The New & Improved Say It I Dare You

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Marah, my daughter is an only child and it wasn't until she made about 12 did she finally stop asking for a sibling (she is 17 now).
When she was little she told her father and I it wasn't fair, she doesn't have a brother or anyone "fun" to live with her, but her father and I have each other (meaning we are friends and we live together). That broke our hearts.
At the time she had a point, we had moved away from both our families to attend gradschool it was just us 3. I did feel bad (for a fleeting moment only) that I made a choice to not have any more children but I had to remain firm and make her understand children are expensive and to have one because today and tomorrow you are lonely is reckless. After repeating this and providing a few examples that would hit home with her.... if were a family of 4 we would have to shop differently, month long vacations would be different and less frequent, no more private schools and birthday celebrations would be different.

We were upfront, we laid out our goals as a family and when alll of that didn't work I got involved and we began hosting sleepovers with some of her friends....she was DONE lol. One of her friends mothers has 4 kids and I helped her out by keeping all 4 so she could work on a few long weekends...my daughter called my mom begging her to come get her. I even had my nephew (who is an only child and a few yrs younger) come and stay over the summer, my daughter packed his bags when my sister arrived to get him. I still do this though.

She no longer wishes for a sibling, instead she wanted and has 3 dogs which she is 100% responsible for (training them, making vet appts, walking, feeding, playing and making sure they don't go in my damn kitchen). My husband and I will only pay the bills associated with the dogs but she has to do everything else.

I'm sure your son will grow out of it very soon.


vIa mY cURl TaLk ApP
Originally Posted by Chicago Kinks
Oh my goodness..Chi-Town Kinks thank you so so much! I can't tell you how much better this made me feel. I had a very difficult time getting to sleep and when I did I had a fitful sleep. But getting up and reading this really helped me a lot! Not that the other advice didn't help but this got me to really THINK instead of being so emotional..I am certainly going to make sure he gets much more involved with friends and stops so many back to back activities.

But your words really helped me. Years ago I made a choice not to try to get pregnant again because I really did only want one child. Besides that the doctor was saying all this upsetting stuff about my reproductive organs...SMH. I wanted us to be able to provide for him a good Jewish home where we could afford to send him to a good Hebrew school (which costs an arm and a frikken leg) and us to attend a very good synagogue (thing about that is being members of a synagogue like ours cost and arm and a leg as well). I just wanted him to have all the advantages that we could set him up with...good neighborhood, good schools, college fund. All things we've been able to provide for him so far thank God.

Sure, it might be nice to have another child but there is just NO WAY my husband and I could afford to do for two children what we do for our son now. So maybe if explain this to him and make sure he's involved with his friends regularly that will help. And now that you've said it..I think our son just might react like your daughter. Cause he doesn't like to share a darn thing and if I'm nice to any other kids (like for instance I help out with his Hebrew class) he gives me and the other kids the side eye. One time he walked up cause some kid kept hugging me..pulled me away and said, "This is my mom..not sure where your mom is..." and had this look on his face:

He is a pistol! LOL! But what you said made me put things in perspective...I thought about what you said before I responded. My husband left the decision up to me on if we should try to get preggers again..after I snatched his azz awake last night (how come men sleep through this kind of stuff ?)! ROFL! And I think I better leave well enough alone. Because I have reproductive issues as it is..it was very difficult to carry and have my son..and we really did plan life around one child. So instead of putting us through that..which could be devastating..say I lose the baby (which I'm telling you would KILL me). I'm going to just make sure I do right by the child we have...and the best thing I can do is be open and honest with him about this...plus give him all the love and support I can muster which is A LOT if I don't say so myself.

