I'm one step from getting a relaxer! - Page 2

MirCurls · 03-29-2011, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

Quote:

Originally Posted by MirCurls

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

I dunno if this helps or not, but I just decided to start transitioning earlier this month, but due to the intervals of my relaxers I am already technically six months into my transition.

Anyway, it sounds like we have much different hair. But to the part that might help:

One of my biggest challenges is all the compliments that I get when my hair has been straightened. For the past year I never flat ironed my hair, and was only straight post a relaxer, or going to get a hair cut. One time I got it cut after work prior to the union Christmas party, and I show up and this one guy I work with all the time was "Your hair looks really nice". Today it was straight (had a haircut yesterday) and I think looking like crap cause I accidentally had the lady overdo it with the heat protectant and my nephew (who once basically told me that I was too ugly to live) said "your hair looks nice!". Come to think of it, another male coworker also told me that my hair looked nice after the December haircut, and it was nothing special-- a few days later, just straight and the sides pulled back in bobby pins. My brother also told me yesterday that my hair looked nice.

So yeah I think to myself, what do I look UNATTRACTIVE with curly hair? Lots of women that I know tell me that they like my hair better curly, but men always tell me it looks nice when it's straight. Not to mention that my best friend (now also transitioning) told me once that I look 30 something when my hair is curly, and 25 when it is straight.

The point is, just try to ignore the pressures and do what is healthy for your hair. I think if we all did a little more to rock our style (general style) we'd look great no matter what. I for one am a lazy woman who rarely wears makeup and buys new clothes, and am just now getting back into exercise. I think those things bear just as much on our appearance as hair, maybe more.

I always got compliments--straight or curly--but I got more compliments when my hair was/is LONGER. When I was first CGing it, hair looked shorter cause the curl shrank it. Within a year, it was back to being long and the compliments poured in again. I think, as my hairdresser has always said to me whenever I was tempted to cut it, that longer hair suited me. Period. It wasn't that straight suited me MORE (I get more compliments from total strangers all about town with my curls than with my blown-out hair, which looked great, too, frankly), it was that LONG suited me, so once my curls got LONG, then I really more compliments.

It's longer and it's healthier and, on days when I don't overdo it with product (I still can go a bit overboard and my fine hair will look producty if I do), my hair gets many compliments and looks and I like it fine. My husband says something nice about my curls just about every day and he likes to touch them. So, he's a happy camper I went natural.

I think the thing is to find the SHAPE and LENGTH type of cuts/styles/arrangements that suit your face/body. Then, when hair is healthy, no matter the texture, it will garner compliments.

And men like LONG hair. Period. Most do. Surveys show it. So, the compliments when you straighten may have more to do with it looking LONGER (and longer looks younger, generally, too).

Men like long hair. Long hair looks younger (usually, not if it just drags the face down, depends on style). So....the key may not be curly or straight...but appealingly styled and longer.

The time that my friend said the age I looked with my hair, I said (out loud), do you think this hair would still make me look that old if it was longer? I hate to say it, but I am overweight, and while I don't think flat hair accentuates a fat face, curls that are not long don't always help either.

When I got cut the other day, I was willing to go shorter if needed for the chance to try a new look, and definitely when my CJ shampoo comes in the mail I'll get to see that my hair does look kinda short again (had to cut off very split ends from tangling). My goal is eventually long natural hair, and my hair does always looks pretty long when straight, but I want it to look long CURLY. The only pain about long hair looking cuter is that for someone women long hair takes time

bah. I'm concerned more and more about eliminating tangles (I've found that water on the hair every/almost every day works great for moisture and tangles for me) in the hopes that I can finally retain REAL length! (The minute people would say "oh wow it's gotten so long!" that would be time for me to snip off split ends urgh!) Ha, one time I was standing against the opened door at work greeting students as they came in, and I was like "what's that s*** stuck behind my back?" then I realized it was my hair! (of course it was flat ironed that day, as I often did for work, until the past year)

My boss who has long dreadlocks said to me if I really want to get my hair long, to stop relaxing it. I think another woman on here mentioned this too. At those times I was not ready to stop, but I am transitioning now, and I just hope their comments live up to the promise.

