Being natural you can only date white men

call me dense this morning but i'm not following this . are you saying the bolded is an 'authentic' black woman?
Originally Posted by hippychic
Hmm, I don't know if I'm the one that misunderstood then.. because I got the impression she put "authentic" in quotes to denote it as being sarcastic. As in that's what certain white guys THINK is an "authentic" black woman, and not that she actually thinks that's what an authentic black woman is...
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
yes, thats what i was saying. i think i've shared it here before but a few months ago i was out with friends when this (white) man approached me and we started talking. he told me that he usually only dates black women, but he would make an exception for me, since i'm clearly biracial. (1) geez, how thoughtful (2) thanks, but no thanks (3) i'm not biracial (4) it's been 5 minutes of conversation. maybe you should ask me if i have man before you start making exceptions to your rule.

like i said, i don't know if its where i live or the places i go, but that's how most of the white men who date black women are. i've seen very, very, very, few naturals with a white man here. and a non gangsta boo natural? oh you can forget that. i bet new york (aka tiffany pollard) would get more play from white men than halle berry. weird, i know.
Originally Posted by subbrock
Yeah.. I figured that is what you meant. LOL! I just couldn't see you saying otherwise...just by the things you post on here.

To be honest.. the majority of white guys I know that date black women are dating black women that don't have natural hair. I don't think it's because they prefer one or the other. I just think in the pool of dating black women.. most black women in the USA are not natural. So if a white guy wants to date a black woman..he'll have a better chance of finding one that's not natural in my personal opinion. And frankly, if a white dude is not worried about your skin color..um I seriously doubt he's all that worried about whether you have a relaxer or not. LOL!

Oh gosh..Tiffany Pollard.. I think a lot of guys would like her reguardless of color cause they probably think she's easy. LOL! I did see her natural hair in a picture..it's pretty. Surprised me that she's natural up under all that weave.
I've had different hairstyles--natural and not--over the last few years while dating, and I can definitely see how a simple hair style can attract different types of guys...and I use type broadly, but definitely include ethnic background in "type."


I think what the woman was trying to say is that she got less positive feedback from Black men then other races. I haven't experienced that lately, but I did when my hair was shorter, and can easily understand how someone else, based on their location, skin color, features, etc, might experience that.

The standard of beauty in the black community, and what many black men embrace, has and is currently mixedraceness. I learned from an early age that any feature of mine that could be stereotypically "other" was what was beautiful--whether it was "good hair", or "light skin" or "fine features," etc. So...

When I had relaxers and weave down my back, I got attention from all types of men, but mostly black men who loved that I looked "coolie" or "indian" or "asiatic" or any other culture I don't identify as.

When I first started growing my locs, I was told by a family friend that it was okay for me to do that because, although my hair is kinky I didn't "negroid features." I was pretty, you see.

And recently men have been stepping to me like crazy now that my hair is long. But I can't help but think it's also because it is highlighted and has a decernable curl pattern even if it is between pencil and coffee stirrer sized. I was discussing this very issue with a male family member who basically said my hair shouldn't be a problem in dating because my "grade" ain't bad.

And the funny thing is, no woman's hair type or whatever else physical is going to make her a great partner to be with in the first place. And either is race, ethnic background, etc. Man we focus on the wrong things in this society sometimes.
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Last edited by springyhead; 07-19-2010 at 12:05 PM.

Speaking of black women.. did you see that video I posted for you in the True Blood thread ???
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
NO SPOILERS

i dont have hbo im waiting for this season to hit netflix in 2011...i was going to subscribe but im weeks behind

this has nothing to do with this thread SORRY

ive been natural since 1995 i could count how many times a white man has approached me. i know black women with weaves and relaxers who get lots of play from white guys. so in my experience it's not really about hair
Originally Posted by hypnotic
Relax, it has nothing to do with spoilers...it was an interview with one of the stars just so she could see her clothes, hair, makeup.. um.. THAT'S ALL. She knows what I mean.

And as many guano's happen on NC.com.. um...I don't see it as that big a deal. I wouldn't be silly enough to put spoilers though.. goodness.
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
thought i was pretty relaxed perhaps the caps threw it off

i don't know what happens on here since i tend to only go into the hair boards

thanks for the clarification
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Natural hair on black women does make them look more approachable so that could be the case.

Some black men have their self hate issues they won't get over and some white men just find it beautiful and different.

My fiancÚ knew nothing about hair issues of black women b4 meeting me. Now he doesn't understand why all black women won't go natural.

