The New & Improved Say It I Dare You

Like Tree15450Likes

I brought up the mods and/or other posters because I figured if one or more of us (posters) stumbles on a curl-bashing post, it'd be easy to just post a link informing that poster what s/he just did. Wouldn't have to really wait around for the mods.

Danm straight they don't like to be reminded, but I honestly don't care how they feel, I was thinking the real purpose of calling them out on it would be that the gesture of calling the person out shows respect to posters who were unwittingly the target of such a comment - the very posters who come to this site and often have to read that anti-curly insulting ish over and over again.

What if a reminder of their crap behavior might even make 2% of them actually think about how their behavior affects others? A small victory, but a victory. I know it'd make me feel good to be one click away from a link to quickly post for offenders, instead of feeling compelled to explain over and over again, to each poster, how s/he is being offensive to a huge portion of our curl community ... or just staring at the post in disgust, then moving on w/a bad taste in my mouth while mostly no one calls the poster out on it.
lori.mattox likes this.
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums
As if you couldn't tell, I'm sick of the anti-Afro remarks, as much as I'm sick of general anti-curly remarks here or when I'm not at this site. Anyone think there should be a rule at this site against making disparaging, general remarks against a hair type, or is that going overboard and creating (more?) unwanted/unneeded censorship ... or just more derision?

I ask this because I'm fantasizing about approaching the mods with some idea about a guideline against remarks against a general hair type. Found another remark in the Hall of Shame forum, ironically. What if offenders simply got a reminder post (with a link to the guideline)? Nothing fancy, just some gentle reminder that they're being an anti-curl troll without realizing it. Mods could link it, or maybe posters could link it. Thoughts?
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
Korkscrew, I encourage anyone to contact me via pm with their concerns and I will handle it from there.
Would you, in addition, consider a general, posted guideline about this, including a link?

(I'll PM you now for a personal response to this question ... )
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums
I don't think there should be a rule against it because it helps me to see people's true colors and I know who to avoid. There have been people on here through the years that wouldn't get a response from me no matter what thread they started because of their general anti type 4 or type 4 is inferior attitude. Not saying everyone in certain sections is like that but I choose to avoid some sections because I don't want to be ticked off.
Transitioning is better than it used to be so I still go there sometimes. People would say they don't want to go natural unless they can be sure they'll have loose curls aka good hair which is a slap in the face to those of us who have tight curls like our hair is ugly. If someone doesn't like kinky hair then keep it cracking. No complaint from me. They don't have to insult people. Terms like "nappy" and "slave hair" i find offensive but shouldn't be banned. There was some chick in transitioning that made a Kunta Kinte hair reference about her hair. She thought it was funny. I didn't. I went off on her adthomas style which is no cursing or name calling but I make my point. People who don't like being called out need to find their big girl panties. Matter fact, there is a backhanded insult thread on 4 that irks me but I didn't respond because I looked up other threads by the Op and decided not worth my time.
AdT, I'm going to respectfully disagree with you on this one. Now I think my opinion on this is clearer. Honestly, I don't think people who discriminate can hide their prejudices over time, and regardless, if I find out someone is prejudice later in the game, fine. I'll deal with them at that point (there were probably clues along the way anyhow). There will always be closeted discriminators and I'm less concerned about what people privately think, and more concerned about how their actions - to include the creation of insulting BS posts - unnecessarily and negatively affect curly-haired people at a site created to empower people with curly hair.

This is less a call for censorship as it is an idea about informing folks (with a link leading back to a general guideline) that they need to respect all parts of the curly community while they're posting at this site ... regardless of how open or closeted that discriminator is, or how little or how much s/he tends to discriminate against other people on the whole. The bigger message is: We at NC.com are respectful enough of ALL our curly haired members, that we - the staff - are willing to post such a guideline. The fact that other members would be empowered to post that link when necessary is further reinforcement of the respect we show ourselves and fellow members.
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums

Last edited by Korkscrew; 12-05-2013 at 01:58 PM.
AdT, I'm going to respectfully disagree with you on this one. Now I think my opinion on this is clearer. Honestly, I don't think people who discriminate can hide their prejudices over time, and regardless, if I find out someone is prejudice later in the game, fine. I'll deal with them at that point (there were probably clues along the way anyhow). There will always be closeted discriminators and I'm less concerned about what people privately think, and more concerned about how their actions - to include the creation of insulting BS posts - unnecessarily and negatively affect curly-haired people at a site created to empower people with curly hair.

