Gee, thanks . . . (an insulted curly rants)

Yesterday the humidity was incredibly low, especially for this time of year, so I decided to do a blow out. Yes, it looked good – I rarely pat myself on the back, but over the years, I’ve perfected the blow out technique (even better than some stylists I’ve been to). But I digress.

So a co-worker says to me, “Wow - your hair looks great today!” I thanked him and smiled, because he was obviously being sincere. Then he adds, “The only bad thing is that your husband will probably be disappointed when it doesn’t look like that everyday.”

???&%#@!?! :x

I just gave him one of my trademark that’s-not-funny-but-what-can-I-say “ha’s,” accompanied by a terse smile, and got back to work.

I felt like saying, “Actually, my husband (who is also a curly, by the way), loves my curls, thank you very much.” The only reason I didn’t speak my mind was because said co-worker is an older guy, and based on the ‘respect your elders’ rule by which I was raised, I let it go.

But I had to rant somewhere, folks. Thanks for listening.
Hair Type: 3A/3B; natural color; mid-back length.
Shampoo: Shea Moisture Coconut Hibiscus (2 - 3 times/week)
Fave Rinse-Out Conditioners: HE Hello Hydration; Yes to Blueberries; GVP Conditioning Balm;
Styling Routine: Squish-scrunch product /conditioner into soaking wet, upside down hair; plop for 10 minutes, air dry. (Diffuser dry front section.)
Fave Styling Products: KCKT; Tigi Curl Amplifier Creme; Batia & Aleeza gel; Giovanni Sunset Styler; LA Looks Sport Gel.
I love the back-handed compliment!

He probably didn't realize that he was complimenting you and insulting you in the same breath.

I usually make allowances for older folks too, for the same reason that you mentioned.
YES WE CAN!

kdcreigh 4a and b (who knows?)

Relegated to occasional lurking in order to keep the PJ in check!


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PW: natural
Geez, how obnoxious!
Brooklyn, NY

Hair: 3A/B, Underlayer of 2B
HG products:
Winter- Giovanni Tea Tree (co-wash) & 50/50 (condish); Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Leave-In; Curls Milkshake & Quenched Curls; Re:coil; BRHG
Summer: DevaCurl No Poo & OneC; CK; Re:coil; BRHG; Honey!!!

fotki pw= crrrls
I have a co-worker who prefers straight hair. He said my husband prefers it too but won't tell me the truth. This so funny. My husband doesn't even like this guy so I know he couldn't really know how my husband feels. My husband loves my hair curly and I have never worn it straight to work again since my co-worker's comment.
I pretty much ignore that "Respect you elders." rule when an insult is involved, backhanded or not. I don't care, it is rude to say crap like that elder or younger...whatever. I probably would have come back with something equally as backhanded like "My husband actually prefers my hair curly FYI, you know most men these days actually prefer their wives to look like the woman they originally married...you know not like the olden days of gossamer beehives and Aquanette shelaquing....you know? (insert nice syrupy sweet smile here for a little sugar on top)
Cincinnati Ohio>>>Coarse protein sensitive 3a, Jessicurl WDT as a leave in, Biotera gel, White Boots, PW= coffeecurls

"Man tries to exaggerate what nature has given him," Charles Darwin (1809-1882).

"Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful." -Sophia Loren
Wow...it's amazing how he can get into your husband's mind!
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Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
I hate that!!!

I have had two male coworkers tell me, "I'm more of a straight-haired girl kinda guy." I don't remember how it came up, but seriously...how rude!!!

Might I add that both of these guys were very short and one was BALD...am I allowed to say, "I'm more of a tall guy kinda girl" or "I'm more of a guy with MANNERS kinda girl." :x
.

Last edited by brandym22; 01-26-2010 at 06:55 PM.
Y'all crack me up. I can't believe the stuff people say!

And get this - today I'm back to my naturally curly self and the same guy that "complimented" me yesterday just saw me and said, "Oh no!" (Yes, all loud and disappointed.) "What happened? Your hair is changed back." Plus, when he made this comment, I was in the middle of working on a particularly annoying assignment to begin with.
So I just said, "Well, you know, this is my hair. This is how it is."
I felt like cursing him out, but I didn't. I kept thinking, "He's old, let it go and be the bigger person." But in my head there were all kinds of expletives flying around.

