How to get your man to embrace/accept his curls

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Hey ladies, if you have a male significant other (husband, boyfriend, etc.) with curly hair and he has a hard time accepting. Pass this story along.

When I was 14, I went three months without cutting my hair and wound up with white man's 'fro with lots of curls. I got some compliments but mostly needling. There were a few male friends that said, "I looked like a girl." For the next 19 years, I went away from that look and went short and cropped, sometimes even buzzcut.

When I was 33, I started seeing male friends lose a lot of their hair so I got to thinking, "Well, maybe I should grow it out. I may not have it 20 years from now." I have thinned out some but then again I had a lot to lose. For the next seven years, I started going about 6-8 weeks between haircuts with curls really coming in after 3 1/2 weeks.

This past summer, I ended up going three months to really let the head of curls show. I even started using curl shapping spray from Garnier Fructis. Now I go every three months between haircuts and have my stylist leave it longer after cutting it.

I'm no product expert and every head of hair is different which is why I feel uncomfortable giving advice. Ladies, just remember, "getting your man to accept/embrace his curls is probably a bigger battle than finding the right products."

I'm just glad I finally came around to loving my curls in my early-to-mid-30s.

"Curls aren't just for girls."
I honestly wish that curly hair on guys was more accepted by other guys. My boyfriend of three years has the most handsome 3a/3b curls all over his head, and when he wears it curly, it's super sexy.

However, he gets so many comments about how he looks "scruffy" and has a "man-fro" that every 2-3 months he goes in and gets it cut so short that all his curls disappear. I beg him every time not to; I tell him that he looks good with curly hair, but he wants to look "professional" (his words, not mine), so he does it anyway.

I've tried to explain that he looks amazing with curly hair, but because he refuses to use any product at all on his hair (product, according to him, is girly), he gets frustrated fast with the volume of curl that results.

I really wish that other people would stop razzing him about his hair and he would just grow to accept and like the hair he has, but I don't know if that will happen anytime in the foresee-able future.

If any guys out there have any insight, I would be glad to hear it.
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I honestly wish that curly hair on guys was more accepted by other guys. My boyfriend of three years has the most handsome 3a/3b curls all over his head, and when he wears it curly, it's super sexy.

However, he gets so many comments about how he looks "scruffy" and has a "man-fro" that every 2-3 months he goes in and gets it cut so short that all his curls disappear. I beg him every time not to; I tell him that he looks good with curly hair, but he wants to look "professional" (his words, not mine), so he does it anyway.

I've tried to explain that he looks amazing with curly hair, but because he refuses to use any product at all on his hair (product, according to him, is girly), he gets frustrated fast with the volume of curl that results.

I really wish that other people would stop razzing him about his hair and he would just grow to accept and like the hair he has, but I don't know if that will happen anytime in the foresee-able future.

If any guys out there have any insight, I would be glad to hear it.
Originally Posted by HazelTessera
I gotta ask, how old is your boyfriend? The only reason I ask is because for me anyhow, when I got married, two years later I found myself taking the approach of, the hell with feeling the need to impress others.

The way I transitioned was for 20 years I went every four weeks short and cropped. The next seven I went every 6-8 weeks semi-short. The last year, I go every three months and tell my stylist to "leave it longer" after cutting it.

I'm finding that three months between haircuts is a perfect balance between "rocking the curls" and not letting it get out of control.

Keep encouraging him but don't ram it down his throat. Not that you are but you get the idea. It's just that you can't force someone to get on board.

Maybe tell him, "Curls aren't just for girls."
Hey ladies, if you have a male significant other (husband, boyfriend, etc.) with curly hair and he has a hard time accepting. Pass this story along.

When I was 14, I went three months without cutting my hair and wound up with white man's 'fro with lots of curls. I got some compliments but mostly needling. There were a few male friends that said, "I looked like a girl." For the next 19 years, I went away from that look and went short and cropped, sometimes even buzzcut.

When I was 33, I started seeing male friends lose a lot of their hair so I got to thinking, "Well, maybe I should grow it out. I may not have it 20 years from now." I have thinned out some but then again I had a lot to lose. For the next seven years, I started going about 6-8 weeks between haircuts with curls really coming in after 3 1/2 weeks.

This past summer, I ended up going three months to really let the head of curls show. I even started using curl shapping spray from Garnier Fructis. Now I go every three months between haircuts and have my stylist leave it longer after cutting it.

I'm no product expert and every head of hair is different which is why I feel uncomfortable giving advice. Ladies, just remember, "getting your man to accept/embrace his curls is probably a bigger battle than finding the right products."

I'm just glad I finally came around to loving my curls in my early-to-mid-30s.