I know I will get some flack for this, but another thing that made me afraid was when I read some peoples' hair timelines on here and in their blogs, and they BCed or went natural years ago and some of them have hair that I consider to be really short. Granted some of them may have cut their hair, but from the general idea of their blogs/signatures it doesn't look like that they have. Then I think to myself "You chopped way back in _______________, and that's ALL the hair that you have?!?!?!?" and I worry that that will be me. So I'm hoping for now that my two textures continue to play nice.

My hairline has gotten wet and I have no desire to touch up at home with the flat iron, so right now my natural hair looks dry and distinct from the rest of my hair. But when I do my own wet styling it all looks pretty good together, and I even think I like my natural hair better.

I am very glad that I took A LOT of pics (which I normally didn't do of me, as I'm not THAT fond of how I look, especially not when I was morbidly obese, which I was until the end of last year, as I've been losing a lot of weight since last summer) of my face and hair when I started the CG journey, cause I realize that being VERY FAT and FIFTY-ONE years old...I need FOUR things to look younger/more attractive when it comes to my hair (be it curly or straight, but especially curly):

1. cover my grays, richen up my natural color
2. Have hair ON my face in some way...not pulled straight back away or mostly away
3. Have some crown/bang height and some "fall-over" (by fall-over, I mean like shorter layers around my forehead and temple that are not, strictly speaking, bangs, but hair that lifts up and falls gently over to hit at at my cheekbone or around there.
4. Fullness (as much as my thinning, aging hair could manage, given it tends to fall out from time to time due to hypothyroidism). I stopped going for clumps and roughly diffuse to make my hair "airy" to give more fullness to match my FULL body. I don't think very heavy gals (like me) look good with close to the head hair unless they have insane bone structure (which I do not).

For some reason, those were the magic four that took away the tired old look. I always get compliments when color is fresh, hair is fuller, has a bit of height (I can't get much with natural curls and some clumps, so I use a tad of hairspray at the roots), and I get that semi-bangs/fallover effect. Always. I get people say, "No, seriously, you can't be 51!"

I laughed at the Pilates studio last week cause this young cutie girl was staring at me and said it like 4 times, "You are so NOT 51!" Funny.

I can see the age in my face when I'm tired. And the fat when the hair is AWAY from the face and neck...but those are my tips if you have issues with curl and overweight. Some height. Some fullness. Some hair on face (to lessen the roundness). Good color. And, if possible and it suits your body shape/face shape..length.

But I'm not 300 lbs anymore. At 215, my face is slimmer. Still the rules apply...

Here are examples of the height I can get (like I said, not MUCH, cause longer hair, even layered, weighs more; but it still makes a huge difference) and the "fallover" layers that disguise a fatter face:

All but the last one were taken this year. Most are second day hair.

Loving my Spiral Solutions this year. The last one was me last summer at 260+ pounds. The most recent was March 19 of this year (the one in the flowered shirt with the fresh green tree behind me all windblown at an outdoor festival, hence the disheveled look). I'm 216 lbs there. So you know I'm OBESE and have been seriously and morbidly obese since I joined this board! But always, as long as there is hair on my neck and around the cheeks, my face doesn't look as fat as it really is (nor my neck/shoulders). Helps...

Keenylicious · 03-29-2011, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saila

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

I just feel that on this site there is a tendency for anyone who might comment on "looks that they hope they never have!" to be jumped on. (I know we've all have some of those) I just don't want to see someone feel so attacked that they flee the site and never get to the help, because then if they do take the leap of faith that it takes for some women to grow their hair out, they may feel "everyone there hates me or is mean" and then they may not come back.

I'm sorry, what are you taking about? This is a huge assumption on your part. While I sincerely appreciate your efforts to include the newcomers with kindness, I wholeheartedly disagree with the bolded.

