The New & Improved Say It I Dare You

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Marah, I see 'guys' as a neutral term, neither positive or negative.

Where I live it also tends to be used in a gender neutral way. I'm usually ok with that.

For a group of women and girls, I may say 'ladies' or 'women and girls.'
Kiva! Microfinance works.

Med/Coarse, porous curly.
I would use ladies or simply refer to them as women and girls.
Marah's husband . . .
annabananalise likes this.
Saria.. don't be loving him too much because while I'm here home and been thinking about it..I think he's DEAD WRONG. And I'm going to tell him so. If he knew I'm running around sounding sexist,misogynistic, and down right ignorant... I don't understand why he didn't just correct me. To be frank, I'm highly embarrased. I didn't know that saying females when referring to women and girls collectively is disrespectful. And if my husband knows so much he could have told me..not just have me out here looking like boo boo da fool. I'm seriously kind of hot about it. I bet Alcide would have told me.. humph!
I started a habit of calling women ladies...I always used to say girl but it makes no sense if theyre in their twenties and up. My SIL was like LADY MAKES ME SOUND OLD. Well you a grown a55 woman.


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I'm a songwriter and I have been told many many times by industry people that I need to dumb my lyrics down and I don't do rap. It is very difficult for me because I've been writing poetry since I was 6 and I love getting creative with words and imagery. When I play out people tell me what they appreciate most are my lyrics. But industry people generally don't like different or out of the box. They like the formulas they know will sale so they always tell me to listen to so and so and try to sound like them. And if someone a little different has some success then all of a sudden there are a million copycats right behind them to where if you listen to the radio you cant tell one from another. Remember all the boy bands in the 90s. As an artist who wants a record deal often you face the choice of sell out or starve to death. Not to mention there are people who will only work with you if you if you give them partial writing credits on your song even if they didnt write a damn thing. So you lose out on some of the royalties. But the successful writers I know all say 50 % of something is better than 100% of nothing.
Jo Somebody likes this.
Haha, sometimes it's hard to correct the people you love. I once upon a time used certain words that I just won't use now, and I have friends who still use them. It makes me cringe inwardly now that I have more awareness, but I feel kind of wrong saying anything because of course they've heard me use the same words in the past.
Not that I think your husband takes it that far. He probably just didn't pay much attention to it when you said it because he doesn't consciously think about it, but wouldn't do it himself. Basically, you probably brought all of this into consciousness for him.
Hmm..well maybe so Saria..maybe so. I guess I'm just feeling salty because I'm embarrassed and I'm racking my brain trying to think when and where I've used "females" and if I've offended people in my home, my shul, my community. *Sigh*

I will NOT be continuing the practice though..I know that because as soon as I someone comes with "the Jews" or "the blacks"..I'm on swoll. So if I can get all bent about that..I shouldn't be acting like an idiot calling people..females. Gawd..I'm mortified.

When you know better.. you are supposed to do better is what my parents always taught me.
Marah, I agree with Saria. It is hard to correct someone you love. even if you do, they may not take it well. Btw, does your husband have a single brother that thinks and acts similar to him?


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texture - medium/fine, porosity - low/normal, elasticity - normal
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Remember that 3 year old and the pool incident I told you guys about? Well a day or two later in my city they found a 5 year old little boy dead at the bottom of the pool at his apartment complex. As well as a six year old was pulled out of a hotel pool. Fortunately some guests saw him and pulled him out and gave him CPR. But he is still in serious condition.
Marah, I agree with Saria. It is hard to correct someone you love. even if you do, they may not take it well. Btw, does your husband have a single brother that thinks and acts similar to him?


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Originally Posted by juanab

LOL...No. But he has cousins that are single. And they are on the look out. You converting to Judaism anytime soon ?

And yeah.. I guess about the not being able to tell people you love certain things. But he and I don't have relationship like that..he's very honest with me about when I'm DEAD wrong. And I do value and listen to his opinion which he knows. So perhaps it's like Saria says and he just consciously doesn't think about it because it's me. And well ..I say so DAMN much. Yall know I'm a trip! ROFL! So I guess I can cut him some slack..but I will be asking him why he's never said anything...exactly.
Did they catch kony?


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I went through the "holmies" tag on Tumblr--which led me to the "Ted Bundy" tag.

Why are these fandoms a thing omg

James Holmes Tumblr 'Holmies' Shock Internet - Yahoo! News
Last relaxer: 8.4.10
BC: 9.6.11

when will your favs?



Adversity is one of the most potent forces in life. It shapes your character, clarifies your priorities, and defines your path. It can also fuel your greatness.
I went through the "holmies" tag on Tumblr--which led me to the "Ted Bundy" tag.

Why are these fandoms a thing omg

James Holmes Tumblr 'Holmies' Shock Internet - Yahoo! News
Originally Posted by annabananalise
ahhh to be young again, when it was cool to like what everyone hated, because that made you cool because you were against the norm, and it gave you attention because you were soooooooooo fantastically edgy. Not.

Teenagers, pay them no mind. They'll learn, but nobody should waste time trying to make them learn today. Let's just hope they can't get their hands on guns and take em to schools, even though they probably can cause it's oh so easy.


I just remembered there was a shooting at this high school, where I go to uni. now I'm sad.
I used to say "guys" to refer to everyone all the time but I've recently tried to stop. I don't know why I decided to stop. I think it's because when I got older and started to be on the same level as other women ( and not just other kids) I didn't want to call those women "guys". Idk, it does come out occasionally out of habit though.