Thank you for your advice it really really cleared my head! ((((((((((hugs Chi-Town Kinks))))))


And thank you to everyone that gave me advice, suggestions, commented. I SERIOUSLY appreciate it!
artemis513 likes this.
Marah, my daughter is an only child and it wasn't until she made about 12 did she finally stop asking for a sibling (she is 17 now).
When she was little she told her father and I it wasn't fair, she doesn't have a brother or anyone "fun" to live with her, but her father and I have each other (meaning we are friends and we live together). That broke our hearts.
At the time she had a point, we had moved away from both our families to attend gradschool it was just us 3. I did feel bad (for a fleeting moment only) that I made a choice to not have any more children but I had to remain firm and make her understand children are expensive and to have one because today and tomorrow you are lonely is reckless. After repeating this and providing a few examples that would hit home with her.... if were a family of 4 we would have to shop differently, month long vacations would be different and less frequent, no more private schools and birthday celebrations would be different.

We were upfront, we laid out our goals as a family and when alll of that didn't work I got involved and we began hosting sleepovers with some of her friends....she was DONE lol. One of her friends mothers has 4 kids and I helped her out by keeping all 4 so she could work on a few long weekends...my daughter called my mom begging her to come get her. I even had my nephew (who is an only child and a few yrs younger) come and stay over the summer, my daughter packed his bags when my sister arrived to get him. I still do this though.

She no longer wishes for a sibling, instead she wanted and has 3 dogs which she is 100% responsible for (training them, making vet appts, walking, feeding, playing and making sure they don't go in my damn kitchen). My husband and I will only pay the bills associated with the dogs but she has to do everything else.

I'm sure your son will grow out of it very soon.


vIa mY cURl TaLk ApP
Originally Posted by Chicago Kinks
Oh my goodness..Chi-Town Kinks thank you so so much! I can't tell you how much better this made me feel. I had a very difficult time getting to sleep and when I did I had a fitful sleep. But getting up and reading this really helped me a lot! Not that the other advice didn't help but this got me to really THINK instead of being so emotional..I am certainly going to make sure he gets much more involved with friends and stops so many back to back activities.

But your words really helped me. Years ago I made a choice not to try to get pregnant again because I really did only want one child. Besides that the doctor was saying all this upsetting stuff about my reproductive organs...SMH. I wanted us to be able to provide for him a good Jewish home where we could afford to send him to a good Hebrew school (which costs an arm and a frikken leg) and us to attend a very good synagogue (thing about that is being members of a synagogue like ours cost and arm and a leg as well). I just wanted him to have all the advantages that we could set him up with...good neighborhood, good schools, college fund. All things we've been able to provide for him so far thank God.

Sure, it might be nice to have another child but there is just NO WAY my husband and I could afford to do for two children what we do for our son now. So maybe if explain this to him and make sure he's involved with his friends regularly that will help. And now that you've said it..I think our son just might react like your daughter. Cause he doesn't like to share a darn thing and if I'm nice to any other kids (like for instance I help out with his Hebrew class) he gives me and the other kids the side eye. One time he walked up cause some kid kept hugging me..pulled me away and said, "This is my mom..not sure where your mom is..." and had this look on his face:

He is a pistol! LOL! But what you said made me put things in perspective...I thought about what you said before I responded. My husband left the decision up to me on if we should try to get preggers again..after I snatched his azz awake last night (how come men sleep through this kind of stuff ?)! ROFL! And I think I better leave well enough alone. Because I have reproductive issues as it is..it was very difficult to carry and have my son..and we really did plan life around one child. So instead of putting us through that..which could be devastating..say I lose the baby (which I'm telling you would KILL me). I'm going to just make sure I do right by the child we have...and the best thing I can do is be open and honest with him about this...plus give him all the love and support I can muster which is A LOT if I don't say so myself.

Thank you for your advice it really really cleared my head! ((((((((((hugs Chi-Town Kinks))))))


And thank you to everyone that gave me advice, suggestions, commented. I SERIOUSLY appreciate it!
Originally Posted by *Marah*
I think the biggest thing with an only child is to make sure they are humbled by and fully understand all the extras they have been afforded is only because its just you....this lifestyle isn't the norm. Each of my siblings only have 1 child because as children we ate in shifts (our dinnertable sat only 4 and its 7 of us AND by second shift all the koolaid was gone or just a little left). Don't get me started on family vacations...there were none, except to grandpa's but he had an out house....in the 80's are you freaking kidding me....nawl! So I refused to do that to my child.

