" It's the flip side of the complaint that people see type 3/2 hair and assume a bi-racial background.

bubbles76 · 09-30-2005, 01:58 PM

Hmmm...have we met on NP?

As much as that site drives me nuts, I stand by it. I frequent the transitioners forum a lot and the products section. I'm starting to frequent other sections. It's an excellent board, if you venture outisde of the hair forums. It's not all hair over there

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheleigh

For example, my cousin is black and PR--she looks like her PR dad, but has type 4 hair and is brown. Her half brother (from two Latino parents) looks straight up Latino. However, if she mentions that she is bi-racial, people look at her like she's crazy--I guess folks expect her to look like she stepped out of a Snoop Dogg "Beautiful" video (long curly hair and light brown). Why should her racial background be questioned because she doesn't look "racially mixed?" It's the flip side of the complaint that people see type 3/2 hair and assume a bi-racial background.

People probably look at her crazy because PR is not a race, so for her to say she's mixed doesn't make sense to some people. But I get what you're saying. People think that mixed MUST mean light brown skinned, curly hair. Mixed can mean anything. Most people living and breathing are mixed, it's just whether they choose to accept it.

kittykat3 · 10-10-2005, 01:17 PM

i honestly don't mind when people ask me if im mixed. to me its just a way of getting to know me better. i just say yes. wut bothers me is when people ask me whats my background. im too lazy to tell them. heck i dont even noe evrything about my background myself.

the kids at my brothers school were funny. some kids thought he was black, some kids thought he was white just really tanned, some kids thought he was indian arabian or something, i think 1 kid thought he was oreintal. like what the heck why did they not assume he was mixed. when he told me that i just threw m head back and laughed.

L'n-z · 10-10-2005, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bubbles76

I post on nappturality, and you have to understand what's going on over there before you get too angry (trust me, at times I get offended too). The purpose of that site is to encourage natural hair growth and loving your natural hair, so of course relaxers and the like will be condemned. Because type 4 hair is so vilified in America (i can't speak about other places) their focus is to really have people love their type 4 hair and not hate it. So, they don't want people to depend on relaxers, heat styling, and curl enhancers to the point that they hate their type 4 hair. Also, they promote the health of natural hair, so heat styling and relaxers are not discussed, as both types of styling can damage natural hair. It does go deeper than just that, but for speaking on just hair that is the gist.

It's the mentality behind straightening and curl enhancing. If you do it for just a change in style, cool. But if you do it because you think your hair is ugly, bad, etc. then that's a problem. Love your hair, love yourself. That's why there is a condeming attitude towards relaxers and curl enhancers on nappturality.

Yup. I agree. NC has its place and purpose and so does NP.

msdeeva · 10-13-2005, 11:45 PM

Hi,

I'm new to this forum, but I decided to register b/c this thread really intrigued me. Like many of you, I was always asked of my ethnic heritage in grade school, but just kind of dismissed it. It didn't help when my mother, who is African American, but looks racially ambiguous (translation: white), used to come visit me at school. I got the "Is your Mom white?" questions, and the girls always trying to feel my hair. My paternal aunt even had something to say when washing my hair one day: "You have a perm don't you."

It wasn't until college, though, that I started experimenting with wearing my hair natural. I haven't found the right products yet that allow me to wear my natural hair down without frizzing up. I have a thin hair shaft, that quite obviously needs to retain moisture. When my hair is straight, the length is 3-4 inches from the top of my butt. When my hair is soaked, it comes to the middle of my back. But after a few hours, it rides a bit past my shoulders.

If anyone has any hair products that can possibly keep moisture/define my curls, I will forever be indebted to them. Like someone before, I went on Nappturality.com and couldn't navigate to any useful information pertaining to my hair type.

I will be posting a pic as soon as I get a chance.

As a side note: I even tried to make my hair into an afro one day, and it wouldn't work. *shrug*

pizazz · 10-14-2005, 07:05 AM

Interesting topic...I started relaxing 2yrs. before college amd did so for the past 10 years. I grew up in a majority white neighborhood, so there was no question about my heritage(if your skin is the least bit dark--your black). However, once being around more of my own black people I got more questions-not about being mixed but being straight up east indian(no pun int.), becasue my hair was relaxed so straight. Mind you I have type mostly 4a/ some 3c hair. People are still so ingnorant becasue we as black people have been trained to belive that our hair is ugly and needs to be straightened if its not soft enough, and I think we in turn have taught whites to believe it also by relaxing....

