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Old 12-23-2012, 05:18 PM   #1
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
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Default Breaking Up with my Natural Hair

My hairstory:

Since the age of 6, I had a relaxer. My hair was a great length and I never had the struggles that some people have had with relaxers. When I made my journey through college, I did not have the luxury of having a beautician to do my hair regularly like I did when I was at home. Not only did I love getting my hair done, I also enjoyed going to the shop and hanging with the ladies.

When I graduated and moved to Philadelphia, I attempted to find this same type of environment. 5 beauticians later, nothing stuck. I was so upset with how reliant I was upon going to hair salons, that I decided to go natural in 2009.

The first 3 years were fine, mainly because I did protective styling all the way through. Although these styles would take forever, I did not mind (let's just say the recession was not friendly to me after graduation so I had all the time in the world .

In 2011, I entered graduate school and that's when my hair really became a problem. I did not realize that a wash and set took almost 5 hours for me to complete. Putting studying as a priority, I fell off on my hair. Additionally being a student I also noticed how much I was spending on hair products. Since 2009, I have spent approximately 2700 dollars on hair products.

Fast forward to today, when I broke down crying to my boyfriend over my hair. Whenever I want to straighten my hair it takes me 6-7 hours to complete. Whenever I get it professionally straightened, it only lasts 1-2 days because when I work out it gets frizzy. Whenever it is in its natural state, I have to moisturize three times a day just to get it to feel moisturized. I've also tried every regimen and food hair care as well.

While I love my natural hair and that of others, I am simply tired with how much time it takes out of my life to maintain. I initially went natural because I thought I would no longer have to be so overwhelmed with my hair or the thought that 8 weeks from now I need to get an appointment somewhere to get my hair done. Now, my hair has taken over a lot of my times, especially on the weekends when I should be hanging with my bf.

I don't want a relaxer because I am having some eurocentric obsession with straight hair, I want one because I am a low-maintenance kind of girl. The only makeup I own is some carmex lip balm and black eyeliner. I hate spending more than 2 minutes getting dressed, I'm 25 and only own 2 purses, I can't remember the last time I painted my nails and pedicures consist of lathering my feet with vaseline with a pair of socks. I just want to know when I wrap my hair up at night it won't be pushed up to the side like a piece of cake.

I know it's my hair...but I guess I feel guilty, like I've given up on the community. Thoughts??
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Old 12-23-2012, 05:24 PM   #2
 
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I say just do what makes u happy. I know there are a lot of ladies who can give u tips on how to manage your hair more efficiently. But I say, if u have no issue with relaxer and that's what u would prefer. Nothin wrong with it.
I liked my relaxed hair but I dont know how to relax my hair anymore lol. And I don't like the bone straightness of the shop. I got my hair flatironed and I liked it for a while but it's so boring and it really doesn't fit the woman I am anymore. I had to wash it cuz I was looking at it with an ugly face lol.
Anyway! Just do what feels right for u!

How can I say goodbye P.L.G.
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Old 12-23-2012, 05:31 PM   #3
 
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Do whatever makes you happy, not frustrate you. Whether that be relax, rectitude, big chop, wear wigs, twist out, extensions, braids or absolutely nothing. I cut my hair into a bob and it takes do much less work now than it did when it was long. I don't think hair should be a lot of work or take an insane amount of money/products to "tame." No one has time for all that. Whatever makes you get up and go is all you need

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Old 12-23-2012, 06:33 PM   #4
 
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Totally agree with all the previous posters. Do what makes you happy. U shldnt feel guilty at all because ultimately it's yr hair - yr life & yr not living yr life to someone else's ideals.

I'm a low maintenance chic as well - lip balm + eyeliner and that's it.

I've become efficient though at washing my hair, styling etc. but finding an efficient regime that works for me took a bit time with research & trial and error.

So it takes me 30mins minimum now for WnG. But then I just moisturise for 2nd & 3rd day hair which takes 5 mins and I can do that the night before.

I know the feeling though. I'd love to have low maintenance hair where I could just wake up and go and look fantastic everyday. I have a feeling that even if I did - I might be trying some product on it anyway.