You see it as white men loving natural hair, but it's the natural hair that's bringing out your features and beauty and they see that.
Originally Posted by HipsterSoul
This is so true. Ever since going natural when I'm out shopping or whatever random people just start up conversations with me, laughing and carrying on like they've known me for years...especially older white women.

But back to the original post, for me I've had more men in general regardless of race approach me. I think natural hair does bring out ones features. Looking at a lot of before and after pics online...honestly I haven't seen any natural pics that look better relaxed IMO.
Oh an I definitely think black men have issues with our hair also. When a lot of our mom's were slapping relaxers in our hair at a young age (11 for me) not only was it starting a loooong chain not accepting our hair but it was teaching a lot of the little boys that too.

I first said I wanted to be natural by the time I had a little girl because I didn't want her growing up thinking she had to relax her hair to be seen as beautiful. However I ended up with 2 boys and I was like "Ah, well who am I going to inspire with my hair now?" but I thought about it and it's as important for little boys to know that as well. Now everytime my 2 year old sees a pic of a 'fro he's like "Mommy! That's your hair! Her hair is like yours!" So I think he somehow understand mommy doesn't wear her hair like most.
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from my experience, white men who exclusively date black women don't like me because i don't fit the stereotype of relaxed hair/ridiculous weave, [s]dark skin[/s], gangsta boo. i don't know if it's just the area i live in or what. but they tend to gravitate to that type of "authentic" black woman.
Originally Posted by subbrock
I don't think dark skin is a requirement... and "gansta boo" smh, i'm sure they dont want a thug chick.. but I basically knew what you meant they want a hood chick, weaved up, attitude prone, loud dont give a **** chick.. anyway yeah it must be where you live lol... cause where i stay all the black girls that have white guys are fuccing fake and prissy.. so annoying and most of them are natural but wear braids or ponytails.. it ponders me how a guy can be with a woman so fuccing fake... they all try and talk extra proper and be extra saddity and i'm thinking you know that is coming off so fake, right... and even your man knows it, i've actually heard a couple of the guys make fun of the way they talk to their faces.. its like geeze just be yourself..

Where you live certainly is odd because most black men dont even want a loud, obnoxious, ridiculous hair, "gansta boo" type woman lol

Last edited by ~Curly~; 07-19-2010 at 01:15 PM.
I've never had a white man approach me, except for creepy old white men. Except this boy in high school who was like obsessed with me, creeper, I probably give white men the side eye subconsciously, if they have long greasy hair and wear girl pants.
Originally Posted by turtles
LOL! I thought I was the only one with the "creepy old white men". I thought it was my cane...
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I was talking to someone about this very topic today. It was a mid to late 30's black male. He told me that the assumption is that Black women with natural hair are intellectuals and educated. I asked him why that is the assumption. He said it's not so much that Black women with straight hair AREN'T believed to be smart but that there's a 50/50 chance of her not being educated where as most sistas wit natural hair are usually educated and self aware (in his experience). So he was explaining why it may seem to a natural haired sis that white males or males of other races may approach them more. It's not so much that black males DON'T like natural or even smart women but when now there is an increase of non-black males hitting on her so it seems like black males may be hitting on her less.

Now I don't know how accurate that is, but I thought it was an interesting point. I HAVE heard black males say that natural haired women look smarter or seem more educated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by subbrock View Post
- don't let everybody elses long straight weave bum you out. don't let other people's big/long natural hair bum you out either. embrace what you have and rock it with confidence, because that's the only way you'll be happy. and whether you realize it or not you are somebody's influence. show them what it truly means to be confident.
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I was talking to someone about this very topic today. It was a mid to late 30's black male. He told me that the assumption is that Black women with natural hair are intellectuals and educated. I asked him why that is the assumption. He said it's not so much that Black women with straight hair AREN'T believed to be smart but that there's a 50/50 chance of her not being educated where as most sistas wit natural hair are usually educated and self aware (in his experience). So he was explaining why it may seem to a natural haired sis that white males or males of other races may approach them more. It's not so much that black males DON'T like natural or even smart women but when now there is an increase of non-black males hitting on her so it seems like black males may be hitting on her less.

Now I don't know how accurate that is, but I thought it was an interesting point. I HAVE heard black males say that natural haired women look smarter or seem more educated.
Originally Posted by Cali Chik
So my ex has a more extreme version of this. He says all of the issues attitude wise that black men have with black women that we've all heard before, is from the perm chemicals seeping slowly in to the brain. I can't say that I don't completely disagree. I have wondered what relaxing does to the body. That stuff is being absorbed in to the skin.
I've had different hairstyles--natural and not--over the last few years while dating, and I can definitely see how a simple hair style can attract different types of guys...and I use type broadly, but definitely include ethnic background in "type."


