The New & Improved Say It I Dare You - Page 966

B-Nessa11 · 01-16-2013, 05:10 PM

I'm glad yall are n the mood for giving advice....
Me n my husband are separated right....no big deal foreal.
Long story short, after the ratchetness I told yall about I let all that go. But since my brother died things have not been the same with me. Again, long story short me n dh talked about separating and thought it would be good for both of us. I need to get out on my own and be alone. He has things going on too and we just aren't on the same level right now. It's going to be a complete separation n when I get my place we are probably going to go our separate ways completely. Just depends....

SO with that being said, I been talkin to a guy. He's cool. We've kicked it a couple times. Now I don't want a relationship of course, honestly I just want a dude I can get it on with and go about my business. My thing is, how do I express that in a non whorish way? LOL. As for him, I have a feeling that he already knows what I want out of this but still. I don't have much experience being single, nor having a friend with benefits but that's what I want. What do you guys think?

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

LeeLee182 · 01-16-2013, 05:15 PM

I'm so glad I've been upping my deep conditioning, it has definitely been helping my hair out on wash days. Plus the pre-treating has been nice.

adthomas · 01-16-2013, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soleilmoncur

I screwed up.

Don't worry. We all screw up. What's important is that we learn from it.
I will share one of my "man played me for stupid" experiences. I was dating this guy who lived out of state. He drove in often to see me. He begged me to get a plane ticket to go see him and offered to reimburse me for half the cost. So I booked $300 nonrefundable ticked and a week later he abruptly broke things off saying "I can't do this." When I calmed down I called and left a message asking "what about the $150 you owe me for this plane ticket." His blank blank never returned the call so I had to eat it. I was really hurt. A year later he called me and told me he had gone to alcohol rehab and apologized for how he treated me. Never did get my money though.
.

adthomas · 01-16-2013, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by B-Nessa11

I'm glad yall are n the mood for giving advice....
Me n my husband are separated right....no big deal foreal.
Long story short, after the ratchetness I told yall about I let all that go. But since my brother died things have not been the same with me. Again, long story short me n dh talked about separating and thought it would be good for both of us. I need to get out on my own and be alone. He has things going on too and we just aren't on the same level right now. It's going to be a complete separation n when I get my place we are probably going to go our separate ways completely. Just depends....

SO with that being said, I been talkin to a guy. He's cool. We've kicked it a couple times. Now I don't want a relationship of course, honestly I just want a dude I can get it on with and go about my business. My thing is, how do I express that in a non whorish way? LOL. As for him, I have a feeling that he already knows what I want out of this but still. I don't have much experience being single, nor having a friend with benefits but that's what I want. What do you guys think?

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

IMO getting intimate with this guy while you're still married and have not ruled out getting back with hubby is a VERY BAD IDEA. If you do get back with your husband, having jumped in bed with another guy may be a lasting painful issue in your relationship. Are you willing to accept if he has a jumpoff too? And if you do get together with the other guy please please do not bring him around your child. It would be very confusing as to why is this man who is not my mom's husband is kissing her. Actually if you and your husband have agreed to see other people I think you should talk about ground rules about who can be around your kids. I had cousins who had new "daddies" all the time. They would get attached to their mama's latest piece and then the dude would be gone and the kids would be upset. Have you considered taking this time to be alone and work on you and your grief instead of focusing on a man?

B-Nessa11 · 01-16-2013, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adthomas

Quote:

Originally Posted by B-Nessa11

I'm glad yall are n the mood for giving advice....
Me n my husband are separated right....no big deal foreal.
Long story short, after the ratchetness I told yall about I let all that go. But since my brother died things have not been the same with me. Again, long story short me n dh talked about separating and thought it would be good for both of us. I need to get out on my own and be alone. He has things going on too and we just aren't on the same level right now. It's going to be a complete separation n when I get my place we are probably going to go our separate ways completely. Just depends....

SO with that being said, I been talkin to a guy. He's cool. We've kicked it a couple times. Now I don't want a relationship of course, honestly I just want a dude I can get it on with and go about my business. My thing is, how do I express that in a non whorish way? LOL. As for him, I have a feeling that he already knows what I want out of this but still. I don't have much experience being single, nor having a friend with benefits but that's what I want. What do you guys think?

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

IMO getting intimate with this guy while you're still married and have not ruled out getting back with hubby is a VERY BAD IDEA. If you do get back with your husband, having jumped in bed with another guy may be a lasting painful issue in your relationship. Are you willing to accept if he has a jumpoff too? And if you do get together with the other guy please please do not bring him around your child. It would be very confusing as to why is this man who is not my mom's husband is kissing her. Actually if you and your husband have agreed to see other people I think you should talk about ground rules about who can be around your kids. I had cousins who had new "daddies" all the time. They would get attached to their mama's latest piece and then the dude would be gone and the kids would be upset. Have you considered taking this time to be alone and work on you and your grief instead of focusing on a man?