"Curls aren't just for girls."
Originally Posted by bobby
It's great that you've come to accept your curls! Just seems like an uphill fight not to. Yeah, I've witnessed curly guys get teased for their curls. I wish more boys and men knew that teasing from other boys/guys is often a sign of jealousy. It reminds me of when guys who are gorgeous in a certain way are teased by other guys (called "pretty boys"). Yeah, they may be "pretty" but you all know it will turn a lot of women's heads.

Curly hair is amazing on guys (then again, everything is amazing on guys). I wouldn't change a thing about my husband, who happens to look great. I love him dearly, but if he suddenly sprouted curls on his head I would probably jump for joy
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Last edited by Korkscrew; 12-05-2012 at 04:27 PM.
Hey ladies, if you have a male significant other (husband, boyfriend, etc.) with curly hair and he has a hard time accepting. Pass this story along.

When I was 14, I went three months without cutting my hair and wound up with white man's 'fro with lots of curls. I got some compliments but mostly needling. There were a few male friends that said, "I looked like a girl." For the next 19 years, I went away from that look and went short and cropped, sometimes even buzzcut.

When I was 33, I started seeing male friends lose a lot of their hair so I got to thinking, "Well, maybe I should grow it out. I may not have it 20 years from now." I have thinned out some but then again I had a lot to lose. For the next seven years, I started going about 6-8 weeks between haircuts with curls really coming in after 3 1/2 weeks.

This past summer, I ended up going three months to really let the head of curls show. I even started using curl shapping spray from Garnier Fructis. Now I go every three months between haircuts and have my stylist leave it longer after cutting it.

I'm no product expert and every head of hair is different which is why I feel uncomfortable giving advice. Ladies, just remember, "getting your man to accept/embrace his curls is probably a bigger battle than finding the right products."

I'm just glad I finally came around to loving my curls in my early-to-mid-30s.

"Curls aren't just for girls."
Originally Posted by bobby
It's great that you've come to accept your curls! Just seems like an uphill fight not to. Yeah, I've witnessed curly guys get teased for their curls. I wish more boys and men knew that teasing from other boys/guys is often a sign of jealousy. It reminds me of when guys who are gorgeous in a certain way are teased by other guys (called "pretty boys"). Yeah, they may be "pretty" but you all know it will turn a lot of women's heads.

Curly hair is amazing on guys (then again, everything is amazing on guys). I wouldn't change a thing about my husband, who happens to look great. I love him dearly, but if he suddenly sprouted curls on his head I would probably jump for joy
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
As far as accepting curls, I kind of see two sides. As a married 40-year old father of three, it's an easy sell that getting teased for curls is a sign of jealousy because I'm beyond the peer pressure thing. However, in my 20s I wasn't going to be convinced. Better late than never.
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My boyfriend is 24.

I think part of the problem is that his whole family had the same curl-pattern, more or less, & they all hate it. His dad & brother both cut their hair so that it's less curly, & his mom cuts hers short AND flat-irons it daily. So, even though I like his hair, I'm in the minority.
  • 2b/2c, medium thickness, high density, medium porosity, protein-loving, mid-back length hair
  • Olivella Professional Conditioner & Tresemme Naturals Moisture Conditioner: co-wash / leave-in
  • Smooth 'n Shine Curl Activator Gel & Fruit of the Earth Aloe Vera Gel: styling products
  • olive oil, coconut oil, & castor oil: occasional hair / scalp treatments
  • Aveeno Skin Relief Fragrance Free Body Wash: occasional 'cone-free, fragrance free 'poo
An afro doesn't necessarily need need to be a round microphone on the head. Men wanting to embrace a curly afro are best advice to keep the sides trimmed and the middle tall. In public, the slim profile and tall middle will make you look taller than you really are.

A point of advice is to style the afro with some gel. This will make the shape of hair wind proof and less prone to loosing its edge.
Letting the curly-haired males in your life know how great having curly hair is, is an important thing to start doing early I think. My son, who's still in middle school, has wonderfully curly hair (3a-ish) that he likes to wear on the long side specifically because he thinks it helps give him the grunge rocker look that he wants. I regularly tell him how great his hair is and share with him proper curly hair care that I learn. (He knows allllllllllllll about hair scrunching, not using a terry cloth towel to dry his hair, not touching his hair while it dries to help keep it from frizzing, etc. )

I'm just glad that I finally learned how to love my naturally curly hair and how to take care of it properly before my child reached the age when choosing the "look" for himself he wanted to present to the world. It makes me happy to see him want to show off his naturally curly hair and not worry about changing it to try and fit any general, societal standard.
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Letting the curly-haired males in your life know how great having curly hair is, is an important thing to start doing early I think. My son, who's still in middle school, has wonderfully curly hair (3a-ish) that he likes to wear on the long side specifically because he thinks it helps give him the grunge rocker look that he wants. I regularly tell him how great his hair is and share with him proper curly hair care that I learn. (He knows allllllllllllll about hair scrunching, not using a terry cloth towel to dry his hair, not touching his hair while it dries to help keep it from frizzing, etc. )

