Some things you learn from trial and error. Some things you learn from naturally curly.
One, start shampooing less. Maybe once a week at most. Even better check out the curly girl method
How to Follow the Curly Girl Method for Curly Hair: 15 steps
and maybe you could try the no-poo route which means not shampooing at all (just conditioner washing) or using a sulfate free gentle cleanser.
Two, up your conditioner usage. Seriously. More conditioner = less frizz and less volume.
Three, figure out your hair's properties. Go to livecurlylivefree.com and read up. It's a font of information.
Four, go get your hair reshaped if you can. The fact that you are getting a shelf or umbrella look means whoever last cut your hair did not do it correctly. I'd get a stylist who has curly hair because I don't trust those who don't have it. You can use the search bar under "salons" at this site I believe to find a curly hair specialist in your area if you want. And read the reviews. I always use yelp reviews before I try someone new.
Five, I'd recommend styling your hair differently than you are now because it's obviously not working. There are many ways to style from scrunching and pumping to raking then scrunching to this super soaker thing I just heard about and yeah it makes my head hurt too. Nevertheless I've already found a quite simple routine that works for the most part. I also have 3A/3B hair that is thick and it turns out even thicker than I thought since I was recently told its coarse. Nevertheless it looks very pretty, shiny and coily since I've given up products that contain sulfates and silicones and started styling a different way.
Again I cannot emphasize enough the fact that your hair properties are super important in figuring out what products will and won't work for you. Please research that first. Since we have similar curl patterns though I am posting my whole styling routine to show how simple it can be for some folks.
I wash and style in the morning so that my hair can air dry the way I styled it and it looks nice throughout the day. It doesn't take me long. I conditioner wash although I recently have been tinkering with that since the co-wash I was using I think may've been causing product buildup and irritating my poor scalp with a nasty preservative it contained. So the past few days I've been gently washing my scalp in the shower with diluted tea tree oil. It's already made a world of difference as my scalp is no longer itchy or dry. Then on the rest of my hair just past my crown I slather on conditioner. I let it sit and then detangle very gently with a wide toothed comb. That is the LAST TIME I detangle my hair because I want to encourage my hair to clump and not frizz. I rinse then get out of the shower and apply kinky curly knot today leave-in conditioner all over my sopping wet hair (maybe three quarters' size worth, I have long hair) until my hair has the consistency of slick seaweed. Then I take my microfiber towel and scrunch up absorbing as much excess water as I can. Then I take my kinky curly curling custard and apply liberally on either side of my hair (although I've been experimenting with sectioning my hair in four) and scrunch up. I let it air dry (usually takes an hour or an hour and a half) and my hair ends up looking very pretty.
Don't give up. Your hair is probably gorgeous and has lots of curl potential but you don't realize it. Try and look at pictures of you hair when you were really young maybe. My hair was so curly as a child and it is only recently that I can begin to see glimpses of that kid again minus the frizz. You're in the right place. This site is lots of fun and the ladies on the forum are very helpful. Keep reading and experimenting. And try not to buy any products that are very expensive until you know your properties.