Parents and Hair..?

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  • 1 Post By Kenali

My mom has gorgeous blonde 2b-2c waves that are glossy, voluminous, frizz free, and crazy thick; out of a magazine perfect, with almost no product!
She hates them. With passion. Straightens her hair with a blow dryer after every wash, and then sometimes will straighten it again with a straightener or re-curl it with a curling iron. Fights them every day.
I have all kinds of crazy waves, in the 2 range, and instead of constantly fighting them for straight hair, I've been trying to embrace them and go wavy.
Every time I have a good hair day (nicely separated, defined, frizz-free waves) and walk down stairs, she always sighs in disappointment and accuses me of wearing my hair "kinky" again. She only likes and approves of my hair when I yank a comb through it and destroy 90% of all that pretty I've worked so hard on--or, of course, when it's straight. If I ignore her, she berates me constantly and won't let it go; one time she even asked me to tuck my hair into a BEANIE because my grandparents were coming over. It's really starting to get to me, and I'm super discouraged.
Are waves really that bad? Am I missing something? Why does it even mater?
Anyone else have Momma-bear-hair woes?
Unfortunately parents transfer their insecurities on to their kids especially about hair styles and what they "think" is socially accepted.

Some parents like mine learnt (well they had lots of children) to keep their mouths shut over hair styles. In fact only one person in my family made constant negative comments about my hair - which was one of my sisters'. However due to issues around race and hair styles that our older siblings suffered she was challenged over her attitude.

Have your grandparents, aunts or uncles that are older than your mother said anything negative about your hair?
Nope; in fact, most of my family is amazed at how healthy it looks after a few weeks no heat and some extra love. My friends like it. And it takes so much less effort to let it be than sit there with a round brush and hair dryer, working it straight!
My mom has gorgeous blonde 2b-2c waves that are glossy, voluminous, frizz free, and crazy thick; out of a magazine perfect, with almost no product!
She hates them. With passion. Straightens her hair with a blow dryer after every wash, and then sometimes will straighten it again with a straightener or re-curl it with a curling iron. Fights them every day.
I have all kinds of crazy waves, in the 2 range, and instead of constantly fighting them for straight hair, I've been trying to embrace them and go wavy.
Every time I have a good hair day (nicely separated, defined, frizz-free waves) and walk down stairs, she always sighs in disappointment and accuses me of wearing my hair "kinky" again. She only likes and approves of my hair when I yank a comb through it and destroy 90% of all that pretty I've worked so hard on--or, of course, when it's straight. If I ignore her, she berates me constantly and won't let it go; one time she even asked me to tuck my hair into a BEANIE because my grandparents were coming over. It's really starting to get to me, and I'm super discouraged.
Are waves really that bad? Am I missing something? Why does it even mater?
Anyone else have Momma-bear-hair woes?
Originally Posted by madzcrain
Mom's can be the hardest. I think you just have to say "I like it. Would you rather I got a mohawk or dyed it neon green?" Or maybe just say you like it. And you might add you love her hair when it is in its natural state. Just because she doesn't like her hair don't let her rain on your parade. Is there anyone she admires, like an actress or something with similar hair? You could point out "it's like so and so's". And I'm just curious, but have you ever asked her why she dislikes it curly?
2a medium porous, You can see my wavy tutorials here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...ZNxhBHSXAW40OQ and my wavy blog is The Wavy Nation http://wavynation.wordpress.com
My mother doesn't like my less puffy curls. All her life she waa nagging about her hair being very thin and easily weighted down.
I learned to ignore what it isn't positive about my hair. She was ignoring my awesome curls and nag about them being too stuck on my scalp. She learned to shut her mouth if I don't want to hear. I have told her several times that I want and love my hair on their curliest state. She was nagging about my oil treatments accusing them for my excessive shedding when I was transitioning. Again the less you talk about it it's better. If she brings the matter change the subject immediately. If she keeps doing it I would confront her and clarify that is my hair my choice and that I will choose how to wear them. Though bare in mind it took me several months to get on a state of not giving a f***** what other people say about my curly hair when I obviously adore them.
2C/3A Botticelli/Corkicelli.Growing out color/heat damage
M/C, Low/Medium/High Por, Normal Elast. Medium Density
LP: INSIGHT DAMAGED HAIR Restructurizing Shampoo
CO: Generic protein conditioner, Hair Academy Deep Cleansing CO
DET/RO/LI: GNC Avocado And Shea Butter Conditioner +/mask,
Styler: Schwarzkopf Taft Fixing GelWellaflex Instant Volume Boost Mousse
DT: EVOO, C.O

