Hair Appointment Anxiety

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I have a hair appointment today, and I am really nervous.

I have been going to my stylist for about a year, and she has never given me a bad haircut. She even special-orders CF products just for me, because she switched product lines to a brand that conducts animal testing a few months after I started seeing her. She has been honest with me about what my hair will and won't do and the best ways to meet my hair goals. I have been so happy with her services that I have referred three people to her.

So what's the problem? Several months ago, I mentioned that I wanted a wash-and-go hairstyle. "No more heat styling," I said. She was visibly dismayed and we went with a flattering cut that was maintained with round-brush blow-drying. Fast-forward to now, and I want what I wanted then- a great cut that requires no heat styling. And I mean it this time. I am giving my hair a break from hair dryers for several months until it is deliciously moist and bouncy.

But I don't have a high degree of confidence in her ability to give me a good air-dry cut for my curls. I asked for her advice at the onset of my experimentation, to give her some time to figure out how to best help me, but what I got didn't inspire a lot of confidence. When I read back through it now, it makes sense:

"As for your curl it's just trail by error with style and products. Trust me you will know what works best when you find it, but also trust me when I say it is so hard to reduplicate a curly look. I swear when I find a way to do my waves one day and then do exactly the same the next it is not the same, SO FRUSTRATING. But just keep playing with it and curls don;t have to look perfect just remember that. We get used to styling and making it do what we want, but always remember curls have a mind of their own so less touch the better. Let me know how it is going and if you have any other questions."

I keep going back and forth as to whether I should just let her do my color and get a cut somewhere else that has a "curly specialist." She knows my hair well and has given me such good results in the past, though, that I just don't know what to do:

Should I get a cut from her and be firm about exactly what I want?
Or should I not chance it and find someone else even though she has taken great care of me?

I'd appreciate an outside perspective. Please tell me if I'm just being a paranoid drama queen.
Medium texture, Normal porosity, medium density, textures run the gamut from 2a-3c. Artificially red.

Currently fiddling with:
debatably-poo: DCNP, Tressa Watercolors (Crimson Splash)
cw&c: DevaCare, Heaven in Hair, Ouidad Climate Control
leave-in: Lush R&B Hair Moisturizer, some of above, EVCO
product: DC FFVF, DC AnGel, DCCC, OCC, JCCC, JCRR, 3SCG

I'm a terrible product junkie but I don't buy or use anything that's tested on animals.
Hi MsWhimsy, I'm afraid I don't know what to suggest, but wanted to reassure you - you are not being a paranoid drama queen! Haircuts are very nerve wracking because we wear them every single day. It's not like you can switch to a different pair of shoes or different make-up.

Hope you have a good experience whatever you decide. Please post back and let us know how it went.
2/c and some 3A. Modified CG.
Protein sensitive
Highly porous. Color over grey.
Best 1st day method: Super Soaker
Conditioners: Curl Junkie Beauticurls Strengthening Conditioner,
Deep condish: Curl Junkie Curl Rehab
Stylers: Mix Curls in a Bottle into everything for shine. Terrible pj
Sometimes try roller sets - classic glamor but I prefer my curls.
Every day is a gift
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 939
I would get another stylist who actually listens to you, you are paying them.

Chill...it's just hair. It grows back and a bad haircut isn't a big deal even in the worse case scenario.
on the plus side, she seems open and honest. so be totally honest and tell her you absolutely don't want to heat style your hair, does she think she can work with your hair to make that do able? if so, how will she cut it and how will it look when she is done?
then, go with your instincts.
[FONT="Arial Narrow"]
3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity
washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
leave in:cj conditioners and treatments as leave in
styling: cj pattern pusha, cj honey butta leave in, cj cccc, cj ciab, lalsg. cj aloe fix gel is my high dews/summer HG!!
sealants - spiral solutions emollience butter, jane carter nourish & shine

Last edited by rbb; 05-23-2013 at 05:46 PM.
Curlypearl and rbb, thanks for the reassurances. I will take your suggestions. My appointment is this evening, but I will definitely post and update (and maybe even photos!) when it's over. It have only had a couple of stylists who were able to get my hair to look decent at all, and as my current stylist is one of them, I will remeind myself that trusting her has never let me down in the past.

Jessiebanana, thanks for the reality check. I've done some pretty horrific things to my hair in the past, so I'm no stranger to starting over from pixie if things go horribly awry. If I don't have to shave everything and start over, I will consider it at least a partial victory.

