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I have lighter skin and it hasn't sheltered me from people making racist comments to my face or being asked questions like I'm the spokesperson for black people.
Originally Posted by adthomas
Spokesperson for Black people!!! You just spoke words from my own soul!

Ugh I remember when Paula Deen faced all that backlash over the N word and one of my coworkers from my last job asked me why Black people think it's okay to say it but they don't like when other people say it.


-__-.. How about you go take a survey and let me know!? I'm not the ambassador for my race jeez I know I represent it but I don't speak for it!
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I also want to say that I definitely know there's preference shown to lighter skin and more European features; however, I stand by my perception that that preference is shown by us, Black people.

No matter how much the Man might try and keep us down, he won't sell us something we ain't buyin.
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The ethnic preference for lighter skin females is likely similar to the White preference of blonde females.

Lightness is linked to being childlike as quite a lot of females get darker as they get older.
Originally Posted by Blueblood

Ethnic is definitely the right word; Black people aren't the only ones who display a preference for lighter skin. Asians and Hispanics do as well.
This is a really interesting discussion.
Originally Posted by adthomas
Agreed! You girls always enlighten me to new ideas/perspectives and it's pretty much always done very respectfully and intelligently. That's why I enjoy this forum so much.
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My dog died suddenly. I am so devastated heart broken. I just can't. It kills me absolutely kills me that I wasn't there that she didn't get to see my face one more time.
Originally Posted by gagirl09
I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is just the worst. You had no way of knowing this would happen while you were away. I hope you plan on doing something nice for yourself to help ease some of the pain. Maybe at some point you can do something to honor his/her life (even just a prayer of gratitude that s/he was a part of your life)? Well, just a couple suggestions, but I know everyone handles this in her own way so I'll stop acting like a mom now.
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My dog died suddenly. I am so devastated heart broken. I just can't. It kills me absolutely kills me that I wasn't there that she didn't get to see my face one more time.
Originally Posted by gagirl09
I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is just the worst. You had no way of knowing this would happen while you were away. I hope you plan on doing something nice for yourself to help ease some of the pain. Maybe at some point you can do something to honor his/her life (even just a prayer of gratitude that s/he was a part of your life)? Well, just a couple suggestions, but I know everyone handles this in her own way so I'll stop acting like a mom now.
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
No thank you. My mom had her cremated and it's up to me to decide what to do with her ashes. I know it sounds weird but I don't want to keep a box of ashes. However I saw some website that makes a diamond from your some of your pet ashes and you can make a necklace, etc. It's expensive and weird but I like that idea best. So I want to try and save up for it. It is a way to have her but be more "subtle" about it and I don't have to tell the story if I don't want to about it because will just think it's a diamond necklace. I just don't know what to do with all these pics of her I just want to delete them all because I don't want them around but I feel like that is so disrespectful to her. I'm mad at my mom because she knows how much I loved that dog and the way he told me was just a fail. Talking about doggy heaven and then switching subjects to talk about my car note (and that's a disastrous situation). She may feel awkward, guilty, or maybe it's not a big deal but I can't believe that last part because like I said she had her cremated because she just didn't or couldn't just let them dispose of the body like that. Yeah this is hard. I was just about to buy another pug in February and I'm wondering should I just switch breeds or something.
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I also want to say that I definitely know there's preference shown to lighter skin and more European features; however, I stand by my perception that that preference is shown by us, Black people.

No matter how much the Man might try and keep us down, he won't sell us something we ain't buyin.
Originally Posted by lovebonita
I respectfully disagree with only blaming blacks. How can the blame be placed squarely on blacks when the tendency toward Eurocentric appearance was first imposed by Europeans (not Africans, Asians, Latinos, or any other group that suffers as a result)? How are blacks solely responsible when whites continue to uphold and preserve harmful, self-serving Eurocentric policies and white-washed images?

Thanks to white society, many people really might NOT get a job anytime soon unless they do something to look "less threatening" or "more professional", like straighten their hair. White society has imposed hundreds of years of conditioning on all folks, placing all kinds of pressure on all of us to appear and act "white". That some or most of us weaken to the pressure is sad, but also understandable considering how much pressure there is to just give in. There's a reason I used to relax my hair and it has everything to do w/this whole issue. I wasn't just doing it to look "cute", even if that's the silly story I told myself at the time

At the same time, for those of us who have benefitted from white privilege (on any level), it's up to us to question and change the racist thinking, conditioning and privilege that negatively affects others (and ultimately, us). How can you truly appreciate things that aren't earned, or that come at the expense of someone else?