HG
Goal: WL when curly
CG since Feb 2014
My mom has curly hair and she wears it natural. However, she really...doesn't care about her hair. That sounds mean, but it's the best way to describe how she acts. She accuses me of being "too obsessed with my hair" when I'm just trying a new product or get a satin pillowcase. Those are pretty much the worst hair-related comments I get from my mom.
I really admire all the curlies who's parents/relatives insulted them about their hair but they had the bravery to stay natural
Curly Teen
CG since 5/2/14
3A, low/med po, medium thickness
Shampoo: SM shampoos
Conditioner: Suave Naturals
LI: KCKT
Styler: GF Pure Clean Gel
DC: SM Raw Shea Butter Masque

It's your hair and you get to decide what you want to do with it. No matter what you do there will always be someone who disapproves so you might as well do what you want. I'm 17 and when I was 14 I decided to go natural. My sisters and my mom still get perms and yes at first they laughed at me and it was a bit discouraging but in the end I continued to do what I wanted with my own hair and I love it. They eventually got over it and occasionally make a few jokes but it's whatever because I won't change my hair for anybody.
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I think that you should just stand up to her, be polite but firm, tell her that you love your curls and don't wish to damage your hair with straighteners and blow dryers.tell her that you have accepted your hair for what it is and that you are proud of it.

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I think that you should just stand up to her, be polite but firm, tell her that you love your curls and don't wish to damage your hair with straighteners and blow dryers.tell her that you have accepted your hair for what it is and that you are proud of it.
Originally Posted by brinichole24
You said it best darling. Mention that you notice how insecure she can be when it comes to her waves, and that she shouldn't force that on you. Remind her that her comments are hurtful and that as your mother, putting you down for your hair like a stereotypical "mean girl" is what the other kids at your school should be doing, not her.
And remember, you are coming into your own. No matter how your mother acts, you are the only one taking the major steps down this road. If you feel comfy and happy with the health of your waves, then she can only be bitter or learn how to move on and allow you to become comfortable in your own body and with your own hair.
This sort of thing really bugs me and I just don't understand it. Why would you berate your child for embracing their NATURAL looks? Honestly, it doesn't make sense and I get so frustrated reading these stories about parents who are so unsupportive and, sometimes, bordering on bullying.

My mum's hair is wavy, but she straightens because she really doesn't like wavy hair on her. But that has nothing to do with my hair or what she thinks of it. She was so encouraging for me to wear my hair natural and really supportive throughout the entire process of transitioning. She's always telling me now that she loves my hair and makes it a point to compliment me on it a lot.

Mothers, fathers, whatever, ALL PARENTS should support their children and tell them that they're beautiful. No parent should be constantly criticising their child or putting down the way they look, just because it isn't their personal taste. It can cause such bad self-image and self-consciousness and in general is a really sh*tty thing to do.

For anyone going through this I'd say to sit down with your parent and tell them straight 'I like my hair and you criticising it really puts me down and affects my self-esteem'. If they're decent human beings, they should be quite embarrassed and apologetic.
3B. Med porosity. Med thickness. Med density.

LP: Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus
Conditioner/CW: Jason Aloe Vera

LI: Aunt Jackie's Curls & Coils Quench
Refreshing: TRESemmé Naturals Aloe Vera & Avocado
Gel: Ouidad Climate Control/Curly Hair Solutions Curl Keeper
DC:
Aunt Jackie's Soft & Sassy Super Duper Softening Conditioner
Treatments: Coconut oil/Coconut milk

UK curly. CG since Oct 2013.
Growing my hair to WL

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