I never thought that I would still be questioned about my ethinicity--even with short nappy very curly hair. Now they say oh, you still have "good" hair cuz you have indian in your family. I don't know of one east indian in my family, however, after doing research of my family tree, I found that I had a native american Grandparent(great, great, great grand)-but that was the 1800's. I still don't consider that a "contributing" factor to my hair ,but that proves that alot of us are mixed but NOT necessarily half & half....however I know I am a black woman; youd' be surpised what you find out if you went way back, though--

bubbles76 · 10-14-2005, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pizazz

People are still so ingnorant becasue we as black people have been trained to belive that our hair is ugly and needs to be straightened if its not soft enough, and I think we in turn have taught whites to believe it also by relaxing....

Wow. Now that's profound. I thought that but didn't know how quite to say it. I totally agree. I think it's the same when it comes to weave too. People think we can't grow our hair either. I also thought I needed a perm to get soft hair. What I really needed was a good conditioner and no heat.

Colocha · 10-14-2005, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by msdeeva

Hi,

I'm new to this forum, but I decided to register b/c this thread really intrigued me. Like many of you, I was always asked of my ethnic heritage in grade school, but just kind of dismissed it. It didn't help when my mother, who is African American, but looks racially ambiguous (translation: white), used to come visit me at school. I got the "Is your Mom white?" questions, and the girls always trying to feel my hair. My paternal aunt even had something to say when washing my hair one day: "You have a perm don't you."

It wasn't until college, though, that I started experimenting with wearing my hair natural. I haven't found the right products yet that allow me to wear my natural hair down without frizzing up. I have a thin hair shaft, that quite obviously needs to retain moisture. When my hair is straight, the length is 3-4 inches from the top of my butt. When my hair is soaked, it comes to the middle of my back. But after a few hours, it rides a bit past my shoulders.

If anyone has any hair products that can possibly keep moisture/define my curls, I will forever be indebted to them. Like someone before, I went on Nappturality.com and couldn't navigate to any useful information pertaining to my hair type.

I will be posting a pic as soon as I get a chance.

As a side note: I even tried to make my hair into an afro one day, and it wouldn't work. *shrug*

welcome to the forum!! Post a picture and here curlies will suggest what products will suit your hair .

msdeeva · 10-14-2005, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colocha

Quote:

Originally Posted by msdeeva

Hi,

I'm new to this forum, but I decided to register b/c this thread really intrigued me. Like many of you, I was always asked of my ethnic heritage in grade school, but just kind of dismissed it. It didn't help when my mother, who is African American, but looks racially ambiguous (translation: white), used to come visit me at school. I got the "Is your Mom white?" questions, and the girls always trying to feel my hair. My paternal aunt even had something to say when washing my hair one day: "You have a perm don't you."

It wasn't until college, though, that I started experimenting with wearing my hair natural. I haven't found the right products yet that allow me to wear my natural hair down without frizzing up. I have a thin hair shaft, that quite obviously needs to retain moisture. When my hair is straight, the length is 3-4 inches from the top of my butt. When my hair is soaked, it comes to the middle of my back. But after a few hours, it rides a bit past my shoulders.

If anyone has any hair products that can possibly keep moisture/define my curls, I will forever be indebted to them. Like someone before, I went on Nappturality.com and couldn't navigate to any useful information pertaining to my hair type.

I will be posting a pic as soon as I get a chance.

As a side note: I even tried to make my hair into an afro one day, and it wouldn't work. *shrug*

welcome to the forum!! Post a picture and here curlies will suggest what products will suit your hair .

Ok. I'm really shy, and have never done this before

So here goes. Here's a link to my pic: http://www.geocities.com/tiffsbiz/curly.JPG

The pic was taken 1 hour after I washed my hair and used Curly Hair Solutions Curl Keeper. Keep in mind that my hair wasn't done with the "shrinking process." I was too lazy to set my hair with the blow dryer, so I just put it in a ponytail.

If any of you know any products that will tame my hair, Please Help. The description of my hair is above. Thanks in advance!

Colocha · 10-14-2005, 02:01 PM

msdeeva,

You have long, beautiful hair!

I would have like to see your curls dry. If you have a chance, take a picture with your hair dry. By the looks of it, you´re a 3c hairtype.

Regarding products, I hope some curlies will chime in and give suggestions. My recommendation will be to use pure unrefined shea butter with aloe vera.

Others use Elucence conditioner which you can buy at Curlmart or at www.pleasantimage.com. Many people had liked this condish. I´m finally going to get this condish in 2 weeks.

other products:
-Jessicurl
-Devacurl
-Mia Simone (www.miasb.com
-Oyin
-My honey child

All of these except for Mia are at curlmart.

HTH!