Why are people still under some natural hair illusion?! - Page 2

CocoT · 07-23-2010, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellepixie

I like this thread - it wasn't a rant, it was the truth. Sometimes I get really upset about my hair but NOT because it's natural - I get upset that I ever had a relaxer in the first place! I honestly think that relaxers do residual damage to your follicle that takes awhile to grow out/heal. Call me crazy, but that's what I think! I'd never touch one again.

PS slight guano - Drama on the general hair board!! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for Inclusion... (Involving Marah, obvi, heehee)

Amen.
And I know for damn sure that I have saved (my momz mostly.lol) a lot of money by doing my hair myself and not getting fried and burned. Never again will I go back to relaxers. NEVER! And I will NEVER let my children get them either.

hippychic · 07-23-2010, 02:12 PM

ellepixie i wubs ya but i couldn't read that thread. people going back and forth on what curl size should be talked about... is more important... blah blah blah

EllyEllyOxenFree · 07-23-2010, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hippychic

ellepixie i wubs ya but i couldn't read that thread. people going back and forth on what curl size should be talked about... is more important... blah blah blah

Dude's analysis about why curly (3) hair is "the exception" is HILARIOUS. I can't!! Heehee.

AmberBrown · 07-23-2010, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by afrosheenqueen

I feel like it's some kind of attention/manipulation ploy so they can be told how beautiful their hair is and to step back from the ledge.

I feel like you're right.

JahNaturalDezign · 07-23-2010, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Booker Ts Mama

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlylcp

I haven't been on here frequently in a while, but for some reason I am still a little surprised that there are still "about to go back to relaxers/I can't take this anymore/ my hair is not they way I thought it would be" posts every other post.

Natural hair is a decision, in my opinion, a mature one. There is enough information out there for you to know that it is not an overnight process.

YES, your hair may be hard to detangle, YES your hair may be "nappier" than you thought, YES, your hair may not grow down to your butt in a year. YES, you may not have big hair or curlynikki curls, or hair that is all the same texture...but it is your hair. Hair that grows out of your head and was made just for you. If you can't deal- then go back to a relaxer or whatever method that makes you happy. But coming on here to get confirmation that you are making the right decision will only get you so far. The ladies are supportive and will make recommendations, but you have to be secure with who you are and happy with your OWN choice. It is easy to get caught up in the "hype" of natural hair now, but know that all those women you see with BAAs or hair down to their waists made a decision to stick with through the ups and downs. Nothing is easy and if you are looking for an easy way, then yes, maybe natural hair is not for you. Life is way too short to be dwelling on your dang hair all day everyday.
[End rant]

I agree with these. That's why now I've gotten to the point where I don't try and offer "hang in there" advice. Because if you feel that your hair is so hard, taking up too much of your time, and you want to relax/texlax, then go ahead and do it. Only you have to live with that decision; no one on here can make it for you.

I can only stick with MY choice to go natural and why I am never going to relax my hair again.

Yes! I agree with all of the above. I made one "hang in there" comment and immediatly got annoyed with myself.

JahNaturalDezign · 07-23-2010, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hippychic

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlylcp

... but a lot of these people want a violin to play for all their woes as a po' little nappy, short- haired, girl who won't be able to get a man and a job because their hair is not straight...ugh.

i know it wasn't supposed to be funny but this has me

That same exact curlylcp quote made me think about a comment that annoyed the hell out of me on another thread and almost made me start a thread on this same subject...but I was thinking "Damn am I being way to sensitive about my nappy hair???"

It was touched on in the "Curl Definition Rant" thread, but even in the natural hair community there's still for some a more desirable hair texture. Don't have hair inspirations of naturals who all have hair like taren from YT (I couldn't think of anyone famous) but get mad when you BC and your hair is all super coarse with the little beady-beads that separate.

I didn't go natural imagining that I was going to have long flowing silky curls.

NubianCoils · 07-23-2010, 04:02 PM

THANK YOU Curlylcp! I always admire people who come up in here and say stuff I REALLY want to say but am too scared I'll get blasted.

