Conving people to go CG

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Hi! I'm a new curly girl. One of the things that set me off was this day not long before Thanksgiving when I saw my friend who was wearing her hair curly for the first time in a long time. It looked frizzy but cute and it kind of made me miss my curls. (I was addicted to my flat iron. So was she but she was trying to change because her hair was getting fried.) By some super fortunate, gloriously serendipitous, candy coated chain of events I found The Curly Girl Handbook and nowadays my life is so much better. I thought I was just a wavy and frizzy kid. Turns out my hair is super curly. So the other night this very same friend showed up at my house with her hair straightened again. (Ironic right?) She saw my hair and her eyes bogged out of her head. She asked me what I'd been using and I explained how I had cut out silicones (I already didn't use sulfates haha former Wen girl) and tried to explain the basics of CG. But instead she just kept grilling me about the products I was using. I tried to tell her it wasn't the products so much (I've tried a couple and don't use the same things everyday) but what the products do and don't contain. Also the styling method. And I tried to show her the book but I guess it was a little overwhelming maybe? She leafed through it, got this little frown on her forehead and said, "It looks complicated." I said, "It takes ten minutes and I do it everyday." But then she countered with, "Every minute counts." Granted my friend is a doctor and her time is valuable but yeesh! Doesn't she see that going CG is so much easier? Especially once you get a routine going. I know in the beginning it can seem a little overwhelming but it doesn't take much education to get the ball rolling, does it?

Last edited by dusalocks; 01-02-2013 at 02:41 AM. Reason: Convincing people. I'm sorry. It kind of looks like "coniving people to CG" which is sort of the opposite of my message
To each her own right? Health of hair is far more important than looks, in my opinion. healthy hair is bound to look good. You don't need to use flat irons and chemicals(unless you ar styling it in a particular way) .
Heat and chemicals will eventually have a bad effect on your friend's hair. Maybe then you can have another go at explaining the cg method to her ..but really, you can't force someone to believe in your ideals.

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I'd back off. Let her see your hair looking great. That's what should convince her.
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I also have a friend that I have mentioned CG to. The only other thing I would consider is possibly a small starter kit for a birthday or something. Ultimately it's her choice, but I think we can all understand CG seeming really overwhelming at first. It becomes second nature, but sometimes having that solid starting point helps a lot more than abstract ideas of understanding ingredients.

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It's not exactly CG, but you might want to just try telling her to cut down shampooing to once or twice a week but still condition every day. That might at least get her started down the right path toward healthier hair.
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Well how long does it take her to straighten her hair? Sounds like she just doesn't want to. Maybe she expects curly hair to = wake and shake.
So many good ideas! I'm going to try and get her a kit maybe for her birthday. And in the meanwhile I'll just let my hair do the talking. I think she only shampoos twice a week. Her family owns a few salons so she knows a lot about hair probably. Also my friend is more of a product junkie than I am. She switches her routine every few months because she says products just stop responding to her hair. I have never experienced this phenomenon personally but I've heard other women make the same claim. Fortunately there is a sea of CG products out there I still get to try. *rubs hands together*
Well how long does it take her to straighten her hair? Sounds like she just doesn't want to. Maybe she expects curly hair to = wake and shake.
Originally Posted by SpiralSpunk
Takes her forty minutes if she's quick. Same for me. We really are hair twins and we've been BFFs and frizz sisters since kindergarten. That's why I want her to let me experiment with her hair so badly! Plus she was my inspiration in a way. It's like paying it forward.
If s/he wants to invest in CG, she'll keep gawking at your hair and will get inspired to try it. If not, life goes on. Either way, I'd drop the subject for now.

Your friend may or she might not benefit from CG. And that thing about conditioning every day? Wow that's a lot of work! I'm lazy. I'll wash every 5 days on average (either a cowash or a shampoo) and in between my hair goes mostly untouched.

Controlling frizz (something a few of us get obsessed w/for some reason) or avoiding unhealthy hair isn't necessarily at the top of everyone's agenda, especially doctors or other super-busy people. And it doesn't have to be. Not everyone wants to or should improve the look of their hair. It's not a moral imperative. (Note: I've had to remind myself about all this at times, when the hair fanatic in me rages )
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If s/he wants to invest in CG, she'll keep gawking at your hair and will get inspired to try it. If not, life goes on. Either way, I'd drop the subject for now.

Your friend may or she might not benefit from CG. And that thing about conditioning every day? Wow that's a lot of work! I'm lazy. I'll wash every 5 days on average (either a cowash or a shampoo) and in between my hair goes mostly untouched.

