I'm one step from getting a relaxer!

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I'm beginning to get REALLY frustrated with transitioning... I'm not seriously considering the cream crack but then again this is beginning to take a toll on me & my self esteem. I don't know what my curl pattern will be & lord knows I don't want to be walking around looking like Thelma or Florida off good times or the cast from roots.. I really need HELP! Someone to help me through this! PLEASE! PLEASE! Anyone!
What exactly do you need help with? Styling techniques, products...?
I dunno if this helps or not, but I just decided to start transitioning earlier this month, but due to the intervals of my relaxers I am already technically six months into my transition.

Anyway, it sounds like we have much different hair. But to the part that might help:

One of my biggest challenges is all the compliments that I get when my hair has been straightened. For the past year I never flat ironed my hair, and was only straight post a relaxer, or going to get a hair cut. One time I got it cut after work prior to the union Christmas party, and I show up and this one guy I work with all the time was "Your hair looks really nice". Today it was straight (had a haircut yesterday) and I think looking like crap cause I accidentally had the lady overdo it with the heat protectant and my nephew (who once basically told me that I was too ugly to live) said "your hair looks nice!". Come to think of it, another male coworker also told me that my hair looked nice after the December haircut, and it was nothing special-- a few days later, just straight and the sides pulled back in bobby pins. My brother also told me yesterday that my hair looked nice.

So yeah I think to myself, what do I look UNATTRACTIVE with curly hair? Lots of women that I know tell me that they like my hair better curly, but men always tell me it looks nice when it's straight. Not to mention that my best friend (now also transitioning) told me once that I look 30 something when my hair is curly, and 25 when it is straight.

The point is, just try to ignore the pressures and do what is healthy for your hair. I think if we all did a little more to rock our style (general style) we'd look great no matter what. I for one am a lazy woman who rarely wears makeup and buys new clothes, and am just now getting back into exercise. I think those things bear just as much on our appearance as hair, maybe more.
Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
Last Relaxer September 2010

Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell!
Wow...first of all, Thelma's hair was always on point on Good Times. Even her afro puffs were cute. Florida's hair looked like it did because it was always picked out. There is no need to be insulting just because you are frustrated. Many people have hair that looks like you have described and accept/rock it just fine.

Instead of worrying about what your hair WILL look like, concern yourself with what it looks like now. If you are transitioning, focus on styles that blend the textures and will last for several days and figure out how to stretch them. For example, twists, then a twist out, then a twist out updo. Or a roller set that will stretch your hair and make it a bit easier to work with. And then when you get finished transitioning, accept your hair and learn to work with it. Getting a routine down and some go-to styles / products that you know work for you will make things easier and raise your opinion of your hair.

I know many women will throw stones at me, but why can't you flatiron it while you transition? This will cause some heat damage if not done properly, but you can limit the heat exposure and stretch out the time between straightening and minimize this.

I am just throwing this out there, but why are you transitioning anyway? Have you considered just chopping off the relaxed ends? I know this is not an easy decision for many, but it will save you so much stress in the long run. Or is this (transitioning) even something you are committed to doing? Think about this for a bit and make your decision. You have to be committed to going natural regardless of what your hair will look like. If you are going to have conditions, I say just do what is best for your mental state.
4a/3c curls
Fine strands, not as densely-placed as I would like
Ayurvedic herbs are the TRUTH
Team Wash and Go!
iHerb code:UYA010 - get 5% off your first purchase
Wow...first of all, Thelma's hair was always on point on Good Times. Even her afro puffs were cute. Florida's hair looked like it did because it was always picked out. There is no need to be insulting just because you are frustrated. Many people have hair that looks like you have described and accept/rock it just fine.

Instead of worrying about what your hair WILL look like, concern yourself with what it looks like now. If you are transitioning, focus on styles that blend the textures and will last for several days and figure out how to stretch them. For example, twists, then a twist out, then a twist out updo. Or a roller set that will stretch your hair and make it a bit easier to work with. And then when you get finished transitioning, accept your hair and learn to work with it. Getting a routine down and some go-to styles / products that you know work for you will make things easier and raise your opinion of your hair.

I know many women will throw stones at me, but why can't you flatiron it while you transition? This will cause some heat damage if not done properly, but you can limit the heat exposure and stretch out the time between straightening and minimize this.

