The whole straight-haired thing is a trap IMO because, okay let's say you go straight and - maybe because you're more confident - you attract more men. Alright, but then there's also a fair chance one or more of the guys you end up with will be rejecting
of your natural hair at some point because he expected you to stick with some slightly Eurocentric version of yourself. But the guy who will accept you in all your beautiful, natural glory ... now HE is a keeper
... My husband met me when I was curly, and I'm happy that's the case. I knew some guys would always be put off by curls, but then those weren't the ones I was interested in dating.
You read stories in various natural hair forums about women who wore their hair a certain way to attract men, and then did (what he perceived as ... ) a bait-n-switch by going natural and it created a problem in the r-ship and undermined her self-esteem
Because even if she "gets her way" and wears her hair natural despite his protests, she's still left with that feeling of rejection. I KNOW I would feel plenty hurt by that.
Anyway, congrats for all the effort you've put into your journey. I agree with others that there are styles you could explore. Maybe there are fellow curlies in person or online to help give you encouragement. Maybe you have hair idols whose pics you can revisit too. Please don't give up just yet. Coily/curly/wavy hair is sexy as HELL