I think what the woman was trying to say is that she got less positive feedback from Black men then other races. I haven't experienced that lately, but I did when my hair was shorter, and can easily understand how someone else, based on their location, skin color, features, etc, might experience that.

The standard of beauty in the black community, and what many black men embrace, has and is currently mixedraceness. I learned from an early age that any feature of mine that could be stereotypically "other" was what was beautiful--whether it was "good hair", or "light skin" or "fine features," etc. So...

When I had relaxers and weave down my back, I got attention from all types of men, but mostly black men who loved that I looked "coolie" or "indian" or "asiatic" or any other culture I don't identify as.


When I first started growing my locs, I was told by a family friend that it was okay for me to do that because, although my hair is kinky I didn't "negroid features." I was pretty, you see.

And recently men have been stepping to me like crazy now that my hair is long. But I can't help but think it's also because it is highlighted and has a decernable curl pattern even if it is between pencil and coffee stirrer sized. I was discussing this very issue with a male family member who basically said my hair shouldn't be a problem in dating because my "grade" ain't bad.

And the funny thing is, no woman's hair type or whatever else physical is going to make her a great partner to be with in the first place. And either is race, ethnic background, etc. Man we focus on the wrong things in this society sometimes.
Originally Posted by springyhead
I appreciate your honesty, usually ppl on these boards with those traits don't admit or play down that at least SOME of the attention they might receive are do to those things.

ITA with the last paragraph
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Wow this was an interesting thread!

I'd like men in my age group to start hitting on me....I only get hit on by OLDER men like mid- 40's and up. I'm 25....I can't bring home a guy the same age as my dad.

I don't care what your race is, i've been single for over a year so i've become an equal opprotunity dater
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LOL at militant or bohemian that is so true.

I wear an afro and I like Chanel perfume, patent leather heels, and sparkly earrings. What a dumb stereotype.

I think it's all about a matter of preference and it's not as cut and dry as natural hair or non-natural hair.

Some white guys won't date a black woman period whether her hair is natural or not. I think mainly it's about if the person finds you generally attractive or not if they can get past the color barrier society creates and it doesn't really matter if your hair is natural.

Some black men may have an aversion to dating black women with natural hair because of those silly stereotypes..if you have a tight natural you must be militant afro-centric...if it's loose you must be an boho chic earthy chick.

It's all a bunch of nonsense. I think it's more people of color that have this hang up with the hair cause you never hear any white guys that date black women go.. "Oh I only date black women if their hair is natural." It's more about .. I like this woman and well I really couldn't care less that her skin is not white.

Cause I triple guarantee you the majority of black women dating or married to white men on average DO NOT have natural hair in the first place.
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
I was at the red light today, and I look to my right and this old white man in his truck was winking at me and smiling...Omg, If that light wouldn't have turned green I would of jumped out my car and ran across the highway!
I was at the red light today, and I look to my right and this old white man in his truck was winking at me and smiling...Omg, If that light wouldn't have turned green I would of jumped out my car and ran across the highway!
Originally Posted by turtles
lol old men don't count. Old men like any young female. she could be green with pink stripes and they'd hit on her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by subbrock View Post
- don't let everybody elses long straight weave bum you out. don't let other people's big/long natural hair bum you out either. embrace what you have and rock it with confidence, because that's the only way you'll be happy. and whether you realize it or not you are somebody's influence. show them what it truly means to be confident.
www.lifestarbeauty.com
Hate me? Love me? then Follow me! www.twitter.com/vidastarr


I was at the red light today, and I look to my right and this old white man in his truck was winking at me and smiling...Omg, If that light wouldn't have turned green I would of jumped out my car and ran across the highway!
Originally Posted by turtles
lol old men don't count. Old men like any young female. she could be green with pink stripes and they'd hit on her.
Originally Posted by Cali Chik
I know cause I sure didn't have my hair down, or done, I haven't touched my hair other than to put it in a pony tail for the past four days LOL. it only happens when I'm looking rough, don't nobody pay me no attention when I think I look nice.

