My Hair is Controlling my LIFE

Curl Canuck · 06-20-2012, 07:39 PM

My entire life I've had extremely unruly, curly hair.

It's impossible to straighten, turns into a frizz ball over night, and forms kinky bizarre looking curls with no distinguishable curl pattern (3b/3c?).

I used to be teased about it in elementary and junior high school. No one in my family has hair anything remotely like mine so I've just had to fend for myself when it comes to styling and treatments.

I ended up relaxing it in junior high. Big mistake (it just frizzed more) and since then I've resorted to a combination of skip twirling and the curling iron to make it look presentable.

I feel like I must be missing 'tricks' that help people with hair like mine deal with it. Right now - if I feel that to make my hair look presentable it take a good hour and a half of blowdrying, skip-curling, and using the curling iron on some pieces.

I'm incredibly embarrassed about how long it takes me to deal with my hair. I'm afraid to stay the night anywhere with anyone (even my girl friends) because I'm terrified someone will see how bad my hair looks in the morning or how long it takes me to get ready.

I'm really depressed about this whole situation. Sometimes I imagine just shaving my head and buying a wig - I'd save so much time in the mornings. I guess I really just don't know what to do to make my hair look neat and professional without spending as much time as I do.

I don't know how to put my hair up (besides a basic ponytail which looks frizzy and messy), I don't know what sort of cut works best for it or if there's an easier way to style it. I've read countless books, magazines, and internet articles on hair and all the examples are always for hair so much straighter than mine!

I really need some help

What can I do to make my hair easier to deal with? How can I style it quickly - or get nice second day hair? How do you put up curly hair so it looks somewhat put together? I'm just so lost!

wavymom · 06-20-2012, 08:15 PM

Do you follow the CG method? If so, can you provide more details on your hair properties and your routine? If not, see the links below for some information to get you started! All this information seems overwhelming at first, but it does get easier, and your hair will thank you for it!
The College Curly
Live Curly Live Free - Curly Hair Basics
Pedaheh's Hair Blog: How do I get started?
TON of useful information for new curlies!! =)
Post your before & After CG pics

Rimi · 06-20-2012, 08:18 PM

First: what sort of products do you use and what is your routine?

mhen76 · 06-20-2012, 08:41 PM

Welcome, Curl Canuck! You've come to the right place. Most of us have had days when we wanted to shave and resort to a wig. Learning about your hair properties, products and techniques can make a huge difference. Wavymom has given some great links that will get you started. She is 100% correct when she said that it can be overwhelming at first. Hang in there with us! It will take a little time before you find the right routine that will bring out the best in your hair. Read, read and experiment. Ask questions. You'll find tons of help and support here!

Curl Canuck · 06-20-2012, 09:24 PM

Thanks for the support guys. I'm trying to calm down about this >.<

I think my routine is pretty good:
- I don't use any shampoo with sulphates
- I don't use silicones

Usually I shower, put in a ton of conditioner, and try to delicately brush it with a flat brush. I read you're supposed to finger comb it - but how??? My hair is so snarly I can never get any tangles out that way.

I leave the conditioner in and when I get out of the shower I part my hair (again - flat brush) and then flip it upside down and scrunch in some gel. It usually all clumps together in one big lump at this point so I go through it and try to separate and smooth some of the curls by twirling them around my finger.

Then I have to let it air-dry (if I diffuse it I look like a poodle). After all that work most of my curls /still/ end up bunching together held together by pockets of frizz?

I feel like if I don't take out the curling iron at that point it just looks like a mess... some pieces in the back are tiny ringlets, the pieces on the side look like bad handwriting (random kinky shapes wtf?), some of the underneath layers are just like poofy frizzy explosions - and everything is sort of clumped together in weird sections.

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong?? My natural hair just looks bad!

Jas76 · 06-20-2012, 10:36 PM

Hmmm...

Maybe it's time for a reboot? Do a clarifying wash, followed by a PT (if your hair likes protein, that is) and a DT?

Sounds like it might need moisture - do you use any oils?

How long have you been doing CG?

Btw - I use a wide tooth comb in the shower to detangle (mine tends to be a gnarly mess sometimes, too!), and after my shower if I need to part it or smooth it. The brush may be contributing to your problem.

Sounds like you may need a different cut, too!

What are your properties? Fine? Porous? Etc?

Hang in there! We'll get it all figured out!! We've all been there, believe me!!

Rimi · 06-20-2012, 10:52 PM

^^ Yes, yes!

