I use protective styles as a crutch

The other day I was having a conversation with an acquaintance who basically asked me why I was so ashamed of my hair that I rarely wear it out. I told her that I'm in braids(with my own hair) 97% of the time, because I'm trying to reach length goals and to do this I must protect my hair. However when I went home, I thought about it further and I've realized that I cannot handle my loose hair. I don't hate my hair texture but I just have not learned how to handle it in the 15 months that I have been natural, because I constantly use protective styles to avoid dealing with it.

Whenever I wear it out, its extremely dry and breaking by the end of the day although it was moisturized at the beginning. I henna with reshma(once a month), I shampoo with African black soap(once a month), I condition with desert essences coconut conditioner(once a week), I moisturize with qhemets amla and olive heavy cream and komaza care shea butter lotion(every week), and seal with komaza care moku butter and qhemet's olive and honey hydrating balm(every week), and I deep condition with mozeke's hair masque(every month.).

I feel like I'm doing everything right product wise but it seems like my hair is never happy. . Can y'all please help me find techniques /products that would allow me to wear my hair out more without dryness by the end of the day. I feel as though I shouldn't be remoisturizing everyday and that I must be doing something wrong as from most of the posts I've read a lot of ladies can go 2+ days without having to moisturize again.

Hair stats:
  • high porosity
  • coarse stands(majority of my hair) and fine strands at my nape
  • medium density
  • hates Shea butter alone
  • dislikes cones/petroleum

Last edited by Demebear; 03-19-2011 at 08:17 PM.
I really do understand what you mean. I would love to help you but i am just now getting started too...but I would suggest if you do not get any replies in the section, I would go over to 4a just because it usually a lot more people over there.

Good luck!
The other day I was having a conversation with an acquaintance who basically asked me why I was so ashamed of my hair that I rarely wear it out. I told her that I'm in braids(with my own hair) 97% of the time, because I'm trying to reach length goals and to do this I must protect my hair. However when I went home I thought about it further and I've realized that I cannot handle my loose hair. I don't hate my hair texture but I just have not learned how to handle it in the 15 months that I have been natural, because I constantly use protective styles to hide my hair.

Whenever I wear it out, its so dry and breaking by the end of the day. I henna with reshma(once a month), I shampoo with African black soap(once a month), I condition with desert essences coconut conditioner(once a week), I moisturize with qhemets amla and olive heavy cream and komaza care shea butter lotion(every week), and seal with komaza care moku butter and qhemet's olive and honey hydrating balm(every week), and I deep condition with mozeke's hair masque(every month.).

I feel like I'm doing everything right products wise but it seems like my hair is never happy. When I moisturize and seal and then braid and do a braid-out my hair moisturized for the day, but I cannot just do that with just detangled hair. Can y'all please help me find /products that will allow me to wear my hair out more without relying on my protective style as a crutch?

Hair stats:
  • high porosity
  • coarse stands(majority of my hair) and fine strands at my nape
  • medium density
  • hates Shea butter alone
  • dislikes cones/petroleum
Originally Posted by Demebear
I would suggest mixing some condish & water & using a spray bottle throughout the day. Your hair sounds like it needs major conditioning since it's dry & breaking. & It's not good for your hair to be in tight braids all the time, that can cause breakage & pulling hair tight is bad for it at the root.
as of 6/12/11.

COwash- Suave Juicy Apple.
Rinse-out- VO5 Passion Fruit Moisture Milks.

Recovering from a bad glue-in extension job.
thanks for responding! Would a water/glycerin mix be sufficient rather than conditioner and water because I get buildup very easily.

Last edited by Demebear; 03-19-2011 at 08:12 PM.
thanks for responding! Would a water/glycerin mix be sufficient rather than conditioner and water because I get buildup very easily.
Originally Posted by Demebear
I don't know where you are from, but it's really cold and dry where I am now and glycerin + water might dry your hair out more since there is not water for the glycerin to take from the environment.

BACK TO YOUR ORIGINAL TOPIC
When you say "out" do you mean "out" as in a braid out or out as a wash and go? If I'm wearing my hair in a wash and go I have to re-moisturize every day (water + peppermint oil for smell or Jane Carter's spray leave in) since I need to fluff it back up after bed time. If I'm wearing a braid out or a twist out, I re-moisturize less because I find too many products weigh my hair down and make it less big and fluffy.

I sounds like you aren't deep conditioning enough. Maybe try increasing it to once every 2 weeks? Cut back on the henna as well (once every 2 months), depending on the head of hair, it can be extremely drying.


Last relaxer: August 2008
Big Chop: December 2008/January 2009

Blog: Alice in Nappyland
I agree with Alice...you may need to up your deep conditioning. When I first started out I had the same dryness issue when I was deep conditioning 1x a month. I know DC once a week with my hair therapy wrap and my hair is in great shape. I moisturize daily when my hair is just out in a fro to fluff it back up. When its in a twist out, I moisturize my ends every 2 days or so.
last perm ~ late May 2009
BC'd ~ July 1, 2009

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@ alice_42 and dearheart15: By out styles I mean twistouts/braidouts. I cannot do wash and gos without my hair matting something terrible. I'll moisturize and seal and then braid/twist, then in the morning I'll take them out but its always crispy by the time I come home from school which would be around 3.