Controlling frizz (something a few of us get obsessed w/for some reason) or avoiding unhealthy hair isn't necessarily at the top of everyone's agenda, especially doctors or other super-busy people. And it doesn't have to be. Not everyone wants to or should improve the look of their hair. It's not a moral imperative. (Note: I've had to remind myself about all this at times, when the hair fanatic in me rages )
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
Oh dear. I hope I haven't implied I think it's a moral imperative or anything. I'm not a curl fascist or even a hair fanatic. I'm just going through a phase right now, a research one because of my journalistic tendencies. And it's very exciting! How do I explain is succinctly? (See my problem sometimes is being succinct. I get mired in detail.) It's kind of like, well, it's kind of like you learn this secret- something new about yourself. I always just thought I had bad hair. Turns out my hair is very nice. And just knowing that boosts your self esteem. But then you can feel a little guilty because you walk out the door and you see so many women with these giant halos of frizz and undefined curls. The other day at the grocery store I saw this sweet little girl with this menace she was trying to contain under a winter cap. Looked just like me at seven years old. And in between the bushiness I saw these beautiful ringlets trying to form and escape. I think she's probably a 3C and of course doesn't know it. And her mom with her had much of the same only it was dyed a strange orange-yellow and I think because it was dry very lackluster and unhealthy looking. Maybe if she gave it proper conditioning it would shine and the orange would change to amber, you know? If I actually knew these people I might find a way to (subtly) point them in the right direction. Not necessarily full out CG but even a modified routine would be so helpful. So I just wanted tips on as to how to broach the subject. Explain it in a way that it sounds as simple as it is. That sort of thing. I wash and go every other day actually. The ten minutes (maybe more like seven now since I've gotten very fast) is spent styling one day and fixing my curls the following morning. I envy you though. I think if I had a tighter curl pattern I could go much longer between washes. Stupid 3A ness. When I was a child my hair was so much curlier.
Oh boy Dusa, I didn't mean to imply you're making this into a moral thing ... sorry if it came off that way. I can relate to your enthusiasm about well-formed curls on people. At the same time, I see a lot of beauty with hair that might be considered "wild" and w/out "perfect ringlets". I think it looks regal and amazing. For example, I think of someone like this beautiful woman, or one of my favorite intellectuals Malcolm Gladwell, who, like that woman, is a 4-something and how it's the fact that he doesn't fuss over his hair - just apparently leaves it natural w/out braiding it, dreading it, twisting it or anything else - that helps make him (along w/ others with his type of hair) look so unique and sexy

I'm not sure I'd want to "subtly point these people in the right direction" (as in the 3c hair you described) because I'm not so sure the polished "ringlets" look is intrinsically more beautiful. "Frizz" is not always pathological and it can also represent part of someone's natural texture of hair.

But I think I understand your impulse to want to change someone's hair look that you find less than appealing. I've fantasized about lopping off bangs that have been straightened on otherwise curly-haired women (Or at least dowsing those bangs with water so they'll revert back to curls). Hate that look. But it's what they want. It's just a different form of beauty I don't resonate with. Also, I know it sounds strange to some, but I really do believe "healthy looking" hair is not something that's important to everyone, and it's not up to me to bump it up someone's priority list so that (mostly) I can handle looking at their hair w/out cringing. (Not saying you're doing this, but I admit my impetus has been selfish in wanting to speak up about this kind of thing, at times.)

I bet you have lovely hair, 3a or otherwise
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Takes her forty minutes if she's quick. Same for me. We really are hair twins and we've been BFFs and frizz sisters since kindergarten. That's why I want her to let me experiment with her hair so badly! Plus she was my inspiration in a way. It's like paying it forward.
Originally Posted by dusalocks
This sounds like me and one of my childhood friends. I started accepting my curly hair a lot sooner than her. When she saw my hair she would always ask for advice, but I think she was also reluctant to spend a lot of time/money learning how to care for her curls. One christmas or birthday I just mailed her the curly girl book--she no longer lives in the same town as me--and I've started to notice her wearing her hair down and curly much more often. Change takes time but if you plant the seeds it will eventually happen. The product kit is a good idea too.

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Oh, Korkscrew. I am so sorry. I was afraid of stepping on your toes and now it appears I've made you wary of stepping on mine. Never fear. I totally understand what you're saying and I agree with it 100%. I remember reviewing a film (it wasn't particularly good so this is not a recommendation) which I think was called "Sea of Love" some years ago. It featured an actress with the frizziest hair but it suited her so well and she looked gorgeous. Same for the woman you pictured. Yes, she is lovely. And if I had her bone structure and facial symmetry I'd let my frizz/curls fly any which way. I also love Malcolm Gladwell although I have to admit I've never given much thought to his hair or anyone else's until very recently. Now I notice curls everywhere. Haha. And my dear friend was just visiting me and showing me pictures of her boyfriend in the morning with his afro out of control. He's definitely 4B to say the least. I told her he should leave it that way more often. It really suited him. So yes, it depends on the individual. I'm just not so keen on my frizz 'cuz I associate it with all the social mores and teasing I received as a child.

Oh, and my mother taught me the trick of straightening my bangs, too! She told me if a little bit looked neat front and center it made the rest of the hair look better. I got what she was saying, of course, and agreed with it to an extent, but to me there was always a strange dichotomy there so I stopped rocking that 'do around 19. I'm glad to done with it, I tell you. I love my curly tendrils now.