I am just throwing this out there, but why are you transitioning anyway? Have you considered just chopping off the relaxed ends? I know this is not an easy decision for many, but it will save you so much stress in the long run. Or is this (transitioning) even something you are committed to doing? Think about this for a bit and make your decision. You have to be committed to going natural regardless of what your hair will look like. If you are going to have conditions, I say just do what is best for your mental state.
Originally Posted by sagehen
I think on this site we need to stop demonizing people who might find certain styles or examples of hair unattractive. I know that this site is all about promoting healthy hair and pride in our curls, but we have all seen examples of curls that we thought were unattractive, or people who need help with their curls and don't look so good because they don't have a routine down yet. I'm sure many of us, when we see those people or examples, think "I wouldn't wanna look like that! Or thank God I don't look like that!" There is a certain hair look, that I'm not going to describe because some people are way too sensitive, that I had a fear of looking like that kept me from transitioning. I can best, and most diplomatically, describe it as looking like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons.

I totally agree with what you said about finding confidence and putting hair health first, but some of us on here need to realize that the journey is not so easy for all women. There are all types of emotional, personal, and cultural factors at hand that some women are more sensitive to than others, as well as comments from friends and family about their hair being "crazy, wild" or needed to be "corrected". I had an aunt, who had ruined her hair with constant cheap dye and wet brushing, who always called me "Electric Hair" cause she said it looked like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket. Does it stick with me or am I hurt? No, and I don't think I was hurt then, but I am just trying to make the point that some of us on here need to stop freaking out every time someone mentions what they don't want to have to do with their hair, or who they don't want to look like. Not everyone is going to find the same types of looks, routine, or styles attractive.
Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
Last Relaxer September 2010

Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell!
Wow...first of all, Thelma's hair was always on point on Good Times. Even her afro puffs were cute. Florida's hair looked like it did because it was always picked out. There is no need to be insulting just because you are frustrated. Many people have hair that looks like you have described and accept/rock it just fine.

Instead of worrying about what your hair WILL look like, concern yourself with what it looks like now. If you are transitioning, focus on styles that blend the textures and will last for several days and figure out how to stretch them. For example, twists, then a twist out, then a twist out updo. Or a roller set that will stretch your hair and make it a bit easier to work with. And then when you get finished transitioning, accept your hair and learn to work with it. Getting a routine down and some go-to styles / products that you know work for you will make things easier and raise your opinion of your hair.

I know many women will throw stones at me, but why can't you flatiron it while you transition? This will cause some heat damage if not done properly, but you can limit the heat exposure and stretch out the time between straightening and minimize this.

I am just throwing this out there, but why are you transitioning anyway? Have you considered just chopping off the relaxed ends? I know this is not an easy decision for many, but it will save you so much stress in the long run. Or is this (transitioning) even something you are committed to doing? Think about this for a bit and make your decision. You have to be committed to going natural regardless of what your hair will look like. If you are going to have conditions, I say just do what is best for your mental state.
Originally Posted by sagehen
I think on this site we need to stop demonizing people who might find certain styles or examples of hair unattractive. I know that this site is all about promoting healthy hair and pride in our curls, but we have all seen examples of curls that we thought were unattractive, or people who need help with their curls and don't look so good because they don't have a routine down yet. I'm sure many of us, when we see those people or examples, think "I wouldn't wanna look like that! Or thank God I don't look like that!" There is a certain hair look, that I'm not going to describe because some people are way too sensitive, that I had a fear of looking like that kept me from transitioning. I can best, and most diplomatically, describe it as looking like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons.

I totally agree with what you said about finding confidence and putting hair health first, but some of us on here need to realize that the journey is not so easy for all women. There are all types of emotional, personal, and cultural factors at hand that some women are more sensitive to than others, as well as comments from friends and family about their hair being "crazy, wild" or needed to be "corrected". I had an aunt, who had ruined her hair with constant cheap dye and wet brushing, who always called me "Electric Hair" cause she said it looked like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket. Does it stick with me or am I hurt? No, and I don't think I was hurt then, but I am just trying to make the point that some of us on here need to stop freaking out every time someone mentions what they don't want to have to do with their hair, or who they don't want to look like. Not everyone is going to find the same types of looks, routine, or styles attractive.
Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl
I think some people need to stop being so sensitive when people are speaking their minds. I have a right to voice my frustration with people saying disparaging things as people have a right to be frustrated with their hair. Thelma from Good Times was a style icon for women of my age, and I don't even get where that came from because her hair was always well kept and healthy looking.

