So Confused on what hair should feel like

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  • 1 Post By artemis513

Hi ladies!!

I've had frizzy, dry, uncontrollable hair ever since I stopped relaxing back in early 2011. I never did a big chop (way too scared) and I haven't gotten regular trims either. I also wore dreadlocks and only used Nature's Gate Daily Herbal Shampoo, a mixture of baking soda, apple cider vinegar, salt and tea-tree oil to deep clean the locks every other month. I had dreads for about nine months and LOVED them, I'm actually thinking of returning to them because i'm so disgusted with my natural hair.

It's been eight months since I removed my dreads and I've learned that I'm low porosity, with baby-fine hair. I think I might have a protein sensitivity, but then again I'm not sure. All I know is that since the day I took my dreads out, my hair has always had two constants: It is very, very, very dry. It is also frizzy. Currently the only way that I can get a regular curl definition and pattern is to do braid outs and then put perm rods on the ends. This is what I've been doing for months now and that's where the problem lies. Wash n go's are non-existent for me because no matter what I do, it dries frizzy and gets tangled. It also has not grown at all. In fact, I think it's gotten even shorter and is breaking off even more.

Coconut oil never seems to do anything for my hair, in that I never see a difference after I use it. I'll tell you what I've done in the past week and what's been happening:

I co-washed with Tresemme Naturals Avocado and Aloe Conditioner. Got out of the shower, dried with a t-shirt and applied Cantu Shea Butter Leave In Reconstructive Conditioner (I think, it's the one you can find at the drugstore) and braided my hair, put perm rods on the ends and left it like that for two days (it took that long to dry). I took out the braids and rods and seperated the chunks with a plastic rat-tail comb. My hair is still incredibly dry, almost immediately after seperating the braids my hair dried up and frizzed up. It's also very tangled, especially at the back and ends. I'm also pulling out long, long strands of hair when I run my fingers through it, and this is so normal for me that I'm not sure what to do. The only thing different is the loss of long strands of hair. I don't know what my hair is supposed to feel like and it's so frustrating!!

I don't want to have to start over from scratch, i've already spent so much money and time on my hair and I feel like nothing is working. How do I know how my hair is supposed to feel? This isn't healthy and I don't know what to do to get it back to a 'normal' state. Should I wash with a sulfate shampoo? Do a deep conditioning process? If so, what should I use?

Help!!! If I don't start seeing results, I'm going to just go back to dreadlocks. I've lost a boyfriend of 2 years because of my hair and appearance, my parents always ask "when are you going to perm that s***, it looks absolutely awful', and it's doing a number on my self confidence. It's also very frustrating to STILL have unhealthy hair after all this time. I've also cut out sulfates, silicones and parabens from my hair 'diet'.
Try products with jojoba or olive oil. Since its clear that your hair doesn't like avocado or coconut oils. Also find a moisturizer that doesn't contain avocado or coconut oils. Use the moisturizer or a leave in conditioner to take down your hair. This will keep your hair from being dry. Try products that contain panthenol on it. Panthenol is a good moisturizer & will help keep your hair moisturized throughout the day. Instead of dealing your ends, seal your hair with your leave in in small sections then put your gel on top. This is what I do to maintain moisture in my hair throughout the day & it helps. But my hair likes coconut oil.
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 939
Well first I want to say if your BF dumped you because of your appearance, he wasn't worth your time anyway. If he liked you he would still like you bald...enough said.

If you really like dreads, you should wear them. They're a very convenient hair style. Maybe you could even get sister dreads. They're more expensive, but they're kind of best of both worlds.

Not all curl types dry with a defined curl pattern. Many type 4b and c can't wear wash and go styles unless they're okay with rocking a fro.

Butters are great for defining twist outs and what not, but I find they don't really work well for wash and gos. I think the hair needs to dry with butter in it to get the hold and control before it's exposed to the elements.

Water , Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter) , Glycine Soja OilSoybean , Propylene Glycol , Polyquaternium 37 , Propylene Glycol Dicaprylate/Dicaprate , PPG 1 Trideceth 6 , Cetearyl Alcohol , Glycerin , Stearalkonium Chloride , Trimethylsilylamodimethicone , Panthenol , PPG 1 PEG 9 Lauryl Glycol Ether , Lanolin Oil , Cinnamidopropyl Trimonium Chloride , Hydrolyzed Collagen , Acrylamidopropyltrimonium Chloride/Acrylamide Copolymer , Hydrolyzed Soy Protein , Benzophenone 3 , BHA , BHT , Zea Mays (Corn) OilCorn , Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate , DMDM Hydantoin , Phenoxyethanol , Fragrance (Parfum)


This product may just not be for you. My hair would die with these ingredients. It would just make my hair greasy and limp. I'm also protein sensitive too. You say you've spent all this money, so what other products have you tried? Maybe we can find a pattern.
Sounds like you are better off without that utter waste of space, thank your lucky stars you found out now he was shallow and superficial than when you were married and pregnant. Leaves a nice space by your side for the loving and loyal guy you deserve.