Yea. Me n him talked about seeing other ppl. I'm totally fine with it and he has agreed the same, however I don't plan on telling him about this because that would just cause extra issue. At this point I don't really see us getting back together if nothing changes. We are just existing tgt... Last year he actually wanted to split because he said he didn't love me the same way as before but we ended up trying again. Mostly because I was not "ready". We did try and I think the love came back a little but its definitely not the same.

As far as bringing someone around my daughter yea I'm not doing that at all. He has a child too and I am not expecting to be around his. This would just be a we kick it every now n then type thing. I'm not trying to get a man, technically I have one.

My main focus is on my baby, school, and getting my brother's album out (coming n May btw!!)
Dude would just be somethin extra on the side I'm contemplating.

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

murrrcat · 01-16-2013, 06:19 PM

it honestly sounds like you're jumping the gun with this other guy. Way too fast.

I know the heart feels and the vulva feels be very powerful but sometimes you need to listen to your brain.

You just said you don't see you and hubs getting back together and then you said you don't see yourself in a relationship with this guy because you technically still have a man.

That sounds a little bit rude to your hubs. Like if anything bad happens or your feels get hurt, it's okay because you're still technically together with someone and not alone. Like your husband is your fallback. But you're not together....

B-Nessa11 · 01-16-2013, 06:22 PM

Do you think regardless of what I'm SAYING that I should just let that go? I mean, there's no benefit to me other than getting some.

I guess with my husband its like I do love him but I don't want him. I think I'm still in love with him but I don't really wana be with him. I don't want to "be with" anyone. The past year so much stuff went on with me and him and I think I changed emotionally. He's a great person, father etc. But I feel like I'm not the same person I was in July, or in December when my brother died. It's hard to explain that to him without me thinking that he's just going to translate that into it being his fault when its not.

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

B-Nessa11 · 01-16-2013, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by murrrcat

it honestly sounds like you're jumping the gun with this other guy. Way too fast.

I know the heart feels and the vulva feels be very powerful but sometimes you need to listen to your brain.

You just said you don't see you and hubs getting back together and then you said you don't see yourself in a relationship with this guy because you technically still have a man.

That sounds a little bit rude to your hubs. Like if anything bad happens or your feels get hurt, it's okay because you're still technically together with someone and not alone. Like your husband is your fallback. But you're not together....

Oh, yea let me restate that. When I say I still have a man I mean like on paper I'm still married. Its a bad reasoning but I would not want to get a boyfriend while I'm still actually married. But yea I get what u mean.

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

murrrcat · 01-16-2013, 06:33 PM

oh bnessa if you want to get it on, go for it. Just make sure you triple think about it and know exactly what you want. I don't think the guy would think you're bad, if you tell him you're not really trying to get into anything, and he feels the same way, why not. lol

B-Nessa11 · 01-16-2013, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by murrrcat

oh bnessa if you want to get it on, go for it. Just make sure you triple think about it and know exactly what you want. I don't think the guy would think you're bad, if you tell him you're not really trying to get into anything, and he feels the same way, why not. lol

That's what my evil side is saying! I halfway don't care if he thinks I'm bad I just need a yes or no and agreement that he'll go get his tests updated and show me da paperwork. But I mean, since he's 24, and guys his age tend to have the "ooh she's thirsty" type mentality about women that's another thing holding me back from just being like hey can we screw on da weekends? Drink some kool-aid? Watch some netflix before I go home? Like fr fr. And netflix is an option. I'll just go home lol

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

murrrcat · 01-16-2013, 06:49 PM

I don't think you're thirsty, lol.

I mean he could say you're thirsty because he's immature, but you're calling the shots here.

B-Nessa11 · 01-16-2013, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by murrrcat

I don't think you're thirsty, lol.

I mean he could say you're thirsty because he's immature, but you're calling the shots here.

Twitter time! #Truuuu
LOL.
Yea and he seems mature but of course a dude can seem a lot of things. But I do know one thing. If I attempt to text him (which is what we mostly do) and I don't get anything back. I'm just guna say forget it. Cuz Im an attention whore sometimes. And if I don't think I'm getting it the right way I'll be a b*tch lol. So that being said all of this depends on the remainder of the week...

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

adthomas · 01-16-2013, 07:00 PM

I wouldn't want to open that door until I knew I was ready to close the one behind me. But you have to make the best decision for you and yours. I only would encourage you to look at the possible consequences and make sure you are ready to accept them. We sometimes say we can make sex just physical but feelings can get attached over time even unintentionally. This new man would obviously be free to have other FWB and women can be messy and jealous as heck. Phone calls. Repeatedly Driving by your house all slow. Trying to fight you. Busted windows. I have seen it. Not to mention hubby's jumpoffs trying to clown because they want to throw it in your face they are banging your man. Might be in store for drama. Definitely stay safe and protect yourself. Wishing you the best.

murrrcat · 01-16-2013, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adthomas

I wouldn't want to open that door until I knew I was ready to close the one behind me. But you have to make the best decision for you and yours. I only would encourage you to look at the possible consequences and make sure you are ready to accept them. We sometimes say we can make sex just physical but feelings can get attached over time even unintentionally. This new man would obviously be free to have other FWB and women can be messy and jealous as heck. Phone calls. Repeatedly Driving by your house all slow. Trying to fight you. Busted windows. I have seen it. Not to mention hubby's jumpoffs trying to clown because they want to throw it in your face they are banging your man. Might be in store for drama. Definitely stay safe and protect yourself. Wishing you the best.