I did not demonize the OP, and in no way can my tone be construed as such. If you think that my tone was anywhere near harsh, then you need to re-evaluate what harsh is.

I think a lot of people on this site are over the cry for help threads because the help is here if one takes the time to look at it. You don't know me or how easy my journey was or was not, and the OP doesn't need you running interference for her. You don't know what I know or don't know; you just know that me voicing my opinion (which I am entitled to do as long as it meets with the terms and conditions of this website) hit you in a soft spot which I am under no obligation to care about. I am perfectly in-bounds with questioning the OP's motives or if going natural is what she really wants to do because of the tone of her post. She also did not answer the questions another poster put to her who was also trying to help. So, I have to wonder if help is what she wants or if she wants someone to tell her it's OK not be natural, and it is OK. Where was the demonization or rudeness in that?
4a/3c curls
Fine strands, not as densely-placed as I would like
Ayurvedic herbs are the TRUTH
Team Wash and Go!
iHerb code:UYA010 - get 5% off your first purchase
OP, this thread should be helpful to you -

http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlta...get-there.html
BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
YouTube

Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
I'm beginning to get REALLY frustrated with transitioning... I'm not seriously considering the cream crack but then again this is beginning to take a toll on me & my self esteem. I don't know what my curl pattern will be & lord knows I don't want to be walking around looking like Thelma or Florida off good times or the cast from roots.. I really need HELP! Someone to help me through this! PLEASE! PLEASE! Anyone!
Originally Posted by curlygirl1010
GIFSoup
And might I add...I find the "cast of Roots" reference more offensive than Good Times. Seriously? Natural hair slave references? This is not the crowd to bring that to...it's not about people being "sensitive" or getting offended when people say they don't want their hair to look like xyz. Anyone with two licks of self worth would be offended by that...
BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
YouTube

Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
I'm beginning to get REALLY frustrated with transitioning... I'm not seriously considering the cream crack but then again this is beginning to take a toll on me & my self esteem. I don't know what my curl pattern will be & lord knows I don't want to be walking around looking like Thelma or Florida off good times or the cast from roots.. I really need HELP! Someone to help me through this! PLEASE! PLEASE! Anyone!
Originally Posted by curlygirl1010
GIFSoup
Originally Posted by keenylicious
Oh gosh, that GIF!!! *dies*
I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
"
Yes, you should go back to relaxers and I'll tell you why.

When you posted this a few days ago:
I just want a pretty head of healthy curls..

Btw... my parents are black but I have a lot of White & Native American in my family... (If that can be a determining factor
Followed by the original post:
I don't know what my curl pattern will be & lord knows I don't want to be walking around looking like Thelma or Florida off good times or the cast from roots..
You're not ready. Not when you say your goal is healthy hair but I can already see that for you "healthy hair" has a certain look and it's not coils, zig zags, or springlets.

You should sit down and reflect again on why you want to transition. There's no ledge anyone can talk you down from if you can't accept yourself. Are you truly willing to accept what Nature gave you? Maybe he gave you curls but maybe not. Are you okay with that?

If you are, there is so much information here that will make your transition easier. If not, well...you already know what that option is.
4a/b Texlaxed hair w/ highlights. Medium texture & high porosity.

HG's: CJ Daily Fix, Bobeam Cheris Hibiscus shampoo bar, KC Spiral Spritz, Knot Today, CJ Rehab, KBB LL Hair Mask, Cassia, KCCC, oil blend of Avocado, Camellia, Jojoba, & Meadowfoam oils

SL APL BSL MBL
Wow...first of all, Thelma's hair was always on point on Good Times. Even her afro puffs were cute. Florida's hair looked like it did because it was always picked out. There is no need to be insulting just because you are frustrated. Many people have hair that looks like you have described and accept/rock it just fine.

