I sympathize. My family is Italian and there's a similar thing going on there, too. One side of the family is from one part of Italy where curls and frizz typify the look and the other is from another part of Italy where straight and sleek is the norm. The side of the family with the straight hair never felt as "ethnic" to me as the curly side. They blended better with Anglos, it seemed to me as a child (I don't know whether that was true, but that's the perception I had).
Fortunately, nobody ever made any outright remarks to me about my hair (it's 3a so not as curly or kinky as it could have been), but at family functions, the Sicilian side (straighties) always looked more glamorous than the other side. And I would often try to straighten mine as much as I could to be like that side of the family.
Looking back, it seemed that the curly side of the family were not in control of their hair. And that made them seem weaker or something. The Sicilian side wasn't self-conscious and constantly tending to errant strands or stubborn frizz. It seemed to give them freedom and power that the other side didn't have.
3a and strictly CG since August 2007. Porous and on the fine side. No to magnesium sulfate and glycerin. Yes to protein!
CONDITIONERS and LEAVE-INS:
Mop Top Daily Conditioner, KBB Nectar, Aubrey GPB or Island Naturals, Robert Craig, Any Jessicurl
Fuzzy Duck, B5 Design, MGA Scultping, BRHG
Fotki password: chuckle