Also, what are the names of the products you use? Perhaps you don't need protein? Or maybe you do!

Also, maybe, leave-in, oil, then gel. Does your hair like oils?

adthomas · 06-21-2012, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jas76

Hmmm...

Maybe it's time for a reboot? Do a clarifying wash, followed by a PT (if your hair likes protein, that is) and a DT?

Sounds like it might need moisture - do you use any oils?

How long have you been doing CG?

Btw - I use a wide tooth comb in the shower to detangle (mine tends to be a gnarly mess sometimes, too!), and after my shower if I need to part it or smooth it. The brush may be contributing to your problem.

Sounds like you may need a different cut, too!

What are your properties? Fine? Porous? Etc?

Hang in there! We'll get it all figured out!! We've all been there, believe me!!

I agree it sounds like your hair needs moisture. Although I dont use cones I still get buildup over time and need to clarify.not all shampoos clarify. How often you need to do it you have to judge. Then I restore the moisture with dc. My hair only needs protein in my rinseouts so I usually dont do pts. Do you seal in moisture after the li?
When detangling comb it in sections, start at the bottom and work your way up. So much easier. Look at the condition of your ends. Are they raggedy? Do you need a trim? Also look for ways to reduce tangles by braiding or pineappling at night and using a satin pillowcase or bonnet. Im out of town and took my pillow for the trip like I usually do. Friends call me DIVA !! Lol

wavymom · 06-21-2012, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curl Canuck

Thanks for the support guys. I'm trying to calm down about this >.<

I think my routine is pretty good:
- I don't use any shampoo with sulphates
- I don't use silicones

Usually I shower, put in a ton of conditioner, and try to delicately brush it with a flat brush. I read you're supposed to finger comb it - but how??? My hair is so snarly I can never get any tangles out that way.

I leave the conditioner in and when I get out of the shower I part my hair (again - flat brush) and then flip it upside down and scrunch in some gel. It usually all clumps together in one big lump at this point so I go through it and try to separate and smooth some of the curls by twirling them around my finger.

Then I have to let it air-dry (if I diffuse it I look like a poodle). After all that work most of my curls /still/ end up bunching together held together by pockets of frizz?

I feel like if I don't take out the curling iron at that point it just looks like a mess... some pieces in the back are tiny ringlets, the pieces on the side look like bad handwriting (random kinky shapes wtf?), some of the underneath layers are just like poofy frizzy explosions - and everything is sort of clumped together in weird sections.

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong?? My natural hair just looks bad!

What conditioner do you use? It would also help a lot to know what products you use. I would avoid any brush at all - stick with combs (preferably wide tooth to detangle). And use them when you have a conditioner in your hair with lots of slip. The ones I've found to have a lot of slip are Tresemme Naturals moisturizing, biolage conditioning balm, and Kinky Curly Knot Today.

How you apply products can also be a big deal. Everyone has to work out their favorite method. For me, after completely rinsing my hair, I apply a leave-in conditioner (with lots of slip) and comb through to detangle. Then I get my hair really dripping wet again by scrunching water into it, and then scrunch in a curl enhancer followed by a gel while flipped upside down. I have to really scrunch / scrunch-n-pump a lot to get my curls going - it is pretty 'squishy' sounding. Then I might plop for a few minutes to help get some of the water out, and then just air dry after that. Everyone has their own method, but maybe there are some new ideas to try in there for you. I know a lot of people prefer diffusing even just part-way over air-drying, so you may need to try both to see what works best for you.

I agree with looking into PTs / DTs. If you have fine hair, you would probably do very well with some PT. I do IAgirl's gelatin PT once per week and use products in my rotation that contain protein - this has made the world of a difference for my hair. I don't really DT b/c my fine hair gets overconditioned easily. If you have coarse hair, you'll probably want to avoid PTs and focus on DTs. To help determine your hair properties, check out the Live Curly Live Free link I sent you earlier.

HTH!

wavymom · 06-21-2012, 10:28 PM

Hi again, 2 other thoughts:
- don't use terrycloth towels on your hair as they can increase frizz. Stick with t-shirts, flour sack towels, or microfiber towels.
- sounds like your gel (and maybe also your conditioner) isn't doing you any good. Have you tried a couple different gels with different ingredients? For instance, my hair can't handle glycerin which many gels seem to have - makes me very dry and frizzy. Other people can't do protein in their gel, also which many gels have. And yet others are bothered by polyquats in some gels. So - bottom line - try several gels with different ingredients to see what seems to work / doesn't work for your hair.