Instead of worrying about what your hair WILL look like, concern yourself with what it looks like now. If you are transitioning, focus on styles that blend the textures and will last for several days and figure out how to stretch them. For example, twists, then a twist out, then a twist out updo. Or a roller set that will stretch your hair and make it a bit easier to work with. And then when you get finished transitioning, accept your hair and learn to work with it. Getting a routine down and some go-to styles / products that you know work for you will make things easier and raise your opinion of your hair.

I know many women will throw stones at me, but why can't you flatiron it while you transition? This will cause some heat damage if not done properly, but you can limit the heat exposure and stretch out the time between straightening and minimize this.

I am just throwing this out there, but why are you transitioning anyway? Have you considered just chopping off the relaxed ends? I know this is not an easy decision for many, but it will save you so much stress in the long run. Or is this (transitioning) even something you are committed to doing? Think about this for a bit and make your decision. You have to be committed to going natural regardless of what your hair will look like. If you are going to have conditions, I say just do what is best for your mental state.
Originally Posted by sagehen
I think on this site we need to stop demonizing people who might find certain styles or examples of hair unattractive. I know that this site is all about promoting healthy hair and pride in our curls, but we have all seen examples of curls that we thought were unattractive, or people who need help with their curls and don't look so good because they don't have a routine down yet. I'm sure many of us, when we see those people or examples, think "I wouldn't wanna look like that! Or thank God I don't look like that!" There is a certain hair look, that I'm not going to describe because some people are way too sensitive, that I had a fear of looking like that kept me from transitioning. I can best, and most diplomatically, describe it as looking like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons.

I totally agree with what you said about finding confidence and putting hair health first, but some of us on here need to realize that the journey is not so easy for all women. There are all types of emotional, personal, and cultural factors at hand that some women are more sensitive to than others, as well as comments from friends and family about their hair being "crazy, wild" or needed to be "corrected". I had an aunt, who had ruined her hair with constant cheap dye and wet brushing, who always called me "Electric Hair" cause she said it looked like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket. Does it stick with me or am I hurt? No, and I don't think I was hurt then, but I am just trying to make the point that some of us on here need to stop freaking out every time someone mentions what they don't want to have to do with their hair, or who they don't want to look like. Not everyone is going to find the same types of looks, routine, or styles attractive.
Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl
I think some people need to stop being so sensitive when people are speaking their minds. I have a right to voice my frustration with people saying disparaging things as people have a right to be frustrated with their hair. Thelma from Good Times was a style icon for women of my age, and I don't even get where that came from because her hair was always well kept and healthy looking.

I did not demonize the OP, and in no way can my tone be construed as such. If you think that my tone was anywhere near harsh, then you need to re-evaluate what harsh is.

I think a lot of people on this site are over the cry for help threads because the help is here if one takes the time to look at it. You don't know me or how easy my journey was or was not, and the OP doesn't need you running interference for her. You don't know what I know or don't know; you just know that me voicing my opinion (which I am entitled to do as long as it meets with the terms and conditions of this website) hit you in a soft spot which I am under no obligation to care about. I am perfectly in-bounds with questioning the OP's motives or if going natural is what she really wants to do because of the tone of her post. She also did not answer the questions another poster put to her who was also trying to help. So, I have to wonder if help is what she wants or if she wants someone to tell her it's OK not be natural, and it is OK. Where was the demonization or rudeness in that?
Originally Posted by sagehen
I agree that we both have the right to voice our opinions. If mine supports the other poster, then we agree to disagree. It is not a personal attack on you, nor do you and I know each other's hair histories/journeys. I just feel that on this site there is a tendency for anyone who might comment on "looks that they hope they never have!" to be jumped on. (I know we've all have some of those) I just don't want to see someone feel so attacked that they flee the site and never get to the help, because then if they do take the leap of faith that it takes for some women to grow their hair out, they may feel "everyone there hates me or is mean" and then they may not come back.

I do agree with what a few basically said: if you don't feel that you can transition, then don't. Only until recently was I ready to take the plunge, and I'd been thinking about it for years. I hope it works out for me in the end. Seems to me there is a big "back to natural" movement right now, but if the OP isn't ready, then she isn't ready. Not to say that natural hair is a trend, as many have always wanted to be natural, but there have been stories in both print and visual media in the last few years encouraging natural hair and disparaging chemical straighteners. Actually, it seems those are marketed at black women, but for other ethnicities of women right now they seem to keep marketing keratin treatments to "tame the hair" and "be professional" "cut down on blow out time", etc.

