to quote Shakespeare - there's the rub.
i've actually accomplished nothing in my life. my existence is totally worthless and pointless. i have never done anything that mattered or made a difference in anyone's life. no one wants to be with me - even spend time with me.
one of the things that was distressing me so much the other night was thinking of the two boys that i loved so much back when i was at university - Frank and David. they are both dead now; Frank died in the summer between 3rd and 4th year of cancer - a swift-moving version of the disease - and he was only 23. David died almost a decade ago - also of cancer. but he had a wife and children and parents and brothers and a law practice he had started with his friends.
one of them never got a start in life and the other had everything in the world to live for and he died at 40. and i'm still here - doing nothing with no one who loves me and nothing to live for.
i know life isn't fair - there are just some things that make less sense than others...