Takes her forty minutes if she's quick. Same for me. We really are hair twins and we've been BFFs and frizz sisters since kindergarten. That's why I want her to let me experiment with her hair so badly! Plus she was my inspiration in a way. It's like paying it forward.
Originally Posted by dusalocks
This sounds like me and one of my childhood friends. I started accepting my curly hair a lot sooner than her. When she saw my hair she would always ask for advice, but I think she was also reluctant to spend a lot of time/money learning how to care for her curls. One christmas or birthday I just mailed her the curly girl book--she no longer lives in the same town as me--and I've started to notice her wearing her hair down and curly much more often. Change takes time but if you plant the seeds it will eventually happen. The product kit is a good idea too.
Originally Posted by waterlily716
Oh yay! It's waterlily! (Your reputation precedes you.) I'm excited to learn you visit these boards. Oh, I am definitely going to include the book in the kit. I think I'll make it very pretty like a gift basket. Since her time is valuable I can always do the prep for her. If it works I'll do it for the other curly girls in my life who might be interested. Thanks for chiming in.
Oh, Korkscrew. I am so sorry. I was afraid of stepping on your toes and now it appears I've made you wary of stepping on mine. Never fear. I totally understand what you're saying and I agree with it 100%. I remember reviewing a film (it wasn't particularly good so this is not a recommendation) which I think was called "Sea of Love" some years ago. It featured an actress with the frizziest hair but it suited her so well and she looked gorgeous. Same for the woman you pictured. Yes, she is lovely. And if I had her bone structure and facial symmetry I'd let my frizz/curls fly any which way. I also love Malcolm Gladwell although I have to admit I've never given much thought to his hair or anyone else's until very recently. Now I notice curls everywhere. Haha. And my dear friend was just visiting me and showing me pictures of her boyfriend in the morning with his afro out of control. He's definitely 4B to say the least. I told her he should leave it that way more often. It really suited him. So yes, it depends on the individual. I'm just not so keen on my frizz 'cuz I associate it with all the social mores and teasing I received as a child.

Oh, and my mother taught me the trick of straightening my bangs, too! She told me if a little bit looked neat front and center it made the rest of the hair look better. I got what she was saying, of course, and agreed with it to an extent, but to me there was always a strange dichotomy there so I stopped rocking that 'do around 19. I'm glad to done with it, I tell you. I love my curly tendrils now.
Originally Posted by dusalocks
Hey, not problem Yes, I recall Sea of Love, vaguely. I don't recall the woman w/curly hair though. Am sure I'll get around to watching that film again and will be on the look out for her hair ... Know what you mean about social mores and how people tease us curlies about frizz. I've internalized some of that too. Now I'm making a conscious effort to let go of some of it. It is a challenge at times. Even as recently as today I overheard a comment about it on TV lol. But I'm glad you & I communicated about this. It's good to connect with a fellow curly ... I figure we're in this thing together
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Oh, Korkscrew. I am so sorry. I was afraid of stepping on your toes and now it appears I've made you wary of stepping on mine. Never fear. I totally understand what you're saying and I agree with it 100%. I remember reviewing a film (it wasn't particularly good so this is not a recommendation) which I think was called "Sea of Love" some years ago. It featured an actress with the frizziest hair but it suited her so well and she looked gorgeous. Same for the woman you pictured. Yes, she is lovely. And if I had her bone structure and facial symmetry I'd let my frizz/curls fly any which way. I also love Malcolm Gladwell although I have to admit I've never given much thought to his hair or anyone else's until very recently. Now I notice curls everywhere. Haha. And my dear friend was just visiting me and showing me pictures of her boyfriend in the morning with his afro out of control. He's definitely 4B to say the least. I told her he should leave it that way more often. It really suited him. So yes, it depends on the individual. I'm just not so keen on my frizz 'cuz I associate it with all the social mores and teasing I received as a child.

Oh, and my mother taught me the trick of straightening my bangs, too! She told me if a little bit looked neat front and center it made the rest of the hair look better. I got what she was saying, of course, and agreed with it to an extent, but to me there was always a strange dichotomy there so I stopped rocking that 'do around 19. I'm glad to done with it, I tell you. I love my curly tendrils now.
Originally Posted by dusalocks
Hey, not problem Yes, I recall Sea of Love, vaguely. I don't recall the woman w/curly hair though. Am sure I'll get around to watching that film again and will be on the look out for her hair ... Know what you mean about social mores and how people tease us curlies about frizz. I've internalized some of that too. Now I'm making a conscious effort to let go of some of it. It is a challenge at times. Even as recently as today I overheard a comment about it on TV lol. But I'm glad you & I communicated about this. It's good to connect with a fellow curly ... I figure we're in this thing together
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
Did I write Sea of Love? I meant Feast of Love. Sea of Love is actually a good film. Oh wait Feast of Love wasn't that bad either upon recollection-it's just that it wasn't as good as the book which is why I snubbed it. But then few films are. And I'm a serious snob when it comes to literature versus film.

No matter. We are in it together, aren't we? It's wonderful that this forum can produce such stimulating discourse in between all the "What hair type am I?" and the like.
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