Lynnery

I think one thing we need to remind ourselves is natural hair is beautiful and rocking what you have naturally is beautiful in itself. Its not to be compared to what others have because everyone's hair is different. The uniqueness of natural hair is beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you differently. As soon as someone even tries you them in their tracks and tell them don't come at me with that dumb-mess.

The good hair theory is the reason most women won't go natural. I have to admit- it was the reason I would transition and then end up relaxing. Once I decided to change my thinking and be confident with what God created I was able to go natural and rock it. Don't let others insecurities affect the way you feel about your hair. You liked it before she said something to you. Who is she, she doesn't matter.

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Last relaxer-3/16/08
Type 4a thick hair
www.fotki.com/cluelessaka updated March 2010

BekkaPoo

Exactly! You should publish a book of these.. this sounds like a great affirmation.


Exactly right again.

What's the saying?

"Those who mind don't matter - those who matter don't mind.."

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MixedUpCurlyChick

+ 1. Most ppl don't even use that term in conversation with me if they know me personally. I find it extremely offensive.

To me, its like saying that my skin is pretty b/c its light. This is funny that I'm seeing this post tonight b/c I was in the nail salon yesterday and one of the people working there commented that I had beautiful skin. I find this interesting b/c this is not the first time I have been told this in a nail salon. One guy even asked me what I was b/c he thought my skin was "pretty" but then he said "but your hair..." and looked at it with disgust!

I would think by these two people's standards, I don't have "good hair." Although I have been told by other people that they couldn't go natural b/c their hair wasn't "nice" or "soft" like mine.

Any time a compliment is given to me in the form of a comparison, I take it as an insult.

I have also had people approach me on the street and ask what I "have" in my hair so I don't think its 100% a light/dark skin issue. I think its more of an issue that many people don't think AA hair curls (AA people included).

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TwoMoons

Most people say I have good hair but my parents and a few relatives don't think so and sometimes don't hesitate to tell me so. I hate the 'good hair' comments though because I still feel insulted like: " O. (my Mom) you didn't need to put a perm in that girl's head, she has that good stuff".

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OTAKU 4 LIFE!!!!

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.”

I <3 Cats!

ChAoTiCbLiSs

I hate the term, and hate when it is used to describe my hair. I've heard it all my life (although never used in my house growing up). People think they're complimenting me, but because I know the background of the term, I find it insulting and demeaning.

Another term that makes me see red is when people refer to "grades" of hair. They don't realize that the term is no different from using good/bad hair. The term itself implies that certain "grades" are better than others.

Iamnaturallycurly2

I totally agree with you! Good hair does not exclude kinky curly hair. Curly hair is beautiful and is good! You are so right, if God gave it to you, its good!

greenandchic

Count me in as someone who don't like "good hair".

I was told that I had good hair as a kid, but I didn't really understand what it meant. My parents never bought into that though thankfully. People who run their hands though my hair and comment how I didn't take after my parents (they have 4b hair) and that I was a "throwback" - probably taking after my grandmother who has 3 b/c hair.

Today this guy asked me if my hair was naturally curly. I sad yes. He then said, I like your hair. Though I can appreciate the complement, I get the feeling that if my hair was 4ab, he wouldn't say a word.

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suarez

hair is hair!! why do people get so angry over hair!

~Curly~

SMH are you serious? Are you really letting some women make you hide your hair under some wig? Why let this fool of a woman make a fool out of you?

kandiekj100

I can relate. While it is not a daily struggle, I am definitely at odds about my hair. Like many others, I have been told throughout my life that I have "that good hair". I felt good when I heard that, especially because I had other issues (big crooked teeth, eyes not completely straight, and slight overweightness) so I took any compliment I could get, and it mostly was about my hair.

Now, I feel uncomfortable. Someone saying I like your hair or your hair is pretty still makes me feel good, but saying that I have "good hair" makes me squirm (still feels like a compliment, but sad because they think their hair is bad).

I have a cousin who wants to go natural, but feels she can't because she doesn't have "good hair" like me. I told her that there isn't such a thing as good hair (and just yesterday gave her this website) but you can see that look on people's face when you tell that. So have the time I don't say anything. I went home for Thanksgiving and a bunch of aunts were all saying the same thing. I wanted to say something, but they are all older and their isn't going to be any convincing them. Maybe I was just scared of being out of line with them (from the deep south where you watch your tone when speaking with older folks).

I know it is just hair and we, as a people, are the ones putting so much weight on it but it seems like such a daunting task to try to change the opinion of everyone out there.

Like I said, I gave my cousin the website. So if I can convert her, and have her proud to show her kinkycurly crown, as well as her oldest daughter's (who is also permed), then I will consider myself victorious.

cryscurls

It is so sad that it is so rampant. I was in Sally's tonight looking for something to try to fix what I see as a total MESS I made in my hair with regard to hair health, and the woman working there, who is in cosmetology school, told me I had a good grade of hair. WTF?! I'm feeling this stuff all cruchy and dry and you think it is a "good grade" because it is curly? Screw some curls, can I please get some moisture up in my head? She said that she wanted to go natural but her hair was like an African's (I get this stupid statement a LOT from other black women for some reason). I told her I am West African and she didn't believe me. She said I must have "something else in me." I'd like to tell you I educated her, but I was trying to get home and she just started getting on my nerves.