Lately I've noticed quite a few mono-racially white folks complaining about not having any "sense of culture". Well some of that loss comes from having stolen everything that aint nailed down then calling it your own. When you're occupying a nation that wasn't yours to take, and you've repackaged and sold shucking and jiving and twerking as your own product, and you can't live without regular tanning for an "exotic look" and you're reduced to pretending you're 1/16 "Indian princess" to distract from that fact that your people effed up the Indians, and you've fully appropriating Buddhism and Yoga - you know, re-making it in your own image ... yes, you'll start to feel like you don't have any more "white" culture.[/tangent]

This might sound over-simplified, but I think any entry point - even wearing coily or curly hair natural - can be a door for further work on cultural self-acceptance.
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I respectfully disagree with only blaming blacks. How can the blame be placed squarely on blacks when the tendency toward Eurocentric appearance was first imposed by Europeans (not Africans, Asians, Latinos, or any other group that suffers as a result)? How are blacks solely responsible when whites continue to uphold and preserve harmful, self-serving Eurocentric policies and white-washed images?
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
It's not that I blame Black people for the start of this whole Euro-preference movement. I understand history, but I think we took the idea and furthered it ourselves. From a business standpoint, I stand by my opinion that we're being sold what we ask for/prefer.

In advertising, movies, and television, focus groups are put together to determine a target market and then to determine what it would take to attract that target market. People are paid a lot of money to determine what would attract Black patrons. If we TRULY wanted change, it would HAVE to be reflected in what is marketed towards us. If we stopped straightening our hair, hair straightening products would cease to exist. Companies are not going to continue (indefinitely) to push a product that no one wants. If Black men stopped spouting that RIDICULOUS nonsense about only dating light skinned women, if Black women in general only bought magazines with dark skinned women on the covers and products with dark skinned women smiling at them, enticing them with THEIR beauty instead of something else, if we all stopped buying weave and skin bleach, this sh*t would have to go away. From a pure business standpoint, we would not be sold the light skinned dream if we didn't buy it.
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Wow- apparently I've been missing some good conversation in this thread! I do wish more conversations about race, etc. like this happened in my person to person, day to day life. There is very little chance of that happening here in my hometown though, so it's refreshing to have the exposure here and I'll continue attempting in real life. =)


gagirl09 My dog died suddenly. I am so devastated heart broken. I just can't. It kills me absolutely kills me that I wasn't there that she didn't get to see my face one more time.
gagirl09- I'm so sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine how you feel right now and wish that I had words of comfort. Instead I'm sitting here with full eyes not helping you out at all, but I do hope that comfort can be found for you in this time of need.
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Wow- apparently I've been missing some good conversation in this thread! I do wish more conversations about race, etc. like this happened in my person to person, day to day life. There is very little chance of that happening here in my hometown though, so it's refreshing to have the exposure here and I'll continue attempting in real life. =)

Originally Posted by lori.mattox
I know.. I NEVER get to get activist in real life!

JK I'm totally not an activist.. I just have a lot of feelings

It's not that I blame Black people for the start of this whole Euro-preference movement. I understand history, but I think we took the idea and furthered it ourselves. From a business standpoint, I stand by my opinion that we're being sold what we ask for/prefer.

In advertising, movies, and television, focus groups are put together to determine a target market and then to determine what it would take to attract that target market. People are paid a lot of money to determine what would attract Black patrons. If we TRULY wanted change, it would HAVE to be reflected in what is marketed towards us. If we stopped straightening our hair, hair straightening products would cease to exist. Companies are not going to continue (indefinitely) to push a product that no one wants. If Black men stopped spouting that RIDICULOUS nonsense about only dating light skinned women, if Black women in general only bought magazines with dark skinned women on the covers and products with dark skinned women smiling at them, enticing them with THEIR beauty instead of something else, if we all stopped buying weave and skin bleach, this sh*t would have to go away. From a pure business standpoint, we would not be sold the light skinned dream if we didn't buy it.
Originally Posted by lovebonita
OK I was blathering on about the problem whites first created, but if I understand you better now, you just covered some very specific ways blacks hurt blacks as a result of all that white oppression, and how that's up to black people to change. ... About how the black community has the power to dismantle white-washed businesses by no longer financially supporting them; that if commercial influences and images of the light-skinned dream can be removed from the community (by a basic boycott of products, as one of those means), people will stop buying into the dream itself(?)

Logistically the boycott plan sounds perfect to me, but the obstacle to it IMO is truly ironic: In order for people to give up white-washed products and services, they have to have already given up some part of the white-washed dream. What needs to happen for a lot more people to move away from all that brain-washed thinking?