This is less a call for censorship as it is an idea about informing folks (with a link leading back to a general guideline) that they need to respect all parts of the curly community while they're posting at this site ... regardless of how open or closeted that discriminator is, or how little or how much s/he tends to discriminate against other people on the whole. The bigger message is: We at NC.com are respectful enough of ALL our curly haired members, that we - the staff - are willing to post such a guideline. The fact that other members would be empowered to post that link when necessary is further reinforcement of the respect we show ourselves and fellow members.
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
We have talked before about how neither or us has a problem with agreeing to disagree. The forum would be boring if we all thought alike.

I don't think anything that doesn't include cursing, a personal attack or name calling should be banned. If someone comes on here and says they think curly hair looks ugly then I defend their right to do so. What is "respectful" exactly. Is anyone who expresses dislike of curly hair being disrespectful? . I dislike the idea of a subjective censorship. Truth is Kork you and I are very similar in that we don't bite our tongues too much. I'm sure there are people who don't like what we say at times. Not that I care but I can easily see this being turned around.
But I also defend everyone else's right to respond to posts and feel that person can't do the whole everyone is picking on me crap. I hate when people start mess then try to play the victim. It could be that my opinion is partly I live in a part of the country where people tend to project one persona publically and have a different one behind closed doors. It is amazing what people will say when they think "we" are not within earshot. I don't like the whole see who they are over time. Honestly I would rather someone tell me upfront this is how he/she is. I respect that more than being shady. I don't deal with shade.
People in the real world don't generally like or support natural hair especially if you are of African descent so I have no expectation of an oasis or haven here on NC. If anything people can be helped by the negative comments to learn to toughen up and stop giving a crap so much about what other people think about how they choose to wear their hair. A cousin of mine told me she was thinking of going blonde and had asked her husband his opinion. He said "I don't like it but it's her head not mine". My feelings exactly.
Not everyone likes curly hair or kinky curly hair. We should not expect them too, even on NC. There is a difference between not liking something aesthetically and not liking it because of a socio political reason.

The bad thing about curly hair in the US is that it is associated with race and sometimes racism. Another thing that complicates matters is that for most type 3 hair, a bad hair day does resemble an afro. Not because an afro is bad, but for type 3, this means hair that completely lacks definition.

I think that until this site, many people never realized that there is beauty in an afro and there is nothing wrong with 4b hair or being associated with being black. A lot of it is ignorance. For many people, especially Anglo whites who grow up in homogeneous communities or.communities with the fear of others or black people or even blacks who grow up in predominantly black communities, curly hair is a negative and these posters bring that attitude to the NC forum. It isn't anyone's job to educate someone, but many times, people aren't always aware of how jacked up their views are until they meet others with different views.

I bring this up because I think this is the case, but then I do stay away from certain threads because it seems like if you have a different opinion than the majority, you're being an azzhat, instead of presenting a different perspective.

Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
adthomas and Blueblood like this.
3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
MCC

I read Whole Foods is selling Oyin but I'm in Nashville and don't see it. Do you know if they have it at the one on Magazine Street in NOLA?
MCC

I read Whole Foods is selling Oyin but I'm in Nashville and don't see it. Do you know if they have it at the one on Magazine Street in NOLA?
Originally Posted by adthomas
Idk. I don't live in New Orleans, but I.have a cousin who does and is fond of Whole Foods, so I'll ask her. I am supposed to go to New Orleans later this month, so I will keep an eye out.

Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
MCC

I read Whole Foods is selling Oyin but I'm in Nashville and don't see it. Do you know if they have it at the one on Magazine Street in NOLA?
Originally Posted by adthomas
Idk. I don't live in New Orleans, but I.have a cousin who does and is fond of Whole Foods, so I'll ask her. I am supposed to go to New Orleans later this month, so I will keep an eye out.

Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
Originally Posted by multicultcurly
Ok. I don't know why I thought you lived in New Orleans. Let me know. I will probably go after the holidays.
Most of my family lives 3.5 hours away from New Orleans, where I grew up. And I have some relatives that love there. Maybe that is why. Lol

Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
I am 32 Years old, and I have lived in 4 states. That seems a little crazy to me. Lol

Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
Kork?? Not like you to be this quiet especially after right being so upset. Me thinks something is up. PM me when you can.
Hey again, my friend. I just right now got back onto this site after being away for a couple days to manage a couple of offline family matters. I scampered over to this thread first thing and just read what all y'all wrote, so no worries, I've just been really busy offline. But thanks for your concern

I think you and MCC made excellent points (as usual) and I'm going to follow this post with another (response) post later today, after running some errands.
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums

We have talked before about how neither or us has a problem with agreeing to disagree. The forum would be boring if we all thought alike.
Originally Posted by adthomas
Yes, it would be boring indeed!