Medium texture, Normal porosity, medium density, textures run the gamut from 2a-3c. Artificially red.

Currently fiddling with:
debatably-poo: DCNP, Tressa Watercolors (Crimson Splash)
cw&c: DevaCare, Heaven in Hair, Ouidad Climate Control
leave-in: Lush R&B Hair Moisturizer, some of above, EVCO
product: DC FFVF, DC AnGel, DCCC, OCC, JCCC, JCRR, 3SCG

I'm a terrible product junkie but I don't buy or use anything that's tested on animals.
I'd give her a chance to work with you, as she has in the past.

Have you read this thread? What Should I Tell My Stylist? It might have something that would help you communicate with her.
3a (Corkicelli), highlighted, fine, low porosity
modified CG, since April '07
CG since 3/11/08

SE PA

HGs: Anything Sevi; Curly Kinks Satin Roots, Curlycue ReNew and Coil Jam; homemade FSG and okra gel; soap bars; UFD Curly Magic (now Hello Curly Curl Stimulater); Botanical Spirits Jellies, CJ Repair Me, Marie Dean Leave Ins and Curl Creams
Thanks, kathymack. I did read through it and made several notes from it and various articles about how to get a good curly haircut.

Ultimately I did not have the guts to demand things like "no greater than a 45-degree hair angle" and I instead showed her a bunch of photos of hair I liked, hair I didn't like, and my hair over the past two weeks. I asked for more room for curls to define themselves, more volume around the crown, and something that would grow out gracefully. She asked me to trust her, and I ended up with more or less exactly what I want- no small feat since two of the photos I showed her were Rihanna's wigs, and any other stylist would probably have me shot for asking for her to make my hair look like Rihanna's wig three times in a row.

She might not bill herself as a curl specialist, but she certainly knows my hair, and I am glad that I went to her for this cut.
Starmie, rbb, rainboe and 1 others like this.
Medium texture, Normal porosity, medium density, textures run the gamut from 2a-3c. Artificially red.

Currently fiddling with:
debatably-poo: DCNP, Tressa Watercolors (Crimson Splash)
cw&c: DevaCare, Heaven in Hair, Ouidad Climate Control
leave-in: Lush R&B Hair Moisturizer, some of above, EVCO
product: DC FFVF, DC AnGel, DCCC, OCC, JCCC, JCRR, 3SCG

I'm a terrible product junkie but I don't buy or use anything that's tested on animals.
now I definitely want to see a picture ^^
now I definitely want to see a picture ^^
Originally Posted by Neleke
Argh, that's the thing. It really SEEMED like it was exactly what I wanted. I went in having the best curly-hair day ever (okay, maybe not ever, but a personal top three at least) and left really happy with it partially diffuser-dried. I made it clear that I really wanted my hair to recover from the heat damage I've done to it, so she didn't torture me with a full blow-out.

She told me that if I didn't like the cut, I could come back anytime and have her fix what I disliked. I love her for it, and my hair was consistently awesome every time she had cut it in a blow-dry round-brush style. I am really disappointed to say that, since then, I have not had a single good hair day and I have no idea why not.

I can't put my finger on exactly what is wrong, so I don't know what to tell her to fix. I am going to type up a whole 'nother long post about it here shortly. I'd post a photo for you, but I had been waiting for the stars to align and my hair to do right, but it just hasn't happened. At all.
Medium texture, Normal porosity, medium density, textures run the gamut from 2a-3c. Artificially red.

Currently fiddling with:
debatably-poo: DCNP, Tressa Watercolors (Crimson Splash)
cw&c: DevaCare, Heaven in Hair, Ouidad Climate Control
leave-in: Lush R&B Hair Moisturizer, some of above, EVCO
product: DC FFVF, DC AnGel, DCCC, OCC, JCCC, JCRR, 3SCG

I'm a terrible product junkie but I don't buy or use anything that's tested on animals.
Without a picture it's impossible to help. You don't have to show your face, blank that out in Photoshop if you know how, or hold a book over your face or only take side and rear shots.
2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
Experimenting with: benign neglect
maybe she only can cut hair for heat styling? so if you heat style it, it looks fine, but air drying/diffusing doesn't work?
you might need to find a stylist who truly does know how to cut curly hair.
[FONT="Arial Narrow"]
3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity
washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
leave in:cj conditioners and treatments as leave in
styling: cj pattern pusha, cj honey butta leave in, cj cccc, cj ciab, lalsg. cj aloe fix gel is my high dews/summer HG!!
sealants - spiral solutions emollience butter, jane carter nourish & shine
Precut.jpg was a typical hair day before the cut.

