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Old 04-19-2007, 12:13 PM   #1
 
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Default 'Your hair is beautiful ... I bet you hate it!'

Why do people say this? I've had this comment SO many times, you'd think I was used to it, but today I had it no less than three times.

Twice in in the beauty department of a big store and once in the hair salon by the straightie washing my hair. It's like they think they're giving you a compliment, but they're actually saying something quite nasty which reveals their jealousy.

The funniest part is when I respond by saying 'Oh no, I love my curls' - they're aghast! Shocked. P-ed off. I'm not supposed to love my hair; I'm supposed to covet straight hair like theirs ...

some people ...
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Old 04-19-2007, 12:45 PM   #2
 
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Oh yeah, I get that a lot too, with the same reaction when I tell them I love my hair.

I think it's because people are "supposed" to hate themselves. Every time someone gives you a compliment, you're either supposed to respond with a shocked "thank you" or begin telling them how wrong they are. To say, "thank you, I like it too" exhibits too much confidence which can often be mistaken for being conceited.
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:13 PM   #3
 
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I know whar you're talking about Kim. My theory on this is because many people seem to subscribe to the whole, "the grass is always greener on the other side" type of thinking. I mean I have encountered many people with stick straight hair that say they wish they had body and curl to their hair and so many people with curly hair who often want stick straight hair. So I think straight haired people are used to curlies reassuring them that they wish their hair was straight but when you actually like your own hair it completely throws everything off balance and suggests to them that curly hair is superior or something. That's my guess. Of course I also respond that "no, I absolutely love my curls." I'm sure that if I was born with straight hair I would love my straight hair too though. I get annoyed when people expect you to put yourself down or even lie. I mean if I absolutely hated my curls I would straighten them, you know? I've always believed they say that wanting you reasure them that you wish you had hair like theirs.
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:24 PM   #4
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Also, I think that many curlies go through a phase of hating their curls, especially as teenagers.
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:28 PM   #5
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aries_jb
Oh yeah, I get that a lot too, with the same reaction when I tell them I love my hair.

I think it's because people are "supposed" to hate themselves. Every time someone gives you a compliment, you're either supposed to respond with a shocked "thank you" or begin telling them how wrong they are. To say, "thank you, I like it too" exhibits too much confidence which can often be mistaken for being conceited.
I agree, some people seem to be shocked if you display a little self-confidence.
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Old 04-19-2007, 03:42 PM   #6
 
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I often get something similar, a compliment to my hair, then a comment that everyone wants different hair, so I must too. To which I respond that I love my hair and wouldn't want it straight, of course!

It seems like a genuine compliment to me, and I think people are just making themselves feel better for not having such amazing hair as me.
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Old 04-20-2007, 05:50 PM   #7
 
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While I don't know the tone or mannerisms used when that comment was made, just on the words alone, I would consider that a compliment. The part about "I bet you hate your hair" is probably just an observation that these folks have made. I'm think it's quite common for alot of curlies to complain about how much they don't like their hair. She just assumed, incorrectly, that you were like the majority of people with curly hair and didn't like yours, either.

I'm glad you set her straight, though, and told her you loved your curls. Hair stylists, especially, need to hear this. Maybe when they figure out that people actually do like curly hair, they will make more effort to learn to cut and style it.
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Old 04-20-2007, 07:30 PM   #8
 
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Oh I got a new fun one last night (from a fellow curly).

"Wow, I love your hair. It looks so professional and styled, how did you do it?"

Me: "I put some stuff in it and let it dry"

"That is your actual hair?!?"

Me: "Um... Yea"

"Oh" (snotty tone)
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Old 04-20-2007, 07:53 PM   #9
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fearnotsomuch
Oh I got a new fun one last night (from a fellow curly).

"Wow, I love your hair. It looks so professional and styled, how did you do it?"

Me: "I put some stuff in it and let it dry"

"That is your actual hair?!?"

Me: "Um... Yea"

"Oh" (snotty tone)
The "correct" response from you would have been explain how difficult it is to get your hair that way and that one wrong look will completely deflate your style. Telling her it was natural was just rubbing it in. I get baffled by people sometimes. Why don't they just tell you what they want you to say?
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