Fiance isn't a fan of the curls.

Like Tree30Likes

I want to make some final comments. first, I think an overarching issue is how freaking much we women are subject to scrutinization over our looks, our body parts, our age, our weight and our values. In ways that men are NOT. I suspect that the OP got way more than she anticipated in terms of the strength and emotion in the replies here, but if you ask strong women a question, you are going to get strong answers. I feel bad if she feels bad, but I dont feel bad that she got truthful answers from this community based on how much (or how little) we think it is important for a fiance to accept what is a part of her, and way more than a superficial issue. Finally, I do think that often people - especially young people, and I dont mean to sound condescending or "know it all", because I did this too when I was young, often select a mate based on qualities we think we should use, which can be largely what the media says is important, and is largely hormone driven. From my viewpoint, it is very important that partners share the same values. OP, if you are still reading this, it might be worth your time to hit the pause button and ask yourself if you and fiance are on the same page with your values before you make that big promise to one another. All my best!
claudine19 likes this.
I want to make some final comments. first, I think an overarching issue is how freaking much we women are subject to scrutinization over our looks, our body parts, our age, our weight and our values. In ways that men are NOT. I suspect that the OP got way more than she anticipated in terms of the strength and emotion in the replies here, but if you ask strong women a question, you are going to get strong answers. I feel bad if she feels bad, but I dont feel bad that she got truthful answers from this community based on how much (or how little) we think it is important for a fiance to accept what is a part of her, and way more than a superficial issue. Finally, I do think that often people - especially young people, and I dont mean to sound condescending or "know it all", because I did this too when I was young, often select a mate based on qualities we think we should use, which can be largely what the media says is important, and is largely hormone driven. From my viewpoint, it is very important that partners share the same values. OP, if you are still reading this, it might be worth your time to hit the pause button and ask yourself if you and fiance are on the same page with your values before you make that big promise to one another. All my best!
Originally Posted by Myrna
HERE, HERE!!
20 y/o lifelong natural {4a-O ; spongy ; porous ; coarse ; dense ; ~MBL stretched}

products {'poo: TJTTT shampoo | RO: TJTTT Condish, YTC Condish | LI/style: TJTTT Condish, KCCC, homemade cocoa butter cream | DC: condish + ayurvedic powder(s) | PT: condish + NPF | oils: castor oil, grapeseed oil | other treatments: probiotics, tea rinses, AVG rinse/spritz, oil rinse | sealing method: LOCO}

CG-friendly Products List!
I want to make some final comments. first, I think an overarching issue is how freaking much we women are subject to scrutinization over our looks, our body parts, our age, our weight and our values. In ways that men are NOT. I suspect that the OP got way more than she anticipated in terms of the strength and emotion in the replies here, but if you ask strong women a question, you are going to get strong answers. I feel bad if she feels bad, but I dont feel bad that she got truthful answers from this community based on how much (or how little) we think it is important for a fiance to accept what is a part of her, and way more than a superficial issue. Finally, I do think that often people - especially young people, and I dont mean to sound condescending or "know it all", because I did this too when I was young, often select a mate based on qualities we think we should use, which can be largely what the media says is important, and is largely hormone driven. From my viewpoint, it is very important that partners share the same values. OP, if you are still reading this, it might be worth your time to hit the pause button and ask yourself if you and fiance are on the same page with your values before you make that big promise to one another. All my best!
Originally Posted by Myrna
Well said, Myrna!
UK Curly
Curl type : Boticelli, 3a, loose curls
Porosity : High
Texture : Fine/medium (I think!)
Co-wash/rinse out/leave in : L'oreal Full Restore 5, GFR&S, Schwarzkopf Bio Pomegranite
Gels : Umberto Giannini Flirty Curls Scrunching Jelly
Finish product : Boots Naked Style Frizz Fighter Serum or a pea-sized blob of condish smoothed over canopy
CG since Feb 2011
So? It's YOUR hair. You wear it how YOU like. Tell him to get over it and/or find something about him you don't like to show him how it feels.
super dense, LOTS of hair, and it's bleached