I don't think anything that doesn't include cursing, a personal attack or name calling should be banned. If someone comes on here and says they think curly hair looks ugly then I defend their right to do so. What is "respectful" exactly. Is anyone who expresses dislike of curly hair being disrespectful? I dislike the idea of a subjective censorship. Truth is Kork you and I are very similar in that we don't bite our tongues too much. I'm sure there are people who don't like what we say at times. Not that I care but I can easily see this being turned around.
Where I agree with you here is that there is an element of subjectivity in deciding what behavior is worthy of being held in check by mods at any given forum, or not. Obviously we both have strong opinions about this. Mine is based on the reactions I've seen many folks have over time, including my own, to some repetitive curl bashing remarks that generally go un-responded to at a pro-curly site. Since we know different forums have different mod rules set up around various types of speech/communication, there's obviously no one universal way of deeming what should be allowed or not on any given forum. Again, I've simply submitted my view around the repetitive, negative (largely) Afro-related comments, and think they should be actively moderated (to inform others of their impact on others here).

But I also defend everyone else's right to respond to posts and feel that person can't do the whole everyone is picking on me crap.
I'm also for relative freedom of speech in talk forums, but there's probably a reason moderators at this particular site don't allow everyone to have a free-for-all when it comes to certain provocative language (especially considering there are kids participating to this site). I'm also guessing, or hoping, they want a generally pro-curly milieu where ongoing curl-bashing is moderated instead of being ignored and therefore becoming an unstated part of NC's traditional, accepted behavior at the site.

I hate when people start mess then try to play the victim. It could be that my opinion is partly I live in a part of the country where people tend to project one persona publically and have a different one behind closed doors. It is amazing what people will say when they think "we" are not within earshot. I don't like the whole see who they are over time. Honestly I would rather someone tell me upfront this is how he/she is. I respect that more than being shady. I don't deal with shade.
See I've lived all over and think the whole country is like this, just in varying degrees. And I get you on the whole "not within earshot" thing. I live that, as someone for whom folks constantly draw giant assumptions about my "race" and then spew garbage about my people w/out understanding that I am one of "those people", which also means that, whether I like it or not, I get blindsided by shade all the time. They lay it, like a stink bomb, at my front door step at the strangest, most unlikely times. (I kick it back at them, but that's a whole other story )

People in the real world don't generally like or support natural hair especially if you are of African descent so I have no expectation of an oasis or haven here on NC. If anything people can be helped by the negative comments to learn to toughen up and stop giving a crap so much about what other people think about how they choose to wear their hair. A cousin of mine told me she was thinking of going blonde and had asked her husband his opinion. He said "I don't like it but it's her head not mine". My feelings exactly.
I'm not expecting an oasis. Just a pro-curly forum that reminds its less curly members that their curl-bashing comments aren't healthy at a pro-curly website. And that's what I mean by "respect" of our members.
adthomas likes this.
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums
Why thanks Korkscrew! I also value the insight AdT and you bring.

I've been on this forum for 10 years now.
I noticed when NC got into promoting chemical straightening treatments such as the Brazilian Blowout and Keratin treatments, the procurly sentiment from the owners of this site began to lessen. As I look back, they may have been in the early stages of selling the site to texturemedia. More ads advocating straightening began to appear. Even Michelle, a co-owner, got a Brazilian Blowout. Posters complained, but then the site's focus shifted from being a curly support group to more about the business' bottom line. Now that the money is moving toward type 4s and 3s going natural, the majority of the NC ads reflect that. I think the entire site is going through a transition phase.

Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
Korkscrew likes this.
3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
Thank you! I hadn't noticed things from that perspective but it sure does make a lot of sense. On a related note: I love that there are more 4 and 3 related ads lol
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums
I really think the vibe has changed over time. As a long time poster I really dislike how the 4 thread has fallen off so much from what 4a was. I sometimes read old 4a threads to remember how much fun we had. We talked about hair but not just that. We laughed, argued, made up. Shared our successes and our struggles. It was like a big family. In fact we were often accused of being too cliquelike although I disagree. There are different reasons why people bailed and I admit I am considering it.

Why thanks Korkscrew! I also value the insight AdT and you bring.

I've been on this forum for 10 years now.
I noticed when NC got into promoting chemical straightening treatments such as the Brazilian Blowout and Keratin treatments, the procurly sentiment from the owners of this site began to lessen. As I look back, they may have been in the early stages of selling the site to texturemedia. More ads advocating straightening began to appear. Even Michelle, a co-owner, got a Brazilian Blowout. Posters complained, but then the site's focus shifted from being a curly support group to more about the business' bottom line. Now that the money is moving toward type 4s and 3s going natural, the majority of the NC ads reflect that. I think the entire site is going through a transition phase.

Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using CurlTalk App
Originally Posted by multicultcurly
Zinnia likes this.
Well, time to be selfish a second: I hope you don't leave.

(But I'm gonna have to respect your decision if you do.)
Zinnia and adthomas like this.
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:50 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com