I don't even say anything in them threads...

Louie · 07-23-2010, 04:45 PM

[qoute]I haven't been on here frequently in a while, but for some reason I am still a little surprised that there are still "about to go back to relaxers/I can't take this anymore/ my hair is not they way I thought it would be" posts every other post.

Natural hair is a decision, in my opinion, a mature one. There is enough information out there for you to know that it is not an overnight process.

YES, your hair may be hard to detangle, YES your hair may be "nappier" than you thought, YES, your hair may not grow down to your butt in a year. YES, you may not have big hair or curlynikki curls, or hair that is all the same texture...but it is your hair. Hair that grows out of your head and was made just for you. If you can't deal- then go back to a relaxer or whatever method that makes you happy. But coming on here to get confirmation that you are making the right decision will only get you so far. The ladies are supportive and will make recommendations, but you have to be secure with who you are and happy with your OWN choice. It is easy to get caught up in the "hype" of natural hair now, but know that all those women you see with BAAs or hair down to their waists made a decision to stick with through the ups and downs. Nothing is easy and if you are looking for an easy way, then yes, maybe natural hair is not for you. Life is way too short to be dwelling on your dang hair all day everyday.
[End rant][/QUOTE]

I will ultimately feel like I'm one of those "complainers" who stresses about my hair that you're talking about. I do not know whether or not u are relaxed or natural; but I'm sure u went thru doubts in your life and turned towards someone for guidance.

I posted the: Having Second Thoughts don't know if I will continue to go natural post.

at 18 I looked for a place where I could find guidance from ladies who is going thru and been thru the transitioning phase I'm currently going thru. & I thank those who chimed in and shared positivity (some in this exact thread).

you're raving and doing the exact same thing those ladies in doubt are doing; complaining, which is not going to change anything but a few agrees and nods towards your rant.

EllyEllyOxenFree · 07-23-2010, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Louie

[qoute]I haven't been on here frequently in a while, but for some reason I am still a little surprised that there are still "about to go back to relaxers/I can't take this anymore/ my hair is not they way I thought it would be" posts every other post.

Natural hair is a decision, in my opinion, a mature one. There is enough information out there for you to know that it is not an overnight process.

YES, your hair may be hard to detangle, YES your hair may be "nappier" than you thought, YES, your hair may not grow down to your butt in a year. YES, you may not have big hair or curlynikki curls, or hair that is all the same texture...but it is your hair. Hair that grows out of your head and was made just for you. If you can't deal- then go back to a relaxer or whatever method that makes you happy. But coming on here to get confirmation that you are making the right decision will only get you so far. The ladies are supportive and will make recommendations, but you have to be secure with who you are and happy with your OWN choice. It is easy to get caught up in the "hype" of natural hair now, but know that all those women you see with BAAs or hair down to their waists made a decision to stick with through the ups and downs. Nothing is easy and if you are looking for an easy way, then yes, maybe natural hair is not for you. Life is way too short to be dwelling on your dang hair all day everyday.
[End rant]

I will ultimately feel like I'm one of those "complainers" who stresses about my hair that you're talking about. I do not know whether or not u are relaxed or natural; but I'm sure u went thru doubts in your life and turned towards someone for guidance.

I posted the: Having Second Thoughts don't know if I will continue to go natural post.

at 18 I looked for a place where I could find guidance from ladies who is going thru and been thru the transitioning phase I'm currently going thru. & I thank those who chimed in and shared positivity (some in this exact thread).

you're raving and doing the exact same thing those ladies in doubt are doing; complaining, which is not going to change anything but a few agrees and nods towards your rant.
[/QUOTE]

I'm not the OP, but I don't really think she is talking about posters like you. I can say that your original post was similar, but your responses made it seems that you really wanted suggestions on making your hair work, and I don't think anyone should crucify you for that. On the other hand, some people just get on here and complain and say they need relaxers b/c their hair is nappy, yet don't want suggestions - they just wanna mouth off about how they hate their hair.