When I was younger I used to hear stuff about being a "pretty little dark skinned girl" and even "pretty for a dark skinned girl." I think all my exposure to people's stupidity about my skin tone has made me just come to expect it about my hair being curly. I don't know that I really hear it. Some days I pick my TWA out and rock it strong, some days I rub product through to define curl. I wear it with defined curl 100% of the time to work though. I like the way it looks both ways but I find that I wear it curly more often. I am kinda thinking about that now like- am I wearing the curls defined because subconciously I am still allowing myself to be swayed by a relaxer preferring world? ITA with the posters who said it is about other ways to divide and classify.

I responded to a post in 4a about whether I would have gone natural if I had no curl definition. I said yes because I went natural because I didn't want to deal with the salon time and price anymore. As I think more about it, I still think I would have, but I also think about how much more negative response I would get to me going natural if I didn't have the curl. That is really sad. I am thinking about making a silent statement towards educating folks and picking my hair out, but in my head I know that the owners of my agency will FALL OUT. They are black too, but have actually told me that they don't know why I cut all my hair off and went natural. I get it from so many people.

I am rambling so I'll stop, but responding has just made me start to think about some of the things that people have been saying. I don't think I've really listened to them because I am kind of "do what I want" as a person anyway, but I am just realizing that I get a lot from "the peanut gallery" about my hair decisions. To the OP- people sadly don't realize that the only "good hair" is healthy hair because it grows out of everybody's scalp differently.

chelsea_love

My grandma on my dad's side says that all the time. Smdh. I'll never forget when I called my grandma and told her I was planning to cut off my relaxed hair and go natural a couple of years ago, she was like "Wha..wha...WHY?? But it's so long! You're not planning to get those big plaits your mother has are you? You have such a good grade of hair!" My mom has locs by the way - not "big plaits".

I've had people tell me I had "good hair" before too. It always makes me very uncomfortable so I usually try to pretend I don't hear it. Once I was standing around at my job talking with my friend (black) and one of our managers (white.) Haircare came up and my manager said to me, "Umm...I don't want to sound ignorant, but don't black people have to use special shampoo and conditioner and stuff?" I said "Some people like to use things that are more moisturizing and have less harsh-chemicals in them than the ones you would typically find at CVS or whatever. But I don't really. I use my favorite conditioner is Aussie." And then my friend said "Well, you can use that white people stuff [we are very politically incorrect in my store because everyone's really close...lmao!] because you don't have regular black people hair." I said "Yes I do. What are you talking about? Not all black people didn't have the same type of hair Jess." And then she proceeded to make a big joke out of it and say that I had 'good hair' and it wasn't nappy like hers if she didn't get a relaxer. After that I kind of stopped trying to counter people when they made ignorant comments. Whatever, let them go off and think what they want and be in their little bubbles.

Unless someone in my family says it. Then I usually school them.

chelsea_love

Lol to the first quote.

And to the second one, I tend to wear my hair with product to define my curls more also and I've wondered why that was before. I think it usually feels more 'tamed' to me - I tend to feel overwhelmed by the amount of hair growing out of my scalp more often than not and when my curls are more defined, it seems not as big and crazy.

I did pick my hair out a lot and wear a huge afro with a scarf tied around the front when it was shorter though. I actually really liked that look, but now that my hair is longer, it just doesn't seem to work. It takes extra, EXTRA picking to fluff it up, and then some parts seem thin and wimpy and flop to the sides. Unless I picked it out when it was completely dry, which is kind of a no-no because I only comb my hair when it's wet, I'm not even sure I could do the big fluffy afro anymore.

BekkaPoo

http://brigfeltus.blogspot.com/2009/...bout-hair.html

2. NEWSFLASH: Black girls with nappy hair have jobs. High ranking executive type jobs. Jobs as scientists, astronauts, doctors, lawyers, Ivy League university professors, philosophers, politicians. Some of the most influential black women in the history of the world were black women with nappy hair! Those of you worried about catching a man, black girls with nappy hair have romance, marriage, companionship, and I'm here to tell you we enjoy phenomenal sexual experiences just like our straight haired sisters... and in the cases of those who are still oppressed, I argue perhaps better because there's one less thing to be self conscious about when we're in that naked, vulnerable state! Our lovers can put their fingers in our hair, massage our scalps, grab a fist full in the throws of passion... You get the idea... Black girls with nappy hair have friends of all colors, races, cultures, and creeds. We are not all angry (though just like anyone else, we can be angered...), we are not all militant, and whatever we are, whoever we are, you canNOT assertain based on the texture of our hair. (As you read this you might think I'm talking to white people here. I might be talking to some, but I'm more talking to those of my sisters who are inflicting this oppression upon themselves by defending against this false stigma.)

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