Curlyeyes, you are absolutely right, i know the exact cause of all my eating/body images problems in one way or another they r down to my total lack of proper parents!
My mom reacted similarly to yours InMediaRes, she was totally dismissive and then got really patronising and angry about it... she would make me huge meals and actually expect me to eat them out of guilt!!! Then of course i wud say 'hell no' and she would rant on about how i was 'grown woman and shud stop behaving like a teeneage kid', etc,etc. Imagine her reaction when i told her what my consellor had said about it all being down to her being totally f**ked up... she said i was lying, didnt know why i had told my counsellor lies about her... and so on, so i just left and never mentioned any of it again. This made me feel even worse, so i simply moved away... within a week i was gone, and it was the best thing i ever did.
This is also so true! I coudlnt believe that BOTH of my best friends have eating disorders... as soon as i started telling them about my problems, they slowly came out with more of theirs that were the same in most cases, like laxative abuse, throwing up... but it was like we'd all been too ashamed to be honest about it before, and so we'd ended up going thru the worst bits all alone... its so sad. But sometimes i think we trigger each other tho... it is bad but if one of them stops eating i immediately feel fat and like i need to restrict too, although id never admit it and i try to encourage them to eat sensibly.
To be honest ive never found anyone to whom i can fully turn to about the ED thing... the people who shud be there are either too selfish (mom) or i dont want to hurt (rest of family, boyf), have similar probs themselves (close friends) or else i'm too embarrased (everyone else!). The only person who i found helped at all was my old counsellor... but shes a few hundred miles away now
Oh curlyeyes i am so sad about this... i wish i knew the answer for you... i personally havent thrown up for a few months now, when i had a small relapse, but i think about it a lot... i think just remembering that if u are able to stop yourself from doing it just one time then you are stronger for it, and hopefully it will get easier each time to say no. Let me know how things go, and everyone, take good care xxx