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Old 09-22-2012, 07:30 PM   #1
 
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Wink How do you respond when people say this to you?

when you straighten your hair, and people compliment you on it, then say that you should straighten it all the time, how do you reply? Do you take it as a compliment or an insult?

I know their intention was to be nice (since they're my friends) so I just nicely reply "thanks" but I don't know if it's kind of sensitive to also be a little annoyed (thought process is your hair doesn't look as good curly). But then again, if you really did straighten your hair all the time, the "change" would get boring and they might suggest the same for your curly hair. What do you think? I know it's not really a big deal either way lol just curious.
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Old 09-22-2012, 07:35 PM   #2
 
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I think it's a little rude - but like you said, unintentionally.

If I were them, I would say "of course it looks pretty curly, too, but this is so different! Look good both ways!" that sort of thing.
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Old 09-22-2012, 09:25 PM   #3
 
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I hate that! My boyfriend will tell me that. Ugh.
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Old 09-22-2012, 10:43 PM   #4
 
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I sometimes offer to let them come over and spend an hour straightening it for me while I read a magazine
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Old 09-23-2012, 08:25 AM   #5
 
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I haven't straightened my hair in months, but I get what you're saying. What's funny is that I used to straighten my hair every day. One day I wore it curly and it was the first time my bf at the time had seen it that way. He said he liked it and why didn't I wear my hair like that more often lol. I was starting to embrace my curls for the first time and stopped straightening. Then he asked why I stopped wearing my hair straight. Go figure anyway, I think some people just like to see change and mean it as a compliment and some people really do prefer straight hair. Either way, I think just saying "thanks" is the way to go. Then do whatever the hell you want to do with your hair the rest of the time!
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Old 09-23-2012, 10:34 AM   #6
 
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The odd times when I've had such comments (I think people generally prefer my hair curly) I just tell them I've been there, done that and it got fried and started snapping off (which is true). They kinda go "ohhh...."!
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Old 09-23-2012, 01:44 PM   #7
 
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If you give people, and yourself, a "choice" about how you wear your hair, you cannot blame them for being brainwashed about our straight hair culture. I might say, (and I agree it is rude for them to be telling you how you should wear your hair) "I bet if you saw me wearing my hair straight all t he time, you would say the same thing when you saw it curly". Sometimes it is just the change that people respond to. But I agree it is too personal a comment.
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Old 09-23-2012, 02:47 PM   #8
 
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I've been super lazy for like the last 8 months and my hair is basically pulled into a messy bun. Because my hair properties changed about a year ago when I got sick, when I do style it, it's usually straight because I never know if my hair will cooperate and go curly. And if it's a day I'm styling my hair, it's usually an important day, so I needed my hair to look good.

Anywho...my point is that on the rare occasions that I did come in with curly (Meh, wavy if you will) hair, everybody raved about how beautiful it was and how I should wear it like that all the time.

Alternatively, before I got sick and my curl pattern changed and I had steady working products, I wore my hair curly constantly. When I would straighten it, everybody would rave, say how beautiful it is and how I should wear it like that all the time.

I think it has more to do with what they're used to seeing you wear and then changing it to something different than actually wanting you to get rid of your curls. Like..."mix up the life", ya know?

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Old 09-23-2012, 08:43 PM   #9
 
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Honestly, I just tell them shut up.
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Old 09-23-2012, 10:33 PM   #10
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InaEva View Post
Honestly, I just tell them shut up.
LoL! If only it were that simple.

I'm sure your friends just like the change. But there are those who are just so brain washed into thinking straight hair is better. Sad really.
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Old 09-25-2012, 01:01 AM   #11
 
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As a guy, I finally came around to embracing my curls seven years ago (at age 33) so I decided to wear it longer, going 6-8 weeks instead of 4-6 between haircuts. Lately I am going between 8-12 and have had a lot of compliments. I started using the Garnier Fructis Curl shaping gel. Been eight weeks now, I had a job interview today but was not going to cut it or straighten it. This sounds strange as a guy but to make it not as wild or at least presentable, I used the round styling brush, blow dryer and yes I curled it with my wife's curling iron. It actually didn't look bad but no way would I do that every day.
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Old 09-25-2012, 09:02 AM   #12
 
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I don't mind if people think my hair looks nice, but I hate comments like "you look so much better/you look so hot like that/why don't you style your hair like that all the time" comments and also the idea that somehow wearing it curly is because I'm being more carefree about my appearance, or that I'm "fixing myself up" on the rare occasion that I get it straightened. RUDE!

Oh, and also, I really wish people would start being more culturally/socially aware of the implications of commenting on the desirability of straight hair to a woman of color. The "good hair" nonsense and push for us to straighten isn't a secret.
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:37 AM   #13
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saria View Post
I don't mind if people think my hair looks nice, but I hate comments like "you look so much better/you look so hot like that/why don't you style your hair like that all the time" comments and also the idea that somehow wearing it curly is because I'm being more carefree about my appearance, or that I'm "fixing myself up" on the rare occasion that I get it straightened. RUDE!

Oh, and also, I really wish people would start being more culturally/socially aware of the implications of commenting on the desirability of straight hair to a woman of color. The "good hair" nonsense and push for us to straighten isn't a secret.
I would think straightening with a flatiron would actually take longer. I never did the flatiron, I just wore it really short for years before going longer and enjoying my curls.
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:40 AM   #14
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackAngelPlayah View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by InaEva View Post
Honestly, I just tell them shut up.
LoL! If only it were that simple.

I'm sure your friends just like the change. But there are those who are just so brain washed into thinking straight hair is better. Sad really.
I don't necessarily see straight hair as good or bad, just that it's actually more of a headache to turn it into something it's not. I once had someone say to me, "I'm not a fan of longer hair on guys but I like your curls." Kind of sounded like a left-handed compliment. BTW, your curls are beautiful.
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:48 AM   #15
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greencup13 View Post
I hate that! My boyfriend will tell me that. Ugh.
I had a boyfriend tell me that once...he's gone now!! Haha

The friends definitely are being unintentionally rude and I chalk it up to a lot of societal ignorance. The world shoves straight hair down people's throats everywhere, so that's what people tend to think is beauty. We all know better and as much as I would love to educate them all, it's tough to do :-) One person at a time!!

I stopped doing it a year and a half ago and if anyone mentions it, I make sure to educate them on how much it hurts my hair die to curly hair having open cuticles and how the heat does so much more damage to my hair because of it. I don't go too deep, but I usually don't let ignorance slide, no matter how small the topic :-)
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:01 AM   #16
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saria View Post
I don't mind if people think my hair looks nice, but I hate comments like "you look so much better/you look so hot like that/why don't you style your hair like that all the time" comments and also the idea that somehow wearing it curly is because I'm being more carefree about my appearance, or that I'm "fixing myself up" on the rare occasion that I get it straightened. RUDE!

Oh, and also, I really wish people would start being more culturally/socially aware of the implications of commenting on the desirability of straight hair to a woman of color. The "good hair" nonsense and push for us to straighten isn't a secret.
I loooooove curly hair on women of color. I think it makes them look confident in who they are!! I work with 4 African American women and 3 of the 4 wear their hair stick poker straight. We have a new girl that has the free curls and I think it is beautiful!! I may be biased though :-)
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