Hair is dead so it cannot ever be repaired: relaxing, dreadlocks, baking soda and table salt are all highly damaging to hair especially in combination, unfortunately it may be that your ends and even lengths cannot be salvaged and need cutting off. Coconut oil is about reducing porosity with regular use, the Curly Girl method is about healthier hair not instant gratification as with commercial haircare products.

Choose your ingredients and products based on your hair properties, Cantu leave in is not a true conditioner, it doesn't contain much in the way of fatty alcohols or cationic surfactants. Ingredients beneficial to damaged or porous hair include hydrolysed protein, coconut oil, ceramides and panthenol.
2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
Experimenting with: benign neglect
Ugh, I was afraid of hearing that. The fact that my ends and some length may need to go. I'm not anxious about cutting my hair at all because since 2011 it literally has not grown at all, because I have this irrational fear that it just WON'T grow back. Silly, I know, but I've gotten really attached to my long hair. But it's time to let go

However, what's done is done and I've asked my mother to set up a session for a trim with my old stylist (the one who used to give me all my relaxers). She'll likely try to bully me into getting a relaxer again (and even offer to pay for it) but no way, Jose. The one thing I am glad about is that I refused to use wax on my dreads and still stuck to a sulfate-free routine. I may trim my hair a bit, work on getting it healthier for a few months and then put the dreads back in, we'll see. I miss them.

At curlicious13, my hair does not like Jojoba oil but luckily Olive Oil does not seem to bother it. And I will also try Panthenol. I currently decided to try using some Shea Moisture Deep Treatment Masque that I had lying around from months ago and I noticed it had panthenol in it. It's also like a thick, buttery consistency, so maybe this will cut down on some of the dryness and add some moisture. I plan on rinsing it out and if I feel my hair needs it, co-washing with Suave Naturals Daily Clarifying Conditioner.

Products I've Used:
SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie (fail)
SM Thickening Growth Milk (no noticeable results after 3 months so I may keep trying this)
SM Raw Shea Restorative Conditioner (very heavy on my hair so I stopped using it)
Shea Moisture Deep Treatment Masque (trying again with this one)
Say Yes to Carrots Leave-In Conditioner (LOVE this)
Tresseme Naturals Avocado and Aloe Conditioner
Nature's Gate Herbal Daily Shampoo
Organic Root Stimulator Incredibly Rich Moisturizing Lotion (why I tried this, I don't know. Needless to say it did not work
One'N'Only Argan Oil (once I found out that this product was nothing but 'cones and maybe a few drops of actual Argan oil I was so infuriated I threw the bottle at the wall. EXPENSIVE!!)

Quite a few of these products contain glycerin. I have a sneaking suspicion that I might be sensitive to glycerin too, since it pulls moisture out of the air into the hair and my locks are always frizzy, I am trying to make my hair healthier, as that's my ultimate goal: long, shiny, healthy hair that I can either lock back up or grow out and wear down. I admit that I came into the Curly Girl method (I do a modified version of it) with hopes that my hair would bounce right back, however, this has been more of a slow dive than a quick race. If my hair ends up healthier, stops breaking off, starts retaining more moisture and actually grows some, I can deal with a bit of frizz. I don't mind if it takes a long time. Rome was not built in a day.

I will try products containing ceramides and panthenol, since my hair is not a fan of coconut oil, and I'm not sure about whether it likes protein or not. Besides coconut oil, what are some good products that can add a small does of hydrolysed protein to my hair so I can test it out? Can any of it be handmade with ingredients in my own kitchen?

And I'm very, very glad that I'm not with the guy any longer. When he first told me he was leaving because I wasn't "looking as pretty as I was two years ago" I cried and threw a fit, then realized what a ***** he was. It's taken some time and effort to realize that he's not worth the love I gave him after all that time. There's someone else out there who is perfect for me.

I appreciate you ladies taking the time to reply back.
Ugh, I was afraid of hearing that. The fact that my ends and some length may need to go. I'm not anxious about cutting my hair at all because since 2011 it literally has not grown at all, because I have this irrational fear that it just WON'T grow back. Silly, I know, but I've gotten really attached to my long hair. But it's time to let go

However, what's done is done and I've asked my mother to set up a session for a trim with my old stylist (the one who used to give me all my relaxers). She'll likely try to bully me into getting a relaxer again (and even offer to pay for it) but no way, Jose. The one thing I am glad about is that I refused to use wax on my dreads and still stuck to a sulfate-free routine. I may trim my hair a bit, work on getting it healthier for a few months and then put the dreads back in, we'll see. I miss them.

