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Old 01-07-2008, 10:35 AM   #8
rainshower
 
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Join Date: Apr 2001
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Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
OK, I feel a tiny bit better since you both say this is typical 3 year old behavior. But why??? I was thinking of *her* when I decided to have the 2nd baby...so she'd always have a sibling to be close to. But the whole thing really backfired on me. Now she hates me...but loves daddy. I cook her breakfast...but she wants to eat it with daddy. I buy her bedroom furniture...but only daddy can sit on her bed. I made her pajamas...but daddy has to help her put them on. grrrrrr

What am I supposed to say when she says these things? I always hear about the strained mother/daughter reltionship dynamic. And I want to avoid that. Will she out grow this? What about all the women out there who hate their mothers. How do you know it didn't start out this way?

Yeah, I'm really torn on the daycare thing. She loves daycare; all of her friends are there. I worry that she'd be really sad if she had to stop going and she'd blame the baby. But it could help her feel more connected to the baby if she stayed home with me and "helped" me with him.

But in general, I love the idea of daycare/preschool.
your toddler is smart. she is picking up on your insecurities and worries over her behavior now. you are giving her the upper hand when you try to cater to her and be her buddy. this is short-lived behavior until she gets adjusted to her sibling. as our daughter got older and more animated and fun to play with, our son softened and enjoyed being around her. he actually taught her to walk by holding her up by her hands all the time as she took steps.

your daughter will come around and her brassness will diminish. i wouldn't try to buy her affection by doing stuff for her just so she'll toss you a bone here or there. i think that could be more detrimental to your bond than if you ignored her "i like daddy best" remarks, reassured your love for her, and reinforced your expectation of respectful conduct from her.

i imagine that all kids who aren't only children should grow up to hate their mothers because they had to share their mothers' attention. there really is enough love to go around. you know this, and she'll eventually know it too. she is still a baby.

the only thing you can predict about a toddler's behavior is that it is unpredictable. in a week, you may be writing a topic about how you are now her best friend and how she doesn't like her father! toddlers are crazy!
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