Of course there is a tendency to "jump" on those that possibly hate their natural hair texture. This site is called naturallycurly and those individuals are attacking (or being afraid of, or insulting) natural hair textures. Of course there is a Relax/Straight and a Transitioning section, but natural hair is the bread and butter around these parts.

I am most disturbed by the underlined. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Honestly. I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, I seriously don't understand what you are implying by that. Is everyone supposed to be terrified of a certain hair type or texture or property?

I can't speak for anyone else, but if I have healthy hair and I know how to take care of it, I'm happy. I've seen gorgeous hair from 1a-4b that I drool over. I don't fully understand what you're saying, but I know that "we all" certainly don't feel that way.

The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.

she stated that she doesnt know what her 'texture' is, then stated that she didnt want hair that looked like someone who's hair is very well kept... in that context, i don't think that it's too crazy to assume that she has a problem with that hair type, as opposed to the way it is being taken care of. that is very offensive.

your opinion of sideshow bob's hair (which i happen to think is awesome) and *what i interpreted to be* her opinion of thelma's hair aren't the same IMO, b/c you're referring to a style, and she's referring to the nature of the hair.

3c4d7zwhatevs · 03-29-2011, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keenylicious

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saila

I'm sorry, what are you taking about? This is a huge assumption on your part. While I sincerely appreciate your efforts to include the newcomers with kindness, I wholeheartedly disagree with the bolded.

Of course there is a tendency to "jump" on those that possibly hate their natural hair texture. This site is called naturallycurly and those individuals are attacking (or being afraid of, or insulting) natural hair textures. Of course there is a Relax/Straight and a Transitioning section, but natural hair is the bread and butter around these parts.

I am most disturbed by the underlined. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Honestly. I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, I seriously don't understand what you are implying by that. Is everyone supposed to be terrified of a certain hair type or texture or property?

I can't speak for anyone else, but if I have healthy hair and I know how to take care of it, I'm happy. I've seen gorgeous hair from 1a-4b that I drool over. I don't fully understand what you're saying, but I know that "we all" certainly don't feel that way.

The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.

she stated that she doesnt know what her 'texture' is, then stated that she didnt want hair that looked like someone who's hair is very well kept... in that context, i don't think that it's too crazy to assume that she has a problem with that hair type, as opposed to the way it is being taken care of. that is very offensive.

your opinion of sideshow bob's hair (which i happen to think is awesome) and *what i interpreted to be* her opinion of thelma's hair aren't the same IMO, b/c you're referring to a style, and she's referring to the nature of the hair.

+1 on everything Keeny said. And, I am styling Sideshow Bob today in my corporate job.

The OP's ignorant comments show her age, and that why I let her know they were insulting. That is giving her a break. How do you expect young people to learn and grow without someone older letting them know when they step wrong?

Saila · 03-29-2011, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.

All of those symptoms you listed are very easily remedied, so why would that be something I would be "afraid" of? I assumed you were referring to textures since those aren't easily altered.

Again, you're making assumptions that are not true. They may be true for you, but you can't speak for everyone like that. I have never in my life looked at another woman's hair and been like "THANK GOD THAT ISN'T MY HAIR!" If I see someone's hair that looks poorly styled, damaged, breaking, etc., I just think "wow, that hair is a hot mess" and keep it moving. I don't really ever think twice about other people's hair. Honestly. I think Elle hit the nail on the head with her note on comparing your hair to others.

I am also a teenager. Granted, she may be 13 and I'm 19. At any rate, I would say everything I've said here to a 13 year old. It's not about cutting slack or being mean. It is what it is.

afrosheenqueen · 03-29-2011, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MirCurls

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

Quote:

Originally Posted by MirCurls

I always got compliments--straight or curly--but I got more compliments when my hair was/is LONGER. When I was first CGing it, hair looked shorter cause the curl shrank it. Within a year, it was back to being long and the compliments poured in again. I think, as my hairdresser has always said to me whenever I was tempted to cut it, that longer hair suited me. Period. It wasn't that straight suited me MORE (I get more compliments from total strangers all about town with my curls than with my blown-out hair, which looked great, too, frankly), it was that LONG suited me, so once my curls got LONG, then I really more compliments.