Best of luck! Behind you all the way - no matter what choice u make 💗
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Old 12-23-2012, 08:18 PM   #5
 
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Just take care of your relaxed hair and if you ever decide to go natural again do it when you have time
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Old 12-23-2012, 09:31 PM   #6
 
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Girl do you. At the end of the day you tried it.to be honest i don't think any of us anticipated so much work when we first went natural i know i didn't! I thought i would never have to trim...HA!!!. But i did it because i wanted to know my hair and have control of it and not the other way around. the time spent doing my hair is a part of my life not time wasted.

With the demands you have im sure low maintenance would be key, like ps (and its good for your hair). There are naturals who are business owners, full time moms,friends,and family members and make it work. But not everyone is the same. give up on natural hair because you want, its your hair don't come on here and try to get approvals because you may or may not get it. The decision is ultimately up to you wether you feel guilty or not.
Good luck

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2. "Being natural must be the new crack cus im hooked!!"

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Old 12-23-2012, 10:20 PM   #7
 
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It doesn't have to take that long. Its been three years, your hair can probably go in a ponytail or better yet a bun. That style takes five minutes. If you use silicones and a sufate free shampoo that cleans hair of silicones, that decreases detangling time. If you use a good heavy product consisting of a collection of heavy butters, or even dax (if you wish to) and apply it to hair that is still wet after your conditioning routine, that should at least keep your hair moisturized for a few days. You see natural hair in that of itself is not hard. It is what we tell ourselves about natural hair that is. Its drier more fragile more of a nightmare inferior. These things just aren't true. Our hair has a textured feeling to the touch, this is not dryness. Our hair when it gets longer than six inches starts to knot, this is actually common in most hair textures. Finer kinkier hair tends to snap more easily, not because its kinky, but because its fine and needs a protein treatment every once and again. As long as you have weekends, you will have time to deep condition and wash your hair and put simply, that is really all your hair needs you to do. You can get cheap products from the drug store, and as long as your conditioner is slippy and you incorporate a natural oil or two from your local grocer, you are good to go. It is not that our our hair is hard, it is our attitude towards it. Believe me, I am trying to teach myself this as I am typing it.
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Old 12-23-2012, 10:56 PM   #8
 
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Please do you. I can relate to your story. I didn't want to relax my hair anymore or spend that much money so now, I cut it really short and now I'm regrowing it back but refusing to spend so much on my.hair

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Old 12-23-2012, 11:23 PM   #9
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkbeautytt View Post
Please do you. I can relate to your story. I didn't want to relax my hair anymore or spend that much money so now, I cut it really short and now I'm regrowing it back but refusing to spend so much on my.hair

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using CurlTalk App
i second this although being natural can be a hassle to some we gain knowledge and know better than to go back to chemical relaxers if it doesn't work for us. I know alot of naturals who keep their hair short for the sake of maintenance and time.





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__________________
hair type: 4a VERY dense

hair goal
= WL Aug. 23, 2013

My hair LOVES oil

2. "Being natural must be the new crack cus im hooked!!"

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is
perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

www.fotki.com/dee-nature-619


Last edited by dee-nature; 12-25-2012 at 01:15 AM.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:30 AM   #10
 
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Have you thought about a texturizer? If you absolutely feel like maintaining your natural hair won't work for you & you don't need straight hair, then a texturizer is a midpoint between the two. It's still a chemical process but the results are a looser curl.

Also, hair will grow back. If you decide to relax and hate it, you can always revert back to natural. Good luck with whatever you decide!
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:56 AM   #11
 
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I don't understand the whole "natural hair is expensive" mind set. I don't spend a lot of money. And when I did spend more it was still nowhere near that $60 or $70 i was paying a salon for a releaxer. And honestly I have found my hair dislikes most expensive braids Oidad, hair rules, cD, curl solutions were all flops.
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Old 12-25-2012, 01:18 AM   #12
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by adthomas View Post
I don't understand the whole "natural hair is expensive" mind set. I don't spend a lot of money. And when I did spend more it was still nowhere near that $60 or $70 i was paying a salon for a releaxer. And honestly I have found my hair dislikes most expensive braids Oidad, hair rules, cD, curl solutions were all flops.
agree. Products is just like accessories i can do fine with shea butter, a conditioner, a leave in and water



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__________________
hair type: 4a VERY dense

hair goal
= WL Aug. 23, 2013

My hair LOVES oil

2. "Being natural must be the new crack cus im hooked!!"