Louie · 07-23-2010, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellepixie

Quote:

Originally Posted by Louie

[qoute]I haven't been on here frequently in a while, but for some reason I am still a little surprised that there are still "about to go back to relaxers/I can't take this anymore/ my hair is not they way I thought it would be" posts every other post.

Natural hair is a decision, in my opinion, a mature one. There is enough information out there for you to know that it is not an overnight process.

YES, your hair may be hard to detangle, YES your hair may be "nappier" than you thought, YES, your hair may not grow down to your butt in a year. YES, you may not have big hair or curlynikki curls, or hair that is all the same texture...but it is your hair. Hair that grows out of your head and was made just for you. If you can't deal- then go back to a relaxer or whatever method that makes you happy. But coming on here to get confirmation that you are making the right decision will only get you so far. The ladies are supportive and will make recommendations, but you have to be secure with who you are and happy with your OWN choice. It is easy to get caught up in the "hype" of natural hair now, but know that all those women you see with BAAs or hair down to their waists made a decision to stick with through the ups and downs. Nothing is easy and if you are looking for an easy way, then yes, maybe natural hair is not for you. Life is way too short to be dwelling on your dang hair all day everyday.
[End rant]

I will ultimately feel like I'm one of those "complainers" who stresses about my hair that you're talking about. I do not know whether or not u are relaxed or natural; but I'm sure u went thru doubts in your life and turned towards someone for guidance.

I posted the: Having Second Thoughts don't know if I will continue to go natural post.

at 18 I looked for a place where I could find guidance from ladies who is going thru and been thru the transitioning phase I'm currently going thru. & I thank those who chimed in and shared positivity (some in this exact thread).

you're raving and doing the exact same thing those ladies in doubt are doing; complaining, which is not going to change anything but a few agrees and nods towards your rant.

I'm not the OP, but I don't really think she is talking about posters like you. I can say that your original post was similar, but your responses made it seems that you really wanted suggestions on making your hair work, and I don't think anyone should crucify you for that. On the other hand, some people just get on here and complain and say they need relaxers b/c their hair is nappy, yet don't want suggestions - they just wanna mouth off about how they hate their hair.[/quote]

i seen alot of complainers on the relaxer boards & even in the 4a/4b board. I mean i could understand about women like those who complain, complain, complain about their addiction to creamy crack and how they just can't see themselves going natural -- those are the type that would get me frustrated bc it's like why are you even here, if you are not open to suggestions???

Yes, I took alot of what you and others suggested I do and i did and now i'm still transitioning. i was caught up in the fotki's and seeing everyone elses progression and wasn't seeing mine. I'm good now...for now. & for those who said transitioning wasn't easy, ya'll was NOT lying. That's why it's so easy to lose track and stumble a little, which is not a crime; it happens to the best of us.

cheveuxbouclés · 07-23-2010, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Louie

[qoute]I haven't been on here frequently in a while, but for some reason I am still a little surprised that there are still "about to go back to relaxers/I can't take this anymore/ my hair is not they way I thought it would be" posts every other post.

Natural hair is a decision, in my opinion, a mature one. There is enough information out there for you to know that it is not an overnight process.

YES, your hair may be hard to detangle, YES your hair may be "nappier" than you thought, YES, your hair may not grow down to your butt in a year. YES, you may not have big hair or curlynikki curls, or hair that is all the same texture...but it is your hair. Hair that grows out of your head and was made just for you. If you can't deal- then go back to a relaxer or whatever method that makes you happy. But coming on here to get confirmation that you are making the right decision will only get you so far. The ladies are supportive and will make recommendations, but you have to be secure with who you are and happy with your OWN choice. It is easy to get caught up in the "hype" of natural hair now, but know that all those women you see with BAAs or hair down to their waists made a decision to stick with through the ups and downs. Nothing is easy and if you are looking for an easy way, then yes, maybe natural hair is not for you. Life is way too short to be dwelling on your dang hair all day everyday.
[End rant]

I will ultimately feel like I'm one of those "complainers" who stresses about my hair that you're talking about. I do not know whether or not u are relaxed or natural; but I'm sure u went thru doubts in your life and turned towards someone for guidance.

