Need help and advice!

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  • 1 Post By bringingcurliesback?

I have been struggling most of my life. I am a Caucasian red head with fine curly hair which I have straightened most of my life. It's very fine, so even when I straighten it, I would have to blow dry.
A couple years ago, I even tried extensions. I took them out because I had my first child and couldn't deal with the maintenance.
3 years ago I was blessed with 2 more children-- twin boys-- and let's say i don't have much time for hair maintenance.
I kept straightening and blow drying and flat ironing but my hair has thinned considerably, but I damaged it to the point where I was actually burning it off by doing this. Needless to say, my hairdresser cut it last time and suggested I leave it curly to help get it back to health. It is all different lengths, won't grow, but worst of all, I can't embrace the curls. They are soft but I don't like them on me.
I'm 40 and feel like no one wears their hair like this. So I have been slicking it back to avoid dealing with it. I am actually looking for a wig so I don't have to deal with it anymore. I really would appreciate any advice I could get -- maybe I should just go short short, as right now I'm like shoulder length in back, ear length on sides, and my hairline doesn't grow.
I would really like to go straight again, but everything seems to damage my hair and I wind up pulling it back as it doesn't withstand humidity even when straightened.
If you have read this far, God Bless. I want to feel good about myself and I know a good hair cut and style makes a big difference, bit it doesn't seem like I'm ever happy with it.
Advice?
Maybe you should cut it into a pixie and start a healthy hair journey from there. I won't ever reccomend you use heat. If there is one thing I learned the less you fight it the more it behaves. So just learn to gradually nurture the beast lol and you'll be happier trust me. Time is key with hair. To be quite frank I'm a bit restless at the length I'm at right now haha but that's a different story. Look into going cg and arm yourself with knowledge. Most importantly keep an open mind!
I wish I was a red head! Rock what you are given even if it seems impossible. Its like the fake it until you make it idea. Confidence will eventually follow. Good luck!

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mustangbunny likes this.
Sometimes I get carried away and manipulate him too much. He tells me he's fine on his own but I never listen. I wash him less now and all in all we're happy.
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BC #2: 10/2/13
2c/3a/3b w/ loose botticellis, whirls and curls,
Coarse, High Porosity;CG since 2007
What would you recommend?
I would second the recommendations that you get a pixie cut get the transition period over as quickly as possible and follow the method of hair care advised in Curly Girl: The Handbook by Lorraine Massey, also available at CurlMart.

Going CG would include avoiding heat styling. You really should not straighten, and absolutely should not straighten without using a (silicone free) heat protectant like Aveda Brilliant Damage Control, or ReMane Straight by Curly Hair Solutions. But you have three little kids, and the youngest two are twins, and I'd be pulling my hair out, so yet another reason to start over with your hair and the least fussy haircut possible.
Peace,
Morgan

Baby Fine 3B, low porosity, normal density and elasticity
CGing since July 2008
I'd second what "bcb" above said and get it cut short, if you're comfortable with doing that (I never could but you mentioned it as an option). Then, if you wanted longer hair, you could grow it out and it would all be healthy, and probably more manageable, and you may then like the way it looks and be able to embrace it more. My hair was in a bit of a state after I'd flat-ironed for 18 months and looked dreadful curly, but I just babied it for about six months or so and eventually it came good.
3b in South Australia.

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