The New & Improved Say It I Dare You - Page 161

ss40 · 01-31-2012, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown

I love my family but sometimes they make it hard as HELL...

So my cousin just sent me a text message and asked me for $5K. First of all...for that kind of money dayum it don't I deserve a phucking phone call? Second of all...you owe me $1500 and your husband owes me $1200 (that he BEGGEDme not to tell you about btw). When I "loaned" both of those amounts I pretty much knew I wasn't getting it back and I was ok with that but please believe your name was removed from the "folks I'll help/ok to loan money to because they pay it back" list cause dayum it you ALWAYS phucking need help.

Dayum it in case you haven't heard we are in a recession! What the hell is it about family that entitles some of them to feel like you OWE them something and are obligated to help them out?!!??
How is it that I'm a single woman with ONE income and I manage to pay my mortage and various other bills, save for a rainy day, and have a modest "splurge" account and you are married with TWO incomes and you always struggling? WTF?!?!?

Thats messy as all get out and yet I can relate.

I'm convinced some of my family members eat the money they earn or roll blunts with it or something. They used to pull the "you got it like that you're a stay at home mom..." Two weeks later they send out the mass "can I hold some money til..." Text. Thats when I let them know I don't got it like that. I sacrifice and save. You need to get of that good maryjane and try it.

Edit: but its tax season? For those filing jointly with children that should be a decent return to help themselves get by.

Jo Somebody · 01-31-2012, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soleilmoncur

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Marah*

Quote:

Originally Posted by tbabyy

I used to want to be lighter but that's only because people would talk about me because I was dark skin. I feel like if nobody insulted my skin color, then I wouldn't have cared because I didn't realize I was "dark" until like 6th grade when some people made fun of me.

At this point in my life, I finally got over it completely. Around the time I BC'd, I stopped caring. I like my complexion so I don't wish to be darker or lighter. I just wish my skin tone was more even.

I think that is the crux of the issue. I don't think people are just born feeling negative about their skin color. I think that others or society makes them feel their skin color or hair texture is not good enough, ugly, or unacceptable. So people take on that into themselves and internalize it. I'm sure that's what it is with black people in the USA specifically. I don't think a lot of black realize it because they aren't sitting there actively thinking, "I want to be white" but the fact that they constantly are embracing and praising looks that aren't usually natural to black people speaks volumes about the influence certain things in history has had over blacks in the USA.

I personally feel like this though.. it really doesn't matter in the end how light you are when you are either black or mixed with black..if you aren't actually white (or don't look all the way white so as to be able to pass..IE: Wentworth Miller) you still will be considered inferior in some way. Sure if you are the color of Halle Berry of Paula Patton you'll get some advantages but when it comes right down to it..you will be just another *n*. Halle found that out real fast with her baby's daddy. I can remember folks saying how it might be better for her now that she had a white man cause the negros she was with treated her like dirt.. um..un huh. How that work out ? Hmmph.

So if you are gonna wish something.. why not shoot for the stars and just completely wish to be white. Because that's the only way you'd be afforded all the privledges. But I get that black people that wish they were lighter see the benefits in being lighter and want those benefits. So I get it. It's funny though..they want it but are resentful of the people that have those benefits. I think this sort of thing affects black women though in the USA more than black men..for different reasons but I'll end this post.

My mother could pass for a tanned white. My father is Wesley Snipes complexion and my brothers are fairer than I am. I got teased a lot in school and told I would be a lot prettier if I looked liked my mom, and the fact that my family treats me like **** doesn't make me feel like I'm a prized possession either.

I've had a complex for as long as I could remember and it's even worse now. I wish I could look in the mirror and accept myself for who i am as beautiful but I can't. I cope but barely about my skin tone and my looks but it's not healthy.

I'm envious of all you WOC on here that loves the skin you're in.

I know it doesn't help a jot when you have a complex about something, but from the photos you have posted, your skin is lovely. Smooth and blemish-free and all that. A prized possession is exactly what i'd call it.

Jo Somebody · 01-31-2012, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Marah*

Quote:

Originally Posted by tbabyy

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Marah*

This documentary is sad..but it's nice to see these few women of color that are exploring this and helping others. I think many people of color struggle with this issue..because this issue pervades many ethnicities "of color". The fact of the matter is I think people of color recognize that in almost all cases the lighter a person is the more valued they are in various societies. And people really just want to be accepted. I do think it's something that people of color don't like to discuss or even admit they either struggle with or have struggled with at some point in their lives. I think it's just easier to pretend it doesn't or hasn't ever been an issue for them.