I can't recall having ever read any other posts from the OP, so I dunno why she does or doesn't want to grow her hair out. But if her hair looks okay to her and is manageable in it's relaxed or whatever state it's in (like I said haven't read her other posts) then I think she should stick with that until she feels ready to change.
Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
Last Relaxer September 2010

Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell!
I just feel that on this site there is a tendency for anyone who might comment on "looks that they hope they never have!" to be jumped on. (I know we've all have some of those) I just don't want to see someone feel so attacked that they flee the site and never get to the help, because then if they do take the leap of faith that it takes for some women to grow their hair out, they may feel "everyone there hates me or is mean" and then they may not come back.
Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl
I'm sorry, what are you taking about? This is a huge assumption on your part. While I sincerely appreciate your efforts to include the newcomers with kindness, I wholeheartedly disagree with the bolded.

Of course there is a tendency to "jump" on those that possibly hate their natural hair texture. This site is called naturallycurly and those individuals are attacking (or being afraid of, or insulting) natural hair textures. Of course there is a Relax/Straight and a Transitioning section, but natural hair is the bread and butter around these parts.

I am most disturbed by the underlined. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Honestly. I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, I seriously don't understand what you are implying by that. Is everyone supposed to be terrified of a certain hair type or texture or property?

I can't speak for anyone else, but if I have healthy hair and I know how to take care of it, I'm happy. I've seen gorgeous hair from 1a-4b that I drool over. I don't fully understand what you're saying, but I know that "we all" certainly don't feel that way.
I just feel that on this site there is a tendency for anyone who might comment on "looks that they hope they never have!" to be jumped on. (I know we've all have some of those) I just don't want to see someone feel so attacked that they flee the site and never get to the help, because then if they do take the leap of faith that it takes for some women to grow their hair out, they may feel "everyone there hates me or is mean" and then they may not come back.
Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl
I'm sorry, what are you taking about? This is a huge assumption on your part. While I sincerely appreciate your efforts to include the newcomers with kindness, I wholeheartedly disagree with the bolded.

Of course there is a tendency to "jump" on those that possibly hate their natural hair texture. This site is called naturallycurly and those individuals are attacking (or being afraid of, or insulting) natural hair textures. Of course there is a Relax/Straight and a Transitioning section, but natural hair is the bread and butter around these parts.

I am most disturbed by the underlined. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Honestly. I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, I seriously don't understand what you are implying by that. Is everyone supposed to be terrified of a certain hair type or texture or property?

I can't speak for anyone else, but if I have healthy hair and I know how to take care of it, I'm happy. I've seen gorgeous hair from 1a-4b that I drool over. I don't fully understand what you're saying, but I know that "we all" certainly don't feel that way.
Originally Posted by Saila
The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.
EnidGo likes this.
Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
Last Relaxer September 2010

Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell!
ITA with everyone. OP, it sounds like you're frustrated because you're already worrying about what you're hair will look like. And no disrespect but I think what everyone is seeing is you wanting "good hair" and not wanting "bad hair". It was pretty transparent with the whole "I don't want to look like roots" comment.

The way I can see it you can do one of two things. You can forget about texture (which isn't that important anyways, ask any "veteran" on this board) and just concentrate on keeping your hair healthy and accepting whatever will grow out of your head. Or you can just go back to relaxers. I use to be like you, as soon as I learned about the typing system I began obsessing over what my hair would look like, would it be curly because I had a Irish great grandmother, and a half Native American great grandfather, etc. Everything became so much easier when I stopped caring about that crap and started caring about the right things like porosity, what products work for my hair, what my hair likes, etc.

Just out of curiosity what would happen if you did have hair like Thelma or Florida? Would that make you want to go back to relaxers, because if so that's another sign you should just go back to relaxers for now until you figure out what you want. Whatever you choose to do good luck!

And I must find that gif from Keeny....
Curly in Okinawa, Japan where only the toughest curls can stand up to this heat and humidity.