... However it's happening, I DO get the sense racism and colorism issues are improving, but not enough, and just way, waywayway too slowly. And it just seems everyone from everywhere needs to work harder on ourselves and be more conscious about why we do what. Like Lori, I find these public discussions really, really valuable ... not only do I learn things, but I'm always secretly hoping some people are reading what all of us have to say and it's maybe making them think twice about race issues and choices. I often think twice after reading thread discussions like this.
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Last edited by Korkscrew; 01-03-2014 at 06:17 PM.
My dog died suddenly. I am so devastated heart broken. I just can't. It kills me absolutely kills me that I wasn't there that she didn't get to see my face one more time.
Originally Posted by gagirl09
I am sorry for your loss. I understand the pain of losing a furry family member. Do something to remember her, it may help the healing process.

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My dog died suddenly. I am so devastated heart broken. I just can't. It kills me absolutely kills me that I wasn't there that she didn't get to see my face one more time.
Originally Posted by gagirl09
I am sorry for your loss. I understand the pain of losing a furry family member. Do something to remember her, it may help the healing process.
Originally Posted by juanab
That is a great idea. Like maybe a donation to a shelter to help abandoned abused pets. They are always in need of food and supplies.. I am going to donate something to my local shelter in Sophie's honor. And I challenge my fellow curlies to try to give at least some food. .
I saw a video my male cousin commented on on FB. This girl, who was a local, was squatted down twerking and shaking her butt cheeks. The comments were all from men saying stuff like how good she is and she should do that on a d%$#. repulsive to me. Yet she writes 'thank you'. I can't understand these girls putting these videos and pictures out for everyone to see. No self respect and those guys are not going to want her for anything but sex when she acts like that. Not a wife or even a girlfriend.
Korkscrew: Yes! I get the history and I agree that there is division and preference for skin tone. But yes you totally got my point and honestly I don't even think there needs to be an official boycott, just a decision amongst our people to give up the hype.
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Wow, this is an extremely interesting convo! I agree, I wish I could have these stimulating conversations in real life. I wish I could put my 2 cents in, but I don't know where to start lol.
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Last edited by Samanthascurlz; 01-04-2014 at 08:03 AM. Reason: i to I

I know.. I NEVER get to get activist in real life!

JK I'm totally not an activist.. I just have a lot of feelings
Originally Posted by lovebonita
Oh but thinking, reading and writing this stuff will make you do something even if you don't know what yet.
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I saw a video my male cousin commented on on FB. This girl, who was a local, was squatted down twerking and shaking her butt cheeks. The comments were all from men saying stuff like how good she is and she should do that on a d%$#. repulsive to me. Yet she writes 'thank you'. I can't understand these girls putting these videos and pictures out for everyone to see. No self respect and those guys are not going to want her for anything but sex when she acts like that. Not a wife or even a girlfriend.
Originally Posted by adthomas
It seems like the 12 - 24 year old crowd is throwing away all of the rights and respect earned by women in the 1970s. They have very little self worth and don't understand how to be provocatively sexy or even normal sexy without coming off as a $2 whore.

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I saw a video my male cousin commented on on FB. This girl, who was a local, was squatted down twerking and shaking her butt cheeks. The comments were all from men saying stuff like how good she is and she should do that on a d%$#. repulsive to me. Yet she writes 'thank you'. I can't understand these girls putting these videos and pictures out for everyone to see. No self respect and those guys are not going to want her for anything but sex when she acts like that. Not a wife or even a girlfriend.
Originally Posted by adthomas
It seems like the 12 - 24 year old crowd is throwing away all of the rights and respect earned by women in the 1970s. They have very little self worth and don't understand how to be provocatively sexy or even normal sexy without coming off as a $2 whore.

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Originally Posted by multicultcurly
But whose fault is this?

Is it ours as older women who are too scared to tell kids that's not the way to behave due to fear of their parents' rants, threats and shouting at us for interfering with how they are bringing up their child*?

Not understanding and controlling use of media in the home especially new types?

Parents for not discussing sex education - which includes sexual and non-sexual relationships - with their kids?

By kids I mean male and female. Boys need to know that females are to be respected like males.

Funnily there are a lot of young men out there who do respect women. I only know this because I work in a male dominated industry. However if women act up - some older women at bad at this - and don't respect themselves and other women, these men don't know how to act and will copy older more sexist males.

*Tell a child to think about the impact of their behaviour in a logical way confuses some parents.
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I agree with you Blueblood. Gen X and the older Gen Y, as a whole, have not done a great job raising their kids. They seem to treat them too much like adults, without healthy boundaries.

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