I used to want to be lighter but that's only because people would talk about me because I was dark skin. I feel like if nobody insulted my skin color, then I wouldn't have cared because I didn't realize I was "dark" until like 6th grade when some people made fun of me.

At this point in my life, I finally got over it completely. Around the time I BC'd, I stopped caring. I like my complexion so I don't wish to be darker or lighter. I just wish my skin tone was more even.

I think that is the crux of the issue. I don't think people are just born feeling negative about their skin color. I think that others or society makes them feel their skin color or hair texture is not good enough, ugly, or unacceptable. So people take on that into themselves and internalize it. I'm sure that's what it is with black people in the USA specifically. I don't think a lot of black realize it because they aren't sitting there actively thinking, "I want to be white" but the fact that they constantly are embracing and praising looks that aren't usually natural to black people speaks volumes about the influence certain things in history has had over blacks in the USA.

I personally feel like this though.. it really doesn't matter in the end how light you are when you are either black or mixed with black..if you aren't actually white (or don't look all the way white so as to be able to pass..IE: Wentworth Miller) you still will be considered inferior in some way. Sure if you are the color of Halle Berry of Paula Patton you'll get some advantages but when it comes right down to it..you will be just another *n*. Halle found that out real fast with her baby's daddy. I can remember folks saying how it might be better for her now that she had a white man cause the negros she was with treated her like dirt.. um..un huh. How that work out ? Hmmph.

So if you are gonna wish something.. why not shoot for the stars and just completely wish to be white. Because that's the only way you'd be afforded all the privledges. But I get that black people that wish they were lighter see the benefits in being lighter and want those benefits. So I get it. It's funny though..they want it but are resentful of the people that have those benefits. I think this sort of thing affects black women though in the USA more than black men..for different reasons but I'll end this post.

This is true. I was called ugly all through growing up, but shade of skin was never an issue. The popular girls were always a mix of shades with mostly darker complexion, so while I still have issues about being ugly (as well as skinny and 'not a black shape' - i.e. small ass, no hips, ok breasticles), shade has never been as issue. Hair was definitely more of an issue than shade, and even then I was as envious as hell of the popular girls who all had natural hair (up to the end of secondary school/age 14+), so when people talk about girl who relax wanting to be White, I laugh or get annoyed. I always dreamed that my hair would behave so I could be natural like other girls.

*sigh* What a life we live, eh?

soleilmoncur · 01-31-2012, 11:40 AM

double post

gagirl09 · 01-31-2012, 11:43 AM

Did not know I was dark skinned till I was like 16. When everything was explained to me I was like ok the fak is this bullish?!?! Always some knew nonsense. I just get annoyed and pissed when I think about it but I have never felt personally inferior or not pretty because of it

Curse you iPhone!!!

Nappy_curly_crown · 01-31-2012, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kinky DaySha

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheveuxbouclés

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown

I love my family but sometimes they make it hard as HELL...

So my cousin just sent me a text message and asked me for $5K. First of all...for that kind of money dayum it don't I deserve a phucking phone call? Second of all...you owe me $1500 and your husband owes me $1200 (that he BEGGEDme not to tell you about btw). When I "loaned" both of those amounts I pretty much knew I wasn't getting it back and I was ok with that but please believe your name was removed from the "folks I'll help/ok to loan money to because they pay it back" list cause dayum it you ALWAYS phucking need help.

Dayum it in case you haven't heard we are in a recession! What the hell is it about family that entitles some of them to feel like you OWE them something and are obligated to help them out?!!??
How is it that I'm a single woman with ONE income and I manage to pay my mortage and various other bills, save for a rainy day, and have a modest "splurge" account and you are married with TWO incomes and you always struggling? WTF?!?!?

AMEN.

Or how is it that I have to work everyday and pay bills, but the population I work with get to have babies, stay at home, ball outta control ( ghetto style) and then have the nerve to complain about paying something towards the school system that takes cares of their child? Or always talking about how they don't have money. You get assistance, food stamps, and your rent is 1.00. You can't buy your child deodorant?

I thought there would never be a time where I agreed with some Republican talking points... but I'd be damn if DC didn't get me to that point...