I posted the: Having Second Thoughts don't know if I will continue to go natural post.

at 18 I looked for a place where I could find guidance from ladies who is going thru and been thru the transitioning phase I'm currently going thru. & I thank those who chimed in and shared positivity (some in this exact thread).

you're raving and doing the exact same thing those ladies in doubt are doing; complaining, which is not going to change anything but a few agrees and nods towards your rant.
[/quote]

I may be referring to you, though I didn't post to address you directly. I didn't read your thread honestly, but I did see it along with some others that are similiar. As I said, if you are generally seeking advice...I don't see that as a problem. But most of those threads are like a poster mentioned-- a cry from help from the ledge. You shouldn't base a decision on your hair on what WE advise to you, it needs to be in you.

I am natural, and I went natural before alllll these threads were out ( and that is not being said in a holier-than-thou tone). I didn't have a host of pictures to compare my hair to, a list of conditioners and natural businesses to buy from, or fotkis to search through. I did a short transition and cut my hair off without looking back. Why? Because I wanted to go natural and there was no hair day that was ever bad enough to make me change my mind. I love that there are blogs and threads that are here to help ( because I sure as hell was treating my hair dead wrong) but they should not be a crutch for you.

It seems like you are saying you are 18, which compared to me, is a bit young. I can genuinely understand why you may question your choice. I didn't post this to throw some sort of coup and gain approval. After reading the sad story of the death of a young girl who was featured on BGLH, it made think of how she was only 15 at the time she went natural. Now she is gone. To spend all this time going back and forth on your hair is just absurd to me. Just my opinion.

cheveuxbouclés · 07-23-2010, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cali Chik

It's sad that Natural hair is considered a hard decision but using dangerous chemicals to straighten isn't.

It's sad that we have to go through so much just to learn and understand our hair at all. It's crazy how much we don't know about our hair because we've spent most of our lives destroying it.

* does small holy ghost dance* Seriously, really sad it is. It is HAIR and it grows from your head. Just like your breasts and ears grow out of your body, and you know how to deal with those right?

Louie · 07-23-2010, 06:00 PM

I will ultimately feel like I'm one of those "complainers" who stresses about my hair that you're talking about. I do not know whether or not u are relaxed or natural; but I'm sure u went thru doubts in your life and turned towards someone for guidance.

I posted the: Having Second Thoughts don't know if I will continue to go natural post.

at 18 I looked for a place where I could find guidance from ladies who is going thru and been thru the transitioning phase I'm currently going thru. & I thank those who chimed in and shared positivity (some in this exact thread).

you're raving and doing the exact same thing those ladies in doubt are doing; complaining, which is not going to change anything but a few agrees and nods towards your rant.
[/quote]

I may be referring to you, though I didn't post to address you directly. I didn't read your thread honestly, but I did see it along with some others that are similiar. As I said, if you are generally seeking advice...I don't see that as a problem. But most of those threads are like a poster mentioned-- a cry from help from the ledge. You shouldn't base a decision on your hair on what WE advise to you, it needs to be in you.

I am natural, and I went natural before alllll these threads were out ( and that is not being said in a holier-than-thou tone). I didn't have a host of pictures to compare my hair to, a list of conditioners and natural businesses to buy from, or fotkis to search through. I did a short transition and cut my hair off without looking back. Why? Because I wanted to go natural and there was no hair day that was ever bad enough to make me change my mind. I love that there are blogs and threads that are here to help ( because I sure as hell was treating my hair dead wrong) but they should not be a crutch for you.

