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Old 07-26-2011, 07:30 PM   #61
 
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The LADY had the nerve to feel offended by her reaction?! What . . . . what in the world is wrong with people?
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Old 07-26-2011, 07:44 PM   #62
 
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The way she grabbed her hair was so intense, she straight felt up her scalp. She said that if her hand was on her a$$, she woulda grabbed a whole lot of cheek.
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Old 07-26-2011, 07:51 PM   #63
 
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And the other lady was wondering WHY she was offended? Really are people this dense to the issue of people's personal space?

How do you react to something like that? Is there a proper way? I'm really boggled by this right now.
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Old 07-27-2011, 07:50 PM   #64
 
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It's about boundaries. Your hair is part of your body. Emphasis on your. Permission should be granted before random lady goes feeling up your hair and/or scalp.
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Old 07-27-2011, 09:34 PM   #65
 
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Wowwww. This woman (she was black) who works at my college decided to touch my head and pat me like a little dog when she was done talking to me about something. I literally cringed. I hate that! Ugh. I really don't like when people touch my hair...it makes me uncomfortable. This one kid (he was white with ginger hair) just reached out and put his hands in my hair asking how I got my hair like it was (uhm, it grows like that?), I slapped/twisted his arm away. Its a natural reaction to people doing that. Smh. It buggs me.
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Old 07-28-2011, 12:47 AM   #66
 
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I agree that it's more about people not respecting other people's personal space and just being outright rude...

I'm from the Dominican Republic but my hair isn't very "spanish"... I frequently get the "you can't be Latina wit that kind of hair" nonsense. Idc honestly because I love my hair just the way it is, but it's pretty bad sometimes. Once during my transition I needed to get my hair done for an interview and unfortunately the salon where I frequented was closed for whatever reason so I decided to try a different one. The stylist (also Latina) saw my curly roots, which I had under a scarf, and immediately suggested I get a relaxer. I politely explained to her that I didn't want one for personal reasons, but she insisted that no one could possibly manage my hair without a relaxer. After I told her that I normally went to the salon down the street she decided it was worth a shot (probably hoping to win over a new customer). As she starts washing my hair she comments on how incredibly soft my hair was and "jokingly" said how she half expected for her hands to get scratched up when she stuck her hand in there. I only stayed out of sheer desperation... Needless to say it wasn't a good experience and I never returned to that salon. Not only was she incredibly rude (her coworkers as well) but she flat ironed my hair on the highest possible setting... It was weeks before my hair stopped smelling like it was burning!

Anyway my point was that a lot of people do things like that simply because they aren't familiar wit our hair. So they'll comment on it, stare at it and even go as far as to touch it; but that doesn't make it ok. It's rude and inappropriate. Don't do it!

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Old 07-28-2011, 09:48 AM   #67
 
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No one can say why any of these hair violations happen for sure, whether it's curiosity, white privilege, or something deeper, but another thing that irritates me is the fact that natural Black hair (or curly hair in general) is seen as so exotic.

What rock are people living under that they've never seen an Afro before? And we won't even start with those Rasta hats that have fake locs attached... :-/

...and side note, I think tigers are interesting to look at, but I'm not going to reach out and pet one because that would be stupid.
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Old 07-28-2011, 10:11 AM   #68
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evelynnalfred View Post
No one can say why any of these hair violations happen for sure, whether it's curiosity, white privilege, or something deeper, but another thing that irritates me is the fact that natural Black hair (or curly hair in general) is seen as so exotic.

What rock are people living under that they've never seen an Afro before? And we won't even start with those Rasta hats that have fake locs attached... :-/

...and side note, I think tigers are interesting to look at, but I'm not going to reach out and pet one because that would be stupid.
Ah, at the tiger comment. LOL!
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Old 07-28-2011, 11:08 AM   #69
 
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I had a guy at work go to pull on a twist. I screamed him out and this fool told me it's only my hair, it's not like it was my face. Then...it got ugly. After sharing some more choice words with him he never so much as looked at me again.

I'm old school. Keep your hands to yourself, don't get in my personal business and don't touch any of my belongings.

I swear I just tweeted this yesterday:

Having #natural hair does not mean free for all touchy feely. Do you let random folks touch your body? I think not.
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Old 07-28-2011, 01:46 PM   #70
 
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Ok, there are too many people who said this to really quote them all but I want to respond to people who are claiming that uninvited hair touching only happens to people of a specific race, and that only people of a different race touch hair without permission.