This!!! That's some crap I don't get. I've always worked. Never got WIC, welfare, food stamps..nothing. If I ever had to, it'd would be so temporary, they wouldn't even have my paperwork processed before I was done with it. How can people make this a lifestyle? Then complain out the hoohah about being broke, but get free everything and continue to lay up and get pregnant with kids they couldn't take care of originally. That system was not designed for long term abuse. It's supposed to be a stepping stone to recover from a fall. But these people are making a full blown living off the **** like they are entitled to free money just because they were born. Have nerve to be dressed to the nines, then complain about how they can't pay the doctor bill at the end of the appointment. It's already severely discounted, we allow you to make payments on a 50 dollar charge. The boots you're wearing cost double that. Bish, fix your priorities.....

NCC, you betta than me. You got once to break your word with me. I won't write you off completely, but I wouldn't even buy you a 99 cent cheesburger after that.

Girl....I had to walk away from my office and take a walk because I about picked up the phone and cussed her ass out and it was NOT gonna be pretty or office appropriate and the last thing I need is for these white folks to be all up in my business like that.

See here’s the thing…I don’t mind helping people who for real are in a tuff spot and who are having hard times. It’s ROUGH out there and I thank the lord for my blessings and what he has allowed me to accomplish in my 32 years of life.

HOWEVER….I’ve realized that this cousin has some **** going on with her and her husband. I’ve come to realize that she and her husband live way ABOVE their means. WWWAAAYYY above their means…like ain’t nowhere NEAR making ends meet. Add to that the fact that there seems to be almost NO money management skills and boom…they always need some money….always with the "cuz let me hold something" sh.it.....$100 here….$500 there…but this $5k just took the dayum cake.

I'm sorry that you are behind on your mortage. I'm sorry your husband is an idiot who went out and brought a truck that he KNEW he could NOT afford knowing that you guys were already living paycheck to paycheck (and who buys a USED vehicle with a $750 a month car payment?!?!?!?). I'm sorry that he lies to you about the state of your financial affairs and you don't find out until its dayum near too late or you are being served with court papers. That's some fu.cked up sh.it...I agree.

HOWEVER....I'm not your child (did I mention this cousin is old enough to be my mother?). You are not my parents...I'm not responsible for bailing you out. Yes we are family but you've played that family card with me ONE too many times. All I can do is look up some mortage crisis info up on-line for you and tell you good luck. I'm not about to go into my savings and write you a check and then potentially be in a situation where I NEED the same from you and all I'd get was a "dayum cuz...I'm sorry to hear that...I wish you the best...hope that works out for you". Nope..nada...not gonna happen. The kid is DONE I tell ya.

cheveuxbouclés · 01-31-2012, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheveuxbouclés

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown

I love my family but sometimes they make it hard as HELL...

So my cousin just sent me a text message and asked me for $5K. First of all...for that kind of money dayum it don't I deserve a phucking phone call? Second of all...you owe me $1500 and your husband owes me $1200 (that he BEGGEDme not to tell you about btw). When I "loaned" both of those amounts I pretty much knew I wasn't getting it back and I was ok with that but please believe your name was removed from the "folks I'll help/ok to loan money to because they pay it back" list cause dayum it you ALWAYS phucking need help.

Dayum it in case you haven't heard we are in a recession! What the hell is it about family that entitles some of them to feel like you OWE them something and are obligated to help them out?!!??
How is it that I'm a single woman with ONE income and I manage to pay my mortage and various other bills, save for a rainy day, and have a modest "splurge" account and you are married with TWO incomes and you always struggling? WTF?!?!?

AMEN.

Or how is it that I have to work everyday and pay bills, but the population I work with get to have babies, stay at home, ball outta control ( ghetto style) and then have the nerve to complain about paying something towards the school system that takes cares of their child? Or always talking about how they don't have money. You get assistance, food stamps, and your rent is 1.00. You can't buy your child deodorant?