My Arsenal:
Shampoo: Waiting on SM African Black soap shampoo to makes its way to me...
Conditioner(s): CJ Beauticurls Argan and Olive Oil, Curl Junkie Smoothing Lotion
Treatments: CJ Curl Rehab, CJ Deep Fix, CJ Repair Me!
Oil: Apricot Kernel Oil
Stylers: CD Loc Butter for twists, CJAF, CJCQ (haven't figured out how to work this though...)
First of all, you won't know what your true texture is until you cut off all of your relaxed ends. Those ends tend to stretch and drag your hair down, so you may actually have tighter curls than you think. And to reiterate what some previous posters said, your OP implies that you are praying for "good" hair, which is offensive to a number of people on here, including me. To me, good hair is healthy hair regardless of its texture, not Mariah Carey's hair or somebody else with loose curls. Would it be so terrible if you did have hair like Thelma or Florida from Good Times? Because if that's what you think, then you aren't ready to go natural. You have to undergo a mental transformation when you go natural, not just a physical one.
Fine haired, low density, highly porous curly kinky lady
Last relaxer: Not sure. 3/08 or 4/08
BC'd: 9/18/09
Co-wash: Suave Naturals, HEHH, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle, CJ Daily Fix
Leave-In: KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In, CJ Smoothing Lotion
Stylers: ORS Twist and Loc Gel, KCCC, Ecostyler, SheaMoisture Deep Treatment Masque
Deep Conditioner: DevaCurl Heaven In Hair, CJ Deep Fix

http://confessionsofladyv69.wordpress.com/
I dunno if this helps or not, but I just decided to start transitioning earlier this month, but due to the intervals of my relaxers I am already technically six months into my transition.

Anyway, it sounds like we have much different hair. But to the part that might help:

One of my biggest challenges is all the compliments that I get when my hair has been straightened. For the past year I never flat ironed my hair, and was only straight post a relaxer, or going to get a hair cut. One time I got it cut after work prior to the union Christmas party, and I show up and this one guy I work with all the time was "Your hair looks really nice". Today it was straight (had a haircut yesterday) and I think looking like crap cause I accidentally had the lady overdo it with the heat protectant and my nephew (who once basically told me that I was too ugly to live) said "your hair looks nice!". Come to think of it, another male coworker also told me that my hair looked nice after the December haircut, and it was nothing special-- a few days later, just straight and the sides pulled back in bobby pins. My brother also told me yesterday that my hair looked nice.

So yeah I think to myself, what do I look UNATTRACTIVE with curly hair? Lots of women that I know tell me that they like my hair better curly, but men always tell me it looks nice when it's straight. Not to mention that my best friend (now also transitioning) told me once that I look 30 something when my hair is curly, and 25 when it is straight.

The point is, just try to ignore the pressures and do what is healthy for your hair. I think if we all did a little more to rock our style (general style) we'd look great no matter what. I for one am a lazy woman who rarely wears makeup and buys new clothes, and am just now getting back into exercise. I think those things bear just as much on our appearance as hair, maybe more.
Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl
I always got compliments--straight or curly--but I got more compliments when my hair was/is LONGER. When I was first CGing it, hair looked shorter cause the curl shrank it. Within a year, it was back to being long and the compliments poured in again. I think, as my hairdresser has always said to me whenever I was tempted to cut it, that longer hair suited me. Period. It wasn't that straight suited me MORE (I get more compliments from total strangers all about town with my curls than with my blown-out hair, which looked great, too, frankly), it was that LONG suited me, so once my curls got LONG, then I really more compliments.

It's longer and it's healthier and, on days when I don't overdo it with product (I still can go a bit overboard and my fine hair will look producty if I do), my hair gets many compliments and looks and I like it fine. My husband says something nice about my curls just about every day and he likes to touch them. So, he's a happy camper I went natural.

I think the thing is to find the SHAPE and LENGTH type of cuts/styles/arrangements that suit your face/body. Then, when hair is healthy, no matter the texture, it will garner compliments.

And men like LONG hair. Period. Most do. Surveys show it. So, the compliments when you straighten may have more to do with it looking LONGER (and longer looks younger, generally, too).

Men like long hair. Long hair looks younger (usually, not if it just drags the face down, depends on style). So....the key may not be curly or straight...but appealingly styled and longer.
3a3b dry, dyed --newly "banged"
Natural since 11/25/09 (Miami)

Shine & Spring w/ Sweet Curls Elixirs!
Curl Junkie Conditions!
Re:coil ROCKS!