In my admittedly limited experience, neither of these statements are accurate. I have been mistaken for the following races: African-American, Latino (Mexican, Cuban, and Brazilian), Asian (Mongolian), Russian, Pacific Islander (Polynesian), and Caucasian. I am of Mediterranean descent. My hair is 3b-3c. It gets touched all the time by people (male and female, adult and child) of all different races.

When I see a person with amazing hair (curly, kinky, straight, wavy, real, fake, locs, whatever) one word goes through my head: SHINEY! I immediately want to touch. Luckily for me (and them), I am neither a kitten, nor a 3-year-old child, and my mommy taught me to keep my hands to myself.
I guess some mommies don't teach their children about personal space, and those children grow up to be rude people who grab our hair in the elevator. Ignorance, rudeness and unkindness come in every skin color and speak every language.


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Old 07-28-2011, 02:15 PM   #71
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JewelCurls View Post
Ok, there are too many people who said this to really quote them all but I want to respond to people who are claiming that uninvited hair touching only happens to people of a specific race, and that only people of a different race touch hair without permission.

In my admittedly limited experience, neither of these statements are accurate. I have been mistaken for the following races: African-American, Latino (Mexican, Cuban, and Brazilian), Asian (Mongolian), Russian, Pacific Islander (Polynesian), and Caucasian. I am of Mediterranean descent. My hair is 3b-3c. It gets touched all the time by people (male and female, adult and child) of all different races.

When I see a person with amazing hair (curly, kinky, straight, wavy, real, fake, locs, whatever) one word goes through my head: SHINEY! I immediately want to touch. Luckily for me (and them), I am neither a kitten, nor a 3-year-old child, and my mommy taught me to keep my hands to myself.
I guess some mommies don't teach their children about personal space, and those children grow up to be rude people who grab our hair in the elevator. Ignorance, rudeness and unkindness come in every skin color and speak every language.


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It might not be your experience but it is the experience of others, so maybe reserve the "inaccurate" judgement?
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Old 07-28-2011, 05:01 PM   #72
 
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It will be a joyous time when these articles about black folks stop. I'm so tired of these news outlets' unhealthy obsession with us that every damn month their is a whack article about black folks. Very few or if any articles come out about other non-white people. But with black folks? The stories they cook up barely stay on the presses. I wonder what it's going to be next month? Last month we are ugly and give birth to jacked up babies. This month it's hair again. Maybe they'll pull out another old meme they like to discuss, such as how we're all uneducated and live in poverty. Or maybe it'll be another whack t.v. panel discussion about black issues featuring Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Or CNN might do an all new ill informed "Black in America" series. The possibilities for more rehashed 'Black people suck' dirt garbage are so endless.

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Old 07-28-2011, 11:04 PM   #73
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JewelCurls View Post
Ok, there are too many people who said this to really quote them all but I want to respond to people who are claiming that uninvited hair touching only happens to people of a specific race, and that only people of a different race touch hair without permission.

In my admittedly limited experience, neither of these statements are accurate. I have been mistaken for the following races: African-American, Latino (Mexican, Cuban, and Brazilian), Asian (Mongolian), Russian, Pacific Islander (Polynesian), and Caucasian. I am of Mediterranean descent. My hair is 3b-3c. It gets touched all the time by people (male and female, adult and child) of all different races.

When I see a person with amazing hair (curly, kinky, straight, wavy, real, fake, locs, whatever) one word goes through my head: SHINEY! I immediately want to touch. Luckily for me (and them), I am neither a kitten, nor a 3-year-old child, and my mommy taught me to keep my hands to myself.
I guess some mommies don't teach their children about personal space, and those children grow up to be rude people who grab our hair in the elevator. Ignorance, rudeness and unkindness come in every skin color and speak every language.


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you are sooo right about this! i am immensely attracted to curly hair. i had a classmate in high school who was italian and had the PRETTIEST boingiest curls and i pulled one...she told me to stop but i HAD TO boing it again because it was calling me!!!

well she fussed me out and i deserved it but those curls felt so good in my fingers!!!

but in essence to me it's no different than a man grabbing at a woman as she's passing on the street because he's like "ooh d-cup breasts" and grabby grab he goes. that's a no no.
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Old 07-28-2011, 11:33 PM   #74
 
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[/QUOTE]

It might not be your experience but it is the experience of others, so maybe reserve the "inaccurate" judgement?[/QUOTE]

I was not trying to belittle the experience of other people, but to share mine. What I object to is folk saying that rude hair-groping is a purely one-way highway from white people to black people. I offered my own experience as an example to show that this overgeneralization is inaccurate. This way, while you or other posters on this forum may have never experienced black people touching white people's hair, you can know that it does happen somewhere else in the world, and have your body of knowledge expanded thereby.


