What is the Difference between refined and unrefined coconut oil

Im tryin to figure out if I should purchase this stuff. Its spectrum brand, I had the virgin coconut oil but im almost out and the whole foods is faaar from my house. The krogers right by me has the regular spectrum organic coconut oil but it doesnt say virgin. Im not sure if it will do the same and have the same effect or not?
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From my experience:

Refined coconut oil left my hair hard and straw-like. It also has no smell.

Virgin coconut oil made my hair feel soft and absorbed wayyy better. It has a nice (not overwhelming at all) coconut smell to it. It also felt "softer" to me when rubbing it between my fingers.
3a/3b/3c hair all on one head

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Staples (used in many ways):
Coconut milk
Castor oil
Coconut oil
Honey
Shea butter
Be careful about coconut oil. Someone sent me some in a swap--it wasn't marked and left my hair a mess. It's a brand I see in my local Indian market. I'd only use virgin coconut oil that I got from a health food type store--the type that smells like a Mounds bar, LOL. I buy my online--there are lots of places and good prices.
3a (Corkicelli), highlighted, fine, low porosity
modified CG, since April '07
CG since 3/11/08

SE PA

HGs: Anything Sevi; Curly Kinks Satin Roots, Curlycue ReNew and Coil Jam; homemade FSG and okra gel; soap bars; UFD Curly Magic; Botanical Spirits Jellies, CJ Repair Me, Marie Dean Leave Ins and Curl Creams
REAL coconut oil will say it on the label (extra virgin, raw, unrefined) and it will smell like COCONUTS! It also melts within seconds of rubbing it on your hands.
Refined stuff will not smell like anything and it SHOULD say refined-however some wont say anything- STAY AWAY FROM THOSE. It also has a harder texture.
No: heating tools, sulfates, cones, parabens
Co-wash: Suave naturals (coconut and ocean breeze) Acct baking soda to clarify as needed
DC: olive or almond oil with EO rosemary
Style: Homemade flaxseed gel with aloe vera juice, epsom salt, and EO rosemary and lavender. Exploring various conditioners to use with the tightly curly method
Want to try: adding different EO's to HFSG, growing out hair
Always ISO: natural remedies for 3b curls!

I've never really used oils on my hair, but im always looking for a good way to D-Frizz and make my hair softer


HOW do you USE it?!
HOW often can you USE it?
and HOW do you get it out?

Thanks

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3b/3c Long and Thick THICK THICK

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