I thought there would never be a time where I agreed with some Republican talking points... but I'd be damn if DC didn't get me to that point...

i remember when i was volunteering for an afterschool program. it was in a public school surrounded by the projects, but the program itself was a private, non profit thing. it was free, ALL you had to pay for was art supplies for the lessons. why were parents in there raising holy hell every year during registration?! like... registration is from august to mid-september... you know, when target (and i assume other stores) is damn near GIVING WAY school supplies!! the stuff on the supplies list would cost them a total of maybe $50 if they felt like getting fancy and going all name brand. meanwhile, these parents were running around in "name brand" clothes, talmbout how much money theyre getting.

soooo... you don't pay rent, you don't pay tuition, you don't pay for your own food, you're getting this extra income from under someone's table, you manage to always have the latest stuff from the low end (LOW END) luxury brands, you're hair is always done, you're always on a cruise or in VIP, but you can't buy your child some damn crayons and notebooks?! you wholeheartedly believe the TEACHERS should come out of their own pockets to buy sh*t for YOUR child? what kind of entitled mess...

i believe in plenty of republican ideals, and some democratic. that's why i'm an independent lol. ion really like either party.

unrelated, but it reminds of how every semester there's always a few students who get mad b/c the professors wont tell them what exactly is on the test, or wont spoon feed the answers to them. like... what classes have you been taking?! are you telling me there are professors out here just GIVING test answers away?! or they get mad b/c the professor actually engages the students in conversation instead of reading off of a powerpoint all class. are you really that incapable of parsing out what is important info and what isn't, and writing it down? or when the prof does use powerpoint, but doesn't really expect anyone to copy it... they tell you the powerpoints are all on blackboard and you can read them later, just write down the extra info the professor gives us. but ppl are STILL sitting there like idiots trying to copy like 5 paragraphs per slide and slowing down the rest of us with common sense. and then y'all talmbout you wanna be lawyers... you don't eem know how to take notes, think critically, do assigned readings, or do BASIC research for papers... on WHAT planet are you qualified to be a lawyer?! li just can't sand overly dependent ppl.

speaking of readings... lemme do mine now since my schedule is freed up now. maybe i can hang w/ my friend later.

Pretty much my life and what I was referring to. I work for the govermnent, but within the school system. I can't see myself being in this field as long as my other jobs. I've worked with rich kids, middle class, and poor kids in my lifetime. But this takes the cake. I have never seen people act like YOU owe them something because they have kids and don't work. It always a sense of entitlement and never any gratitude. My mouth is too slick and I feel like I always have to look over my shoulder to make sure a parent is not waiting for me in the bushes lol.

*Marah* · 01-31-2012, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soleilmoncur

My mother could pass for a tanned white. My father is Wesley Snipes complexion and my brothers are fairer than I am. I got teased a lot in school and told I would be a lot prettier if I looked liked my mom, and the fact that my family treats me like **** doesn't make me feel like I'm a prized possession either.

I've had a complex for as long as I could remember and it's even worse now. I wish I could look in the mirror and accept myself for who i am as beautiful but I can't. I cope but barely about my skin tone and my looks but it's not healthy.

I'm envious of all you WOC on here that loves the skin you're in.

You know I think plenty of people have issue with how they look so I HIGHLY doubt it's a bunch of women on here that are just fine with the skin they are in..and if I were you I wouldn't let all the self confidence talk fool you. Believe me.. plenty of women of color have issue with their appearance for various reasons.

It may not be a skin tone issue..it could be hair. If not hair it could be body image (nose, butt, lips,). Etc. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you.. "Oh you shouldn't feel that way..just know you are good enough and black is beautiful." All that BS people like to say. That easier said than done and I think it's a process that people have to go through. Sometimes people get thru it..sometimes they go thru life and never do. But to get thru it.. you have to get to a point of accepting reality. The reality is that you aren't going to be lighter (unless you use bleach and even then you may end up with damaged skin that would compound the poor way you feel about yourself). And I just don't find it realistic for you to come to any conclusion about being beautiful. Look, not everyone is beautiful and that's just how it is. And people running around saying they think they are sooooo beautiful.. I think they are usually full of BS.

I think what's more important is accepting that you look the way you do..and for the most part nothing is going to change that but what you can do is be the best YOU that you can be. If you look prettier with a certain hair style, at a certain weight, with a certain type of lipstick on.. if you look nicer in certain clothes..then rock those things that make you feel and look your best.. TO YOU. No, it may not make you lighter skinned....it may not make you beautiful but at least you will know that you didn't just sit there wallowing in your self loathing and not actively try to be the best looking person that you can be for your own sense of self worth.