HAHAHAHHA. I just remembered a story like this...

yea be careful, you might get flat tires...or your car scratched to pieces.

I DON'T CARE HOW IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE I THOUGHT I WAS , I would never mess with someone else's property that costs money and could cause me to get involved with the law. people give no effs these days.

B-Nessa11 · 01-16-2013, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adthomas

I wouldn't want to open that door until I knew I was ready to close the one behind me. But you have to make the best decision for you and yours. I only would encourage you to look at the possible consequences and make sure you are ready to accept them. We sometimes say we can make sex just physical but feelings can get attached over time even unintentionally. This new man would obviously be free to have other FWB and women can be messy and jealous as heck. Phone calls. Repeatedly Driving by your house all slow. Trying to fight you. Busted windows. I have seen it. Not to mention hubby's jumpoffs trying to clown because they want to throw it in your face they are banging your man. Might be in store for drama. Definitely stay safe and protect yourself. Wishing you the best.

True. Unintentional feelings is what I'm trying to avoid. Cuz I don't need that at all. I didn't think about the extra dramas that may come about. N we can't even speaks of stds. Omg. worst fear of my life

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

ss40 · 01-16-2013, 07:27 PM

Mai Tai Tao's dead girlfriend was never real? What in the name of James Harden's beard? He got catfished.

These are my curlfessions

CocoT · 01-16-2013, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by B-Nessa11

Quote:

Originally Posted by adthomas

I wouldn't want to open that door until I knew I was ready to close the one behind me. But you have to make the best decision for you and yours. I only would encourage you to look at the possible consequences and make sure you are ready to accept them. We sometimes say we can make sex just physical but feelings can get attached over time even unintentionally. This new man would obviously be free to have other FWB and women can be messy and jealous as heck. Phone calls. Repeatedly Driving by your house all slow. Trying to fight you. Busted windows. I have seen it. Not to mention hubby's jumpoffs trying to clown because they want to throw it in your face they are banging your man. Might be in store for drama. Definitely stay safe and protect yourself. Wishing you the best.

True. Unintentional feelings is what I'm trying to avoid. Cuz I don't need that at all. I didn't think about the extra dramas that may come about. N we can't even speaks of stds. Omg. worst fear of my life

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

Well that's what you risk when you have sexual relations with someone. Ever hear of oxytocin?

Quote:

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone. When we hug or kiss a loved one, oxytocin levels drive up. It also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. In fact, the hormone plays a huge role in pair bonding. Prairie voles, one of nature's most monogamous species, produce oxytocin in spades. This hormone is also greatly stimulated during sex, birth, breast feeding, and the list goes on. http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/oxytocin

juanab · 01-16-2013, 07:47 PM

B-Nessa not to sound insensitive, but get a toy. You have way too much going on right now from an emotional/mental standpoint to introduce another potential stressor in your life. You cannot predict how another person is going to act no matter what you tell them or what they say.

Please focus on your daughter, healing from your grief of losing your brother and determining whether you want to continue with your marriage.

B-Nessa11 · 01-16-2013, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CocoT

Quote:

Originally Posted by B-Nessa11

Quote:

Originally Posted by adthomas

I wouldn't want to open that door until I knew I was ready to close the one behind me. But you have to make the best decision for you and yours. I only would encourage you to look at the possible consequences and make sure you are ready to accept them. We sometimes say we can make sex just physical but feelings can get attached over time even unintentionally. This new man would obviously be free to have other FWB and women can be messy and jealous as heck. Phone calls. Repeatedly Driving by your house all slow. Trying to fight you. Busted windows. I have seen it. Not to mention hubby's jumpoffs trying to clown because they want to throw it in your face they are banging your man. Might be in store for drama. Definitely stay safe and protect yourself. Wishing you the best.

True. Unintentional feelings is what I'm trying to avoid. Cuz I don't need that at all. I didn't think about the extra dramas that may come about. N we can't even speaks of stds. Omg. worst fear of my life

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

Well that's what you risk when you have sexual relations with someone. Ever hear of oxytocin?

Quote:

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone. When we hug or kiss a loved one, oxytocin levels drive up. It also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. In fact, the hormone plays a huge role in pair bonding. Prairie voles, one of nature's most monogamous species, produce oxytocin in spades. This hormone is also greatly stimulated during sex, birth, breast feeding, and the list goes on. http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/oxytocin

Interesting

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.

B-Nessa11 · 01-16-2013, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by juanab

B-Nessa not to sound insensitive, but get a toy. You have way too much going on right now from an emotional/mental standpoint to introduce another potential stressor in your life. You cannot predict how another person is going to act no matter what you tell them or what they say.

Please focus on your daughter, healing from your grief of losing your brother and determining whether you want to continue with your marriage.

You don't sound insensitive. You sound truthful.

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.