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Old 07-29-2011, 12:40 AM   #75
 
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And just today a woman reached for my hair at Valumarket. Small world!
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Old 07-29-2011, 05:14 AM   #76
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JewelCurls View Post
Ok, there are too many people who said this to really quote them all but I want to respond to people who are claiming that uninvited hair touching only happens to people of a specific race, and that only people of a different race touch hair without permission.

In my admittedly limited experience, neither of these statements are accurate. I have been mistaken for the following races: African-American, Latino (Mexican, Cuban, and Brazilian), Asian (Mongolian), Russian, Pacific Islander (Polynesian), and Caucasian. I am of Mediterranean descent. My hair is 3b-3c. It gets touched all the time by people (male and female, adult and child) of all different races.

When I see a person with amazing hair (curly, kinky, straight, wavy, real, fake, locs, whatever) one word goes through my head: SHINEY! I immediately want to touch. Luckily for me (and them), I am neither a kitten, nor a 3-year-old child, and my mommy taught me to keep my hands to myself.
I guess some mommies don't teach their children about personal space, and those children grow up to be rude people who grab our hair in the elevator. Ignorance, rudeness and unkindness come in every skin color and speak every language.


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Quote:
Originally Posted by coilynapp View Post

It might not be your experience but it is the experience of others, so maybe reserve the "inaccurate" judgement?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JewelCurls View Post
I was not trying to belittle the experience of other people, but to share mine. What I object to is folk saying that rude hair-groping is a purely one-way highway from white people to black people. I offered my own experience as an example to show that this overgeneralization is inaccurate. This way, while you or other posters on this forum may have never experienced black people touching white people's hair, you can know that it does happen somewhere else in the world, and have your body of knowledge expanded thereby.


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Generally speaking, generalizing is a bad idea. I will give you that point. You're right, it is impossible for EVERY white person EVERYwhere to have this entitled attitude towards peoples who are different from them. I can think of a few that I know personally--all of whom are more than welcome to touch my hair because I know them but wouldn't dream of petting a random black girl like a poodle because she's an "oddity". Equally, logic and numbers dictate that there have to be SOME black women SOMEwhere floating around, rubbing their hands through white women's hair without permission. I've never met them, but I'm more than willing to admit that I don't know all the black people on the planet. Here we can agree. No group is all one way.

That said, there is a disturbing trend among white people to feel a right to everything. As someone above said, it does trace back to privilege. White privilege. By simple virtue of the fact that black people haven't had the same historical privileges as whites, most of them don't feel entitled to things in the same way many whites do. This entitlement can and does manifest itself in the world of hair.

Whether you, personally, acknowledge the trend or not doesn't mean it's not real. I appreciate your attempt to expand my "body of knowledge". I hope you take this opportunity to broaden your own horizons. I'm surrounded by a pretty diverse body of people on the day to day. I've had the opportunity to observe the way different people react to different things. And I have overwhelmingly noticed a white tendency to indulge in their "curiosity" when people of other races would refrain. *kanyeshrug* Make of that what you will.

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Old 07-29-2011, 06:06 AM   #77
 
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And just today a woman reached for my hair at Valumarket. Small world!
What did you do?
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Old 07-29-2011, 07:55 AM   #78
 
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I hate it when people want to touch my hair because they are "curious" or want to know if it's real, etc. But a couple of times, if I see a friend being fascinated with my hair, I will be like, "Haha, wanna touch it?"

It depends on the situation, my mood, the person, and their intentions. If they want to touch it because they are being ignorant, stupid, rude, whatever, then NO. But if they are really nice and seem genuinely in love with my hair, I will let them.

I don't really have the urge to touch other people's hair. EXCEPT for little babies with natural hair. Fluffy TWA's on babies are so cute. I bet their hair is the softest hair ever. I just want to snuggle with them. But I don't because that would creep the parents out. Hahaha.
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Old 07-29-2011, 09:48 AM   #79
 
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One thing I find funny is the inflammatory remark said to the touched woman: "you should be flattered". Don't get me wrong, I would be angry if someone said that to me in the same context. I find it funny because that is what I say to myself to comfort myself after having my hair touched without my permission: "OK, JewelCurls, that hurt and it was rude, but I guess you should be flattered, because at least they did not recoil in horror." I wonder why it does not bother me when I say it to myself?


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Last edited by JewelCurls; 07-30-2011 at 10:43 PM.
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