Dissed by someone with curly hair!

My anatomy lab partner has red 3B-ish curls that for some reason she brushes almost straight and pulls back into a frizzy bun. When I cut my straightened hair off a couple of weeks ago she was the first to comment on my curl comeback.

"Something's different with your hair." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"The curls are back." She didn't have a tone that sounded like a compliment was coming, so I responded cautiously.

"You have hair like me!"

"...Curly?"

"I mean, not the GOOD kind of curls. They're sort of kinky like mine."

"----" I made some sort of grunt that I had heard her, then changed the subject.


Kinky? Not the GOOD king? WTF? I go to great lengths to achieve good curl formation with very little frizz, I spent more than a YEAR growing my hair out so I can finally go back to curls, and now my hair isn't the good kind?

I honestly wasn't all that insulted at the time, but the more I think about it the more it bugs me. I know my hair doesn't look like hers, but perhaps she was raised to think that all curly hair is bad hair...?

Just wanted to vent.
What's working this week:
Shower: Garnier 3x Nutrition shampoo 1x per week, cowash with Tres Semme Naturals, condition with
GF Sleek and Shine deep conditioner
Styling: Tres Semme Naturals as leave in, L'Oreal Melting gel and HE SMU raked in, LOOB and AG Re:Coil scrunched in, Jojoba Oil scrunched in when totally dry
3B
I see in your sig that you're a 3B/C. Maybe she thinks "the good kind" are looser curls (which is funny because most of us with looser curls try to make our hair curlier!)? Either way, she was out of line and I'm sorry she said that. (((HUGS)))
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy
"I mean, not the GOOD kind of curls. They're sort of kinky like mine."

.....

Just wanted to vent.
Originally Posted by GiveMeABMW
She's a jealous fool. You have gorgeous curls! As Pixie said, your hair is what I wish I could have.

Oh, or maybe her comment was a cry for help. You could be her curly mentor! Really

Maybe you could say something like: "I was thinking about what you said yesterday about your hair. There is actually alot of info and product out there to help us get the best our of our curls, have you ever visited naturallycurly.com?"

Good luck!
I see in your sig that you're a 3B/C. Maybe she thinks "the good kind" are looser curls (which is funny because most of us with looser curls try to make our hair curlier!)?
Originally Posted by PixieCurl
Ditto to this. Too bad for her that she's so unhappy with her hair but it was really obnoxious of her to project her insecurities onto you.
Brooklyn, NY

Hair: 3A/B, Underlayer of 2B
HG products:
Winter- Giovanni Tea Tree (co-wash) & 50/50 (condish); Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Leave-In; Curls Milkshake & Quenched Curls; Re:coil; BRHG
Summer: DevaCurl No Poo & OneC; CK; Re:coil; BRHG; Honey!!!

fotki pw= crrrls
The way I usually respond to this is with (at least the appearance of) sympathy: "Yes, I understand. [commiserating look] I used to feel just like you do -- before a more experienced curly kindly explained to me never to abuse my curls by brushing them. Now I can't believe I ever did that! Know what I mean?" Usually at that point, they're shocked, but curious & will ask me questions, & then I can explain. The key is to look very sympathetic, & like it never occurred to you that they might have brushed their hair.
3B, bra-strap length
laidback, very-modified CGer
HG: GF Sleek 'n Shine Leave-in; Alagio
Wait a minute, this girl looked at your hair (the short hair in your photo album) and said you had bad hair? Is she on crack?! Your hair is awesome! Everything about it is lovely. You need to ignore her, stat.
Angela: 3A bsl-length Modified CG Product Junkie

http://flickr.com/photos/trippyswell/sets/1152060/
I agree with the other posters - ignore her! Don't let her self-loathing spill over onto you. From the looks of it - you have fabulous curls. I know it's hard, but try to just keep the conversation to anatomy parts besides hair.