And I'm sorry.. I get sick of hearing when people say.."Oh you shouldn't focus on looks.. it's more important to be smart or focus on other good qualities about yourself". All that's nice good and fantastic..but the fact of the matter is looks do matter in the world and if they didn't our society wouldn't be as focused on them as they are.. should they matter ? NO. But they do. And telling someone to just get over it or they need to just feel differently is insensitive and unrealistic.

Sorry that was long.

Keenylicious · 01-31-2012, 12:11 PM

have you ever wanted to hang out w/ someone, but not really, so you shoot them a text asking if they wanna hang out, but you're kind of hoping they say no? then they say yes, and you don't really wanna go, but you know you'll enjoy yourself, and you don;t want to be a dick and cancel plans that YOU made. so... i'm getting dressed.

Keenylicious · 01-31-2012, 12:12 PM

wouldn't feel so bad if they hadn't used a smiley face...

ETA: OOOOH i'm back to 1000 posts. only 2000+ more til i'm back to where i was!

murrrcat · 01-31-2012, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

have you ever wanted to hang out w/ someone, but not really, so you shoot them a text asking if they wanna hang out, but you're kind of hoping they say no? then they say yes, and you don't really wanna go, but you know you'll enjoy yourself, and you don;t want to be a dick and cancel plans that YOU made. so... i'm getting dressed.

yes.

adthomas · 01-31-2012, 12:13 PM

[QUOTE=Kinky DaySha;1873236
Then complain out the hoohah about being broke, but get free everything and continue to lay up and get pregnant with kids they couldn't take care of originally. That system was not designed for long term abuse. It's supposed to be a stepping stone to recover from a fall. But these people are making a full blown living off the **** like they are entitled to free money just because they were born.
[/QUOTE]

It burns me up to see people milking the system. My mom's "friend" guy has a free guvment phone and my mom was complaining about how the phone doesn't work well and battery won't stay charged. I said maybe he needs a new battery because over time they tend not to hold charge. It's probably not a new phone but a new-to-you phone. I've had to buy new batteries before. She said he's not spending $25 on a new battery. I was hell he's getting a free phone with free minutes and he can't go spend freaking $25 for a new battery. Taxpayers have to buy that for him too. It's part of the cost of owning a phone. Just like car repairs are part of owning a car. Then apparently he only gets so many minutes per month which he talks up really quickly. I thought the whole point of the government getting people phones was so they wouldn't be at home with no way to call for help in case of emergency and not for him to holla at his drinking buddies. So when I'm at my mom's house people are always calling there looking for him and and he doesn't even live here. He's so freaking sorry. He drank up his check one time and couldn't pay his rent, disappeared a few days then got evicted. (renting a room by the way, not an apartment). Now he's in guvment housing and pays next to nothing for rent and free electric. The program made him do volunteer work for him benefits and the place he volunteers offered him a job and he turned it down. The short while he did work my mom would get up at 6 am to drive to his house and wake him up because growna$$ man can make himself get up. He quit soon after that anyway. The whole thing PISSES me off because she would have a fit if I ever got with someone like that. But she gets mad at me and says I'm snooty for not wanting to hang out with him but I don't like being around drunks.

annabananalise · 01-31-2012, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Marah*

Quote:

Originally Posted by soleilmoncur

My mother could pass for a tanned white. My father is Wesley Snipes complexion and my brothers are fairer than I am. I got teased a lot in school and told I would be a lot prettier if I looked liked my mom, and the fact that my family treats me like **** doesn't make me feel like I'm a prized possession either.

I've had a complex for as long as I could remember and it's even worse now. I wish I could look in the mirror and accept myself for who i am as beautiful but I can't. I cope but barely about my skin tone and my looks but it's not healthy.

I'm envious of all you WOC on here that loves the skin you're in.

You know I think plenty of people have issue with how they look so I HIGHLY doubt it's a bunch of women on here that are just fine with the skin they are in..and if I were you I wouldn't let all the self confidence talk fool you. Believe me.. plenty of women of color have issue with their appearance for various reasons.

