I also tend to lose a lot of hair when I wash, condition, and style.
I've definitely noticed that I lose less hair in the shower if my conditioner has excellent detangling properties. Then I don't yank out extra hair trying to get the comb through.
Also, I've found a low poo that I really like because it provides gentle but thorough cleansing, yet I have less hair loss in the shower than with other poos. It's the Avalon Organics olive and grape seed shampoo.
No idea what ingredients in other shampoos cause me to lose more hair, but I'm sticking to this one for now.
hair type: 2B/3Alow poo: Elucence moisture; Elucence clarifying (after swimming)
condish: CJ smoothing; CJ argan; CJ repair me; CJ curl rehab; CJ strengthening (summer only)
winter styling: CJ Beauticurls leave-in + Curly Kinks coil jam + Ouidad mongongo oil; or CJ leave-in + SpiralSolutions CEJ & FHG
summer styling: CJ CCCC lite + CJ Curl Queen
http://members.fotki.com/melaniesusan/ pw = 3ahair