Even at 17 she is spoiled but she is a sweetheart and will give her last. I say give him more exposure of being with a lot of other kids (not necessarily his friends), let him play more with his friends and he will be fine.

I'm glad we were alll able to assist, this parenting thing is the toughest job out there.

vIa mY cURl TaLk ApP
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Inlaws are God's subtle way of telling me I may not get to heaven.
Originally Posted by sienna40
*DEAD* ROFL!

I think it's his way of telling you.."Oh you going to heaven..cause if you can handle them..you are going to need a nice place to relax and decompress when all is said and done and I got a nice place ready and waiting..cause oh you gonna need it!"
To all the only child people specifically (and anyone else that just wants to offer some opinion..)

My son is 8. He's an only child. And he expressed to me today that he feels very lonely and sad and wishes that I would have another child. And the look on this child's face..I mean my dayum soul hurt for him. He said he just doesn't understand why I won't give him a brother or sister..and it hurts him.

I didn't know what to say to him so I told him that his father and I love him very much and that we don't want him to feel lonely. Now I didn't say yes or no to another child. I just coddled him and he went off.

We've have similiar discussions before (like he's mentioned he'd like a sibling but I've always told him that he's the best kid in the world and he's all we need and my husband has basically told him that we didn't plan for more children) but he never seemed to express his desire for siblings with such sadness and pain in his eyes as he did today. As a mother that killed me..I mean killed me. So much so that I called my husband at work all upset and crying today.

We (my husband and I) discussed our son's feelings when he went to bed. My husband said that our son's circumstances weren't going to change and he's not sure what we can do about it besides love the boy. I'm not even sure I could conceive (I have some reproductive issues that I'd rather not disclose) and I don't even know if it's something we'd consider..we had no real plans for another child..especially not now...8 years into raising a child!

So my question is..how can I help my son ? It doesn't look like we are going to be able to have any more children. And I feel horrible for my son. I grew up with a brother and he and I were SUPER close and my husband had 5 other siblings....so we really can't relate to what he's going thru at all. But as a mother I'm so pained that my child is hurting like this..and as a mother it makes me feel like I failed him in some way.

I mean what can I do ? Do only children grow up to resent their parents ? Is it wrong to have a baby just so another child won't be so lonely..should I even go there..I can't imagine the money and effort it would take..UGH!

Is there something I can do to make this better for him ? How do only children cope ? I'm really at a loss...and I don't want to discuss this with my family and RL friends because I don't want to effin hear.."I told you so..told you that you should have tried to get preggers again right after him...now look!" Because I think I would really go off and end up saying and doing things that I can't take back.

Anyway..any help, advice, comments, whatever that ANY of you can offer..I'd appreciate it so so much. Because I'm extremely upset about this and can't even sleep. Yet my hubs is snoring. How do men do that ?

I am sorry if I sound like nut..I am a strong person but when it comes to my son..I just break. I adore him...probably to much.
Originally Posted by *Marah*
Hey Marah. I can understand what he is going through. I had expressed to my mom that I hated being the only child. However, I knew that more than likely wasn't going to happen because my parents weren't getting back together.

I am the only child in my entire family who has no siblings. Everyone else has 2+ siblings. It does get really really lonely sometimes. I would say the best thing to do is to try to get him as close to his family members who are close to his age (if he has any) or lots of friends. That choose the friends things, even though nothing can replace a brother or sister, a really good friend can be the next best thing.

I don't think being an only child has any damaging effects. It can just be boring and lonely (did I mention lonely O_O...already....yea....it is really lonely sometimes). I didn't grow up to resent either of my parents because I was the only child because they were always there for me. So it wasn't like I needed someone to run to because my life was terrible. If anything, it made me a bit anti-social, i didn't really know how to or what to say to people when I was younger.

I am sorry that you are going through this, Marah. I don't know what I would do if my child came up to me and said that. I hope you and your son get through it.
*Marah* likes this.