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is
perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

www.fotki.com/dee-nature-619

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Old 12-25-2012, 12:35 PM   #13
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dee-nature View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by adthomas View Post
I don't understand the whole "natural hair is expensive" mind set. I don't spend a lot of money. And when I did spend more it was still nowhere near that $60 or $70 i was paying a salon for a releaxer. And honestly I have found my hair dislikes most expensive braids Oidad, hair rules, cD, curl solutions were all flops.
agree. Products is just like accessories i can do fine with shea butter, a conditioner, a leave in and water



Sent from my MB612 using CurlTalk App
+ 1 in my hair right now is li (TN mixed with avj) sealed with jojoba oil and whipped shea butter. Switch shea for flaxseed gel and that's me in the summer. So if people are spending a lot it is because they want to. But I don't see blaming natural hair for a money crunch. Also for example if there is a pricier styler someone loves she can spend less on shampoos or butters to compensate. Or stock up during sales.

Oh and earlier I meant brands, not braids. This darn phone. Lol
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Old 12-25-2012, 07:53 PM   #14
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRSGUMMY123 View Post
My hairstory:

Since the age of 6, I had a relaxer. My hair was a great length and I never had the struggles that some people have had with relaxers. When I made my journey through college, I did not have the luxury of having a beautician to do my hair regularly like I did when I was at home. Not only did I love getting my hair done, I also enjoyed going to the shop and hanging with the ladies.

When I graduated and moved to Philadelphia, I attempted to find this same type of environment. 5 beauticians later, nothing stuck. I was so upset with how reliant I was upon going to hair salons, that I decided to go natural in 2009.

The first 3 years were fine, mainly because I did protective styling all the way through. Although these styles would take forever, I did not mind (let's just say the recession was not friendly to me after graduation so I had all the time in the world .

In 2011, I entered graduate school and that's when my hair really became a problem. I did not realize that a wash and set took almost 5 hours for me to complete. Putting studying as a priority, I fell off on my hair. Additionally being a student I also noticed how much I was spending on hair products. Since 2009, I have spent approximately 2700 dollars on hair products.

Fast forward to today, when I broke down crying to my boyfriend over my hair. Whenever I want to straighten my hair it takes me 6-7 hours to complete. Whenever I get it professionally straightened, it only lasts 1-2 days because when I work out it gets frizzy. Whenever it is in its natural state, I have to moisturize three times a day just to get it to feel moisturized. I've also tried every regimen and food hair care as well.

While I love my natural hair and that of others, I am simply tired with how much time it takes out of my life to maintain. I initially went natural because I thought I would no longer have to be so overwhelmed with my hair or the thought that 8 weeks from now I need to get an appointment somewhere to get my hair done. Now, my hair has taken over a lot of my times, especially on the weekends when I should be hanging with my bf.

I don't want a relaxer because I am having some eurocentric obsession with straight hair, I want one because I am a low-maintenance kind of girl. The only makeup I own is some carmex lip balm and black eyeliner. I hate spending more than 2 minutes getting dressed, I'm 25 and only own 2 purses, I can't remember the last time I painted my nails and pedicures consist of lathering my feet with vaseline with a pair of socks. I just want to know when I wrap my hair up at night it won't be pushed up to the side like a piece of cake.

I know it's my hair...but I guess I feel guilty, like I've given up on the community. Thoughts??
I completely understand where you are coming from, natural hair does take a lot of time and dedication. For me I've come to several points where i've wanted to break up with my hair & just chop it all off mostly because I have no idea what to do with my "unique" mane. I say do what works best for you, you can always go back natural when the time is right for you.
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Products I use & love:
Cantu Shea Butter Leave-In Conditioning Cream
Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk
Trader Joe's Nourish Spa Moisturizing Conditioner
Alberto Vo5 Moisture Milks Conditioner: Passion Fruit Smoothie
Alberto Vo5 Tea Therapy Chamomile Tea Nourishing Conditioner
Curls Unleashed Sulfate Free Shampoo & Leave-In Conditioner
Oils: Coconut

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Last edited by CurlyBeauty_Jay; 12-25-2012 at 08:04 PM.
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Old 01-05-2013, 08:36 AM   #15
 
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I understand how you feel OP. The same feeling led me to cut off 14 inches of hair in August and start over. Do what you want--it's you who has to live with the choices you make every day.
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