~CJ Protein Tx
; BEE-U-Ti-Ful Deep Condish
~S&C; SMasters Method; Pixie-curling
Dumping clumps for VOLUME!
http://public.fotki.com/MirCurls/


Marchioness Mir, Magister of Moisturization & Mystic of the Lofty Crown in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
First of all, you won't know what your true texture is until you cut off all of your relaxed ends. Those ends tend to stretch and drag your hair down, so you may actually have tighter curls than you think. And to reiterate what some previous posters said, your OP implies that you are praying for "good" hair, which is offensive to a number of people on here, including me. To me, good hair is healthy hair regardless of its texture, not Mariah Carey's hair or somebody else with loose curls. Would it be so terrible if you did have hair like Thelma or Florida from Good Times? Because if that's what you think, then you aren't ready to go natural. You have to undergo a mental transformation when you go natural, not just a physical one.
Originally Posted by LadyV69
I was a teen when that show as on, and I thought Thelma was supercute. And many gals I knew looked GREAT in afros. And what's bad about that hairstyle? I'm surprised more ladies don't opt for one these days. Seems lower maintenance, can look very neat and professional (depending on the length, cause, well, Angela Davis length can be intimidating!) I find something very retro-cool about afros.

My first crush when I was 13 had one. He looked like Jermaine JAckson. Dang he was a high school hottie!

Um, okay, all that to agree that dissing hair texture is not cool. Seeking solutions to get your hair where you want it, that's fine, but yeah, I grew up in a culture with ladies relaxing to get "white hair" and hating my frizzy texture.

But this site and curly advice helped me fall in love again with my curls...cause I was natural from 1978 to 1982, then half natural most of the 80s and up to the late 90s, then went straightening mad for a phase.

Is every day a great hair day? No. But I have a sister with what some would tag "good hair"--silky, shiny, straight with just a hint of bouncy wave, fine, soft--and she's always trying to get it curly! We all want something on the horizon hair-wise!

I hope you find a way to enjoy and maximize the beauty of your own texture. It took me 5 to 6 months to really get a lot of pleasure from my natural hair, and almost year to get enough new, undamaged growth that it was shinier, more resilient and elastic, and really pretty. And the length that my face/neck/etc needed.

Give it time and good care. It will respond.
3a3b dry, dyed --newly "banged"
Natural since 11/25/09 (Miami)

Shine & Spring w/ Sweet Curls Elixirs!
Curl Junkie Conditions!
Re:coil ROCKS!

~CJ Protein Tx
; BEE-U-Ti-Ful Deep Condish
~S&C; SMasters Method; Pixie-curling
Dumping clumps for VOLUME!
http://public.fotki.com/MirCurls/


Marchioness Mir, Magister of Moisturization & Mystic of the Lofty Crown in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
I dunno if this helps or not, but I just decided to start transitioning earlier this month, but due to the intervals of my relaxers I am already technically six months into my transition.

Anyway, it sounds like we have much different hair. But to the part that might help:

One of my biggest challenges is all the compliments that I get when my hair has been straightened. For the past year I never flat ironed my hair, and was only straight post a relaxer, or going to get a hair cut. One time I got it cut after work prior to the union Christmas party, and I show up and this one guy I work with all the time was "Your hair looks really nice". Today it was straight (had a haircut yesterday) and I think looking like crap cause I accidentally had the lady overdo it with the heat protectant and my nephew (who once basically told me that I was too ugly to live) said "your hair looks nice!". Come to think of it, another male coworker also told me that my hair looked nice after the December haircut, and it was nothing special-- a few days later, just straight and the sides pulled back in bobby pins. My brother also told me yesterday that my hair looked nice.

So yeah I think to myself, what do I look UNATTRACTIVE with curly hair? Lots of women that I know tell me that they like my hair better curly, but men always tell me it looks nice when it's straight. Not to mention that my best friend (now also transitioning) told me once that I look 30 something when my hair is curly, and 25 when it is straight.

