My hair is depressing

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I just signed up for this site because I have spent most of my day off annoyed and sad about my disgusting hair. My curly hair feels like just another curse adding to my array of unattractive qualities. To be honest, I'm too lazy/busy to straighten it. I do it rarely but when I do I am adorned with compliments about how beautiful I look etc... I am completely aware that I look thinner(not sure why) and much more attractive with straight hair. I basically wear it in a ponytail or bun 99% of the time. Even when my curls are flawless (rare) I think they are ugly. I am frustrated by how unpredictable it is. Sometimes it look fine, sometimes its disgusting, frizzy, big and unattractive. I hate curly hair!!!! In my opinion (I know you guys don't agree) most people look better with straight hair. Only fake curls made by curling irons look good. I am just pissed off that nobody has figured out how to straighten hair permanently. I have chemically straightened it, done the keratin straightening thing etc... I haven't tried anything like it in the last few years though because it doesn't work and costs a fortune.

I just blew money on sulfate free shampoo and conditioner as suggested on this site. We will see if it works. But my main problem is, no matter how great my curls look I still HATE the way they look on me. I blew $65 on a hair cut from a "curly hair specialist" a couple of months ago. So I guess it should be cut properly.

By the way I am between 3A/3B. It's long nipple length curly and almost belly button length straight.

I need some advice on how to like curly hair.
I just signed up for this site because I have spent most of my day off annoyed and sad about my disgusting hair. My curly hair feels like just another curse adding to my array of unattractive qualities. To be honest, I'm too lazy/busy to straighten it. I do it rarely but when I do I am adorned with compliments about how beautiful I look etc... I am completely aware that I look thinner(not sure why) and much more attractive with straight hair. I basically wear it in a ponytail or bun 99% of the time. Even when my curls are flawless (rare) I think they are ugly. I am frustrated by how unpredictable it is. Sometimes it look fine, sometimes its disgusting, frizzy, big and unattractive. I hate curly hair!!!! In my opinion (I know you guys don't agree) most people look better with straight hair. Only fake curls made by curling irons look good. I am just pissed off that nobody has figured out how to straighten hair permanently. I have chemically straightened it, done the keratin straightening thing etc... I haven't tried anything like it in the last few years though because it doesn't work and costs a fortune.

I just blew money on sulfate free shampoo and conditioner as suggested on this site. We will see if it works. But my main problem is, no matter how great my curls look I still HATE the way they look on me. I blew $65 on a hair cut from a "curly hair specialist" a couple of months ago. So I guess it should be cut properly.

By the way I am between 3A/3B. It's long nipple length curly and almost belly button length straight.

I need some advice on how to like curly hair.
Originally Posted by ana415
I think, as you mentioned yourself, that your curls is just one more thing you don't like about yourself. Why do you think yourself unattractive? Sounds to me like you're really bullying yourself, talking yourself down like that.

What's your regimen like now? Knowing what products you're using will be helpful to us. Also, figuring out your hair properties (porosity, texture, etc) will be useful in choosing the right products: Live Curly Live Free - Curly Hair Basics These properties are a better predictor of what your hair will respond to than curl type.

You say you don't like investing much time in your hair. If spending less time on your hair would make you happy, then try to establish the simplest routine you can. Also, since your hair is long, you may want to consider plopping or diffusing to shorten drying time, or getting it cut shorter. (Plus if you spend less time worrying about your hair, then hopefully you'll spend less time beating yourself up about whether it's perfect or not!) Ask us questions – we're happy to help!

Side note: When I was growing up, I would've given anything to have straight hair. Now that I'm 22 and know how to take good care of it, it's a defining part of my look (in a good way!) and I can't imagine myself any other way. I love my curls.
|| 3b; normal porosity; fine/normal texture || CG since Feb 2010 || SD/dandruff prone

Current Routine BAQ henna 1/month Leave-in OH Hair Dew Cheapie Conditioner Tresemme Naturals Moisturizing
Old Stand-bys extra-virgin coconut oil Protein AO GPB; Moisture AO HR Style AOMMJ – Kept for troubleshooting.
Waiting to try extra-wide curlformers SD treatment H&S Clinical Strength


Last edited by poemaXX; 12-09-2012 at 12:31 PM.
edit
Calendula and wavycurlygaby like this.