clarifying shampoo: pureology purify
co-wash: suave coconut, wen fig
rinse out: tresemme naturals
deep conditioner: wen re moist, it's a 10 mask, curl junkie curl rehab
protein tx: aphogee, nexxus emergencee, joico k-pak, curl junkie repair me
leave in: wen fig, curls milkshake
oils/serums/stylers: moroccanoil intense curl cream, moroccanoil curl defining cream, moroccanoil, BRHG
Rosy, I see couples in my office every day. the "score card" method of arguing is always a dead end - someone says something you dont like, you come back with something you dont like - it just escalates into a big pile of "Dont Likes!" IMO, this is not as much about her hair as it is about power and control, immaturity, on his part; and feeling bad about herself on the OP's part. Some men never get over this. They are in their 50's or 60's, and still want a woman who wears short sundresses, stiletto heels, no gray hair, no wrinkles, not extra pounds, etc etc. This is our culture - it is really pretty heartless to women especially. So maybe he does need to get over it - but he may not, and, as I said, it would be worth her while to consider this as a values issue, one where there is a fault line.
Ladies, I never said he has ever called me unattractive nor did I say that he hates my hair. I stated that he prefers it when it's straight. The rest of the assumptions were made because of the comments to and from each other, not from my original post. He tells me often, even when I am wearing my curls, that he thinks I'm beautiful. I just stated that because he doesn't like my curls so much, it makes me feel bad.

I said that it makes ME FEEL unattractive because he's said that he thinks I look better with straight hair. I think I do, too, because of my bone structure, softer hair tends to soften my features. I'm Native American and inherited the larger nose. This is something I have heard my whole life, it's nothing new.

Thank you for all of the responses, however it was never intended that anyone should insult my fiance, because he has never called me unattractive. I think some people may have read too much into it and taken it too deeply into an office

I was just curious if any of the other curlies had ever experienced anything similar. I wasn't looking for insults or for anyone to make this post much, much more than it was. Thank you for the responses.
Ladies, I never said he has ever called me unattractive nor did I say that he hates my hair. I stated that he prefers it when it's straight. The rest of the assumptions were made because of the comments to and from each other, not from my original post. He tells me often, even when I am wearing my curls, that he thinks I'm beautiful. I just stated that because he doesn't like my curls so much, it makes me feel bad.

I said that it makes ME FEEL unattractive because he's said that he thinks I look better with straight hair. I think I do, too, because of my bone structure, softer hair tends to soften my features. I'm Native American and inherited the larger nose. This is something I have heard my whole life, it's nothing new.

Thank you for all of the responses, however it was never intended that anyone should insult my fiance, because he has never called me unattractive. I think some people may have read too much into it and taken it too deeply into an office

I was just curious if any of the other curlies had ever experienced anything similar. I wasn't looking for insults or for anyone to make this post much, much more than it was. Thank you for the responses.
Originally Posted by ChrystalR88
I personally feel like you have a really good man. He was honest with you. And trusted you enough to be so. Most men would tell you what they thought you wanted to hear or what would make you happiest. But he told you the honest truth. That's a good man and just shows how he feels about you.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using CurlTalk App
"My fiance doesn't like my curls. When we first met I always straightened my hair and did so for the first three years of our relationship, only wearing it curly on a rare occasion, but it was doing so much damage and didn't grow for over a year. Finally, I got fed up and started going back to my curly roots... but my fiance doesn't like it.

He's told me that I am more attractive with straight hair and that I should wear it curly only 20% of the time. When we are going to have a "date night" he asks me to straighten my hair. It makes me feel very, very unattractive when my hair is natural."

I am sorry I cannot use the quote feature. Chrystal, if you re-read what you wrote, your words clearly indicate your fiance does not like your curly hair. If I, or we, misunderstood, it is because we read that he doesnt like your curls, wants you to wear it curly only 20% of the time, and wants it straight on date night. If that is not what you meant, please re-read what you wrote. In any case, it sounds to me like this has become his issue as well as yours.
testimony777 likes this.

Last edited by Myrna; 07-01-2012 at 06:03 PM. Reason: trying to make the post more legible.

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:23 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com