Besthairday.jpg was the morning of the cut- and I had never been so excited about my hair.

Blehtoday and bleh 2 were taken a few minutes ago.

I will post photos of the bottom layer in a separate post, because I have run out of uploads for this one.
Attached Thumbnails
Hair Appointment Anxiety-precut.jpg   Hair Appointment Anxiety-besthairday.jpg   Hair Appointment Anxiety-bleh-today.jpg   Hair Appointment Anxiety-bleh-2.jpg  
Medium texture, Normal porosity, medium density, textures run the gamut from 2a-3c. Artificially red.

Currently fiddling with:
debatably-poo: DCNP, Tressa Watercolors (Crimson Splash)
cw&c: DevaCare, Heaven in Hair, Ouidad Climate Control
leave-in: Lush R&B Hair Moisturizer, some of above, EVCO
product: DC FFVF, DC AnGel, DCCC, OCC, JCCC, JCRR, 3SCG

I'm a terrible product junkie but I don't buy or use anything that's tested on animals.
I was holding up the frizzy gross top layers to show off the corkscrews when I took these photos.
Attached Thumbnails
Hair Appointment Anxiety-corkscrews-1.jpg   Hair Appointment Anxiety-corkscrews-2.jpg  
Medium texture, Normal porosity, medium density, textures run the gamut from 2a-3c. Artificially red.

Currently fiddling with:
debatably-poo: DCNP, Tressa Watercolors (Crimson Splash)
cw&c: DevaCare, Heaven in Hair, Ouidad Climate Control
leave-in: Lush R&B Hair Moisturizer, some of above, EVCO
product: DC FFVF, DC AnGel, DCCC, OCC, JCCC, JCRR, 3SCG

I'm a terrible product junkie but I don't buy or use anything that's tested on animals.
maybe she only can cut hair for heat styling? so if you heat style it, it looks fine, but air drying/diffusing doesn't work?
you might need to find a stylist who truly does know how to cut curly hair.
Originally Posted by rbb
I sadly suspect that you are right, so I have booked an appointment with a curl specialist in my general area (about 45 minutes away, actually) to see if I can get something better.
Medium texture, Normal porosity, medium density, textures run the gamut from 2a-3c. Artificially red.

Currently fiddling with:
debatably-poo: DCNP, Tressa Watercolors (Crimson Splash)
cw&c: DevaCare, Heaven in Hair, Ouidad Climate Control
leave-in: Lush R&B Hair Moisturizer, some of above, EVCO
product: DC FFVF, DC AnGel, DCCC, OCC, JCCC, JCRR, 3SCG

I'm a terrible product junkie but I don't buy or use anything that's tested on animals.
maybe she only can cut hair for heat styling? so if you heat style it, it looks fine, but air drying/diffusing doesn't work?
you might need to find a stylist who truly does know how to cut curly hair.
Originally Posted by rbb
I sadly suspect that you are right, so I have booked an appointment with a curl specialist in my general area (about 45 minutes away, actually) to see if I can get something better.
Originally Posted by mswhimsy
good luck! and trust your instincts! let us know how it turns out.
[FONT="Arial Narrow"]
3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity
washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
leave in:cj conditioners and treatments as leave in
styling: cj pattern pusha, cj honey butta leave in, cj cccc, cj ciab, lalsg. cj aloe fix gel is my high dews/summer HG!!
sealants - spiral solutions emollience butter, jane carter nourish & shine
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 939
Ugh, ew....what did she do to your hair? It was so pretty before. It's hard to believe a cut did all that. Did she use a razor?

It's definitely time to go to someone new. It seemed like she wasn't confident or qualified to cut curly hair and now you have the proof.

Last edited by Jessiebanana; 06-28-2013 at 12:48 PM.
Perhaps it is simply too short for your curl pattern on the canopy, you need a certain amount of length to get a couple of full rotations. Also it's tough to get clumping close to the roots without getting greasy looking hair.