Best of luck!
Tracy

3b canopy/3c underneath

Product test dummy
The way I usually respond to this is with (at least the appearance of) sympathy: "Yes, I understand. [commiserating look] I used to feel just like you do -- before a more experienced curly kindly explained to me never to abuse my curls by brushing them. Now I can't believe I ever did that! Know what I mean?" Usually at that point, they're shocked, but curious & will ask me questions, & then I can explain. The key is to look very sympathetic, & like it never occurred to you that they might have brushed their hair.
Originally Posted by CelticCurls
This is great, much better than my suggestion. I'm going to keep that in reserve!
Wait a minute, this girl looked at your hair (the short hair in your photo album) and said you had bad hair? Is she on crack?! Your hair is awesome! Everything about it is lovely. You need to ignore her, stat.
Originally Posted by spacegirl
Seriously. You have fabulous hair! And, as PixieCurl said, us looser curled girls try desperately to achieve your tighter curls!

Plus, her poor hair. Brushes it back into a bun? Curls gone to waste.

Sorry she said that. But, out of line and rude.

This is why this forum is great. A place for support in situations just like this one. Love that hair of yours!
embracing my inner curl since late Nov 2006
2b/3a (I think?)
color-treated red/brown, medium-textured hair
PJ, currently using Suave citrus smoothie, B2B pom cond, GF C&S leave-in, AG re:coil, LOOB, HE SMU, Jessicurl HCC, CC, AIS
Oh PULEASE!! She is so jealous. She obviously doesn't know how to handle her own curls, so she straightens them and is just so jealous that you know how to handle yours and make them look good. Pathetically funny. :P
3a/2c f/mii. pics added 2/3/07
Wait a minute, this girl looked at your hair (the short hair in your photo album) and said you had bad hair? Is she on crack?! Your hair is awesome! Everything about it is lovely. You need to ignore her, stat.
Originally Posted by spacegirl
Seriously. You have fabulous hair! And, as PixieCurl said, us looser curled girls try desperately to achieve your tighter curls!

Plus, her poor hair. Brushes it back into a bun? Curls gone to waste.

Sorry she said that. But, out of line and rude.

This is why this forum is great. A place for support in situations just like this one. Love that hair of yours!
Originally Posted by sfisher323
ITA! Maybe she needs glasses, or if she wears them need a new prescription, because there is NO WAY she could say you have bad hair.

Unless she suffers under the delusion that even gorgeously formed, frizz-free tighter curls are somehow inferior because they're tighter.

Some of us would KILL for your hair. ...Just bugs, of course.
OMG, LOOK!!

...It's a siggie.
Ahhh, ignore her. Misery loves company...
MY HAIR ALBUM
pw - jack

Going natural for the summer...just a dab of ArcAngell!
Ahhh, ignore her. Misery loves company...
Originally Posted by Ab-star
Perfectly said.
3a/2c f/mii. pics added 2/3/07
Ahhh, ignore her. Misery loves company...
Originally Posted by Ab-star

Exactly!
embracing my inner curl since late Nov 2006
2b/3a (I think?)
color-treated red/brown, medium-textured hair
PJ, currently using Suave citrus smoothie, B2B pom cond, GF C&S leave-in, AG re:coil, LOOB, HE SMU, Jessicurl HCC, CC, AIS
you have great hair!

the others have posted two things you can do.. approach her and give her some advice or ignore her..

do whichever feels right to you.. but don't stop flaunting those curls!
Ah, it all makes sense now. Goldy is the puppet master!
Originally Posted by Poodlehead
I wouldn't be upset with the girl. I would actually pity her. Think about it, at some point and time in her life her hair has been critisized. I would even bet money she may come from a family where everyone either has straight hair or straitens it. See..I come form a family like that, and some use to call my hair kinky and nappy. Rats nest was often used. I hated my hair for the longest time. I blow fried it straight everyday until I found this site.

Here's what I recommend, get some Naturallycurly.com cards. Next time you guys talk about hair, tell her "You have pretty hair and you really should not be afraid to let it curl." Hand her the card and tell her just to check out the site. You catch more flies with honey than ya do vinegar. Worst that will happen is her attitude will remain the same, but you will feel better for having been kind about the situation.
Corkicelli Now! YAY! Now all I have to do is update my avy pic.

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."- Albert Einstein

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