At curlicious13, my hair does not like Jojoba oil but luckily Olive Oil does not seem to bother it. And I will also try Panthenol. I currently decided to try using some Shea Moisture Deep Treatment Masque that I had lying around from months ago and I noticed it had panthenol in it. It's also like a thick, buttery consistency, so maybe this will cut down on some of the dryness and add some moisture. I plan on rinsing it out and if I feel my hair needs it, co-washing with Suave Naturals Daily Clarifying Conditioner.

Products I've Used:
SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie (fail)
SM Thickening Growth Milk (no noticeable results after 3 months so I may keep trying this)
SM Raw Shea Restorative Conditioner (very heavy on my hair so I stopped using it)
Shea Moisture Deep Treatment Masque (trying again with this one)
Say Yes to Carrots Leave-In Conditioner (LOVE this)
Tresseme Naturals Avocado and Aloe Conditioner
Nature's Gate Herbal Daily Shampoo
Organic Root Stimulator Incredibly Rich Moisturizing Lotion (why I tried this, I don't know. Needless to say it did not work
One'N'Only Argan Oil (once I found out that this product was nothing but 'cones and maybe a few drops of actual Argan oil I was so infuriated I threw the bottle at the wall. EXPENSIVE!!)

Quite a few of these products contain glycerin. I have a sneaking suspicion that I might be sensitive to glycerin too, since it pulls moisture out of the air into the hair and my locks are always frizzy, I am trying to make my hair healthier, as that's my ultimate goal: long, shiny, healthy hair that I can either lock back up or grow out and wear down. I admit that I came into the Curly Girl method (I do a modified version of it) with hopes that my hair would bounce right back, however, this has been more of a slow dive than a quick race. If my hair ends up healthier, stops breaking off, starts retaining more moisture and actually grows some, I can deal with a bit of frizz. I don't mind if it takes a long time. Rome was not built in a day.

I will try products containing ceramides and panthenol, since my hair is not a fan of coconut oil, and I'm not sure about whether it likes protein or not. Besides coconut oil, what are some good products that can add a small does of hydrolysed protein to my hair so I can test it out? Can any of it be handmade with ingredients in my own kitchen?

And I'm very, very glad that I'm not with the guy any longer. When he first told me he was leaving because I wasn't "looking as pretty as I was two years ago" I cried and threw a fit, then realized what a ***** he was. It's taken some time and effort to realize that he's not worth the love I gave him after all that time. There's someone else out there who is perfect for me.

I appreciate you ladies taking the time to reply back.
Originally Posted by curlymetalgirl
My hair is baby fine & I like ion effective care for a good dose of some hydrolyzed proteins & also moisture. And your ex is a jerk. Glad you know that now rather than later.
fine, thin, normal/(low?) porosity. Mod-CG. Usually I can't co-wash more than 1x a week, & sometimes I have to use T-Gel in rotation due to scalp issues.

Co-wash: VO5 Volumizing
Poo: Giovanni 50:50
RO:TN, Nexxus Youth Renewal, Alba Coconut
LI: KCKT
PT: gelatin PT, ION EC
Stylers: Giovanni mousse, TIGI Curls Rock amplifier (a-cone), Curls Rock Strong Hold Mousse
Gels: SCC spray gel

Ugh, I was afraid of hearing that. The fact that my ends and some length may need to go. I'm not anxious about cutting my hair at all because since 2011 it literally has not grown at all, because I have this irrational fear that it just WON'T grow back. Silly, I know, but I've gotten really attached to my long hair. But it's time to let go

However, what's done is done and I've asked my mother to set up a session for a trim with my old stylist (the one who used to give me all my relaxers). She'll likely try to bully me into getting a relaxer again (and even offer to pay for it) but no way, Jose. The one thing I am glad about is that I refused to use wax on my dreads and still stuck to a sulfate-free routine. I may trim my hair a bit, work on getting it healthier for a few months and then put the dreads back in, we'll see. I miss them.

At curlicious13, my hair does not like Jojoba oil but luckily Olive Oil does not seem to bother it. And I will also try Panthenol. I currently decided to try using some Shea Moisture Deep Treatment Masque that I had lying around from months ago and I noticed it had panthenol in it. It's also like a thick, buttery consistency, so maybe this will cut down on some of the dryness and add some moisture. I plan on rinsing it out and if I feel my hair needs it, co-washing with Suave Naturals Daily Clarifying Conditioner.