The point is, just try to ignore the pressures and do what is healthy for your hair. I think if we all did a little more to rock our style (general style) we'd look great no matter what. I for one am a lazy woman who rarely wears makeup and buys new clothes, and am just now getting back into exercise. I think those things bear just as much on our appearance as hair, maybe more.
Originally Posted by lesliegonnacurl
I always got compliments--straight or curly--but I got more compliments when my hair was/is LONGER. When I was first CGing it, hair looked shorter cause the curl shrank it. Within a year, it was back to being long and the compliments poured in again. I think, as my hairdresser has always said to me whenever I was tempted to cut it, that longer hair suited me. Period. It wasn't that straight suited me MORE (I get more compliments from total strangers all about town with my curls than with my blown-out hair, which looked great, too, frankly), it was that LONG suited me, so once my curls got LONG, then I really more compliments.

It's longer and it's healthier and, on days when I don't overdo it with product (I still can go a bit overboard and my fine hair will look producty if I do), my hair gets many compliments and looks and I like it fine. My husband says something nice about my curls just about every day and he likes to touch them. So, he's a happy camper I went natural.

I think the thing is to find the SHAPE and LENGTH type of cuts/styles/arrangements that suit your face/body. Then, when hair is healthy, no matter the texture, it will garner compliments.

And men like LONG hair. Period. Most do. Surveys show it. So, the compliments when you straighten may have more to do with it looking LONGER (and longer looks younger, generally, too).

Men like long hair. Long hair looks younger (usually, not if it just drags the face down, depends on style). So....the key may not be curly or straight...but appealingly styled and longer.
Originally Posted by MirCurls

The time that my friend said the age I looked with my hair, I said (out loud), do you think this hair would still make me look that old if it was longer? I hate to say it, but I am overweight, and while I don't think flat hair accentuates a fat face, curls that are not long don't always help either.

When I got cut the other day, I was willing to go shorter if needed for the chance to try a new look, and definitely when my CJ shampoo comes in the mail I'll get to see that my hair does look kinda short again (had to cut off very split ends from tangling). My goal is eventually long natural hair, and my hair does always looks pretty long when straight, but I want it to look long CURLY. The only pain about long hair looking cuter is that for someone women long hair takes time bah. I'm concerned more and more about eliminating tangles (I've found that water on the hair every/almost every day works great for moisture and tangles for me) in the hopes that I can finally retain REAL length! (The minute people would say "oh wow it's gotten so long!" that would be time for me to snip off split ends urgh!) Ha, one time I was standing against the opened door at work greeting students as they came in, and I was like "what's that s*** stuck behind my back?" then I realized it was my hair! (of course it was flat ironed that day, as I often did for work, until the past year)

My boss who has long dreadlocks said to me if I really want to get my hair long, to stop relaxing it. I think another woman on here mentioned this too. At those times I was not ready to stop, but I am transitioning now, and I just hope their comments live up to the promise.

I know I will get some flack for this, but another thing that made me afraid was when I read some peoples' hair timelines on here and in their blogs, and they BCed or went natural years ago and some of them have hair that I consider to be really short. Granted some of them may have cut their hair, but from the general idea of their blogs/signatures it doesn't look like that they have. Then I think to myself "You chopped way back in _______________, and that's ALL the hair that you have?!?!?!?" and I worry that that will be me. So I'm hoping for now that my two textures continue to play nice.

My hairline has gotten wet and I have no desire to touch up at home with the flat iron, so right now my natural hair looks dry and distinct from the rest of my hair. But when I do my own wet styling it all looks pretty good together, and I even think I like my natural hair better.
EnidGo likes this.
Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
Last Relaxer September 2010

Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell!
leslie, just a note, you will feel more comfortable in your journey when you stop comparing your hair to others. Some people have setbacks, some BC again, etc...there are plenty of reasons to be natural for x amount of years and still have "short" hair. Some never looks long due to shrinkage - there are some ladies who have ear length hair curly and waist length hair straight. These things should not matter to you. Focus on yourself and you will be a lot happier. When I first went natural, I was SO anxious to see how my hair would look longer, so I was always asking for pics of hair longer than mine from ppl whose hair looked similar. I basically was trying to place their hair with my face to see what it would look like - then I realized that even if our hair looks similar, due to other characteristics of hair, mine probably won't look just like theirs, so it was pointless to keep trying to "predict" my "grown up" hair. So then I just decided to focus on my health and hair in order to grow the best head of hair I am able to.
BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
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