Give me strength, curlies, give me strength!
Hair Type: 3A/3B; natural color; mid-back length.
Shampoo: Shea Moisture Coconut Hibiscus (2 - 3 times/week)
Fave Rinse-Out Conditioners: HE Hello Hydration; Yes to Blueberries; GVP Conditioning Balm;
Styling Routine: Squish-scrunch product /conditioner into soaking wet, upside down hair; plop for 10 minutes, air dry. (Diffuser dry front section.)
Fave Styling Products: KCKT; Tigi Curl Amplifier Creme; Batia & Aleeza gel; Giovanni Sunset Styler; LA Looks Sport Gel.
Y'all crack me up. I can't believe the stuff people say!

And get this - today I'm back to my naturally curly self and the same guy that "complimented" me yesterday just saw me and said, "Oh no!" (Yes, all loud and disappointed.) "What happened? Your hair is changed back." Plus, when he made this comment, I was in the middle of working on a particularly annoying assignment to begin with.
So I just said, "Well, you know, this is my hair. This is how it is."
I felt like cursing him out, but I didn't. I kept thinking, "He's old, let it go and be the bigger person." But in my head there were all kinds of expletives flying around.

Give me strength, curlies, give me strength!
Originally Posted by Pheebie
Strength...Schmength. I say call 'em like you see'em...If someone is being loud near me I'm like "What's up LOUD guy???"or if somebody says something rude I usually say "HEY that's RUDE!" or "Didn't you learn to play nice in kindergarten?" I used to be alot nicer but eventually turned into a crabby "get off my lawn...turn that crap down" person that has little patience for stupidity when I realized that ALOT of people do not give a poo about what you think or how you feel but love love love to tell you their opinion. Especially now that I am all curly all the time...people are simply crass and rude and don't even care anymore.
Cincinnati Ohio>>>Coarse protein sensitive 3a, Jessicurl WDT as a leave in, Biotera gel, White Boots, PW= coffeecurls

"Man tries to exaggerate what nature has given him," Charles Darwin (1809-1882).

"Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful." -Sophia Loren
That's a bummer. I had the opposite experience. After paying $$ to have my hair thermally relaxed, an older guy said, hey where are your great curls? I do like the come back about preferring guys with manners, that's a classic.
3B, I think w/very thick hair, shoulder length. Fall hair: Low Poo, TS, CK, Aloeba leave in, recoil or RR, plop, BRHG or SMU, no blow dry.
Here's my theory, and it is only my theory.
I think that some people are simply subconsciously intimidated by women with curly hair. By defying the traditional western ideal of tame lady-like straight hair, we are showing our independence and refusing to force our hair into an unnatural mode(literally). Which makes us seem a bit wild and untamed, a little free. What do you think a free woman equals to chavanists? Sexuality, and I've heard/read it said on by quite a few people that curls tend to exude that very thing. That's why I think that some people, not just men just have to remark negatively about our curlsy, because they are both strangely attracted to and repulsed by them. Feelings that can be very troublesome. If it just a simple preference for straight hair they wouldn't feel such a burning need to make comments about it.
Gloria
Here's my theory, and it is only my theory.
I think that some people are simply subconsciously intimidated by women with curly hair. By defying the traditional western ideal of tame lady-like straight hair, we are showing our independence and refusing to force our hair into an unnatural mode(literally). Which makes us seem a bit wild and untamed, a little free. What do you think a free woman equals to chavanists? Sexuality, and I've heard/read it said on by quite a few people that curls tend to exude that very thing. That's why I think that some people, not just men just have to remark negatively about our curlsy, because they are both strangely attracted to and repulsed by them. Feelings that can be very troublesome. If it just a simple preference for straight hair they wouldn't feel such a burning need to make comments about it.
Originally Posted by glofit
Good point.

"The [man] doth protest too much, methinks" (Shakespeare, Hamlet)

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3A hair; coloring with henna/indigo since July 2009; normally follow the CG method. Still searching for my HG products!