Products I've Used:
SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie (fail)
SM Thickening Growth Milk (no noticeable results after 3 months so I may keep trying this)
SM Raw Shea Restorative Conditioner (very heavy on my hair so I stopped using it)
Shea Moisture Deep Treatment Masque (trying again with this one)
Say Yes to Carrots Leave-In Conditioner (LOVE this)
Tresseme Naturals Avocado and Aloe Conditioner
Nature's Gate Herbal Daily Shampoo
Organic Root Stimulator Incredibly Rich Moisturizing Lotion (why I tried this, I don't know. Needless to say it did not work
One'N'Only Argan Oil (once I found out that this product was nothing but 'cones and maybe a few drops of actual Argan oil I was so infuriated I threw the bottle at the wall. EXPENSIVE!!)

Quite a few of these products contain glycerin. I have a sneaking suspicion that I might be sensitive to glycerin too, since it pulls moisture out of the air into the hair and my locks are always frizzy, I am trying to make my hair healthier, as that's my ultimate goal: long, shiny, healthy hair that I can either lock back up or grow out and wear down. I admit that I came into the Curly Girl method (I do a modified version of it) with hopes that my hair would bounce right back, however, this has been more of a slow dive than a quick race. If my hair ends up healthier, stops breaking off, starts retaining more moisture and actually grows some, I can deal with a bit of frizz. I don't mind if it takes a long time. Rome was not built in a day.

I will try products containing ceramides and panthenol, since my hair is not a fan of coconut oil, and I'm not sure about whether it likes protein or not. Besides coconut oil, what are some good products that can add a small does of hydrolysed protein to my hair so I can test it out? Can any of it be handmade with ingredients in my own kitchen?
Originally Posted by curlymetalgirl
Alternatives to coconut oil that contain the same penetrating/ protein protective lauric acid include palm kernel oil, tucuma butter and babassu oil. Note that I said ingredient, just because something doesn't work straight up doesn't mean you can't use it balanced with other ingredients.

Shea butter and jojoba largely don't penetrate and shea can build up, no oils or butters moisturise (add or increase water) to hair. There is no protein found in butters or oils, the coconut oil helps your hair hold onto hairs own structural proteins instead of them washing away when you shampoo.

You can DIY a hydrolysed protein treatment with gelatin, see the recipes board. A DIY deep treatment that is raved about is a cheap light conditioner plus coconut oil (or olive) plus honey and/ or aloe vera gel. Do a weak/ dilute protein treatment initially, it may dry your hair out that is 'normal' just do a deep condition right afterwards.

If you go back to dreads lose the baking soda, being alkaline that is worse for hair than a sulphate shampoo. TBH you might have been better using some sort of wax, that would have caused a mess but helped your hair hold water and generally given a layer of protection - baking soda and table salt dehydrate the hair.
2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
Experimenting with: benign neglect
No matter what style you wear, if your hair is not hydrated, actually moisturized, you hair will be difficult for you.

The Shea Moisture products are not doing you any favors. You need a conditioner that will actually bring water into your hair and keep it there. The occlusive ingredients in those products you listed will not work until you get and keep moisture in. And then your shampoo is really harsh so it's a vicious cycle. Dry brittle hair.

I would suggest you use the Tres Natural conditioner as your leave in even though I don't find it that moisturizing, but it's what you have, so use it. Every day. If you have shea products on your hair, then shampoo it but then put the TN conditioner on and leave it in. But don't shampoo again for as long as you can stand it (at least one week). The next day rinse your hair and apply more conditioner. And the next day or so, repeat. Condition, condition, condition. You need to get your hydration levels up. It will take time but just stay consistent and it will happen. If you want you can use a small amount of the shea butter products on top of the conditioner but use it sparingly because you don't want build up.

Ultimately when your hair is wet it should be soft and flexible and hydrated. Once your levels are up it will feel closer to that when dry also.
Firefox7275 likes this.
4a/3c, fine strands, low porosity, medium density
Last relaxer: Jan 2010 - BC'd: 2/27/11
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IMHO, your hair should feel soft and natural. The SM Coconut & Hibiscus products are too heavy for your baby fine hair. Mine is fine and the products just sit on my hair and need to be washed out.

Look for others with similar properties and see what they use. In the US, most of us are going through hot, high dewpoint days. Your conditions may not be exactly the same, but it's a good place to start.
3a (Corkicelli), highlighted, fine, low porosity
modified CG, since April '07
CG since 3/11/08

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HGs: Anything Sevi; Curly Kinks Satin Roots, Curlycue ReNew and Coil Jam; homemade FSG and okra gel; soap bars; UFD Curly Magic (now Hello Curly Curl Stimulater); Botanical Spirits Jellies, CJ Repair Me, Marie Dean Leave Ins and Curl Creams

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