It's longer and it's healthier and, on days when I don't overdo it with product (I still can go a bit overboard and my fine hair will look producty if I do), my hair gets many compliments and looks and I like it fine. My husband says something nice about my curls just about every day and he likes to touch them. So, he's a happy camper I went natural.

I think the thing is to find the SHAPE and LENGTH type of cuts/styles/arrangements that suit your face/body. Then, when hair is healthy, no matter the texture, it will garner compliments.

And men like LONG hair. Period. Most do. Surveys show it. So, the compliments when you straighten may have more to do with it looking LONGER (and longer looks younger, generally, too).

Men like long hair. Long hair looks younger (usually, not if it just drags the face down, depends on style). So....the key may not be curly or straight...but appealingly styled and longer.

The time that my friend said the age I looked with my hair, I said (out loud), do you think this hair would still make me look that old if it was longer? I hate to say it, but I am overweight, and while I don't think flat hair accentuates a fat face, curls that are not long don't always help either.

When I got cut the other day, I was willing to go shorter if needed for the chance to try a new look, and definitely when my CJ shampoo comes in the mail I'll get to see that my hair does look kinda short again (had to cut off very split ends from tangling). My goal is eventually long natural hair, and my hair does always looks pretty long when straight, but I want it to look long CURLY. The only pain about long hair looking cuter is that for someone women long hair takes time

bah. I'm concerned more and more about eliminating tangles (I've found that water on the hair every/almost every day works great for moisture and tangles for me) in the hopes that I can finally retain REAL length! (The minute people would say "oh wow it's gotten so long!" that would be time for me to snip off split ends urgh!) Ha, one time I was standing against the opened door at work greeting students as they came in, and I was like "what's that s*** stuck behind my back?" then I realized it was my hair! (of course it was flat ironed that day, as I often did for work, until the past year)

My boss who has long dreadlocks said to me if I really want to get my hair long, to stop relaxing it. I think another woman on here mentioned this too. At those times I was not ready to stop, but I am transitioning now, and I just hope their comments live up to the promise.

I know I will get some flack for this, but another thing that made me afraid was when I read some peoples' hair timelines on here and in their blogs, and they BCed or went natural years ago and some of them have hair that I consider to be really short. Granted some of them may have cut their hair, but from the general idea of their blogs/signatures it doesn't look like that they have. Then I think to myself "You chopped way back in _______________, and that's ALL the hair that you have?!?!?!?" and I worry that that will be me. So I'm hoping for now that my two textures continue to play nice.

My hairline has gotten wet and I have no desire to touch up at home with the flat iron, so right now my natural hair looks dry and distinct from the rest of my hair. But when I do my own wet styling it all looks pretty good together, and I even think I like my natural hair better.

I am very glad that I took A LOT of pics (which I normally didn't do of me, as I'm not THAT fond of how I look, especially not when I was morbidly obese, which I was until the end of last year, as I've been losing a lot of weight since last summer) of my face and hair when I started the CG journey, cause I realize that being VERY FAT and FIFTY-ONE years old...I need FOUR things to look younger/more attractive when it comes to my hair (be it curly or straight, but especially curly):

1. cover my grays, richen up my natural color
2. Have hair ON my face in some way...not pulled straight back away or mostly away
3. Have some crown/bang height and some "fall-over" (by fall-over, I mean like shorter layers around my forehead and temple that are not, strictly speaking, bangs, but hair that lifts up and falls gently over to hit at at my cheekbone or around there.
4. Fullness (as much as my thinning, aging hair could manage, given it tends to fall out from time to time due to hypothyroidism). I stopped going for clumps and roughly diffuse to make my hair "airy" to give more fullness to match my FULL body. I don't think very heavy gals (like me) look good with close to the head hair unless they have insane bone structure (which I do not).