It's true that men are rarely refered to in a serious way as "boys". I remember being younger and getting a lecture about not calling men "boys". However, I never received a lecture on not calling a woman "girl". It's definitely a double standard. Either way, I try to use "ladies" most of the time.
Okay..so I guess he and I will talk tonight. It did feel very weird when he called ME female. But I don't know. I really honestly don't mean any harm when I say females. I don't go around saying.. "those females" or anything. Usually if I want to be a smartass about a group of ladies and/or girls..I'll say: HEFFAS. LOL!

But if it's a group of women and girls..I will indeed say.."Oh there were many females in the room" or something but I mean absolutely no disrespect at all. Not even thinking in those terms. I guess I just have never seen anything wrong or inappropriate about it. I guess my husband will school me tonight.

ETA: Oh and I noticed he used the term "guys". How come that's okay and females isn't ?
Originally Posted by *Marah*
First Marah! I LOVE YOUR HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!! It's like he took the words out of my mouth regarding this issue. He sounds like a very good, sweet man. And EVIDENTLY, he is in love with you

The problem with female is it can refer to ANYTHING on this planet that is of the female sex. ANYTHING. By calling women "females" you are intentionally ignoring the fact that they are humans just like you (gy--mean to be men specifically). It's usually men who have a problem with women who do this.

Guys is sex neutral. That is to say, when I call a man a guy, it is still implied that he is a human being. We don't refer to male animals as guys--only humans of the male sex.


Kuddos to your husband, but I knew he would know what's up!
Jo Somebody likes this.

Last edited by coilynapp; 08-02-2012 at 11:55 AM.
Saria.. don't be loving him too much because while I'm here home and been thinking about it..I think he's DEAD WRONG. And I'm going to tell him so. If he knew I'm running around sounding sexist,misogynistic, and down right ignorant... I don't understand why he didn't just correct me. To be frank, I'm highly embarrased. I didn't know that saying females when referring to women and girls collectively is disrespectful. And if my husband knows so much he could have told me..not just have me out here looking like boo boo da fool. I'm seriously kind of hot about it. I bet Alcide would have told me.. humph!
Originally Posted by *Marah*

Who are you kidding, there would be no talking between you and Alcide...he wouldn't tell you NUTHIN'

I too wondered about why he didn't correct you. But does he correct you about other things? Maybe he thought well, "My sweetheart is a woman, I don't think she means any harm by using 'females'" But I could be wrong. Maybe he just didn't think about it that much?

Ask him, I want to know!!!! LOL. I like the part of your conversation were he said "you say some interesting things"...but I love you though!!!!!!! Good save!
So, I read an old thread on coconut oil and decided to give it another try. I think my application was incorrect ( from what I read in that thread). Last time I just wasn't impressed but I want to give it another go.

You all were talking about a brand called "Nutiva" and aloe vera gel, right? I already use aloe vera gel regularly so I kniw how my hair reacts to that. Are you all using some kind of leave-in along with it or just the oil and the gel?

I plan on doing some experimenting with different combos this weekend. I'm picking up the coconut oil after work. I've read reviews on the brand already and it seems better that the brand I was using before so maybe that will make a difference as well.
I went to the health food store yesterday and was looking at the flaxseed and the guy clerk asked "Are you going to use that to make gel for your hair?" i said yes. I was so surprised he knew about that. How cute!!!

BTW he got me to buy this stuff called Fo-Ti root. He says it can prevent graying and also turn your grays back to original color. We'll see. He is my age and no grays.
Okay..so I guess he and I will talk tonight. It did feel very weird when he called ME female. But I don't know. I really honestly don't mean any harm when I say females. I don't go around saying.. "those females" or anything. Usually if I want to be a smartass about a group of ladies and/or girls..I'll say: HEFFAS. LOL!

But if it's a group of women and girls..I will indeed say.."Oh there were many females in the room" or something but I mean absolutely no disrespect at all. Not even thinking in those terms. I guess I just have never seen anything wrong or inappropriate about it. I guess my husband will school me tonight.

ETA: Oh and I noticed he used the term "guys". How come that's okay and females isn't ?
Originally Posted by *Marah*
First Marah! I LOVE YOUR HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!! It's like he took the words out of my mouth regarding this issue. He sounds like a very good, sweet man. And EVIDENTLY, he is in love with you

The problem with female is it can refer to ANYTHING on this planet that is of the female sex. ANYTHING. By calling women "females" you are intentionally ignoring the fact that they are humans just like you (gy--mean to be men specifically). It's usually men who have a problem with women who do this.

Guys is sex neutral. That is to say, when I call a man a guy, it is still implied that he is a human being. We don't refer to male animals as guys--only humans of the male sex.


Kuddos to your husband, but I knew he would know what's up!
Originally Posted by coilynapp
LOL.. thanks. He is an extremely nice man. But I am glad you knew that he would know what's up because I was thinking I was going to have to report back some stuff to set it off up on NC dot com. I do think I would have been extremely disappointed in him if he would have been fine with saying "females" now that I really understand the problem with it. My husband is college educated, well read, served his country for 6 years..and I would have been floored. And frankly, I feel I should have known better myself. No, the college I graduated from isn't as prestigious as his..but I'm not uneducated. I think if I would have really thought about it and what the implication of saying "females" means..I wouldn't have done it. But now that I know for sure.. I won't be repeating the mistake.

I am glad that I learned something from all this though even though we are having fun here at the same time. Very glad I didn't just brush this one off.

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