It seems like you are saying you are 18, which compared to me, is a bit young. I can genuinely understand why you may question your choice. I didn't post this to throw some sort of coup and gain approval. After reading the sad story of the death of a young girl who was featured on BGLH, it made think of how she was only 15 at the time she went natural. Now she is gone. To spend all this time going back and forth on your hair is just absurd to me. Just my opinion.[/quote]

At the end of the day I do want I want to do, not what anyone else want or told me to do. Hair is seriously not a big deal because you can go bald tomorrow without no reasonable explaination; it happens, hair is a part of you; & you make decisions based on you: what color YOU want it, how YOU want to cut it, how YOU want to style, and the big convo of today the illusion of hair & the decision of if YOU want to go natural.

If those ladies would of came into my thread with the opposite of their wordings (i.e. ' Yeah girl go 'head and relax them naps' or 'Yes, I think you should relax it because you never know how it would turn out ) -- I would not run out and buy a Olive Oil box perm and slap it on my roots, because these wonderful ladies told me to. It doesn't work like that.

I never heard of the 15 year old girl who killed herself, I'm guessing because of her hair. Yes, that is sad & it sounds like she had pressures and insecurites about herself -- this is a whole new era right now, so I could see how some people get bamboozled and feel pressure off of what society, etc. exudes.

hippychic · 07-23-2010, 06:32 PM

the young woman died from an illness unexpectedly. she didn't kill herself.

Suburbanbushbabe · 07-23-2010, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cali Chik

It's sad that Natural hair is considered a hard decision but using dangerous chemicals to straighten isn't.

It's sad that we have to go through so much just to learn and understand our hair at all. It's crazy how much we don't know about our hair because we've spent most of our lives destroying it.

Preach. I don't see posts on other hair boards from relaxed heads saying "I can't take this anymore I'm going natural". Women forget it took a lifetime to learn how to work with chemically altered hair. It takes time to learn to work with naturally curly hair.

I think also some of these women just cave under the negative pressure, both from the outside and inside their heads.

pretebrowneyes · 07-24-2010, 08:18 AM

I guess I'm the lone wolf in this one. I liken women posting the "I don't know if I can do this" threads to any friend reaching out on a decision that they know is good for them...but is giving them a headache (going back to school, weightloss, quitting smoking, etc). Now, if the same posters were in and out every month with posts like these...I can see the annoyance. But I can totally understand, relate, and support someone who is having a hard time dealing with their natural decision and needs some encouragement. That's why forums like this one exist, IMHO.

No, I'm not saying I'm for being someone's cheerleader at all times...but I am for helping a sister out who may have a bad hair day, week or month and needs some guidance. I don't post a lot, so you won't see responses from me on those threads...but I totally can relate and wish anyone who is doubting their beautiful hair the best.

Cali Chik · 07-24-2010, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Louie

At the end of the day I do want I want to do, not what anyone else want or told me to do. Hair is seriously not a big deal because you can go bald tomorrow without no reasonable explaination; it happens, hair is a part of you; & you make decisions based on you: what color YOU want it, how YOU want to cut it, how YOU want to style, and the big convo of today the illusion of hair & the decision of if YOU want to go natural.

If those ladies would of came into my thread with the opposite of their wordings (i.e. ' Yeah girl go 'head and relax them naps' or 'Yes, I think you should relax it because you never know how it would turn out ) -- I would not run out and buy a Olive Oil box perm and slap it on my roots, because these wonderful ladies told me to. It doesn't work like that.

I never heard of the 15 year old girl who killed herself, I'm guessing because of her hair. Yes, that is sad & it sounds like she had pressures and insecurites about herself -- this is a whole new era right now, so I could see how some people get bamboozled and feel pressure off of what society, etc. exudes.

I don't think the girl killed herself. She was sick.

But anyway, I didn't think your thread was all that bad. You were very open and you were obviously seeking advice. But there is another thread where some chick basically says she's been natural for 8 years and and is gonna go get a relaxer. If the chick wanted help she would have asked for it. She didn't want help. She just either wanted to start some sh*t or be an attention whore.