Last edited by ssa79; 02-24-2013 at 06:56 PM.
Ssa79, I love your glossy 3a curls! Very soft and feminine. I've been thinking of trying "long and extra-wide" curlformers to get a similar look without heat, just to mix things up every once in awhile. I think your hair looks great. (Also, lovely lipcolor in the curly pic! I also love a strong brow, so I like how you've shaped them in the curly pic more. Brows are so expressive!)
curlypearl likes this.
|| 3b; normal porosity; fine/normal texture || CG since Feb 2010 || SD/dandruff prone

Current Routine BAQ henna 1/month Leave-in OH Hair Dew Cheapie Conditioner Tresemme Naturals Moisturizing
Old Stand-bys extra-virgin coconut oil Protein AO GPB; Moisture AO HR Style AOMMJ – Kept for troubleshooting.
Waiting to try extra-wide curlformers SD treatment H&S Clinical Strength


Last edited by poemaXX; 12-08-2012 at 10:29 PM.
Sounds like your mind is already made up about curly hair why do u want us to change it? This issue lies beyond your hair as u state even when its nice u still hate it on you. Your rite it sucks that there are no procedures that can permanently straighten your hair bc it seems like u are miserable with it. Its something u just have to live with, wether you have to pony up and dedicate the efforts in straightening your hair daily to feel better about your 'curse'. It wont be fixed without work on your end.
Good luck
rbb likes this.
hair type: 4a VERY dense

hair goal
= WL Aug. 23, 2013

My hair LOVES oil

2. "Being natural must be the new crack cus im hooked!!"

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is
perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

www.fotki.com/dee-nature-619


Last edited by dee-nature; 12-19-2012 at 02:51 AM.
This sounds like a self esteem issue not a curly hair issue. I think most people on this website used to dislike their hair and wish it was straight. But now we all love our hair because we know how to take care of it. I hope I'm not sounding too preachy but I hope you do find a way to feel better about yourself because it sucks to have low self esteem. I've been there. I think the best way to get out of it is to do things you enjoy and try to better yourself as a person inside and out. What helped me with my hair was, The Curly Girl Handbook and the curly girl method in general. My hair loves it. And I think going on youtube and actually seeing other people's curly hair looking fabulous helped "retrain" my brain to see that straight wasn't better.
But anyway, I hope you can see that you are just as beautiful as anyone else and nothing, especially HAIR makes you any less.
curlypearl and Calendula like this.
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curly hair is for sexy, intelligent and creative people. Be thankful, be proud, be happy! You have our support!
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saa79, in all honesty I think you look much nicer with curly hair!

It is very true the thing you spoke about the racial "arrogance"... Our ideas of beauty are programmed into us since out childhood. Beauty is equal to "white, western" qualities = straight (blond) hair, light skin, certain type of figure and facial features etc. These qualities are seen to go hand in hand with some inner qualities as well (goodness, innocence, honesty...). I've seen too many, extremely beautiful people struggle with their self esteem when they don't fulfill these ideas of beauty. That is pure madness and needs to stop!!!


From one brand new curly girl to another this is a pretty, err, depressing post. It's kind of the opposite of what I wanted to read just now to be honest because I've had a bad hair week but that's not your fault. I feel for you though and I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. Listen, I know that most people, including myself, happen to look good with straight hair. How could they not? It's shiny, it's neat, and we've been conditioned as a society to believe it's preferable. (Which has slightly racist overtones, I think, but I'll get into that later.) I've kind of liked myself with curly hair, too, in the past, but I just detested the frizz. It wasn't worth it to wear my curls if they were gonna look messy all the time. I think going the no-poo route and doing the CG method might be our best bet in the long run to getting natural, healthy, and pretty hair. I might be wrong, but I promised myself I'd give it at least a month. I usually wear my hair straight and it's been a long time since I even wanted to wear it curly. I think one of the reasons why I had a change of heart is my friend recently got me hooked on Doctor Who (which if you don't know if a British sci-fi TV show--kind of a cult thing) and there was this actress on the show who had the most beautiful curly hair. It was huge and pretty, and I found myself kind of envious. (Haven't been that envious since maybe Beyonce in Austin Powers.) And then it hit me--Hey, I HAVE curly hair! Uh, kinda sorta. I've just never been able to manage it. I'm now in a place in my life where I have the resources and even a bit of free time to take care of my hair and figure things out. I don't have to wear it stick straight all the time. And I'm seriously hoping I can hold out. My goal is to make it to January actually liking my natural hair. (I put my flat iron, brushes and blow dryer in a drawer and all my silicone/straightening products in the cabinet next to it--out of sight.) It's weird. Everyone likes my hair straight and thinks it looks better but I'm looking at a picture of me now and me this time last year with my straight hair (comparable lengths—cuz I know my super long straight hair looked really good and that gave it an unfair advantage) and I think the curly hair looks just as nice. Softens and frames my face...
Originally Posted by ssa79

