Why do I feel so guilty?

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  • 4 Post By scrills
  • 3 Post By adthomas
  • 1 Post By NoodleNaps

I'm new to this, but I wanted the views of people who can relate to my situation honestly.
I'm 27 and my hair is natural Type 4c. I often read about the experiences of other women with my hair type and feel inspired by how fascinated and candid they are about their natural hair journey.

My observation however is that most of these proud "Naturals" differ from me in one key way I've kept my hair natural for my entire life minus 2 &1/2 years in my twenties. And they've had their hair permed or altered since childhood.
My family was very strict and conservative and style was absent when it came to my hair. I was also a tomboy and I have no hair styling skills.
I feel stressed, sad and exasperated at the time and energy it takes for me to try to make my hair look as nice as others with my lacklustre skills; and most products never seem to be right for my hair type.

I've never experiment with braids, cuts, colours, wigs and weaves or anything different and I feel like a failure and a sell out for wanting to change my natural hair for something else.

Am I being lazy for wanting to give up the natural hair for a second time in so many years or is this a simple case of an appetite for something new.
I feel guilty!

Thoughts????
Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this. Perhaps ask a moderator to move this to the general or 4 section- you will probably get more responses.

I'm lazy with my hair too. But if you're looking for change, perhaps putting in some effort into learning some new techniques and skills will give you the change you need! . It seems a lot of people with very tightly curly hair can go longer between washing/ styling so once you learn the rigt techniques, it might not be that much "work", you know? YouTube has tons of how to videos- I've learned so much from them and this site.

Good luck! You're not alone.
2C/ Coarse/ Normal porosity/ SW Florida/ Salt & Pepper
Cleanse: CJ Daily Fix, JC Cleansing Cream, TJ Tea Tree Condish
Condish: JC Too Shea, CJ Curl Rehab (both as RO & LI)
Stylers: UFD CM, CJ PP, JC Spiralicious, Darcy's Cream Gel & Cocoa bean whip
What if you do braids or wigs or weaves so you don't have to commit to a relaxer? You would have versatility to change it up whenever you wanted or to go back to your texture if that's what you felt like doing. Or i know im not suppose to say this but texturize. My cousin loves doing that and i did it Once a few years ago. It didnt really make that much of a difference in my curl pattern (3c/4a) but it made it easier to deal with. Now i need gel to keep the frizzes away but with the texturizer i only used leave in conditioner. Personally, relaxers were the worst for me. Not the relaxer itself but the process. My mom had no interest in doing my hair so from the time I was 3 it was off to the beauty shop every Saturday until I was 18 and realized I didn't have to go. And it would take hours with all the talking and gossip that went on it was an all day affair so Im probably just biased against the whole process because of that.
We all go through this. I've basically had the same hairstyle for 10 years.

2 weeks ago I got bored and straigtened my hair. Last summer I went red (and I love it, and I don't plan on going back anytime soon)

I agree with verils. try something new. I don't think there is anything wrong with that and its completely natural to be curious. Play around with less permanant options for awhile.

What about going to a stylist and having them try something new for you?
Learning to care and style your hair is a process and for most people not an easy one. Even a lot for us "proud" naturals started off lost and confused. I know I was totally ignorant about how to care for natural hair when I did my bc. It has taken me years to figure out what works for my hair and even that changes with the seasons. I still screw up now and then especially with proten. Getting this far took a lot of trial and error so if you're not experimenting then you're not going to find your answers. Also be honest with yourself about whether it's your hair or your outlook on what looks good that's the problem. If someone still has a mental picture that straight flowy hair is the ideal then they're not going to happy no matter what their kinky hair looks like. Best of luck and feel free to ask questions. We're here to support one another.
Not much to add to the great advice already given except to reassure you that it's normal to go through these phases. Having now been natural for most of my adult life, I still go through bouts of exasperation (like right now over dryness, knots and general boredom). The suggestion to make a less permanent change is a good one: maybe braids, or some colour (see a professional). But adthomas also made a valid point on your outlook on hair, so that may be something to think about too. Hope it all works out!
adthomas likes this.
Products in current rotation:

Terressentials Pure Earth Mud Wash; Elucence MBC (now really just for cowashing, leg shaving or emergencies); Curl Junkie: Repair Me, Deep Fix, Curl Rehab; AOHSR (retiring); Oyin Handmade: Honey Hemp, Hair Dew, J&B; Qhemet Biologics: BRBC (retiring- prefer Oyin HD), AOHC, OHHB; Jojoba Oil for scalp; Castor Oil or Shea butter to seal; Henna & Ayurvedic pastes when I can be bothered.

Still searching for the perfect stylers, but loving CJ CIAB over everything so far
I'm new to this, but I wanted the views of people who can relate to my situation honestly.
I'm 27 and my hair is natural Type 4c. I often read about the experiences of other women with my hair type and feel inspired by how fascinated and candid they are about their natural hair journey.

My observation however is that most of these proud "Naturals" differ from me in one key way I've kept my hair natural for my entire life minus 2 &1/2 years in my twenties. And they've had their hair permed or altered since childhood.
My family was very strict and conservative and style was absent when it came to my hair. I was also a tomboy and I have no hair styling skills.
I feel stressed, sad and exasperated at the time and energy it takes for me to try to make my hair look as nice as others with my lacklustre skills; and most products never seem to be right for my hair type.

I've never experiment with braids, cuts, colours, wigs and weaves or anything different and I feel like a failure and a sell out for wanting to change my natural hair for something else.

Am I being lazy for wanting to give up the natural hair for a second time in so many years or is this a simple case of an appetite for something new.
I feel guilty!

Thoughts????
Originally Posted by MsHonesty
There is nothing wrong with wanting a change or feeling overwhelmed as we all have done at some point. I would suggest before making any drastic changes to your hair, maybe try a wig, hat or scarf (with protective twists underneath, maybe) to give yourself a few more general styling options without doing anything irrevocable to your hair.

I, too go back and forth with the idea of relaxers, then go through the pangs of transitioning, when I still don't have what I'm looking for. I don't know, yet, but have found that wigs and hats are a nice change of pace when unsure of what direction to take.

In any case, like the women on the board suggest, dealing with one's hair will take time and lots of patience. Good luck!

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