You made a thread and got a lot of info and it was apparent you actually wanted a help and a discussion. Nice ppl offered it. I didn't cuz I honestly think it's a phase that ppl realize that this is more than a hair transition but a mental one as well. You've come to terms with your "Good Hair/Bad Hair" demons meaning that you actually had to face the fact that you have issues with hair being looser or kinkier and the surprise that you are closer to a kink than you may have thought. It's a hard thing to really come to terms with especially if you feel that you're already a pretty conscious and aware person in regards to the whole "Good hair/bad hair" thing only to realize you still have hang ups.

It doesn't make you a bad person or anything it's just apart of the natural hair journey.

ebzonix · 07-24-2010, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlylcp

I haven't been on here frequently in a while, but for some reason I am still a little surprised that there are still "about to go back to relaxers/I can't take this anymore/ my hair is not they way I thought it would be" posts every other post.

Natural hair is a decision, in my opinion, a mature one. There is enough information out there for you to know that it is not an overnight process.

YES, your hair may be hard to detangle, YES your hair may be "nappier" than you thought, YES, your hair may not grow down to your butt in a year. YES, you may not have big hair or curlynikki curls, or hair that is all the same texture...but it is your hair. Hair that grows out of your head and was made just for you. If you can't deal- then go back to a relaxer or whatever method that makes you happy. But coming on here to get confirmation that you are making the right decision will only get you so far. The ladies are supportive and will make recommendations, but you have to be secure with who you are and happy with your OWN choice. It is easy to get caught up in the "hype" of natural hair now, but know that all those women you see with BAAs or hair down to their waists made a decision to stick with through the ups and downs. Nothing is easy and if you are looking for an easy way, then yes, maybe natural hair is not for you. Life is way too short to be dwelling on your dang hair all day everyday.
[End rant]

amen

aubin · 07-24-2010, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cali Chik

It's sad that Natural hair is considered a hard decision but using dangerous chemicals to straighten isn't.

Well put. Maybe this should be the standard response to the "having second thoughts" posts.

Louie · 07-24-2010, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cali Chik

Quote:

Originally Posted by Louie

At the end of the day I do want I want to do, not what anyone else want or told me to do. Hair is seriously not a big deal because you can go bald tomorrow without no reasonable explaination; it happens, hair is a part of you; & you make decisions based on you: what color YOU want it, how YOU want to cut it, how YOU want to style, and the big convo of today the illusion of hair & the decision of if YOU want to go natural.

If those ladies would of came into my thread with the opposite of their wordings (i.e. ' Yeah girl go 'head and relax them naps' or 'Yes, I think you should relax it because you never know how it would turn out ) -- I would not run out and buy a Olive Oil box perm and slap it on my roots, because these wonderful ladies told me to. It doesn't work like that.

I never heard of the 15 year old girl who killed herself, I'm guessing because of her hair. Yes, that is sad & it sounds like she had pressures and insecurites about herself -- this is a whole new era right now, so I could see how some people get bamboozled and feel pressure off of what society, etc. exudes.

I don't think the girl killed herself. She was sick.

But anyway, I didn't think your thread was all that bad. You were very open and you were obviously seeking advice. But there is another thread where some chick basically says she's been natural for 8 years and and is gonna go get a relaxer. If the chick wanted help she would have asked for it. She didn't want help. She just either wanted to start some sh*t or be an attention whore.

You made a thread and got a lot of info and it was apparent you actually wanted a help and a discussion. Nice ppl offered it. I didn't cuz I honestly think it's a phase that ppl realize that this is more than a hair transition but a mental one as well. You've come to terms with your "Good Hair/Bad Hair" demons meaning that you actually had to face the fact that you have issues with hair being looser or kinkier and the surprise that you are closer to a kink than you may have thought. It's a hard thing to really come to terms with especially if you feel that you're already a pretty conscious and aware person in regards to the whole "Good hair/bad hair" thing only to realize you still have hang ups.

It doesn't make you a bad person or anything it's just apart of the natural hair journey.

oh, I think your talking about T'neil that died; that's crazy, her family said she was ill for like a week and the next she was gone. I didn't read about her on BGLH though that curlylcp was talking about; i'll check that out.