I haven't posted in a long time but I had to respond to this thread. Why do people think they have the right to make comments about other people's hair? I am so self-conscious about my hair and have just gone back to straightening all the time. I can't even remember the last time I let it go curly. One of the main reasons is because of rude people like that who say something so mean ~ a comment like that would totally ruin my day. I know I shouldn't let what other people think bother me so much, and I really wish I could change that about myself. I would like to take a break from straightening and see what I can do with my curls now that my hair is much longer, but I hate hearing rude comments and have heard them all my life about my hair. I'm sorry you have to work with such a big jerk!
I am so glad to hear I'm not the only one who has to tolerate rude comments like that. When I straighten my hair I get comments like "you should wear it like that every day!" or "you could get laid with that hair!"

I LOVE that last idea - "gee I prefer tall guys" or "I prefer guys with HAIR"

My theory is that people think they are HELPING us by telling us which way they feel we look best. Well sorry but it's a huge pain in the a$$ to straighten my hair all the darn time and they will never understand that! Besides, that kind of opinion is in the eye of the beholder.
Originally Posted by brandym22
I got in a good jab once to a rude date (bald, mind you) who started fingering my short curls and said, "l love women with long straight hair." To that I gave a few loud slaps to his bald spot and said "I like men WITH hair". Long story short, there was no second date. Heehee
3c fine-textured shoulder-length spirals with layered cut. I Like Pantene relaxed & nat. condish, biolage gelee, and Suave aloe gel. Cutting my own hair these days, and I'm a plopper too!
I am so glad to hear I'm not the only one who has to tolerate rude comments like that. When I straighten my hair I get comments like "you should wear it like that every day!" or "you could get laid with that hair!"

I LOVE that last idea - "gee I prefer tall guys" or "I prefer guys with HAIR"

My theory is that people think they are HELPING us by telling us which way they feel we look best. Well sorry but it's a huge pain in the a$$ to straighten my hair all the darn time and they will never understand that! Besides, that kind of opinion is in the eye of the beholder.
Originally Posted by brandym22
I can't believe the nerve of a coworker saying you could get LAID with that hair!. Not only is that RUDE but it sexual harassment. If you don't want to take that to HR, then I think its always good to have a few snappy comebacks for such unexpected insults. Maybe something like "I've never had a problem getting laid with any of my hairstyles." Or to the lady who heard from the guy who says that her own husband likes straight hair, she could say, "Funny, my husband can't keep his hands off my curly hair, so you must be mistaken". I remember some stupid guy once saying he thought my butt was too big. "I said , that's funny, my husband tells me my butt is sexy". (Replace "butt" with whatever part is being insulted" and replace "husband" with "boyfriend", "my personal trainer Sven" or whatever guy you know or want to invent) That reply to such insults usually stops the loser dead in his tracks.
3c fine-textured shoulder-length spirals with layered cut. I Like Pantene relaxed & nat. condish, biolage gelee, and Suave aloe gel. Cutting my own hair these days, and I'm a plopper too!
Personally I think it is inappropriate for men to make any comments about a woman's appearance in the workplace. It's just not appropriate. I mean, to tell someone "you look nice today" or "I like your shirt" may seem fine, but in the workplace, what with sexual harassment being what it is, if I was a guy I just wouldn't go there.
You do not lead by hitting people over the head-that's assault, not leadership. -Dwight Eisenhower
if somebody says something rude I usually say "HEY that's RUDE!"
Originally Posted by echokitten
I do this exact same thing. People usually don't know how to react.
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us."
-Marianne Williamson
this is the reason why i rarely straighten my hair. i know that there will be at least one person who will tell me, "oh my god your hair looks so much better straight, you should keep it straight"...on one occasion i had a coworker tell me that when he initially saw me from far away with straight hair he didnt realize it was me and thought "who is that hot new girl" but then saw that it was "just" me...pffftt!!!
Forgot to add, one of the guys I mentioned also told me why straight hair is better than curly hair...

"Because your hair is a real ***** to straighten...but girls with straight hair...if they just wanted to, they could just MAKE their hair curly!"



Okay, my sister has pin straight hair and it cannot hold a curl for ANYTHING! If I wanted to, I could get my hair straight...but I don't want to!

Jerk!

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