For some reason, those were the magic four that took away the tired old look. I always get compliments when color is fresh, hair is fuller, has a bit of height (I can't get much with natural curls and some clumps, so I use a tad of hairspray at the roots), and I get that semi-bangs/fallover effect. Always. I get people say, "No, seriously, you can't be 51!"

I laughed at the Pilates studio last week cause this young cutie girl was staring at me and said it like 4 times, "You are so NOT 51!" Funny.

I can see the age in my face when I'm tired. And the fat when the hair is AWAY from the face and neck...but those are my tips if you have issues with curl and overweight. Some height. Some fullness. Some hair on face (to lessen the roundness). Good color. And, if possible and it suits your body shape/face shape..length.

But I'm not 300 lbs anymore. At 215, my face is slimmer. Still the rules apply...

Here are examples of the height I can get (like I said, not MUCH, cause longer hair, even layered, weighs more; but it still makes a huge difference) and the "fallover" layers that disguise a fatter face:

All but the last one were taken this year. Most are second day hair.

Loving my Spiral Solutions this year. The last one was me last summer at 260+ pounds. The most recent was March 19 of this year (the one in the flowered shirt with the fresh green tree behind me all windblown at an outdoor festival, hence the disheveled look). I'm 216 lbs there. So you know I'm OBESE and have been seriously and morbidly obese since I joined this board! But always, as long as there is hair on my neck and around the cheeks, my face doesn't look as fat as it really is (nor my neck/shoulders). Helps...

Very nice, Mir! How are you acheiving height at the crown? I've been working with clips but without success.

MirCurls · 03-29-2011, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by afrosheenqueen

Very nice, Mir! How are you acheiving height at the crown? I've been working with clips but without success.

Thanks queen!

I diffuse dry upside down til 70 or more % dry. Then I use clips til mostly dry or fully dry. I often use the SMaster's method, though lately not so much. I don't apply the second level of gel or dry completely--hair doesn't seem to need second layer of gel.

I still use octopus clips (I had more than one thread discussing it and pics in my fotki albums). I use 3 to 6, depending on how lazy I feel. I use the large (but not jumbo) ones (though my hair is fine, so they can slip off if not anchored well). I put one right up front. Then 2 to 3 to do the sides and back. I let it hold the hair up a bit to get air in there. Bunched up a bit so I goet some lift. Not a lot, but enough to not look utterly FLAT.

When hair is almost dry or dry and I remove clips, I then spray some hair spray on my fingertips and push them in to get the little bit of a bump UP and fallover for the shorter layers. (My stylist purposely cuts them shorter on one side to give the fallover I like.)

Dat's it. On second and third day hair, I stick whatever gel I'm using on the roots at the crown with moist finger, reclip for a spell, while I dress or put on makeup, and then finish with more fingertips with hairspray to give a bit of hold (or my short layers will go right into my eyes!)

HTH...

Oh, and sleeping with a pineapple helps a lot. I wake up with height from the pineapple being right at my roots.

I use a pineapple when I do Pilates/exercise at home, that way whenI perspire, it just keeps the roots HIGHER, so when I head home, I don't look like a total dork.

Some days, it' can look BETTER than when I arrived, cause the pineapple reasserted the lift, like this example of second day hair AFTER my workout session (trainer takes regular pics for body progress shot, and this was last Thursday):

afrosheenqueen · 03-29-2011, 04:17 PM

It does help. Thanks!

lesliegonnacurl · 03-29-2011, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EllyEllyOxenFree

leslie, just a note, you will feel more comfortable in your journey when you stop comparing your hair to others. Some people have setbacks, some BC again, etc...there are plenty of reasons to be natural for x amount of years and still have "short" hair. Some never looks long due to shrinkage - there are some ladies who have ear length hair curly and waist length hair straight. These things should not matter to you. Focus on yourself and you will be a lot happier. When I first went natural, I was SO anxious to see how my hair would look longer, so I was always asking for pics of hair longer than mine from ppl whose hair looked similar. I basically was trying to place their hair with my face to see what it would look like - then I realized that even if our hair looks similar, due to other characteristics of hair, mine probably won't look just like theirs, so it was pointless to keep trying to "predict" my "grown up" hair. So then I just decided to focus on my health and hair in order to grow the best head of hair I am able to.