Anyway other than old white men, I don't think no white men checking for me.
I don't know about ONLY... maybe like others have said they feel like you are a person who is willing to be *outside of the norm* and normally most black women end up dating within their race.. up until the last 10 years or so Id say it was pretty rare to see a white male with a black female, not for any particular reason, that's just how it was. So if you are natural they may assume that you are open to alot of different things not necessarily just dating outside of your race. They probably would have thought you were attractive either way relaxed or natural but maybe being natural signifies some sort of openness... just my thoughts.

There might be some validity to a black women opening up her options period now a days and maybe thats why ... to be honest as discussion a gazillion times on this board there is still a stigma regarding to highly textured african american hair..especially amongst black americans so it would make sense that you would see alot (maybe not all) black natural women who wind up dating outside their race as it has been mentioned before, black men have issues with self acceptance also and in SOME cases may *prefer* to date black women with realxed hair.

But for the record, not a single white person has apporached me lol... relaxed or natural. go figure.
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I don't know about ONLY... maybe like others have said they feel like you are a person who is willing to be *outside of the norm* and normally most black women end up dating within their race.. up until the last 10 years or so Id say it was pretty rare to see a white male with a black female, not for any particular reason, that's just how it was. So if you are natural they may assume that you are open to alot of different things not necessarily just dating outside of your race. They probably would have thought you were attractive either way relaxed or natural but maybe being natural signifies some sort of openness... just my thoughts.

There might be some validity to a black women opening up her options period now a days and maybe thats why ... to be honest as discussion a gazillion times on this board there is still a stigma regarding to highly textured african american hair..especially amongst black americans so it would make sense that you would see alot (maybe not all) black natural women who wind up dating outside their race as it has been mentioned before, black men have issues with self acceptance also and in SOME cases may *prefer* to date black women with realxed hair.

But for the record, not a single white person has apporached me lol... relaxed or natural. go figure.
Originally Posted by dc05
I agree with the bolded cuz that's what I've found in my dating experience and I've dated about the same amount of black and white men. The only caveat I have with that is that white men who do seem to approach me (and do so cuz of my hair) seem to do so as a gimmick. Like "look at me, I'm cool, I'm down, I'm dating this exotic African beauty with big hair." Yeah I lose those types quick. But I also find that mixed reactions from the black men I date. Either they think my natural hair is just a phase or that it's okay for me to have "nappy" hair cuz I'm "light-skinned". WTF?? They get tossed aside too lol

Now for the dude I'm currently seeing I'm the first black girl he's dated (and he's black too, go figure) so he's used to girls with long, flowing straight locks. When we met I was wearing a weave (for protective styling) which he thought it was my hair (which I'm still confused about cuz it was not that good a weave, trust me) and when I took it out you should have seen the look on his face when he saw my fro He hadn't come from a household where natural hair was out and about and he'd never known any black girl who was natural. But best believe he had to learn real quick to love both me and my big azz hair or else he could have hit the road along with the rest of them

I just guess it's all in how ppl are raised whether or not they're accepting of others differences, regardless of their skin color and/or hair texture
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I think it's all about a matter of preference and it's not as cut and dry as natural hair or non-natural hair.

Some white guys won't date a black woman period whether her hair is natural or not. I think mainly it's about if the person finds you generally attractive or not if they can get past the color barrier society creates and it doesn't really matter if your hair is natural.

Some black men may have an aversion to dating black women with natural hair because of those silly stereotypes..if you have a tight natural you must be militant afro-centric...if it's loose you must be an boho chic earthy chick.

It's all a bunch of nonsense. I think it's more people of color that have this hang up with the hair cause you never hear any white guys that date black women go.. "Oh I only date black women if their hair is natural." It's more about .. I like this woman and well I really couldn't care less that her skin is not white.

Cause I triple guarantee you the majority of black women dating or married to white men on average DO NOT have natural hair in the first place.
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
i agree.my boyfriend is white and most of the time we've been dating,ive been relaxed.he dosent care if its natural or not natural.
double post

Last edited by naturally yours; 08-02-2010 at 07:51 AM. Reason: double post
I think it depends on where you live. I was formally approached for the first time by a white man a few weeks ago. I don't think it's because of my hair either. Men of all races flirt with me or approach me (mostly black men). I think its interesting how everybody's experience is so different. Young hoodlum black men approach me more often than any other type. Go figure. However, natural hair is so common here that I don't think they really care. I actually counted how many naturals I saw one day and stopped after I got to 10. It was much more than that so... I also see alot more black chick/ white dude couples in general. Nine times out of 10 the chick is relaxed. AND age has alot to do with it too. The age group I see with this pairing has been mostly young folks (25 and younger)

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