RingletControl Please

Melecrystal · 09-04-2008, 12:24 PM

I am the adoptive mother of a multi race special needs little girl with beautiful hair. It is soft, shinny, and incrediably thick. I say she went through the hair line in heaven 6 or 7 times before she was born!

She is very smart, but developmentaly delayed due to many medical conditions when she was born. She likes having her hair worked with but lacks long term patience. I usually work on her hair no more than 30-45 minutes at a time while she watches videos.

Anyway, she has very fine ringlets. I only comb with dampened, moistureized hair and use a wide tooth comb always. However, she is very active and in short time, she looks like a bush! A happy bush, but a bush. I braid, etc and so forth to keep it partially under control but would like to do more to keep her from looking like she is about to take flight.

What I thought I would like to do would be to take the ringlets and make them a little more "combined". I would like to aim more for the look of Gloria Reuben. Would a light

? I want something that doesn't have to be constantly be repeated every few days. Once every 3-4 months is better.

All thoughts would be appreciated. I love her hair. I just want to save her basic natural hair with only minor adj to make hair care eaiser on her. She has had enough "messing with" due to medical interventation in her life and only tolerates so much with her hair. I only want to keep it clean, shinney and relatively knot free.

Sheryl

mothereartha · 09-04-2008, 06:38 PM

she looks like a doll...if you read the 4a and 4b threads, you will learn alot...the 4a thread is much more informative right now. moisture, moisture, moisture is key and will help with clumping or as you put it combining of her hair..start with a lot of co-washing or washing her hair with conditioner, leave-in conditioner, and then a styler of choice...or for easiness' sake, just put her hair in twists with a butter or creme styler and then a few days later take them out and she'll have a look that will last...good luck

Melecrystal · 09-04-2008, 10:51 PM

She is gorgeous, a loving, active, spitfire! She is a twin, too. Her twin is a brother with larger ringlets. He got incredabily long eyelashes, dimples, big brown eyes, wonderful brown eyes, a beautiful smile and is full of mischief. She was born at 1 lb 9 oz and he was 2 lbs 4 ozs. They were left by their parents in the hospital in anticipation of their death. He spent 7 mths in the hospital NICU, she spent 1 year and then the following two years on ventilator. When I met them at 7 mths old, she was 4 lbs 2 oz and he was 11 lbs 4 oz.

She is profoundly deaf, has damaged lungs (can't tell it by the way she runs around) extrememly poor vision (see prior comment), severe acid reflux, has mild cerebral palsy and seizure disorder. She is covered with scars. The backs of her hands, bottoms of her feet and her scalp (causes a problems with making parts) are covered with IV scars. She had no suck or chew reflex when born. She was trached and g-tubed. She just started to chew this past February. When I met her she would scream if you even touched her lips. She also refused to touch anything except terrycloth (wash cloths left in her hospital bed). She has come a long way and she is a hero of mine. She has an incrediable smile and is full of joy, but I dare you to try and mess with her. She will kill you! I have seen it take 4 nurses to hold her down for procedures when she was 4 lbs. She has plenty of fighting experience! PS she wore 9 mth cloths until 3 years old!

My son is quadplegic cerebral palsy- dystonic, asthma, acid reflux, seizure disorder, submucous cleft palate and is gorgeous. He is my other Hero. He always has girls fighting on who is going to sit with him at lunch or be with him on the playground. He is non verbal and uses his sweet eyes and wonderful smile to work his charm on ALL women. Dimples, long, long eyelashes, brown eyes and soft, gentle brown curls. He is beautiful and just chuckles when women of all ages tell him so too!

Do you think the way you described would be better than a soft perm? I want to do what is best for her hair. I am a great believer of just going with whatever God gave you pretty much. I really work at keeping her hair moisturized. I have deeply wavy hair as you can see from the picture and it has a totally different treatment than hers. I only use a wide tooth comb on her hair and only comb when damp. I keep dead ends trimed off. I have to be careful with the right side of her head because she has a cochlear implant there to gain her a little hearing ability and the area is more tender to comb. I haven't tried the poo-less method yet though I shampoo only once every 2-3 weeks depending on circumstances and then with rich, gentle, moisturizing shampoo. I put thick, rich conditioner on her hair heavily and let it stay there at least 30 minutes. It wouldn't take much to go the way you suggested. I will have to mull this over and give it a try. Thanks!

Nappy_curly_crown · 09-05-2008, 09:10 AM

Your children sound amazing! And the picture of your daughter is adorable! She is a cutie. It seems like you are a blessing to them both as they are to you!

You mentioned that your daughter has some scaring in her scalp. If that is the case...PLEASE do not put any chemicals in her hair!!! Even a soft perm contains harsh chemicals and it might make the scaring worse. I can tell you from my own experiences, that i only went to "professionals" to get my hair relaxed and the chemicals were too much for my scalp. I would leave with burns that would scab over after a week and then flake off. I don't know what i was thinking. I wish when I went off to college I had found this site rather than relaxing my virgin hair.

