Well done!! I think you handled this extremely maturely, and as others have said, it's a fantastic small stepping stone to being a woman who doesn't allow anyone to manipulate or bully her.Well I talked to my parents. Long story short, my dad prefers my hair straight and he wanted something fancy and formal for the holidays. He threatened to take away my permit after I became indignant about leaving it curly, as he felt that I "owed" him. He believes that if I really loved him I would sacrifice my convictions for his just to prove that I love him. I say this is selfish and that there are better ways to say "I love you" than self sacrifice, as it just seems like an immature and unnecessary way to me. Needless to say, We disagree. He says he won't hold it against me, but that he'll "always remember" that I didn't do this one thing for him and he is dissapointed in me that I didn't comply with his wishes.
I'd rather be a person of merit who stands by her convictions than one who forgoes personal beliefs in order to please others. If he's dissapointed in that well...I can't change that. I'll always remember that.
I am 40 and 15 feels like yesterday. My dad and I had many clashes over my hair, as I was a weirdo goth kid and wanted it shaved underneath and dyed black. My dad hit the roof one day when I walked out with a purple temporary wash-in, and it got ugly. My mom also was totally unreasonable.
Years later, they both said they had NO idea why they reacted the way they did, but they had other severe pressures at the time and they felt out of control in other areas and I was rebelling and they just didn't cope well. They apologized for not picking their battles better, and for making a big deal out of the dumb little things. That was a very healing conversation, and I hope you and your dad have one someday too.
My dad died 11 months ago, and over the last 20 years we had become very close. He and I were so similar, and when we both got our stubborn streak started up, it was never good. But in the end, we loved each other and more importantly we respected each other immensely. He was so incredibly proud of the adult I've become, and that is something I cherish as I grieve. He was my biggest fan, and truly believed I could do anything.
On one hand, parents are parents and they do stupid stuff just like we all do. On the other hand, you are learning to set boundaries and enforce them. That is POWERFUL stuff to know in life. As a woman in this world, it's arguably the most powerful thing you can learn. And one day, your dad will realize and respect that you are successful in life because you learned the power of your own voice.
Good for you. Don't ever let anyone take away that power by manipulation, bullying, or any other means. It's a major key to lifelong happiness, and I'm glad you're learning it now. :-)
Last edited by Sacatosh; 11-28-2012 at 05:27 AM.