It may not be a skin tone issue..it could be hair. If not hair it could be body image (nose, butt, lips,). Etc. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you.. "Oh you shouldn't feel that way..just know you are good enough and black is beautiful." All that BS people like to say. That easier said than done and I think it's a process that people have to go through. Sometimes people get thru it..sometimes they go thru life and never do. But to get thru it.. you have to get to a point of accepting reality. The reality is that you aren't going to be lighter (unless you use bleach and even then you may end up with damaged skin that would compound the poor way you feel about yourself). And I just don't find it realistic for you to come to any conclusion about being beautiful. Look, not everyone is beautiful and that's just how it is. And people running around saying they think they are sooooo beautiful.. I think they are usually full of BS.

I think what's more important is accepting that you look the way you do..and for the most part nothing is going to change that but what you can do is be the best YOU that you can be. If you look prettier with a certain hair style, at a certain weight, with a certain type of lipstick on.. if you look nicer in certain clothes..then rock those things that make you feel and look your best.. TO YOU. No, it may not make you lighter skinned....it may not make you beautiful but at least you will know that you didn't just sit there wallowing in your self loathing and not actively try to be the best looking person that you can be for your own sense of self worth.

And I'm sorry.. I get sick of hearing when people say.."Oh you shouldn't focus on looks.. it's more important to be smart or focus on other good qualities about yourself". All that's nice good and fantastic..but the fact of the matter is looks do matter in the world and if they didn't our society wouldn't be as focused on them as they are.. should they matter ? NO. But they do. And telling someone to just get over it or they need to just feel differently is insensitive and unrealistic.

Sorry that was long.

+1 and then some

Oh sheesh, y'all. 'Tis my phone!

murrrcat · 01-31-2012, 12:14 PM

I JUST GOT A CODE!!! Toget nickis Mac lipstick before anyone else! Yay!! Who else got one? LOL ahhhh *must get to computer*

adthomas · 01-31-2012, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jo Somebody

Quote:

Originally Posted by murrrcat

As anyone received an email from amazon? About taxes you may owe? for purchases you made last year?

I'm very confused. I don't understand this tax business as all, I just got this email, and I don't understand what it's saying, can someone help explain it? If I have to pay my state taxes for something I bought on amazon, well goodbye amazon. I'm just sayin'.

Quote:

Hello from Amazon.com,

As you may or may not be aware Amazon.com LLC is not required to collect sales or use taxes in all states, including the state of South Carolina.

The South Carolina Department of Revenue requires us to provide the following notice to you:

You may owe South Carolina use tax on purchases you made from Amazon.com LLC during the previous calendar year. The amount of tax you may owe is based on the total sales price of the items you purchased during the previous calendar year. The total sales price of only purchases you had shipped to South Carolina in 2011 was $238.07. This is the amount that you may include on your South Carolina income tax return to calculate the appropriate use tax owed unless you have already paid the tax.

whattt????

Possibly a scam? Open a new window, incognito if possible, log onto your Amazon account and see if it says anything there.

I think it's a scam too. I got a so called email from Amazon through my work email which is not connected to my Amazon account. Everybody at work got it. tech guy said it was a scam.

Keenylicious · 01-31-2012, 12:34 PM

i never really had a problem w/ my skin tone. everyone made fun of me for being fat, not having a relaxer (before HS), and being generally homely (before senior year of HS). i was also the smelly girl for a while. so really, the last thing on my, or anyone else's mind was my complexion. i only remember ppl talking about my darkskinnedness like twice in all my tears, and even then i didn't think what they were saying was negative at the time (they were comparing me to other dark skinned ppl. i "won" both times b/c i was lighter, but i didn't realize that there was a winner or loser). i was/am a very idiocentric person, so i never quite understood why some ppl acted like being lightskinned was a positive trait, or being darkskinned was bad. i was always like "well he's dumb... anyone can see that that darkskinned girl is cute as hell, and that light skinned girl looks like a swamp creature, so how is he gonna say all lightskinned girls are pretty?!" it wasn't until i was like 18 and started watching docs and reading books about colorism that i really got it.

i think that's why never really had a problem w/ my natural hair either. even when i was begging my mom for a perm, it was more b/c i wanted to fit in more than b/c i had issues w/ my hair. as soon as i stopped caring about being accepted by ppl that i didn't really even like in the first place, i started "transitioning"... until senior year when i decided i wanted a perm again.

point is: maybe being self centered and intolerant of others' opinions is a good thing when you're a child/teen? as long as you snap out of it once you're an adult.

adthomas · 01-31-2012, 12:35 PM

[QUOTE=soleilmoncur;1873265
My mother could pass for a tanned white. My father is Wesley Snipes complexion and my brothers are fairer than I am. I got teased a lot in school and told I would be a lot prettier if I looked liked my mom, and the fact that my family treats me like **** doesn't make me feel like I'm a prized possession either.