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Calendula likes this.
3 a / low porosity / medium texture and density

Two daughters:
3 c / low porosity / fine texture / medium density
4 a / low porosity / fine texture / high density
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Hairtype: 2C-3A/Highly Porous/High Density
Co-wash: Devacurl No-Poo
Daily Conditioner: Devacurl One Condition
Leave In: KCKT (still experimenting)
Gel: KCCC (still experimenting)

Last edited by ssa79; 02-24-2013 at 06:56 PM.
i sometimes, actually quite often long for looser longer curls, but i know i cant change them. think about it. think about how straightening is damaging, so much effort and all the other negative things about it. sure it may look nice but have you ever actually tried to embrace your curls, or tried the curly girl method.

i am a teenager, and i find it hard to embrace my hair, and most girls straighten their hair, so i understand you may think straight is better...i've gone through many stages with my hair, from scraping it back when i was younger, which looked AWFUL, from it being big and poofy, being straightened, and now i'm e,bracing it. sure i get tired of it, and it's not perfect, and i get frustrated with it frequently, but it's mine, and it's not going to change anytime soon, so accept the fact- you have curly hair.

i think before you start making judgements such as people look better with straight hair, and saying your hair is ugly or whatever you said, try making it look the possibly best it could be, and if the result is still bad, sure, go back to straightening it. this would be a looong process of going through the curly girl method, which can be hard to get into, as it involves finding suitable products through your hair and at first your curls may be dry and frizzy. however, if you stick to this curly girl routine, and make your hair extremely moisturised (sounds like it must be damaged considering all the treatments, and heat you've used) you may grow to like it, and you will notice your hair improve in health and also how it looks naturally. since doing the curly girl method it is now softer, it's growing faster, and it's shinier. on this website it has sooo much info on how to deep treat your hair, the products to use, how to sleep on it and still get good hair the day after, talks about issues you may have, tips, tricks and more.

remember, straightening may give you with a couple days of nice, silky hair, but the curly girl method could give you nice curls for life....
CSI likes this.
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 939
Okay, let's be honest. I'm not going to just tell you nice things and to keep your chin up for one, I find it a obnoxious that you come on a curly support site and tell everyone here that they would look better with curly hair. You're not just putting yourself down, you're putting everyone else down and you need to stop. Like yesterday. Two, I have no basis for that information, as I've never seen you, and I guess your problems run deeper than the superficial.

To some extent you are right. Not all curly hair is beautiful and not everyone looks best with curly hair, but you can say the same thing about straight hair. Curly hair is not inherently bad (nor are brown eyes compared to blue, pale/dark skin compared to tan, etc.). There is a lot of blah, thin, dry, limp, stringy hair out there that doesn't look good, whether it be the cause of hair care or genetics. No person has every ideal body part...not even people who are idiolized. The point is your curly hair is the way you were born and no one would every suggest to a woman with straight hair that she spend hours in the mirror every morning to achieve her curly wedding hair they loved so much. It would be ridiculous.

You have to like you. You don't have any choice. The more you like and accept yourself, the better you'll get at dressing yourself up and working with what you have. Nothing makes a self esteem problem worse than trying to be something you're not everyday and wishing for what you'll never be at night. Acceptance is the first step, everything else will follow. You just have to build a bridge and get over it...unless you really think not looking the way you want to is a good enough reason to be unhappy.
CSI and Calendula like this.

