How to tell my hairdresser...

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  • 1 Post By Runemist34
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Hi everyone!
I wasn't quite sure where to put this... but I need some advice.
My hairdresser is one that I followed from the dreaded First Choice hair place (where you may or may not get some stylist who knows what the heck they're doing) to a new salon- a spa, in fact! It's lovely, they take great care of me, and I always get to see the same person, who knows me and my hair pretty well.
But, now that she's changed over, I have to deal with her washing my hair! Last time I went I was told it wouldn't be a problem, their stuff is formulated for curly hair, it won't dry out, etc.
I came away with hair that felt like straw. Sigh!
So, considering I'm paying $60 without tip for this, how to I get the most from my experience, but without the horrible challenge of getting my hair washed and turned into some kind of horrible frizzball? I mean, they do a fantastic head massage (feels sooooo gooooood!) and I love getting my hair cut by someone who KNOWS, but... I guess I worry that I'm paying a lot more than I should without the full experience!
Thoughts?
This sort of question comes up again and again.

Not sure why we, as the PAYING customer, feel like we can't even ask hairdressers for what we want? I always think this is a much deeper issue of socialization and feeling powerless, when in reality, as the paying customer, you have power because walking away and withdrawing your funds hurts the business. I think a lot of this is socialization based on gender, but it could be cultural as well, or stemming from your "place" in society (socioeconomic) as well as personal upbringing and how much you've been taught it's good or okay to advocate for yourself or whether you're always supposed to be happy with what you've been given, and even whether you were a victim of abuse as a child and have yet to resolve your past. A white person of economic means is in a much more fluid place therefore has greater ability to advocate for themselves where needed (with less potential negative consequence), compared to let's say an illegal immigrant of little economic means who has much less choice and may be less likely to make a scene or draw attention to themselves even when they've been given subpar and unfair treatment.

I've felt this way before in a hairdresser's chair but less and less as I'm more aware and getting older. I think it can affect women more because we have less power as a group and because we're more often socialized to be meek, be polite and not ask for much, but obviously it can happen to anyone given the other reasons. My husband told me of a time when a hairdresser cut his ear. It was pretty bad, his ear was split in two! Though he was upset, he didn't complain or ask for anything and paid for the service and even tipped the hairdresser on the way out! It's a little funny but mostly sad considering slicing you is a rather grave error on the hairdresser's part and the business should have done everything to tend to his needs and make him feel comfortable afterward, and I don't think paying for the service was appropriate! Anyway, there are deeper reasons to why he acted the way he did at the time. He wouldn't do that now.

Getting back to your question, you're paying (and paying nicely) for a service. If they can't customize the experience to your needs then go elsewhere. Come on, not washing your hair or washing your hair with products you yourself bring in isn't a big deal... you're not asking for something ridiculous or unrealistic. If they value their customers (which they should considering they're a business) they can adjust to your very reasonable needs. I would address this concern ahead of time before setting up the appointment so there are no surprises the day of.
2bc/ f / ii. low porosity roots + normal porosity shaft. normal elasticity.

Currently using:
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PT: IAgirl's gelatine, CJ Repair Me

hydrolized protein, jelly stylers
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Wow, thank you for such a thoughtful and thorough reply! I feel like I'm back in one of my favourite University classes
I agree, it's not really that big of a deal to be asking for somewhat more customized treatment when I'm paying so much for the service.
I've been considering re-introducing a very deeply moisturizing conditioner into my routine (I've cut both shampoo and conditioner completely out for a while now), with hopes that my hair might benefit from it. I don't think it's too big of an ask to tell them just to use conditioner, and skip the shampoo!
I also know that I'm paying, in large part, for a hairdresser who knows what she's doing with my hair, and someone who actually listens to my needs.
I'm just gonna have to learn to actually ask for things, and put my foot down
(And yes, I completely agree with you that we're very much conditioned to "take what we are given" even when we're paying for it)
wavydaze likes this.
Curl Type: 3A/B
Elasticity: Medium/High
Porosity and Density: Low porosity, Low to medium density
Current Method: Water only, using Lush products (leave-in conditioner, and Dirty hair styling cream)
Hair length: Shoulders
Hair length goal: Waist (when dry!)
I told my hairdresser to wash my hair with conditioner ONLY. If you put your foot down, what are they going to do?
curlypearl and Runemist34 like this.


I'm definitely a "curly" 2c. Sometimes curly and sometimes just wavy upper layer with a ringlety under layer. My hair has been thick and coarse since birth. Strawberry blonde in color that can and does change depending on the type and amount of light.


All in all, I'm happy with my hair type but almost for sure think yours is prettier.
I told my hairdresser to wash my hair with conditioner ONLY. If you put your foot down, what are they going to do?
Originally Posted by AngelaE8654
yep, it's like saying no when the medical assistant at the drs office says she's going to weigh you
AngelaE8654 likes this.
I've been going to my hairdresser for 8 years. I brought my own low poo and conditioner with me. She used them without blinking an eye. It would be no different if a client had a scalp condition or allergies where they couldn't use the salon products.
rbb and curlypearl like this.
Here's a thread that might help you What Should I Tell My Stylist?

I, too, bring my own products. Have gone to my stylist for 35+ years. No one in the salon has a problem. Some of the shampoo folks look forward to seeing what I have with me.
rbb likes this.
3a (Corkicelli), highlighted, fine, low porosity
SE PA

HGs: Anything Sevi; Curly Kinks Satin Roots, Curlycue ReNew and Coil Jam; homemade FSG and okra gel; soap bars; UFD Curly Magic; Botanical Spirits Jellies, CJ Repair Me, Aloe Fix
same here, i bring my own products. and, unless it is bitterly cold and i am not going straight home, i walk out with my hair wet. my hair never looks good styled with heat -- bonnet or diffuser, same bad results.
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3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity
washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
leave in:cj conditioners and treatments as leave in
styling: cj pattern pusha, cj honey butta leave in, cj cccc, cj ciab. cj aloe fix gel is my high dews/summer HG!!
sealants - spiral solutions emollience butter, cj CIAB

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