[/QUOTE]

My mom's complexion is like your mom's and dad like your dad's. On one side I'm the lightest grandchild and the other one of the darker ones. I don't feel like either side ever made a big deal about it, at least not to me. None of my grandparents ever mentioned color or treated anyone any better or worse because of it. Now the good hair and weight were the issues on mom's side. Most people have some complex about something.

Keenylicious · 01-31-2012, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by murrrcat

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

have you ever wanted to hang out w/ someone, but not really, so you shoot them a text asking if they wanna hang out, but you're kind of hoping they say no? then they say yes, and you don't really wanna go, but you know you'll enjoy yourself, and you don;t want to be a dick and cancel plans that YOU made. so... i'm getting dressed.

yes.

why have i been reading my notification emails like "who the hell is thhis murrcat chick posing all over the place suddeny?!"

turns out, it's turtles.

tbabyy · 01-31-2012, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Marah*

Quote:

Originally Posted by soleilmoncur

My mother could pass for a tanned white. My father is Wesley Snipes complexion and my brothers are fairer than I am. I got teased a lot in school and told I would be a lot prettier if I looked liked my mom, and the fact that my family treats me like **** doesn't make me feel like I'm a prized possession either.

I've had a complex for as long as I could remember and it's even worse now. I wish I could look in the mirror and accept myself for who i am as beautiful but I can't. I cope but barely about my skin tone and my looks but it's not healthy.

I'm envious of all you WOC on here that loves the skin you're in.

You know I think plenty of people have issue with how they look so I HIGHLY doubt it's a bunch of women on here that are just fine with the skin they are in..and if I were you I wouldn't let all the self confidence talk fool you. Believe me.. plenty of women of color have issue with their appearance for various reasons.

It may not be a skin tone issue..it could be hair. If not hair it could be body image (nose, butt, lips,). Etc. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you.. "Oh you shouldn't feel that way..just know you are good enough and black is beautiful." All that BS people like to say. That easier said than done and I think it's a process that people have to go through. Sometimes people get thru it..sometimes they go thru life and never do. But to get thru it.. you have to get to a point of accepting reality. The reality is that you aren't going to be lighter (unless you use bleach and even then you may end up with damaged skin that would compound the poor way you feel about yourself). And I just don't find it realistic for you to come to any conclusion about being beautiful. Look, not everyone is beautiful and that's just how it is. And people running around saying they think they are sooooo beautiful.. I think they are usually full of BS.

I think what's more important is accepting that you look the way you do..and for the most part nothing is going to change that but what you can do is be the best YOU that you can be. If you look prettier with a certain hair style, at a certain weight, with a certain type of lipstick on.. if you look nicer in certain clothes..then rock those things that make you feel and look your best.. TO YOU. No, it may not make you lighter skinned....it may not make you beautiful but at least you will know that you didn't just sit there wallowing in your self loathing and not actively try to be the best looking person that you can be for your own sense of self worth.

And I'm sorry.. I get sick of hearing when people say.."Oh you shouldn't focus on looks.. it's more important to be smart or focus on other good qualities about yourself". All that's nice good and fantastic..but the fact of the matter is looks do matter in the world and if they didn't our society wouldn't be as focused on them as they are.. should they matter ? NO. But they do. And telling someone to just get over it or they need to just feel differently is insensitive and unrealistic.

Sorry that was long.

1. I am definitely confidence with my skin tone. Now my body is an entirely different story. But that's "easier" to change than skin tone. I put easier in quotes because for some people it may be just as hard.

2. Also, I really do feel bad for people who get treated badly about their skin tone in their own family! Fortunately, I never got that. There are 3 light skinned people in my family: my mom's dad, my dad's mom and 1 of my aunts. My dad is dark skinned so of course my mom never had a problem with the dark skin=ugly. My grandmother is extremely light but she married my dark skinned grandfather. So it was all accepted in my family. and not to be accepted in your own family is terrible and I am very sorry to hear that.

adthomas · 01-31-2012, 12:37 PM

My friend tagged me on FB with some old pictures of me in my relaxed days.. It's like looking at a different person. My hair looked so lifeless. Never again.