Great points, mentally I agree with you 100%, but emotionally it is going to take some time for me to get there. I am terrified of shrinkage. I also have a preference for long hair. I hope as time goes on I can chill out. This is a big change (in some ways I've eased into it by wearing a curly look for a long time) so I'm sure it will get easier, but gradually.

I'm anxious for my curly hair to look good cause I'd gotten to the point where I felt like my straight hair didn't look good at all, so if my curly hair doesn't look good, I'm up s*** creek.

lesliegonnacurl · 03-29-2011, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MirCurls

Quote:

Originally Posted by afrosheenqueen

Very nice, Mir! How are you acheiving height at the crown? I've been working with clips but without success.

Thanks queen!

I diffuse dry upside down til 70 or more % dry. Then I use clips til mostly dry or fully dry. I often use the SMaster's method, though lately not so much. I don't apply the second level of gel or dry completely--hair doesn't seem to need second layer of gel.

I still use octopus clips (I had more than one thread discussing it and pics in my fotki albums). I use 3 to 6, depending on how lazy I feel. I use the large (but not jumbo) ones (though my hair is fine, so they can slip off if not anchored well). I put one right up front. Then 2 to 3 to do the sides and back. I let it hold the hair up a bit to get air in there. Bunched up a bit so I goet some lift. Not a lot, but enough to not look utterly FLAT.

When hair is almost dry or dry and I remove clips, I then spray some hair spray on my fingertips and push them in to get the little bit of a bump UP and fallover for the shorter layers. (My stylist purposely cuts them shorter on one side to give the fallover I like.)

Dat's it. On second and third day hair, I stick whatever gel I'm using on the roots at the crown with moist finger, reclip for a spell, while I dress or put on makeup, and then finish with more fingertips with hairspray to give a bit of hold (or my short layers will go right into my eyes!)

HTH...

Oh, and sleeping with a pineapple helps a lot. I wake up with height from the pineapple being right at my roots.

I use a pineapple when I do Pilates/exercise at home, that way whenI perspire, it just keeps the roots HIGHER, so when I head home, I don't look like a total dork.

Some days, it' can look BETTER than when I arrived, cause the pineapple reasserted the lift, like this example of second day hair AFTER my workout session (trainer takes regular pics for body progress shot, and this was last Thursday):

Thanks Mir, I'll read up more on your hairstyles and pics tomorrow when I have some time

lesliegonnacurl · 03-29-2011, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saila

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.

All of those symptoms you listed are very easily remedied, so why would that be something I would be "afraid" of? I assumed you were referring to textures since those aren't easily altered.

Again, you're making assumptions that are not true. They may be true for you, but you can't speak for everyone like that. I have never in my life looked at another woman's hair and been like "THANK GOD THAT ISN'T MY HAIR!" If I see someone's hair that looks poorly styled, damaged, breaking, etc., I just think "wow, that hair is a hot mess" and keep it moving. I don't really ever think twice about other people's hair. Honestly. I think Elle hit the nail on the head with her note on comparing your hair to others.

I am also a teenager. Granted, she may be 13 and I'm 19. At any rate, I would say everything I've said here to a 13 year old. It's not about cutting slack or being mean. It is what it is.

