My boyfriend hates my hair - Page 3

IAgirl · 04-12-2012, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmidawn

Quote:

Originally Posted by Touch.of.ink

What's the saying? "Never marry a man, unless you'd be proud to have a son that acts just like him."

That's a fantastic quote

Oh, indeed!

marieantoinette · 04-13-2012, 07:09 AM

I consider myself very lucky that my boyfriend LOVES my curls. He actually gets disappointed when/if I ever straighten it, haha.

raindear · 04-13-2012, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marci

Quote:

Originally Posted by IAgirl

This is going to sound impossibly lame - but I actually have discussed every change I have made with my hair with my husband - even a little before we were married.

I do understand this point of view, because compromise is an integral part of any relationship. As a matter of fact, I discussed the transition to my natural hair with my BF beforehand. I explained that it's better for hair health, and easier for me as well. Mainly the discussion happened because I'd cut quite a bit of length off my hair because of flat iron damage. My BF grumbled and whined that he wanted me to grow it long again. That is how I ended up CG, and my hair is happier and fairly long. Plus, I think it looks beautiful curly (and long), and it's more fun than limp flat-ironed hair. So basically he was just being a jerk. He hasn't said anything else recently, I will leave him alone for now. If he comes at me with any comments again, I will ask him to "improve" his looks in some way that pleases me before I even consider changing MY look for him.

It sounds like maybe he was hating on the cut and blamed the curls for the cut. When he really realizes that health=curls and damage=straight, maybe he will see the beauty in the curl. Remind him that you wouldn't have had to cut it if straightening hadn't damaged it.

Marci · 04-15-2012, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raindear

When he really realizes that health=curls and damage=straight, maybe he will see the beauty in the curl.

This is what I am hoping for!

wavymom · 04-16-2012, 02:19 PM

You know, I totally see what some ladies are saying that you should be careful and maybe he's not worth it. But, I will say, that it may just take some time for him to get used to the idea. I've been following the CG method for almost 10 months now - before that it was all ponytails/ buns or blow-dry straight. I've been with my husband for 13 years now (4.5 yrs dating, 8.5 yrs marriage) and never wore my hair curly until last summer. Never. So, when I started this, at first he was quiet about it. I chopped off all my hair and cried - he hugged me and said it looked fine. But then, the comments started creeping in after a few months... "aren't you ever going to wear it straight anymore?" and after a few more months of hair growth... "now that it's getting a little longer, it would look great if you wore it straight more often!" He just likes it straight, and it is going to take time for him to get used to it being curly, because he's never seen me with curly hair (and neither had I!). This goes both ways - he used to be clean-shaven and now sports facial hair. I really didn't like it at first, but I have come to like it with time. So, I would say give it time. If you two deeply love each other, it won't matter in the long run. If it turns into a big issue, consider moving on and finding someone that loves you on the inside - so that any outer changes over the years won't be a huge issue.

Marci · 04-16-2012, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wavymom

You know, I totally see what some ladies are saying that you should be careful and maybe he's not worth it. But, I will say, that it may just take some time for him to get used to the idea.

This is how I'm feeling at the moment, because it was a sudden change for him. I can live with him not liking curls but I wasn't going to put up with rude comments. I think this is why many of the ladies who replied said to be careful. He has dropped it since, but I expect something will come up again. By then I hope he's found better ways to express his preferences. I'm not against straightening my hair sometimes for fun but I won't be bullied into it. I am sure you weren't rude to your hubby, no matter how scratchy his beard

BlackAngelPlayah · 04-16-2012, 10:53 PM

My husband hated my hair too. It hurt, with the weekly insults and such. But at the end of the day..Why is HE so worried about MY hair?! Plus everyone else basically liked it. So he was the douche in the deal.

Long story short, he just had to get out or kick rocks. Guess he kicked rocks, cause he's still here and so are my curls! Be YOU! Your hair is beautiful!

