2nd big chop and very depressed :(

pinkcloud33 · 06-16-2012, 06:16 PM

Hey curlies

Im new to the site and excited to be here! ive always visited the site for information but never joined. glad i did!

Nevertheless,

ive been natural for a little over two years now( 3b/3c/4a at the crown) and my journey was trial and error as most of our journeys are. I made several mistakes. mistakes im regretting today.

the first mistake was dying my hair....(more than once to add) and the first time i did it, my hair texture was never the same. for some reason, which i am aware of now, my hair would NOT absorb moisture. i mean no matter how much conditioner, oil and water i added to it, it would not stay moisturized.

the second mistake......and the worst.....after two years of curly hair....i decided....to perm it again....

why you ask?? because i was weak and i succumbed to the peer pressure of other women who were not natural. you would think after two years, i would have thicker skin! but i was getting tired of my hair and bored with it, and everyone told me i should perm it. and when i say everyone.... i mean everyone! mom, sister, hairdressers (of course) friends, co workers and the like. day 1 of the permed hair was magical. i saw how long it had gotten and was on a hair high...

the second day...nothing but tears and regret, right out of my sleep.

i kept it permed for about 4 months before i completely lost it and chopped it all off. i remember actually trying to do a wash n go while it was permed and got out of the shower and forgot how bone straight it was!!

i am really depressed about my hair you guys. i now have to go through the twa stage which was exciting the first time, but now not so much. there are good things and bad things about this. the good thing is that i now have all of the knowledge i need about taking care of my hair as i have more experience now. there are no chemicals in it whatsoever and i will NEVER dye it again. it can now absorb moisture

the negatives- the twa stage, and now im constantly worried about my ends because they are so exposed all the time and my hair is not long enough to put in a protective style.(its about 2 1/2 inches) and my bonnets always come off at night

and its gonna take FOREVER for my hair to grow out. do you guys have any advice as to how i can get through this? this second time was not something i really wanted to do.

im already an impatient person as it is unfortunately...but the thing i find the toughest is dealing with the regret and constant worrying for my ends. i should have just had it straightened instead of permed. but the lady was too lazy to do it and suggested a perm a long with everyone else in the shop (go figure)

lessons ive learned: no heat EVER, no color, no other chemicals. my new regimen the second time around is very simple and keeps my hair very soft. giovanni deeper moisture leave in conditioner and coconut oil to seal. works wonders this time around

and this is not to say these things are bad for other ppl. we all have things that work for us that do not work for others. ive learned to listen to my hair and not to make it do anything it doesnt want to. my hair has told me she does NOT like heat, color, or any other chemical or she will flip out and change textures!! lol

Please help :'( all advice is welcome

thanks so much for reading.

Jessiebanana · 06-16-2012, 08:16 PM

My hair isn't long either, but I pin my curls down, so I think the ends are less exposed? I don't worry to much about them to be honest. As long as they aren't becoming terribly split, I'll trim them off once my hair gets longer.

That's one thing I'm really happy about living in Portland. I've gotten nothing but compliments, and I wore my hair natural growing up in LA and I never got anything but negative feedback. It's one good thing about joining this site though, you'll definitely get the support.

mhen76 · 06-16-2012, 10:23 PM

Welcome, pinkcloud33! Our hair properties and hair history are very different so I have no specific advice for you. I do want to say that we all stumbled across this site for a reason. For most of us, it was out of frustration with how to manage our curls in a world that seems to cater to straight hair. Keep reading, and stick with us! You'll find plenty of help and support here! Your days of frustration will get fewer and fewer.

lil_earthmomma · 06-17-2012, 01:45 AM

Aw! Your hair story is one I'm sure many of us curlies can identify with. I am struggling to grow my curls out (again) and really fighting with myself over it. I want to dye my hair, but know how bad it will be!!! I want it long, but it's such a pain in the ass to get past all of the awkward stages. Sigh...

You can do it! Hopefully so can I! lol

raindear · 06-17-2012, 10:03 AM

Keeping a sleep cap on? I have had some luck with that by not putting the cap behind my ears, but letting it cover my ears. To hold it in place better, I am thinking of pinning a ribbon to it to tie it in place, like a chin strap, or using bobbie pins on it. It does move around with all my tossing during the night.

Protecting the ends? You could try sealing the ends with a bit of oil. Extra virgin olive, coconut, grapeseed, apricot, and castor oils are all favorites and easy to find. Argan and jojoba are also good choices. Another thing for protecting the ends would be to apply some leave in conditioner to them a few times during the day.

Good luck on your journey.