I'm not above admitting that I've said "Thank God that isn't my hair!" about some people. Or "ewwwwww" at some hair, or even worse. Perhaps everyone on here hasn't felt that way, but I'm sure a zillion women have. So if you and some others on here don't think that way, then good for you. There's probably a ton of people on here who think things that they don't say because they want to avoid arguments. I guess I don't care so much. Of course, none of my opinions exist to intentionally hurt any one's feelings on here. If this kid thinks that certain styles or hair types are ugly, I hope no one takes too much offense to her statements, because it's a waste of their emotions to worry what she thinks if they feel happy with and confident in themselves, and/or if they admire the looks and types that she doesn't like.

EllyEllyOxenFree · 03-30-2011, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

Great points, mentally I agree with you 100%, but emotionally it is going to take some time for me to get there. I am terrified of shrinkage. I also have a preference for long hair. I hope as time goes on I can chill out. This is a big change (in some ways I've eased into it by wearing a curly look for a long time) so I'm sure it will get easier, but gradually.

I'm anxious for my curly hair to look good cause I'd gotten to the point where I felt like my straight hair didn't look good at all, so if my curly hair doesn't look good, I'm up s*** creek.

Well, IME, all hair looks good when it is properly cared for, whether it is curly, wavy, kinky, or straight. Concentrate less on how your hair looks and more on its health. I think one of the biggest issues people have with their natural hair is that they attempt to have it look a certain way, and sometimes, that's just not happening. In turn, their hair suffers and they have setbacks. It's a never ending cycle of disappointment. I also have a preference for long hair (at the moment), but I concentrate on keeping my hair in good shape so it will grow to be long, and I won't have to cut it. I am only about a third of the way to my goal, but I am happy that my efforts have me moving in the right direction. Be patient. Of course I have my days where I'm like, "F*^k you hair, JUST GROW!!!!" but then I check myself because I mean shoot, this time last year I had about 3 inches of hair.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl

I'm not above admitting that I've said "Thank God that isn't my hair!" about some people. Or "ewwwwww" at some hair, or even worse. Perhaps everyone on here hasn't felt that way, but I'm sure a zillion women have. So if you and some others on here don't think that way, then good for you. There's probably a ton of people on here who think things that they don't say because they want to avoid arguments. I guess I don't care so much. Of course, none of my opinions exist to intentionally hurt any one's feelings on here. If this kid thinks that certain styles or hair types are ugly, I hope no one takes too much offense to her statements, because it's a waste of their emotions to worry what she thinks if they feel happy with and confident in themselves, and/or if they admire the looks and types that she doesn't like.

Naw. Apologies for the bluntness, but...naw. Some things are common sense, and some things should be kept to yourself. It's not always about saying something offensive and then people only get upset if they secretly have issues. Would I walk into a room full of overweight women and start going on about how I'm terrified of getting fat? Would that even make sense?! Sure, she can say that she doesn't want to have a certain type of hair, but um, a natural hair site isn't really the outlet for those opinions. No one is getting all emotional and crying at what she said, but yes, a teenager is old enough to be told that her words are not acceptable to certain audiences. Am I personally offended? No. My hair doesn't even look like the type of hair she described - but even if it doesn't, I have enough common sense to let her know relaying things like that aren't gonna fly, and they shouldn't.

lesliegonnacurl · 03-30-2011, 08:07 PM

Elle, thanks for the continued awesome hair encouragement.

As for the other stuff you make great points. For me personally, as far as what people say online, as long as it isn't about my character or integrity, I don't care. My hair and other physical characteristics were God/Nature given so if they are thought to be of a "bad" or "undesirable" type that has nothing to do with me. (Granted it IS irritating when skinny people complain about their weight in front of me, one time a coworker who probably weighed 110lbs was telling me how her mom said she was getting fat. Then when I told her I guess her mom would have a heart attack if I was her kid she just looked at me stupid LOL!) But character and integrity are personal traits and I WILL defend those and become sensitive there--ha, which has probably already been noticed!

)

My guess is that this kid probably thought that since she hates that kind of hair, that other women on here are trying to avoid "ending up looking like that too". Undoubtedly, she's read the whole controversy and has discovered that that is not the case. Sometimes people just have to offend others before they get a wake-up call. I hope she doesn't upset anymore people.