Jen

😜🍸Sent LIVE from my JPhone 4 using some CurlTalk app. 😜🍸

http://AfroCurls.wordpress.com

Marci · 04-17-2012, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackAngelPlayah

My husband hated my hair too. It hurt, with the weekly insults and such. But at the end of the day..Why is HE so worried about MY hair?! Plus everyone else basically liked it. So he was the douche in the deal.

Long story short, he just had to get out or kick rocks. Guess he kicked rocks, cause he's still here and so are my curls! Be YOU! Your hair is beautiful!

Jen

😜🍸Sent LIVE from my JPhone 4 using some CurlTalk app. 😜🍸

FroZen

Haha that is a great line, I'll have to remember it in case the bf gives me any more trouble. He has been mighty quiet about the hair, so maybe there's hope yet

CurlyQueen88 · 04-18-2012, 02:58 AM

Hi Marci,

I'm sorry but... how DARE he!? Firstly, your hair is beautiful. Secondly, it's attached to your head, not his. I agree with the responses so far. Very shallow of him. And perhaps it indicates insecurity in himself? : S He should at least be open minded about you wearing it both ways.

Pah... if a guy said that to me I'd shave it all off... that would show him. Ok, I wouldn't but the thought would cross my mind!

There's so much more to people than their hair. He needs to get things in perspective....

Marci · 04-18-2012, 08:31 AM

Yeah he was being a jerk. Since he's dropped it for the time being I've forgiven him but he also has been warned that I'm not gonna put up with it again. I did think about cutting it all off LOL. But that I would never go through with, just a little rebellious thought =D

GroYoFro · 04-18-2012, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marci

Yeah he was being a jerk. Since he's dropped it for the time being I've forgiven him but he also has been warned that I'm not gonna put up with it again. I did think about cutting it all off LOL. But that I would never go through with, just a little rebellious thought =D

Theres many fish in the sea and dont let a man get in between you an your style ; )

Marci · 04-22-2012, 06:19 PM

Just a little update:
Last week I went to visit my family and they loved the way my hair looked after some experiments with FSG. My recently wavy mom as well as my curly stepfather and brother both wanted some to use on their hair. A whole curly family over here in Miami, embracing their natural hair. Made me smile

sunnydiva · 04-23-2012, 08:57 AM

I find that type of rejection towards curly or kinky hair to be really common in Miami and South Florida. In my opinion, it has to do with negative complexes that a lot of people have about having African ancestry--100% of the negative comments I've EVER received about my hair here in South Florida came from fellow black people, mixed people, and Hispanic people. A very common mindset that certain people have here is that textured hair makes you look more black or shows your "blackness"/black ancestry more, and many people see that as a bad thing. Very sad, but that's a reality here.

curlydevi · 04-24-2012, 04:03 AM

Your hair is beautiful. It's one thing if your S/O mentions that he isn't sure about your curly hair yet or prefers straight hair. It's another thing if he is insulting you. That is hurtful and if you see a similar attitude in other areas, that might be a huge red flag. Otherwise, he simply may be acting like a spoiled brat, and men do that sometimes.

If you haven't already, perhaps you should calmly sit him down, look him in the eyes and tell him that you have a serious problem with the comments that he makes about your hair, especially since you spoke with him before making the change.Tell him it hurts you and you need it to stop immediately. Let him know that there are better ways of expressing himself and if you need to speak to someone as a couple about communication, then that's fine. If not, let him know that it is important that he curbs his behavior immediately.

Anyway, glad that you and your family love your hair! It looks amazing! All the best!