Last edited by Jessiebanana; 12-09-2012 at 07:31 PM.
So, one week later and I finally decided to come back on and look at replies. I read what I imagined would be there. I switched products and stuff and it looks a little better. I need to learn to tolerate it if I can't like it. I have been doing that OK the last week or so. I find it really annoying that I keep reading how so many girl's boyfriends/hubbys like their hair straight. Every man I have ever been with and any friend or family member I have likes me better with straight hair. I think that's what gets me down too. (IN GENERAL): People just don't like it. Men don't like it. Read this: Curly vs. Straight: Which Do Men Prefer? - DivineCaroline

A lot of interesting stuff.

Here is a pic of my hair. Its not the worst curly hair in the world but it just doesn't fit my face. It makes it look fatter. That annoys me a lot.
Attached Thumbnails
My hair is depressing-my-hair.jpg  
The hubby straight hair threads are annoying but nowhere near as irritating as an "I hate how curly hair looks" thread on a forum to help people learn to care for their curly hair. If you think curls are unattractive then to that I have 3 words for you GET A RELAXER!!

I mean really??? What is the point of this thread? It is obviously to me she didn't come here for a pep talk.
You ladies and gents have the patience of Job because to me this is just blah blah blah.
I've learned to honestly not care about what other people like cause why do they get a say in how I look? Especially when none of these people look like supermodels either. My boyfriend likes ME and it has nothing to do with whether my hair is straight or curly. Your hair is gorgeous btw and I have no idea why you dont like it *shrug*
3c Hair
Fine Strands, High Density, Low Porosity
CG since August 2011
Loving my hair!!!
Ugh, girl, you've got to be trolling. I mean, seriously. Who are these "people" you're so concerned about??

And "I read what I imagined would be there"? Pfft—You know everything to the point of being clairvoyant!

Do yourself a favor and grow a personality. Stop caring about what other people think of your hair.

I'm out.
adthomas likes this.
|| 3b; normal porosity; fine/normal texture || CG since Feb 2010 || SD/dandruff prone

Current Routine BAQ henna 1/month Leave-in OH Hair Dew Cheapie Conditioner Tresemme Naturals Moisturizing
Old Stand-bys extra-virgin coconut oil Protein AO GPB; Moisture AO HR Style AOMMJ – Kept for troubleshooting.
Waiting to try extra-wide curlformers SD treatment H&S Clinical Strength


Last edited by poemaXX; 12-17-2012 at 07:20 AM.
The hubby straight hair threads are annoying but nowhere near as irritating as an "I hate how curly hair looks" thread on a forum to help people learn to care for their curly hair. If you think curls are unattractive then to that I have 3 words for you GET A RELAXER!!

I mean really??? What is the point of this thread? It is obviously to me she didn't come here for a pep talk.
You ladies and gents have the patience of Job because to me this is just blah blah blah.
Originally Posted by adthomas
+1 this basically what my reply says. Its clear she hates naturally curly hair i aint gonna be the one to change her mind. Its your hair do what you want with it.


Sent from my MB612 using CurlTalk App
hair type: 4a VERY dense

hair goal
= WL Aug. 23, 2013

My hair LOVES oil

2. "Being natural must be the new crack cus im hooked!!"

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is
perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

www.fotki.com/dee-nature-619

Its all about confidence...People can feel your energy...People like your hair stright...b/c you emit a positive energy and feel about your self...and when you wear it curly...you emit a VERY negative energy...I hardly ever got " wow your hair looks great today" when I wore it stright....But now...I get TONS of compliments!!! And I LOVE my hair...Some days more than others, but I LOVE it still...People also get jealous of beautiful hair and will say hurful things...Just so you dont look better...So stop blah blah...poor me crap...And either imbrace your beautiful nature..or keep trying to be something you are not...if so...stop posting on here!!!

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2b/c CG since 8/12
I have low porosity and fine/med texture. Easily weighed down and VERY frizzy crown, with straighter under layers

Low-poo:TJ TTT, CJ GCS
LI/RO/DC: CK Satin Roots,Sevi Pumpkin, SSI Okra reconstructor, CJ SAC,CJ RM
Stylers: AG Recoil, JC SS
Jellies: CK Coil Jam, Okra gel(HG)
Gel: JC CC, Ouidad H&H gel, Ouidad moisture lock gel

Hair loves moisture protein.
MUST Pixie diffuse.

My hair dose NOT like oils, butters or polyquats Or glycerin in high dews

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