LITTLE JOEY HAS A SIBLING ON THE WAY!
Hey Marah. I can understand what he is going through. I had expressed to my mom that I hated being the only child. However, I knew that more than likely wasn't going to happen because my parents weren't getting back together.

I am the only child in my entire family who has no siblings. Everyone else has 2+ siblings. It does get really really lonely sometimes. I would say the best thing to do is to try to get him as close to his family members who are close to his age (if he has any) or lots of friends. That choose the friends things, even though nothing can replace a brother or sister, a really good friend can be the next best thing.

I don't think being an only child has any damaging effects. It can just be boring and lonely (did I mention lonely O_O...already....yea....it is really lonely sometimes). I didn't grow up to resent either of my parents because I was the only child because they were always there for me. So it wasn't like I needed someone to run to because my life was terrible. If anything, it made me a bit anti-social, i didn't really know how to or what to say to people when I was younger.

I am sorry that you are going through this, Marah. I don't know what I would do if my child came up to me and said that. I hope you and your son get through it.
Originally Posted by tbabyy
Thank you. I appreciate your comments. We are going to do the best we can to make sure he spends more time interacting with kids just for fun. I am sure at times he will still feel lonely but my husband and I are going to do everything we can to help combat it as much as possible.

The advice and comments (including yours) does help tremendously. I feel a little down still but I feel good about the fact that we love our son and that he is blessed with a loving home. My husband and I adore him and we will always do what we can to be there for him.
Um..on a happier note..can the President stop trying to get votes from old school R&B and Soul fans that love Al Green..he ain't slick...ha ha. He did sing good though..I know Michelle was like..."Awwww sookie sookie now!"

President Obama sings Al Green: Let's stay together in 2012 - YouTube


I could tell the president was straight feelin' himself...LOL! Did you see his grin...and his laugh..."Ah..ha ha.." I died!
Jo Somebody likes this.
God I am trying everything I know to stay in France right now. This is my last option for an undergraduate B.A degree in a major I actually want to study, and at 26 I feel like a failure everyday because I'm at least 4 years behind everyone else.

If I can't get into school here or work I don't know what I'll have left to do.
Originally Posted by soleilmoncur
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!! Please stop thinking that way - it's of the devil, I tell ya!!

If you're concerned that you're 26 and don't have your bachelor's, in MY personal experience, it doesn't matter. Employers just want to know if you have that paper and some experience, not how old you were when you got it.

I've learned to never associate age with goals. Life sometimes hands out curve balls so it may take a little longer than you'd like to reach a goal, but as long as you're striving for that goal you're never a failure.

As far as I'm concerned, pursuing a dream/goal NEVER has an age limit.

I think it's wonderful that you're living in France and pursuing your dream - and I think THAT'S what you should be focusing on -> YOU and the pursuit of YOUR dream. What you're doing takes a LOT of courage, whether @ 22, 26, or *ahem*...my age.

((((Sending prayers and high hopes your way that you achieve your goals!!!))))
God I am trying everything I know to stay in France right now. This is my last option for an undergraduate B.A degree in a major I actually want to study, and at 26 I feel like a failure everyday because I'm at least 4 years behind everyone else.

If I can't get into school here or work I don't know what I'll have left to do.
Originally Posted by soleilmoncur
Girl you are not a failure. You cannot judge your progress by the progress of others.

And I think you'll get into school. You seem very smart.

Oh sheesh, y'all. 'Tis my phone!
Kinky DaySha likes this.
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when will your favs?

Thanks everyone, feels so good knowing I've beat it thus far!!

Imma go on head an buy me something pretty, its time to celebrate dammit.

vIa mY cURl TaLk ApP
Originally Posted by Chicago Kinks
Mah gurl! God bless you and keep you!
Originally Posted by Ninjarette
Thank you, Nea!!!!

