Samielle, I think Al Yubbi is trying to make a point with this single sentence from your post. Werenumber2's anectdote about the 4a/b lady in denial is a good example of her piont. The women who like to believe their hair is 'curly' when they have like one or two wavy parts is another example. You have a good point about how it depends on your personal perception of your hair, and I agree with this. However, I have seen many women take this to the extreme and define their hair as something far off because they are clinging to the mentality that kinky is bad. It stems more from that rooted mentality than from the independent will to define it as they see it. Upbringing and community all influence their view, and they usually have to shake this notion they choose to transition their hair. Sometimes the view carries over after they have gone natural, and it manifests in this need to classify their hair as a looser texture than what it is. This is why having natural hair is more than just a style or a way to wear the hair, but a mental choice to wear hair on your head, even if your mind is telling you that it is not acceptable. Maybe imagining the texture as something they perceive to be beautiful (i.e. looser texture) is a way for them to cope? I don't have that answer.
Anyway, I don't think she was trying to attack your personal point of view on how you choose to define your hair, but on the general idea of women taking it to the extreme.
To Al Yubbi,
I only recently began to hear the term 'grade' of hair when I went natural. I think it is the reason why many women decide not to embrace their natural texture, for fear of an unacceptable 'grade' of hair. I appreciate the hair typing categories for their uses (finding hair twins, products) but for those with afro-textured hair, it only adds fuel to the mentality already present i.e. a good grade of hair, a bad grade of hair. Is there really a practical way to 'correct' someone on their 'delusional' view of their hair without perpetuating these divisions? If she is taking care of it and using the right products, why is it so important for everyone to categorize it for her? Just to make sure she knows her place in the spectrum of hair grades?