I'm just glad that I finally learned how to love my naturally curly hair and how to take care of it properly before my child reached the age when choosing the "look" for himself he wanted to present to the world. It makes me happy to see him want to show off his naturally curly hair and not worry about changing it to try and fit any general, societal standard.
Originally Posted by Devushka
That's refreshing to hear. I wore mine long in my early teens but after a while I saw it as a headache to take care of, plus as a guy I felt out of place with curly hair. Partly because I had no idea how to take care of it. And good for your son for not worrying about any societal looks.
Wavy/curly hair on guys is SO hot!! Some of my guy friends have wavy or curly hair that I'm constantly trying to get them to grow it out....when they do and right before they cut it, it looks so good!!
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Letting the curly-haired males in your life know how great having curly hair is, is an important thing to start doing early I think.
Originally Posted by Devushka
Right on! ... And [slightly off-topic], we need to tell the females (especially daughters) that too.
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Wavy/curly hair on guys is SO hot!! Some of my guy friends have wavy or curly hair that I'm constantly trying to get them to grow it out....when they do and right before they cut it, it looks so good!!
Originally Posted by curlylifestyle
When I was younger, I was told by some adults that I had gorgeous hair but for whatever reason the ones that teased me for it won out. Oh well, better late than never. I was asked by one person a couple weeks ago if my hair was permed, in an odd sort of way I'm kind of flattered.
An afro doesn't necessarily need need to be a round microphone on the head. Men wanting to embrace a curly afro are best advice to keep the sides trimmed and the middle tall. In public, the slim profile and tall middle will make you look taller than you really are.

A point of advice is to style the afro with some gel. This will make the shape of hair wind proof and less prone to loosing its edge.
Originally Posted by curlycurvy1
Isn't that just pandering to a different stereotype, men should be tall, lean and have short hair? Some people like the full afro look, some like longer flowing curly hair on men.
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I'm not trying to gang up on you, Curlylifestyle, but I do think Firefox makes an interesting point. Saying "You don't have to wear your afro round, wear it like this instead ... " is just more social pressure to conform to a certain look (including height, in this case).

People do this to women all the time. One of my all-time favorites has to do with makeup. Women are sometimes encouraged to use certain make-up to achieve the "nude look". As if a bare face in and of itself is inherently flawed w/out some sort of cosmetic enhancement from the beauty industry. In the end these things are just more ways to try and convince people they can be "free" by following more rules.
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This thread is truly an eye opener. I wouldn't have thought there was something wrong with men having curly hair because in some commercials I see guys with curls. The guys are mixed but still.
This thread is truly an eye opener. I wouldn't have thought there was something wrong with men having curly hair because in some commercials I see guys with curls. The guys are mixed but still.
Originally Posted by curlicious13
I think that largely depends on what generation you are from and I think having a larger bi-racial population means a greater likelihood for guys with curls.
I really agree about the generation thing Bobby my guy's dad, uncles etc hate his curls. They tell him every time we see them to cut his hair short enough that it doesn't curl and make sure to comb it because curls are not professional on men and he will never get promoted unless he "does something" about his hair. Everyone my age (friends/coworkers) always comment on how nice his hair is. Even my grandmother said something along the line of "he has such beautiful curls, what a shame to waste them on a boy" her own son has curly hair, but she would comb his for childhood pictures and curl my aunts hair for hers. It's such a shame because I find curly hair on men so attractive, especially when they know how to care for it.
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I really agree about the generation thing Bobby my guy's dad, uncles etc hate his curls. They tell him every time we see them to cut his hair short enough that it doesn't curl and make sure to comb it because curls are not professional on men and he will never get promoted unless he "does something" about his hair. Everyone my age (friends/coworkers) always comment on how nice his hair is. Even my grandmother said something along the line of "he has such beautiful curls, what a shame to waste them on a boy" her own son has curly hair, but she would comb his for childhood pictures and curl my aunts hair for hers. It's such a shame because I find curly hair on men so attractive, especially when they know how to care for it.
Originally Posted by KatMack
I think the "knowing how to care for it" is half the battle. The problem is (and I was guilty of this too as I mentioned before) too many shun curly hair. I was dropping my kid off at school one day. One of the parents I see alternates between flat ironing and going with her natural curls. We were talking one day and she was saying how it takes longer to flatiron than go with curls. Pretty much confirmed what I thought. Although, one day I got called in for a job interview but didn't have time for a haircut so for that reason I wanted it to look more orderly so I blow-dried it, styled it with a round brush and curled it. However most days, I towel and air-dry it. Then I'll use curl shaping spray gel and tousle it.
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