There are lots of companies that are deicated to caring for the hair of biracial and multi-ethnic children and adults. Most of them use 100% natural ingrediants and some are even organic.

Here are a few links you should check out....

http://www.curls.biz/
http://www.blendedbeauty.com/

Both of these companies have product line specificly for children!

Here is a site of a young lady that is bi-racial that goes into a lot of detail about her hair journey and her learning to accept her hair (might give u a bit of insight)

http://www.biracialhair.org/Welcome.html

In my opinion, some of the products she recommends are horrible, but they work for her. Her method for styling the hair though works really well and it might help you with what you are trying to achieve with your little one.

I'm not bi-racial, but my hair looks very similar to your daughters. Feel free to send me a pm if you have any questions and good luck with everything!

Melecrystal · 09-05-2008, 06:59 PM

Will check all the sites out. Have had a rough day. I am not feeling good about the class they are in at school. Something doesn't feel right. The twins normally are crazy excited going to school and are jabbering with excitement about their day when they come home. My son has been really down and my daughter had a severe crying jag and clung hard to me trying to not be placed on the bus this morning. I went to the school and "observed" for the day. I am trying to place them back with last years teacher.

BTW, when I say "Perm" I do not mean to straighten, I mean to clump the ringlets as you say. Thanks for helping me. Where I use to live I had friends that could advise me as her hair grew and changed with age. Now I have moved to another state and have lost that contact. They are still friends, of course, but lives change with distance and time.

mothereartha · 09-05-2008, 07:15 PM

wow Melecrystal, kudos to you for adopting children and especially twins with special needs. i admire you greatly. like ncc mentioned, a perm is still a chemical and may cause irritation to her scalp...plus from the picture it looks like her hair is pretty easy to manage without chemicals...also there is a thread on this site for curly parents which might help as well. another problem with perms/relaxers/texturizers/softeners/silkeners is that you have to reapply to maintain the look..so it may become more of a headache than you think. i don't know if you can use accessories (like headbands, barrettes) in her hair but i think if you find a nice moisturizer and styler along you will be able to manage her hair; it just may take a lot of trial & error. ncc, is full of knowledge on the subject of curly 4a hair so please attempt to get as much info from her as possible...again, good luck!

Suburbanbushbabe · 09-06-2008, 04:29 PM

You are an angel and so is your daughter. Please stay away from the texturizers and relaxers. Even if she didn't have scars, they would hurt her. Also, with hair like hers (looks very fine) it would actually make it frizzier. That's what happened to mine.

Wash her with rich soaps (Chagrin Valley) or Creme of Nature shampoo (drugstore brand). Or condition wash with Suave Naturals or VO5 Moisture Milks, or Generic Biolage Hydrating balm. You can also use conditioners like Herbal Essences Hello Hydration or Totally Twisted and leave them in. If you have a little money to spend I highly recommend Mop Top conditioner or the Fuzzy Duck (children's line of Mop Top). You can get her hair clean with conditoner and shampoo it occasionally.

A fabulous deep conditioner is Blended Beauty Herbal Reconditoner. Jessicurl Weekly Deep Treatment -- well I never use it as a deep treatment, I use as a leave-in and a hair dress. That alone tells you how much moisture 3c-4a hair needs compared to 2c-3b.

If you want more clumping for her hair, after cleansing and conditioning, rub a little buttery product on her ends, and use a leave-inlike Knot Today and a gel like Kinky Curly Curlying custard. Gently "plop" a floursack or microfibre towel around her head for 15 minutes to 1/2 hours to wick away extra moisture, get her to shake her head to a little and let it air dry. This should last for 2 days.

A cheaper way to style and "clump" is leave-in conditoner, aloe vera gel then a little castor oil on ends.

hautecocoa · 09-08-2008, 06:16 PM

The other ladies have given you such good advice so far, but I wanted to say that you did such an amazing thing by adopting your twins. A lot of parents would opt out of adopting children with special needs that they knew about before hand. I really admire your courage. I think you guys are very lucky to have each other

!

Melecrystal · 09-08-2008, 08:52 PM

My children are so much fun, so full of love, such a complete daily picture of courage and all they ever ask for is to be love an protected. That is so easy to do. I do not push my beliefs on others, but while going through the adoption process we had minimal requirements. We knew we want up to 3 siblings, we wanted at least one to be a boy (we already had one girl) and we wanted our first daughter to remain the oldest child. All I asked of God was that I not be asked to pick a child like groceries in a store. I wanted Him to make sure that the children He wanted me to have were the ones we were offered. I knew when the phone call came that they were mine. They were beautiful. I did not see tubes or wires or genetics. What I saw was eyes that hungered for love and someone to trust and depend on. They do not care if I am rich, pretty or famous, only if I am there. I can do that. I get small, warm arms, messy kisses, laughter, warm sleepy snuggles and complete trust. It is the greatest high in the world.