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Old 01-20-2012, 10:05 AM   #1
KF<3's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Unhappy My Mother Hates Her Hair

She straightens it all the time (it looks terribly unhealthy), and I know she thinks she's ugly. Which is sad.

But her hatred goes deeper than that. When she was growing up she had a terrible (white) mother who was racist against her own daughter for being bi-racial. She literally neglected her since she was a toddler and embarrassed her constantly. When we moved to the middleast (my dad's middleastern) people were racist against my mom & me because maids there are all black. My own aunt's even nicknamed me and & my mom "maid hair".

She says she's jealous of my hair (3b/3c) and said she wouldn't straighten it all the time if it look like mine because her hair is just "a bunch of fuzz". I don't know what to do, because my mother has a lot of issues growing up, and I can't just magically make her love her hair...but I want her to embrace it.

The thing is, she gets very uncomfortable talking about her hair and when I bring it up she says "I don't really want to talk about it" when I say to her if she wouldn't mind going to a curly hair specialist, she says she doesn't want to. Should I show her pictures of all the lovely women with 4b hair? I just don't know what to do. She's just so unhappy all the time.

Any help? I just want my mom to feel good about herself.

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Old 01-20-2012, 07:34 PM   #2
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I say show her the pictures and tell her with the right care she can definitely have beautiful 4b hair! Tell her to try twistouts! Bantu knot outs, etc. There are so many styles type 4's can do with their hair that she is probably not aware of.

But honestly, if it doesn't work, then maybe being natural just isn't for her, y'know?
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Old 01-20-2012, 08:20 PM   #3
Join Date: Feb 2011
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I think even if you just showing her how to take care of her straightened hair will be good, having healthy hair period will boost her self esteem.

Also since the issues are deep rooted have you talked about therapy?
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Old 01-20-2012, 10:54 PM   #4
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I tried talking to my mom for years about proper hair care with no luck and she has looser hair than I do. It is hard to get rid of old insecurities. She would admire my hair but not take my advice. Finally one of her old college buddies bced and then my mom decided to do it too. I guess it was more convincing coming from someone her own age.
"More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them." - Harold J. Smith.
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Old 01-21-2012, 06:15 AM   #5
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Oh poor you and your poor mum. She is so lucky to have you, you sound so caring. I agree with DaiseeDay, with her self esteem being so low, perhaps talking her feelings through with someone 'neutral' is the best starting point and hopefully she will gradually start to love herself and everything else will then fall into place, including learning to love her natural hair.

Best wishes x.
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Old 01-21-2012, 09:23 AM   #6
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I have tried to talk to my mom about therapy, but she doesn't want it (though I think that would be the most helpful thing for her...she's a bit stubborn)

But thanks for all the advice. I guess I can talk to her about healthier straightening for now.

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