(P.S. Sometimes you have to level with them almost like you level with children. Look them in the eye and let them know you mean business. lol)

chicabelleza · 04-24-2012, 10:20 AM

Haha I love this! Exactly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlydevi

(P.S. Sometimes you have to level with them almost like you level with children. Look them in the eye and let them know you mean business. lol)

Sent from my M886 using CurlTalk App

Marci · 04-24-2012, 04:33 PM

Hey Sunnydiva:
I never thought about it in racial terms since a lot of races have natural curlies. My boyfriend is a curly himself, and a lot of his family members are as well and he is of Indian descent. What I do get from Hispanics (which is what I am) regardless of race is that unprocessed hair is somehow unkempt. Something like unshaved legs/armpits. If I let my hair be I am somehow not "groomed". If only they knew how much work curly hair is! Your hair is lovely btw

Curlydevi,
the bf has had his talking to, and yes I believe it was just a "spoiled brat" moment. Plus he can't argue with a whole family of curlies going on and on about products and gel and what not. He has been defeated!

GroYoFro · 04-25-2012, 12:29 AM

Some men like skinny women some men like thick women. Some men like curly and some men like straight. If he doesn't like you for what u are then move onto the next, theres plenty of fish in the sea

Auntie Bubbs · 04-25-2012, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marci

Hey Sunnydiva:
I never thought about it in racial terms since a lot of races have natural curlies. My boyfriend is a curly himself, and a lot of his family members are as well and he is of Indian descent. What I do get from Hispanics (which is what I am) regardless of race is that unprocessed hair is somehow unkempt. Something like unshaved legs/armpits. If I let my hair be I am somehow not "groomed". If only they knew how much work curly hair is! Your hair is lovely btw

Marci, I know exactly what you mean. I'm Hispanic too, and I get that as well. I have curly sisters and cousins, and my cousins have curly daughters. One of my sisters has done the Brazilian Blowout on her hair (and it wasn't even curly, or even wavy, she just wanted it "not frizzy"; now her daughter wants one too, so it'll be stick straight, which I think is sad). I don't get comments from them, but I get them from my grandparents - so I know it's a generational thing. They think nothing of making comments on grooming as if its their business. And they will equate frizz with poor grooming all the time. And my cousins will straighten their hair, and their daughters', when they want to be "more well groomed," i.e. for special occasions. My cousin has been flat-ironing her daughter's hair since she was like 7 or 8 years old, which is a shame to me because her daughter has beautiful curls (so does my cousin, she has gorgeous 4a curls, and wears them natural, so I don't get it, but it's not my hair and not my child so not my place to say anything).
It's very much a Latino thing, to equate curly hair with messiness. And to comment on it as if you have a right to. I'm glad my mom doesn't (she's a curly), but my dad used to when I was a child and it was very hurtful.
I can imagine that its like that in other cultures too. So perhaps he's overcoming a cultural bias as well.

Marci · 04-30-2012, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Auntie Bubbs

I don't get comments from them, but I get them from my grandparents - so I know it's a generational thing. They think nothing of making comments on grooming as if its their business. And they will equate frizz with poor grooming all the time. And my cousins will straighten their hair, and their daughters', when they want to be "more well groomed," i.e. for special occasions.

This is exactly like my family! If I show up anywhere with my hair curly , I haven't "fixed" it. However I must note that my immediate family (mom, stepdad and sibs) enjoy and accept curly hair. It is the family back in the home country who have a problem with texture. I don't think all of us on here will ever be able to figure out exactly what causes this reaction

Auntie Bubbs · 04-30-2012, 07:15 PM

Marci, I have to admit to playing into that myself. For a long time, if I had an important thing to go to, or do, I straightened my hair. If I had a job interview, I straightened my hair. I only just wore it curly to a job interview for the first time about a year and a half ago - I got the job, but got laid off a year later. So now I am going through the whole process again, and have an interview tomorrow, and the first thing a friend of mine said to me was "how are you going to wear your hair?" not because she thought I should straighten it, but because she knows how I obsess about that. I'll wear it curly, but I'll obsess later about how maybe I should've straightened it, would I have made a better, more "well groomed" impression, will they be thinking I'm messy and not professional?
It's easy to play into that.

To relate that back to your BF, there could be all kinds of subconscious issues he's dealing with. You know curly hair is subliminally associated with sexual promiscuity.