Are sulfates and silicones always bad?

I was happy with my curly hair routine for years, but it stopped working when I was pregnant, and I have been frustrated for the last five years. I recently started looking into what I needed to do and found:

Avoid shampoos with sulfates.
Avoid conditioners and styling products with silicones.

So, I bought my products, and there is some improvement, though I am hoping for better. One day, I notice that my conditioner contains SLS! I had missed it because I was so focused on looking for silicones, which it does not have. Are sulfates a problem in conditioners? I have been looking and continue to see warnings about them in shampoos, but nothing is said of conditioners.

The same applies to the other way around. I have found that some non-sulfate shampoos contain silicones. Are they okay in shampoos but not in conditioners and styling products?

Help me please, as I need to buy more product soon!
Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrition and Sleek and Shine were both reformulated earlier this years and are no-longer silicone-free.

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3a/f/iii
Modified CG since 11/5/11
CLEANSE: VO5 Vanilla Mint Tea Clarifying, DevaCare No-Poo, CHS Treatment Shampoo
RO: DevaCare One Condition, SS Caitlin's Conditioner, Mop Top Daily Conditioner
LI: SS Repairing Protein Treatment, CHS Silk Leave-In
STYLE: Re:Coil, Curl Keeper, Deva Ultra Defining Gel, Curls Rock Amplifier and Strong Hold Mousse, Sweet Curls Elixirs Okra Gel and Hard Hold Gel, SS Curl Enhancing Jelly and Firm Hold Gel
Also, from my understanding, the reason to avoid silicones is because in order to remove the silicones from your hair so it doesn't build-up, you need to use those harsh sulfate shampoos because most silicones are not water-soluble.
Although strictly avoiding sulfates and silicones is not for everyone, I would recommend all curlies at least give it a try and see how your hair responds. The problem with silicones is that many (but not all) can build up in your hair if they are not removed regularly with either sulfate or coco-betaine shampoo. Build-up can lead to frizz and dampen your curls, and regular use of sulfates can be damaging to your hair. So I'd recommend trying to use products without either and see how your hair responds.

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