Otherwise is it possible there is residue from a product she used still on your hair? Have you tried clarifying?
2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
Experimenting with: benign neglect
mswhimsy, if you search under "The saga of the stylist", you will find my similar struggles. I went to the same salon for over 10 years, one gal cut my hair and the other colored it. In the end, there were many things "wrong" that did not work for me; but the overarching issue, I believe, was that these gals were coasting. They had zero interest in learning more about the care and feeding of curls. The gal who cut my hair cut it wet; she rubbed it with a terry towel; she didnt like conditioner so she did not use it on me; and there was no diffuser in the entire salon. I decided I was done, that I needed to find someone who could manage my hair, respected my knowledge, and liked learning. It took me several trials to find Amber. I hardly ever get my hair cut now; she just snips it here and there, and my hair is much better now.

I might suggest you look at the salon finder here, and set up consults with curly stylists until you find one you think you can work with.
Ugh, ew....what did she do to your hair? It was so pretty before. It's hard to believe a cut did all that. Did she use a razor?
Originally Posted by Jessiebanana
Nope, no razor, just scissors. It seemed like the was picking out pieces and cutting them together diagonally to encourage clump formation, but it just didn't work out that way once it dried. I did have my first good hair day on Friday, the day after I posted this. I finally caved and bought Lorraine Massey's book, read it, and used the prescribed methods. Then when I looked closely at the ingredients list for the Ouidad Climate Control, I realized that it has double 'cones. Now I need to re-research to figure out whether that is something I can live with. I didn't get results as good yesterday with the same methods and Deva products, but I mixed a curl cream with the gel and I had to unclip before it was totally dry (I had a wedding to attend and hoped it would finish air-drying in the car on the way, which it didn't). I liked what happened yesterday as well, I just didn't have as much hold or definition which makes sense, given the variances. I will post photos OK nice I've edited out my face.
Medium texture, Normal porosity, medium density, textures run the gamut from 2a-3c. Artificially red.

Currently fiddling with:
debatably-poo: DCNP, Tressa Watercolors (Crimson Splash)
cw&c: DevaCare, Heaven in Hair, Ouidad Climate Control
leave-in: Lush R&B Hair Moisturizer, some of above, EVCO
product: DC FFVF, DC AnGel, DCCC, OCC, JCCC, JCRR, 3SCG

I'm a terrible product junkie but I don't buy or use anything that's tested on animals.
mswhimsy, if you search under "The saga of the stylist", you will find my similar struggles. I went to the same salon for over 10 years, one gal cut my hair and the other colored it. In the end, there were many things "wrong" that did not work for me; but the overarching issue, I believe, was that these gals were coasting. They had zero interest in learning more about the care and feeding of curls. The gal who cut my hair cut it wet; she rubbed it with a terry towel; she didnt like conditioner so she did not use it on me; and there was no diffuser in the entire salon. I decided I was done, that I needed to find someone who could manage my hair, respected my knowledge, and liked learning. It took me several trials to find Amber. I hardly ever get my hair cut now; she just snips it here and there, and my hair is much better now.

I might suggest you look at the salon finder here, and set up consults with curly stylists until you find one you think you can work with.
Originally Posted by Myrna

Myrna, it feels good to know that I'm not alone in struggling to find the right hair doctor. I sincerely believe that my stylists's problem is simply ignorance and a lack of experience with clients who want to wear their hair curly. She has gone out of her way to accommodate me in various ways (special-ordering dye for me because she switched to a color line that tests on animals), and I genuinely like her as a person. I have felt alternately guilty and frustrated since even before that appointment. I think she even wants to learn more about dealing with curls. I'm just not sure that I'm along for the ride.

I made an appointment for a consult at a salon called Curltopia. I discovered it through the salon finder on this site. They use Massey's products and methods, so I have high hopes that I will find what I am looking for there. If my first Devacut is as good as yours, I'll consider it a victory.
Medium texture, Normal porosity, medium density, textures run the gamut from 2a-3c. Artificially red.

Currently fiddling with:
debatably-poo: DCNP, Tressa Watercolors (Crimson Splash)
cw&c: DevaCare, Heaven in Hair, Ouidad Climate Control
leave-in: Lush R&B Hair Moisturizer, some of above, EVCO
product: DC FFVF, DC AnGel, DCCC, OCC, JCCC, JCRR, 3SCG

I'm a terrible product junkie but I don't buy or use anything that's tested on animals.

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