Girrlll, so on my second to last day of vacation I'm calling around for NC 4A tee-shirt prices....hubby just shook his head lol!

vIa mY cURl TaLk ApP
Originally Posted by Chicago Kinks

Uhmmmm.....no
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So you think I didn't catch that thinly veiled threat huh? How about this boo boo, I have paperwork and an email trail documenting how you and your company have not been here providing services for the students here.
Oh and when you say you will call central office, wait right here and let me get the direct number for you... let me know how that works out, since I beat you the punch and all...
I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!! I KNEW THAT MAN ABOVE WAS GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP ME OUT OF THIS MONEY SITUATION I AM IN!!!

BEING POSITIVE IN THE NEW YEAR HAS BEEN SOOO GOOD TO ME!! I HAVEN'T GOTTEN AN OVERDRAFT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN ONLY SPENDING WITHIN MY MEANS AND WHEN I AM STILL LOW ON MONEY, I GO TO WORK AND I GET SOMETHING

I was going to have to either pay $100 for my phone bill or $100 for my car...but either way I was going to have literally $0 to get through until next week. BUT I ended up only having to pay $46.01 on my phone bill and I have about $50 left over to last me through the week and when I get *paid again next friday, I will have enough to get my car fixed!!! =D

OMG that just made my day!!!!!!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

on a bad note: I was 20 mins late to my ultrasound appointment so I had to reschedule for tomorrow...but that was my fault....I left at 10am, my appointment was at 10:20am and it takes 40 mins to get there lol!! I just wasn't feeling it this morning lol


LITTLE JOEY HAS A SIBLING ON THE WAY!

Last edited by tbabyy; 01-20-2012 at 11:50 AM.
God I am trying everything I know to stay in France right now. This is my last option for an undergraduate B.A degree in a major I actually want to study, and at 26 I feel like a failure everyday because I'm at least 4 years behind everyone else.

If I can't get into school here or work I don't know what I'll have left to do.
Originally Posted by soleilmoncur
Don't feel like that!! I was feeling like that not too long ago. All my friends are going to be seniors in college next year and I'm basically going to be sophomore because I changed my major and I'm going to have to go to med school.

But that's okay!! You are doing what you want to do! There is no specific age when you should be graduating school and starting your career. Take your time because it will all be worth it!

YOU ARE >NOT< A FAILURE!!!
Jo Somebody likes this.


LITTLE JOEY HAS A SIBLING ON THE WAY!
Oh lawd. Y'all they done put me in charge of planning my co-worker's baby shower. I will suck it up and do it all without pouting to my husband. :-D Who knows maybe being surrounded by baby stuff will send good baby vibes my way...

ETA: we really need some more women on this team. No one wants to do anything to help out. Grrrrrrr

-on this phone that makes it too hard to capitalize letters.
“Mama says pretty comes in all different sizes. And my size… is cute!” -Honey Boo Boo

Last edited by NaturallyCJ; 01-20-2012 at 10:24 AM.
RIP Etta James

Yeahhhhhboi, Im on my smartphone!!!
My brother's wife is gonna name their new baby, my niece some hood a** name. Sigh....
Lord I rebuke a future of purple weave & clear heels. SMH.
Jo Somebody likes this.
Is anyone here that is an only child or perhaps raising an only child ? Or anyone here that has children with a signficant age difference..maybe 6-10 years or more in age difference ?
Originally Posted by *Marah*

I'm both; an only child myself and raising an only child (so far, anyway).

ETA: I responded before reading the rests of the posts. I just wanted to add that I agree with all the other posters in so far as letting him spend more time with other children/friends. For myself, I was always GLAD that I was an only child!

Hope everything works out ok.
*Marah* likes this.

Last edited by Surlycurly; 01-20-2012 at 12:21 PM.
I'm on this clothing site trying to convince myself NOT to buy this dress AND this skirt, but they are SOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!! I have a little money to burn, so why not, right? ARGH!

I guess I can at least get the skirt...
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Is anyone here that is an only child or perhaps raising an only child ? Or anyone here that has children with a signficant age difference..maybe 6-10 years or more in age difference ?
Originally Posted by *Marah*
I am not an only child although for years I would pretend I was. I am just now starting to sorta like my siblings and I am in my 20s.
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I havent figured out how to add pictures..

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