So the maximum my hair can stay moisturized is around 8 hours. I'll definately try deep conditioning more often. Maybe even every week. Hopefully this will get my moisture balance in check. Also the only reason why I henna once a month was that I thought henna acted like a protein treatment and since my hair is constantly breaking, I was thinking I needed the protein. I'll try every 2 months.
If there is buildup..no amount of moisturising will help..
Qhemets heavy cream alone can make my freshly washed hair soft and moisturised for up to 5days.

Do you clarify? What with? How often?
http://coilyas123.blogspot.com

Coily, Kinky & Nappy.
I don't clarify whatsoever. Would it help to do that?
It might help to try that.
Do a proper DC
Then follow up with the other recommendations for moisturising.
http://coilyas123.blogspot.com

Coily, Kinky & Nappy.
Idk if it will help, but I'd say just try clarifying 1x a month to start, since it seems like you use a lot of product.

Here is Chicoro's recipe for adding moisture:
Ingredients:
    • cup of aloe vera
    • 1-2 tablespoons of oil
    • 1 tablespoon of vegetable glycerin
    • 1-3 drops of rosemary essential oil (optional)
    • 1-3 drops of sage essential oil (optional)
    • 1-3 drops of basil essential oil (optional)
    • Liquid panthenol (optional)

1. Mix all the ingredients together. You can even place them in a spray bottle. Spray the mixture on your freshly rinsed hair.

2. Work the leave -in mixture into your hair from root to tip.

3. Do not rinse out this mixture.

4. Style your natural hair as usual.
I haven't DC'd in months and my hair doesn't seem to miss it at all.

OP, I think that you need to get your hair wet more often. Personally, I shampoo once every 1/2 weeks...but even if you're not cleansing you may want to try co-washing or rinsing more. Water is the best moisturizer.

What are you sealing your QB Amla with? For me, the QB Burdock is for moisture only--I have to lock that in with an oil for my hair to really get the benefits. Maybe the Amla is the same.

Other than that...it sounds like you should work on the way you view your hair...what you expect it to do. I know A LOT of people (I used to be one) who "PS" to protect their delicate sensibilities rather than their actual hair. Loose, big natural hair isn't easily tamed...you can't really lasso it into a semblance of "relaxation". The fact that you've realized why you were PSing is a good start How's that saying go? The first step to recovery is acknowledgment? Bon courage!
I use baking soda once every month to clarify and get any build-up off my scalp. Works like a charm. It can be very drying though so if you think of using it, DC afterwards and use ACV as a rinse to close cuticle strand.
Texture: Fine
Porosity: High
Elasticity: Normal
Density: Thick
Curl Type: 4b

BC on April 20, 2010


I had terrible dryness and breakage issues with my hair and it all started when I started using henna. I chopped off the henna and now my hair is great. Im not telling you to cut but if I were you, I would consider halting the henna and upping your deep conditioning. Like the others said you may have product build up. So a good clarifying shampoo may be what saves your hair. Good luck!
"How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge? If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you." Proverbs 1:22-23
AND PROUD!
BC: 2/16/08
Second BC: 12/22/10
Goal Length: MBL Curly

http://www.fotki.com/afrodominican1
Princess Tiara, Guardian of the Crystal Heart of the Indigo Seas, in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
I have been thinking henna is the culprit because the breakage is simply ridiculous ever since I used it. I'm going to take out my braids as soon as I get my shampoo and conditioner shipment. I'm just going to focus on moisture, and possibly I'll try out the mozeke protein treatment if I feel as though I need a protein. I'm just mad because I have 5 boxes of unused henna.
I haven't DC'd in months and my hair doesn't seem to miss it at all.

OP, I think that you need to get your hair wet more often. Personally, I shampoo once every 1/2 weeks...but even if you're not cleansing you may want to try co-washing or rinsing more. Water is the best moisturizer.

What are you sealing your QB Amla with? For me, the QB Burdock is for moisture only--I have to lock that in with an oil for my hair to really get the benefits. Maybe the Amla is the same.


Other than that...it sounds like you should work on the way you view your hair...what you expect it to do. I know A LOT of people (I used to be one) who "PS" to protect their delicate sensibilities rather than their actual hair. Loose, big natural hair isn't easily tamed...you can't really lasso it into a semblance of "relaxation". The fact that you've realized why you were PSing is a good start How's that saying go? The first step to recovery is acknowledgment? Bon courage!
Originally Posted by AmberBrown
I seal the amla and olive heavy cream with either the olive and honey hydrating balm or komaza care's moku hair butter. You are so right about how I view my hair. I'm working on learning how to handle it and accepting that I can't just put it in a puff and go. It's not meant that simple and I need to stop being lazy and actually deal with it.
I second, third, and fourth the suggestion that henna is the problem. If your strands are coarse, you likely don't need that extra protein. I wouldn't say stop, but cut back.

My hair started retaining length better when I did what AmberBrown said (getting my hair wet more), and also when I started deep conditioning every 1-2 weeks. So I don't know exactly what helped. Good luck finding out moisture balance!
last relaxer 08/08/09
all natural since 7/30/10


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